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Readers Respond: Would You Let Your Man Go to Strip Clubs?

Responses: 112

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Men with wives or longtime girlfriends sometimes want to go to strip clubs for bachelor parties or just because they feel like it. Some women are uncomfortable with strip clubs and don't want the men in their lives to go to them. Others join their husband or boyfriend and find going to the strip club gives a boost to their sex life. Still others are all right with husbands or boyfriends going to strip clubs as long as they don't get a lap dance or follow other rules they establish together. What do you think? Do you have rules? Tell us how you feel about strip clubs. Tell Us Why or Why Not

It breaks my heart

I tell my boyfriend I have no problem with him going to a strip club. I don't want to tell him that it's not okay cause I'm not controlling. I just get really upset and cry when he's not around because I feel like my body isn't good enough. I am not overweight, and I have nice-sized breasts and butt and I know it. But the small fact that my boyfriend wants to go to a strip club breaks my heart in half. Why can't he only fantasize about me? Am I not good enough? The crying isn't worth my time. I don't want a man making me feel like my body doesn't satisfy him enough to where that's all he wants. I know I sound like a drama queen but it's heart breaking :(
—Guest Sad

Of course guys would say it's ok!

It's funny how the guys call women prude or old-fashioned when it comes to strip clubs. Whoever said that it's ok for married men to go to strip clubs? I honestly believe it's cheating! Would you let a female co-worker get naked and straddle you? Is that ok? Is that cheating or just fun and the wives should just accept it? I'm sure there isn't one male who would want his wife or girlfriend to have a guy get naked and rub himself all over her or even dance naked for her. So why the hell is it ok for men to think that us women should just sit back and allow it? It's the craziest thing ever. If strip clubs are your thing, then don't get married!
—Guest Whatever

Try talking to your man...

This has been a battle that I have been struggling with here lately. My husband and I have been married a little over two years. Neither one of us has ever been to a strip club, but all his friends are constantly going and ask my husband to go. I consider it a form of cheating as well. And my husband respects me enough not to go. When you "forbid" your husband /wife from doing something that could lead to them doing it anyway. I talked to my husband and explained to him my point of view, and told him if he were to ever go I would go with him. His friends, of course, think I'm controlling and forbid him from going.. but then again they go against their wive's will. They say it's harmless and it makes them go home horny to their wives. If anybody is going to turn my husband on, it will be me. Just talk to your husband. Everybody is different. But you just gotta have boundaries.
—Guest katie

It's Cheating and Dishonest

One of the first things I'll ask a guy once we get serious is if he goes to strip clubs or would go. And once I hear his response, I tell him I consider it cheating. I will not date anyone who goes to clubs or considers them OK because it will have to be something I accept. The only person taking their clothes off for him is me. Many of these private dances involve physical touching and MORE. That is physically cheating. Would you be OK if I rubbed a man's penis or kissed him? No? Ok, then you need to not go to the club. It's not a religious thing. It's an honesty and loyalty thing.
—Guest Justwanttruth

if it were a male stripper

You would be laughing and having fun. It's the same thing flipped around. If you can handle a male dancing on you, making you have a good time and you don't wanna have sex with him, then your man can do the same with a female stripper. If he can't, then he is not a good man for you. If you couldn't handle a male doing that to you than you are not a good woman for him. Hopefully, you can find trust.
—Guest reality

Feeling sick to stomach

I made my now husband aware I had issues with this when we'd only been together 4 weeks. I told him that if he was the type of guy who wanted to continue going, then I wasn't the woman for him. I was upfront at the beginning rather than someone who would impose it on him once we were married. He chose to stay with me. Since being married he's been on 3 stag dos and visited these clubs. He's currently on one now and I feel sick to my stomach knowing that he's getting turned on by other women. Yes, I do see it as cheating. Great if some people can accept it in their relationship but I can't. You wouldn't accept your guy rubbing up against someone in a bar, so why is it acceptable that he pays to do this? I feel let down and as though there's no respect for me. I believe intimacy should be between us as a couple and that it's not ok to have this intimacy with another woman. If you want that, then stay single. I'm not a prude. We have an intimate sex life. I quite happily dance for him. Why does he need to do this?
—Guest Kit

I'm married

I'm married and my buddy is getting married in a month and he's going to a strip club. I'm his best man so I'm going to the club. I don't like strip clubs and I think it's disrespectful to my wife. I wasn't supposed to tell her about it, but I did right when I found out. She says she doesn't care, but I think she's just trying to hide her dissatisfaction.
—Guest Jason

strip clubs or no. . .

I'd rather my significant other go to a strip club than a bar. Have you seen the whores lately trolling for a pick up at the bar? He can decide whether he goes. I'll be fine with it either way. I notice that with that attitude, he hardly ever goes (usually only for bachelor parties) and if he does go, he calls me throughout the night and comes home before any of the other guys do. And once he gets home, I don't get upset with him or make him feel guilty for having gone.
—Guest easygoing

Please this disgusting!

