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Readers Respond: Should You Live Together Before Marriage?

Responses: 22

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Some couples think living together before marriage can help you prepare for the future. You can learn about each other's habits and lifestyle and get used to living together. Others think that living together before marriage is a sin. The great debate about living together has been going on for some time now, but there's still no definitive proof about which is better. What do you think? Should you live together before marriage? Why or why not? Share Your Opinion

My thoughts

Living together before marriage is to understand each other's mental levels and habits, not sex. Better you go out for day-to-day shopping, go for lunch or dinner with families, go out for a walk, go to a religious place, and notice behavior with others and with you. Also, try to do home cleanup and cooking together to know each other's limitations and way of handling things, which will help you to know more about how you will tackle each other's limitations in the future. Maybe doing all these things will have you looking differently at the personality of the person. (It may satisfy you or it may not). But then you can talk about such points and make a better future. If you fall in love while doing all this, it will be the "cherry on the cake", married life may be smooth enough to complete all you future goals together or you will learn how to make life smooth without fights.
—Guest Anant

Living in sin

First of all, my title is quite sarcastic. I disagree with religions (for example, Mormons) that expect and encourage their children to marry at a young age (18 or younger). For one, you have no time to get to know the person you're about to marry, (2) you don't even know yourself yet, you are still immature. I don't care how much you've been through. And (3) if you get married early you will have kids early, then most likely you will get divorced and your poor children will have a messed up life and turn out to be delinquents or just get depressed or otherwise messed up, hence our current world. Plus, when you get married young and are forced to wait until marriage to kiss or have sex, your hormones are on fire and take over your emotions and rational thoughts.
—Guest Alex Hanson

Why not

My boyfriend and I have been long distance for a year and a half. We used to live in the same town, which is how we met. But, I went away for college and he started a business. Now that I'm graduating, we want to live together before getting married since we haven't lived in the same state in years. I think it's a personal decision, and I wish everyone the best of luck with what they choose!
—Guest Ldpro

Living together a certain amount of time

I believe in living together however after a year or two at most you should be engaged and getting ready for the next step, living together is fine to do for a short period of time and then it's time to stop being "romantic roommates" and be more committed to each other. Show the girl that she is not just another one of your live ins and commit to marriage. A girl shouldn't have to wait forever or have two or three kids before the guy decides she's good enough or she starts dropping hints about marriage. The right thing to do is talk about your beliefs and if you both want the same thing down the road cause if you have that talk, then you know which direction it's heading and if it doesn't match to yours then you weren't meant to be together. Find someone who wants what you want in the future, not just a roommate with benefits.
—Guest Julie

yes

You should live together before marriage to understand each other. You should not be living together for the sake of fun. It's all about deciding to become a life partner or not.
—Guest krishna

Attraction is a feeling. It is not love.

The most common source of problems in relationships is that the couple misinterpreted their mutual feelings of attraction as love. This normally results in the couple trying to keep up appearances after about five years and wondering where the love went. It is important to know that attraction is an emotional feeling that may fade, while love is a promise to do 4 things. 1. To accept everything that you know and do not know about her now. 2. To accept her regardless of what happens in the unknown future as you both age - for better or worse, richer or poorer, sickness or health for as long as you both shall live. Even if she is disfigured by an accident or crippled by illness, you accept her. 3. To forgive her later. Since neither of you is perfect, you both depend on each others' forgiveness. 4. To encourage her to improve. This 4th one gives purpose to your relationship - otherwise it will get boring. Source: "Attraction is a feeling. Love s a promise." by Grenville Phillips
—Guest jeff studio

Yes live together before Marriage

I believe in living together, however there has to be a purpose to it. Live together for a year and then take the next step if it's been a happy time for both of you. So, yes living together is all right, but not if you have no purpose for it.
—Guest Julie

It is wrong living together before

It's wrong living together before marriage because sometimes we feel bored. For example, man is looking for the best always. And if you eat bread everyday, you need to change the kind of bread some time.
—Guest Diallo

No

I read all the comments. I tried it all. Marriage, living together, relationship, and staying over weekends and holidays. The only thing I learned is that there is only one thing and I have to side with being married as the only answer. We enter into relationships and getting married for the wrong reasons. There's a reason why the institution of marriage was put in place by law and by GOD. Test driving a car has its risks that the salesman has to take to make a sale. I'm not a car. And if that is how people see another person, then I choose to stay single.
—Guest Suzette

Yes

Yes, couples should live together before marriage. Living together is quite different from dating - you have to share a lot of things, and you become more aware of your partner's faults, problems, and annoying habits. If it doesn't work out, it's a lot easier to split up when you don't yet have a legally binding contract.
—Guest M

Living together before marrriage

I don't think it's a good idea. It depends on the situation. Each one is different. It depends on the finances; you can save more money. But let that not be the only reason and you should act like you are already married, so you can get used to the fact that you will be married soon and not just lovers. I like the idea but for some people it is unacceptable to the family, so they choose not to do it. One thing I think is important is to start saying we instead of I. It's hard to get used to. Sometimes, I find myself wanting to do everything independently, so my fiancee feels left out. Well, take it or leave it. That's how I feel. If or when I was younger, I would have probably thought marriage was a fairytale because you don't see many people stay married.
—Guest Lauren

It is not fair to live before Marriage

Psychologically to live together before marriage makes it easier to be untrusted. It is better to wait until marriage and then life will be good.
—Guest Owden E Ndile

Why do it when not sure about each other

I've seen many relationships not working out especially those of young people and even older people. What is the use to stay with someone when you are not sure of him or her? Wanting to get to know each other is the secret deep down that says "Is s/he the one meaning are you doubting the person? And as a woman, you are giving the man the thought of, "Why should I marry her? Because it's no use marrying her. She lives with me already and we can do everything that a married couple does.
—Guest Zameka Kaise

We're Slobs in Love!

I've been living with my boyfriend for almost two years now, and there's definitely no sugar coating! He leaves the sink full of hair, and I throw my clothes on the floor. We've never been happier, and I don't think either of us would have known the other well enough to get married before seeing our more...intimate natures. Marriage is definitely on the horizon, but I think there's a little less pressure for marriage. We already feel married anyway. Bring it on!
—Guest Megan Brown

Individual decision

Whether you should live together before marriage is a personal decision, with a different answer for every couple. It made sense for my fiance and I - we were committed to one another, and living together helped us save money. But for couples with more traditional values, it's fine to wait until after the marriage before moving in.
—Guest Kate

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Should You Live Together Before Marriage?

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