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Readers Respond: Should You Live Together Before Marriage?

Responses: 11


Some couples think living together before marriage can help you prepare for the future. You can learn about each other's habits and lifestyle and get used to living together. Others think that living together before marriage is a sin. The great debate about living together has been going on for some time now, but there's still no definitive proof about which is better. What do you think? Should you live together before marriage? Why or why not?

Yes,i think we should stay together

Yes it is a tough. Living together means you will learn to share everything, such as money and problems. Also, good and bad habits will be revealed. It's all up to you.
—Guest T-man

living together before marriage

I think you should live together. Y'all can know each other before you think about just jumping into a marriage with somebody you know nothing about.
—Guest tiffany reynolds

We're Slobs in Love!

I've been living with my boyfriend for almost two years now, and there's definitely no sugar coating! He leaves the sink full of hair, and I throw my clothes on the floor. We've never been happier, and I don't think either of us would have known the other well enough to get married before seeing our more...intimate natures. Marriage is definitely on the horizon, but I think there's a little less pressure for marriage. We already feel married anyway. Bring it on!
—Guest Megan Brown

Individual decision

Whether you should live together before marriage is a personal decision, with a different answer for every couple. It made sense for my fiance and I - we were committed to one another, and living together helped us save money. But for couples with more traditional values, it's fine to wait until after the marriage before moving in.
—Guest Kate

What Does It Really Accomplish?

Does living together before marriage really resolve any issues? If it does, the only issues that are resolved are short term. Sure you may not fight as much as other newlyweds because you already know that your husband doesn't put the toilet seat down or your wife doesn't like cleaning the dishes as much as you thought but those seem like minor issues. Major issues can still arise. Why? People change! It seems as though people, by living together, are trying to predict the future and it's just not possible. Kids, the economy, job, family relationships, and deaths can change a person's outlook on life. So what if you lived with someone for five years? What relevance does that have 10 years into the marriage? 20? 30? None. If you love the one you're with then you should be able to work through the "little" quirks as newlyweds.

Living together before getting marriage

In my opinion, I think that it depends on each culture, each couple, how much they love and understand each other. It maybe popular and normal in the Western countries but in other cultures such as the East Asia countries, the prejudice of society is still heavy. A woman who used to live with a man, not her husband now before is usually happy with the marriage. And it's hard to change it. So according to me, to girls who intend to live with their boyfriends before getting married should think carefully of the consequences of this and be ready to be responsible for all off effects.
—Guest Lily

Don't Just Live Together

No. There is a reason if you are not sure if you want to get married. The two types of relationships are not the same and has no definitive implications to each other. You both know it is not the same, so your behavior and attitude is different with a trial period. Make the legal commitment when you are both ready.
—Guest carolyn

I'm glad I did

After seeing all the fighting other newlyweds seem to go through we're both very glad we dated for a long time and lived together before we married. We both knew we would be happy living together when we made our vows and we're still happy while or friends and relatives are screaming at each other about dirty dishes. "Working things out" should happen before you vow to spend the rest of your life with someone.
—Guest Laura

Statistics Skewed?

You refer to the statistics which show that the divorce rate is greater for those who live together for marriage than for those who do not. Those statistics do not take into consideration other factors that influence living together. For example, those who are financially stressed are more likely to live together, and financial problems are also very hard on marriages. I think that each couple should make their own decision, but I think there should be a firm commitment, if not an actual engagement, before living together.
—Guest SusanAdcox


You'd test drive a car before you bought it, and marriage is far more serious a commitment.
—Guest Mikey

Best Behavior

One of the problems I have with people "living together" is that, if they think of it as a trial-marriage period, they often remain on their best behavior. Non-romantic roommates do get to see each other at their grubbiest... Romantic roomies... not so much. The courtship is still going on. (Granted, hopefully the couple keeps "courting" long after the wedding ceremony...) That's my two-cents, anyway. :D
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