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Francesca  Di Meglio

Your First Fight

By January 7, 2013

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Today marks 35 years that my parents have been married. I'm 34, and I've spent my entire life hearing about my parent's first fight after the wedding. My father was in the garage, and my mom went to talk to him and he was smoking one of the only two or three cigars he ever smoked in his entire life. He blew smoke in her face, and it set her off. She found it rude and disgusting and the smoke made her feel ill. My father insists he was teasing her and had no intention of puffing cigar smoke in her face. The good news is that my father felt ill from the smoke, too, which is why he never smoked one again. Ironically, my mother's brothers (she has five of them and she's the only girl) puff out cigar smoke as if they were chimneys - and they could care less if my mom is around.

The point of my story, however, is not that you should smoke cigars. You shouldn't. They are bad for your health (and if you're married to my mom or someone like her for your marriage, too). The point is that the first fight can stay with a couple. It doesn't have to. I can't remember what my husband and I fought about first after our wedding. There are so many different things. But it can have a major impact.

It's the first time most couples come down off the high of the wedding. It can bring you back to reality, and you might land hard. In addition, many people, who are just dating, feel like a fight, especially a blowout, has to be the end of the relationship. But it's not so easy to up and leave once you've married. The stakes are much higher. And it forces people to have to work things out, compromise, or even apologize. That can be jarring for someone new to marriage. So, what was your first fight about? How did you work it out?

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