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Francesca  Di Meglio

Do You Always Wear Your Wedding Ring?

By October 28, 2008

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My new husband quit wearing his wedding ring about a week into the marriage. He says it's uncomfortable and he never wore rings beforehand either. At first, I was a bit hurt that he took it off. I wear mine practically all the time unless I'm cleaning house, going to the beach, or doing some project that could ruin it. Now, I think it's fine that he doesn't wear the ring all the time. He was fidgeting with it from the moment I put it on his finger during the ceremony; I have the wedding video to prove it. Besides, I trust him. He should be faithful with or without the ring. He has a theory that women chase more after men who wear a wedding ring as opposed to those without one. I don't know about all that. Still, I'm curious to find out what others think. Take the poll in the Newlyweds Forum or leave your comments below. Am I crazy to let him walk around sans ring?
Comments
October 29, 2008 at 12:20 am
(1) Mary says:

Tastes differ, so I definitely don’t think you’re crazy for not insisting he wear it. However, there are some alternatives. He could wear it on occasions that really matter to both of you, he could gradually wear it more and more so that he gets used to it or maybe he could even put in on a chain around his neck if he prefers that.

October 29, 2008 at 10:26 am
(2) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Hi, Thanks for sharing your thoughts and suggestions. Actually, he was considering wearing it around his neck. But he changed his mind, when his mom explained that in Italy, where we’re from, people wear their wedding rings on a chain when their spouse passes away. Since he’s often in Italy, and I’m here in the States, people might get the wrong idea. But it is a good alternative when that’s not a tradition. I think he should try getting used to it. He is already wearing it on special occasions, which I appreciate. Thanks again! What do others think?

November 2, 2008 at 11:02 am
(3) Marci says:

You know what? Even if he’s uncomfortable, I really do think he should wear the ring. In this day and age where there are 4 women for every 1 man, a lot of people have no qualms about going after a man. In particular, a woman who comes on to/flirts with your husband and later finds out he’s married will likely assume that he’s looking to get out of his marriage when he explains that he’s married but doesn’t wear a ring.

By not wearing a ring, he’s making himself vulnerable to unscrupulous types. I’m not saying that he’s not being genuine, but the reality is that too often when I hear of infedelity on Oprah, the “other woman” says to her defiantly: “but he wasn’t wearing a ring when I met him!”

There’s a reason that not wearing a ring continually comes up in cases where married people are having affairs. I just don’t think your husband realizes what category people who come to find out that he’s ringless but married will put him in. Once you have a discussion with him, how could he say anything when you explain that the benefits of wearing the ring by *far* outweigh the discomfort he feels wearing it?!? It’s just too risk.

I personally always looked for a wedding ring when I was single so that I’d know if the guy was taken. If I’d met your husband, I would’ve assumed he was available! That scares me crapless.

November 5, 2008 at 3:12 am
(4) Michele says:

my husband hated wearing his wedding ring when we first got married too. and like your husband, he would constantly play with it, take it off, fuss about it, etc…because he wasn’t used to it either. now, after over a year of marriage, he still plays around with it, but not as much as he used to. i think he has gotten much more used to it. there are times when i will still find it in random places all over the house because he took it off for one reason or another and forgot to put it back on, but it is on his finger most of the time…which makes me feel happy. honestly though, how would it make our husbands feel if we went out of the house without our wedding rings on? hmmm…

November 5, 2008 at 5:46 pm
(5) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

I want to thank all of your for your advice about this ring situation. I didn’t realize how many other husbands dislike wearing the ring and how big an issue it is. I think my hubby will learn to wear it more with time. I just have to be patient. I’m not sure he’d mind if I stopped wearing mine. But I have always loved rings and I’m quite used to wearing them. Thanks again! I’d be happy to continue to hear from others on this subject. Keep the messages coming if you’d like.

November 20, 2008 at 2:50 pm
(6) jodi says:

I feel very strongly on my opinion regarding weather a man OR woman should wear a wedding ring. It does not matter what impression you put off if you do not wear a ring. If you trust your spouse and you have a loving, honest relationship, an object made of gold, platinum, silver or woven straw around your finger should not determine if someone can be trusted or not. I think society puts WAY too much emphasis on wearing a ring.
I feel this issue being brought up is a sign of insecurity on the part of the spouse who questions why. What you need to do is ask yourself more important questions. Does your spouse work to help pay the bills, help with the kids, show you how much they love you with little hugs and kisses, make passionate love to you? I think people need to look at the BIG picture. If someone is going to cheat a ring is not going to stop someone who is a cheater, and many men and women alike do not care if they see a ring on someoneís finger in this day and age. It is an unfortunate, but true fact.
So, I would stop worrying so much about weather he or she is wearing their wedding ring and focus on the things your spouse does that matter!

November 21, 2008 at 2:05 pm
(7) Shannon says:

I think Marcie made the best point and I agree with her completely. Putting all sentiment aside and just coming from a purely practical view pont, in the eyes of most women the ring is a symbol of marriage. If you are wearing a ring, you’re married. Not wearing a ring? You are either not married or unhappily married. That makes your husband an easy target for a woman looking of an availlable man. It’s the women you can’t trust, not necessarily your husband. Why make himself a target? Wear the ring when he goes out. Take it off at home and then put it on again when he goes out. From a sentimental viewpoint, it speaks volumes to us as women because it says to us that he is a happy to declare he is married. My ring is not all that comfortable either. I take it off when I am at home, but I turn the car around if I forget it when I leave the house. It is my way of saying to the world, I am married and I’m proud of it.