I do not understand why women should be made to feel like they are being unreasonable for not wanting their man to go to a strip club. I know my husband would never cheat on me but it is all about respect for me! I am not comfortable with it, so he respects me enough not to go. If it works in your marriage then more power to you but it doesn't work in mine and yet so many people feel the need to tell me and my husband that we are wrong for not going. He gets told he's whipped, and I get told I don't trust him. My question is why is my marriage so important to everyone else?
—Guest Disgusted!

Every Relationship is Different

If both partners are honest, consenting and truly don't have a problem with it, then I think it's fine. Everyone has her boundaries and comfort levels - some find it a turn on to go to a strip club together, others equate it with cheating. For me, it would be a deal breaker. It's not about a lack of trust or insecurity, it's about respect. I'm not comfortable with it, so don't go. Also, it's a big sexual turn off to me. I want my man to be strong - a protector, a provider, and a good role model. That's what turns me on. If he partakes in strippers and strip clubs, I'm going to think of him as piggish and gross and desperate. I get that most men are visual and like variety and want to get dirty, but you can do all of that within a relationship. In my opinion, real gentlemen aren't interested in Gentlemen's Clubs.
—Guest CassandraP

WOW

So when I was 18-21ish and really insecure I did not like the idea at all. As I got older (only 25 now) and had a best friend who was a dancer as well as a few other close friends, I saw things in a different light. It's all about being secure with yourself! I love strip clubs (as long as they have hot chicks and give decent lap dances) even moreso than some of my guy friends...if my man wants to go, "I'm like, 'hey babe have fun!'" Females need to learn how to stop being jealous and grow up. If your man loves you, he won't mess around. If he doesn't, he will. So, go to the strip club with him, get lap dances, and have some fun! You only live this life once!
—rkay2014

plz dont break trust

I'm 26 and married, a housewife with a 3-year-old child. My life was going well. I was a software professional, and I gave up my career for my family. My husband was my life, and I loved him more than anythng else in this world. I simply dedicated my life to him just because I love him very much. But one day I saw a message in his mobile, "Hi honey, had an awesome time, wanna c u again." My heart just broke. My husband sent her a message saying, "Honey, really had the best time with u, awesome, looking forward to cu, love 2 do this with u." I just didn't know how to react. I felt like I'm dead. I couldn't believe my eyes, 5 years since we have been married but never ever in my life suspected my husband. I was just shattered. I cried and cried and cried. I just felt like killing myself. After 2 weeks I just wanted to know what was going on, so i decided to track his deleted messages, photos, and calls. I did it and was shocked. He goes to strip clubs, prostitutes (mainly with 2 gals). And he's been doing it for 4 years. I gave up everything for him but he cheated on me.
—Guest riya

Worried

My boyfriend's brother is getting married in September, and he is having his bachelor party in the next few months. I am extremely uncomfortable about him going because they're going to a strip club. Even though it isn't cheating, and I know he won't touch because it's all about embarrassing his brother (which also makes me feel sick to think that guys think it's okay to help a friend start a marriage by having some other woman all over him), I'm still really upset at the thought of him going and getting turned on by other women (because I know he will). It makes me feel like I don't want to be intimate with him, but I don't know if I should bring it up with him or how I should do it.
—Guest Charlotte

Can't wait until it gets better

It really makes me sad that such a small percentage of people actually pursue real mutual love and respect. I worry about my relationship because almost all the men I know do this type of stuff- even the ones I appreciate. Honestly, though, I hate the idea of seeing the man I love carried away by another woman's body. I can see going one time with no intent to have sex or ever go again - or perhaps going to a burlesque where there is at least some comedy and some deliberate entertainment value. I honestly do not ever want to consciously be with a man who would justify this in his long-term plan for our relationship. I keep hearing reasons to allow it - reasons it's kind of ok - but it makes me feel sick to my stomach to justify it to myself. It's not fair for a committed person to do this, and someone who is on the fence needs to learn how to communicate. Break up or learn to enjoy your lover's body. It's not fair to do this to people you love.
—Guest thinkingItThru

SO, SO SO MUCH HURT !

My husband had strippers at his bachelor party and it hurt me to my core. I just don't understand it! Can anyone tell me how to put into words how that hurt feels to know he is getting excited watching other women naked, dancing and rubbing up on the person you love and want to spend your life with. It's something I've never been able to put into words for him to understand how it makes me feel. If I say, "Ok, let's go to a male strip club and you watch a guy wave his stuff in my face and grind me until I get wet," he thinks it's hilarious. I know he loves me and all, and I know he would never cheat. But I'm sorry I think it is like cheating when a naked woman is touching my husband and he's watching a naked woman. And any man who's straight and says it doesn't turn him on is full of it. It just makes me so angry. Someone please tell me how to put this feeling into words.
—Guest guest Amy

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