1. People & Relationships
You can opt-out at any time. Please refer to our privacy policy for contact information.

How to Discuss Having a Baby

By

Couple chatting a dinner table
Simon Winnall/Taxi/Getty Images
When you were dating, your family might have put pressure on you to get engaged and married. Now that you’re newly wed, they probably have started to pressure you to get pregnant. You and your spouse are probably still on the wedding high, and you might not even be ready to start thinking about children. Either way, most newlyweds have to face the music – and decide how to handle relatives and friends who want them to have a baby as soon as possible.

Initiate a Discussion

If you find yourself in this situation, you might take this as a cue to start a discussion about whether children will be a part of your marriage. Ideally, you should have had a preliminary talk about this before the wedding. But there are few absolutes in life and people change their mind and ideas, so you should talk about it as a couple again. The important thing to remember is that this is a decision between the two of you. Your parents, friends, and other relatives have no say in whether you should get pregnant. You need to listen to your heart and your spouse. Then, make a decision that works for both of you. After all, deciding to become a parent is a huge decision because you'll be committing to a lifetime of work.

What to Consider

As a couple, you should consider your feelings about children, time management skills, your finances, and your goals for the future. Ask yourself whether you like kids, whether getting pregnant would disrupt your careers and how that would make you feel, and whether you could afford a child. (Kids can be pretty expensive, even in the early years.) Are you emotionally, physically, and financially prepared to bring a baby into the world?

Another important question to ask is whether your marriage is strong enough for pregnancy and child rearing. Sometimes, couples think that a baby will solve all their problems. In reality, a baby adds stress to the relationship. A baby needs your constant care and attention, and he or she will get in the way of alone time for the couple. There will be fun and satisfying moments – when baby says his first word or falls asleep with your finger in his hand. But there will also be moments of panic – when he won't stop crying no matter what you do or when he gets his first fever.

Determine Whether You're Ready for Baby

Your marriage must have a strong foundation before you bring another life into this world or you won't be able to handle the inevitable stress that comes with being parents. In other words, if you find yourselves bickering all the time, having a difficult time adjusting to living together, or feeling lonely or unloved, you should work on your marriage first. Once you have resolved the issues creeping up on the two of you, then you can start to think about parenthood.

Keep Up the Communication

Those who are ready to take the plunge have more decisions to make. When is the right time to try and conceive? Again, you must talk it out. The woman, who will be the one getting pregnant, must consider her career and if she minds taking the time off that will be required during the pregnancy and right after delivery. Whether we like to admit it or not, having kids requires some sacrifice on the part of women when it comes to their careers. You have to decide if the time is right for you. These days, even fathers are taking paternity leave; therefore, he should also think about whether he can take the time necessary to start a family.

Other things to consider are your ages, which affect fertility and the level of energy you might have for raising kids, and the woman’s health and body. Is her body healthy enough to try conceiving and to carry a pregnancy to term? These are things you should discuss as a couple with your doctor.

Consider All the Possibilities

Parenting means being prepared for anything. You should discuss with one another what you’ll do if you end up carrying twins, being unable to conceive, having a difficult pregnancy, etc. You need to talk and listen, listen and talk. The pressure from family and friends can not get to you. In the end, the two of you have to live with your decisions. In the nicest possible way, tell everyone to essentially buzz off and leave the two of you to decide for yourselves whether children should enter your relationship.

Related: Trying to Get Pregnant

Suggested Reading: The Signs and Symptoms of Early Pregnancy

  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Newlyweds
  4. Having a Baby
  5. Should You Have a Baby?
  6. Should You Have a Baby?

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.