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Readers Respond: Is Sex Before Marriage Wrong?

Responses: 498

By , About.com Guide

It's your choice

I was 15 when I met my husband. We started dating when I turned 16 and about six months into the relationship we knew that we were meant to be together and we decided to have sex. We were each other's first and only! We have been together for 16 years now and married for five. We waited until we finished college and got jobs. We also lived in separate houses until we got married, so that part of the marriage still feels new and for those who wonder, the sex is still just as hot now as it was way back then. We felt that it was our decision at the time, and we already loved each other. I know the Bible says it's wrong, but we were going to marry anyway. We just knew we would! I know some will ask how do you know it's love at 16? For us, we just knew. We do not have any children yet and that will come later as I am 32 and my hubby is 34, and we do not want kids right now. We are still just enjoying each other right now and having this time together to build our life before kids.
—Guest Mrs. M.

Absolutely

Sex before marriage is wrong. Why share something that special with someone you don't love and do not plan on spending the rest of your life with? No one wants to end up with STDs or a incurable disease. God says wait, so I wait. It has made a huge difference in my marriage knowing we were each other's firsts. We have been married for five years now happier than ever.
—Guest Eve

Personal Choice

After reading all the responses I have to say I am disappointed in all of you who said not to have sex before marriage because God says it's wrong. God is not stupid, and he didn't create his rules just because he wanted to. He had reasons for telling people not to do something. So instead of sitting there and using the easy excuse of "God says so" why not explain WHY God says so. I had sex before I was married and if I could go back, I would have waited. Here's my reasons: 1. I trust God, it's a personal choice, 2. I only want memories of my husband now, 3. you learn SO much about a person when having sex with him or her, is that info you want to know for the rest of your life? 4. it's not casual no matter what anyone says, 5. I want to learn and experiment with my husband, I have trust issues because of the other men, 6. there are certain things I can and cannot do now because of those other men and I don't know if I can change that ever. It's a very loaded and serious personal choice. Be wise.
—Guest Christi

Personal Choice

After reading all the responses I have to say I am disappointed in all of you who said not to have sex before marriage because God says it's wrong. God is not stupid, and he didn't create his rules just because he wanted to. He had reasons for telling people not to do something. So instead of sitting there and using the easy excuse of "God says so" why don't explain WHY God says so. I had sex before I was married and if I could go back, I would have waited. Here's my reasons: 1 I trust God, it's a personal choice, 2 I only want memories of my husband now, 3 you learn SO much about a person when having sex with them, is that info you want to know for the rest of your life? 4 it's not casual no matter what anyone says, 5 I want to learn and experiment with my husband, I have trust issues because of the other men, 6 there are certain things I can and cannot do now because of those other men and I don't know if I can change that ever. It's a very loaded and serious personal choice. Be wise
—Guest Christi

Waiting makes people jump into marriage

Marriage is a commitment and people who wait jump into it too soon. Times are more complicated now. It's not just get married, have kids and keep a farm. There is a lot of stuff to do that strains relationships. People have better luck now waiting until at least late 20s or early 30s for marriage, and no one is realistically going to stay a virgin that long. Be safe and have fun.
—Guest Leah

I don't get it

Why would anyone have sex before marriage? For pleasure. Or at least that's the way I see it. Someone can say it's to show that they love the person they're with, but I think marriage would be the true way to do that. And isn't the point of sex to reproduce? So, why do it when you're not married? Being a single parent doesn't sound all that fun to me. Neither does an STD. So, I think to be safe, don't have sex until after marriage. And if someone says they want to have sex to prove their love, don't fully believe them. There are other ways they could show their love.
—Guest 25

ummmm

God says, "No sex before marriage." He wants us to have that special moment with our love. I wouldn't want to have sex with someone who I couldn't see myself with for a long time. I need to get married. Just saying if you want to have sex, do it with the person with whom you have the same heartbeat. If we become one when we have sex, then I want us to be together in spirit and truth!
—Guest Guest bre

No it isn't

Hey, when I married, we had sex for one month before marriage. My spouse doesn't know this; I had sex with someone else.
—Guest lara dutta

One judge

That's what's wrong with society today. Everyone has an opinion, but in the end only God can judge. First, get a real relationship with God and let Him determine what sin you're going to commit cause we are all sinners and fall short of his glory. Thank God for the blood of Jesus to give us a place to come and ask for forgiveness and get up and try again. Just because you choose not to have sex does not make you better than anyone. God's word says no sin is greater than another. Hmm, let me see cussing you out. Having sex. Both are sinners in the creator's eye.
—Guest faith

It's very bad

The blood during first-time sex is the covenant between the couple and God because it is that blood that seals the covenant. So, sex before marriage is bad.
—Guest Ogunsina Sogo

Rev.

Is sex before marriage wrong? Is homosexuality wrong? What is marriage? What is God's purpose for marriage? What is God's purpose for life?
—Guest John Agbeko

A rational (young) Catholic's outlook

Hi I'm Bri(zee). I'm 15 and waiting. Reason 1. GOD, my all, has set the rules. 2. If a guy TRULY loves me, he will wait. 3. I don't want a kid at 16, 17, or 18 years old. I'm not ready. 4. I don't want any STDs zero, zip, nada. Gross. 5. I want to be my husband's first, and I be his first. 6. I don't want such an emotional attachment to someone who was not worth it in the first place. 7. It's the best self-control practice. 8. I'd rather have some self-respect than give myself away to someone who might not care as much as they should. Well that's just my opinion. I'd rather wait if a guy can't respect my personal choices of purity, then so be it. Imma kick his sorry but to da curb than lol. Thanks for reading have a stupendous and blessed day! Cuban,Dominican,Spanish (mostly) Irish, and Italian love from NYC!
—Guest Brizee

Nothing inherently wrong about sex

My boyfriend's and my relationship was not standard by any means - 20-something virgins, moving in together after six months, sex only after living together - but it was right for us. His brothers waited for marriage to have sex with their wives, and I wondered if I should feel ashamed by the contrast, like I am sinful or disgusting. But I don't, and am not. We've talked about it a lot and we don't really have regrets or feel tainted by our choices. The intimacies shared by couples are relative, and alongside poor health, joy, loss, and the rest of the mosaic, sex is an important experience that I think couples should be "allowed" to share before making a lifelong commitment. Just like sex means something different for everyone else, so does marriage. They don't have to be simultaneous. By the way, we've been happily married for almost 3 years now.
—Guest Candice

Yes, it's wrong

Sex before marriage is wrong. If you feel the temptation, ask God to help you. If you have had sex before marriage, know that you should ask for forgiveness for all sins, and God will forgive you. Also, don't let judgmental people get you down, no sin is greater than the other, so don't let anyone make you feel worse than if you told a lie because you committed this particular sin. God bless. Sincerely, a Christian
—Guest leslie

Yes

It is against the Bible that contains the word of GOD, our creator.
—Guest victoria

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