November 25, 2008 at 2:14 am
(8) Jenn says:

I am on the other end of this topic. I hardly wear my ring while my husband wears his everyday. My reasons are the following: discomfort – my engagement ring turns around and the diamond bangs into my other fingers; I don’t like the attention – I have a nice sized diamond and people always grab my hand which I hate; people think because I have a nice ring we are “rich” so there is some social stigma that goes with it. My husband doesn’t really care, I wear it for special occassions or dates. He does get annoyed because he spent money on something he doesn’t think I wear often enough. It doesn’t really reflect on the state of our marriage to me. I act like a married lady with or without a ring.

January 13, 2009 at 8:16 pm
(9) Sarah says:

well, I am a traditional type of girl who beleives in the symbolism behind the ring….eternal love….and the ring just shouts it out loud and proud… and if he’s not happy to put up with the little discomfort which CAN disappear with time…then I ask why even get married? I mean marriage is only a document…we can be loving and monogomous, and loyal, and eternally in love with out it too…can we not?…so why bother with any of it?…if you’re married…wear your ring!

January 18, 2009 at 10:55 pm
(10) Jessica says:

I would have to agree i think the wedding bands should always be worn, but my boyfriend is extremely clumsy were not yet married but had given each other rings and some how his got totatly smushed and scratched so i am thinking about getting him a tungston when we are married because they say those last the longest and are indestructible does anyone have that problem ?

January 19, 2009 at 9:37 pm
(11) kb says:

where the heck did Marci get that 4 women to every man thing? I call B.S. Maybe if you’re talking unmarried women in retirement communities. otherwise, no. that said, the intentions that matter are your partners. even if others come on to him, the one who has to make the decision to cheat is him. If he doesn’t think it’s worth it, he won’t.

January 20, 2009 at 1:03 pm
(12) Rosa says:

Are we in the 21st century? Wear a wedding ring if you want to. Tradition? The wedding ring has not always been a tradition and men certainly did not generally wear wedding rings. Tradition? Having an active sex life, living with your spouse for years before marriage or even having children before marriage — please do not claim tradition. Saying “I am married” to someone who is interested in you generally works. A lot of people with rings are miserable; many who wear only a smile are quite happy with their spouses of many, many years.

January 24, 2009 at 9:20 am
(13) newlyweds says:

Actually, I’ve only been married three months, and my wedding ring is already scuffed and scratched. My grandmother’s wedding ring was so worn out that the design that was engraved into it is no longer visible. Getting a strong ring isn’t such a bad idea.

March 3, 2009 at 4:46 pm
(14) ruby says:

just keep at him…before we were married, my husband didn’t even want a ring, but i convinced him that the ceremony would be really weird if i didn’t have anything to give him! for the first few months, his favourite thing to do was bounce it off the floor, which drove me crazy (because i was worried that he would lose it), but now (7 months later), i don’t even have to ask him–he puts it on himself every day. i totally agree that women see ring-less men as fair game, and i just love the look of his big strong hand with the small, simple ring that shows everyone that he belongs to me :) (i sound like such a control freak! but i wear both my engagement ring and wedding band every day because i belong to him) :)

March 25, 2009 at 3:41 pm
(15) Matt says:

Im in the same boat, I a guy who got married a few weeks ago, having never worn a ring before its quite an unusual feeling especially with it being on the left hand. every day i get more and more used to it, and now I can go for maybe half a day at a time without noticing it. I think its just an adjutment thing for guys who never wore rings before to get used to the feeling. personally my wedding was one of the best days of my life and Im proud to wear my ring and remember the wedding each time I look at it.

June 23, 2009 at 3:22 pm
(16) Tommy says:

I was a hard fit for a ring. I had broken my finger some years back and it is obviously an in between size. I have a custom ring that was made especially for me and I love it. My finger is peeling and I fidgit with it all the time. I have accidentally left it hanging in the shower before going to work and along the way realized the significance of wearing it and how my wife would feel if it were not on my finger. I was late for work because of turning around to go back and get it. I suppose it just takes time to get used to it being there. My finger has to get used to wearing it I may say. I love my wife and my ring and think of her and our wedding day everytime I see it. I understand that water and debris sometimes gets trapped under the ring which causes me to continuously take it off to clean my finger. I suppose its a constant reminder of the continuous and neverending love we share! Its worth it!

March 1, 2010 at 2:57 pm
(17) HappilyEverTrapped says:

I’ve been married for 17+ years. We eloped and our first rings were these beautiful wide yellow gold bands we bought in Maui. When we got back home, I wanted DIAMONDS, so I got a rings with lots of them. Hardly traditional. In my DH’s line of work, it’s a liability to wear a ring – it could get caught and injure his finger or hand. A couple years after we got married, I gave my DH MY original gold ring and a gold necklace. Along with his own original ring, we had a new ring made for him. Its a very gorgeous HEAVY gold band with a rich color. Effectively, we are BOTH in his ring. If I try to wear it, he gets possessive about it! It would only fit on a chain around my neck, tho. I’ve purchased a number of wedding type rings since getting married and have one favorite genuine diamond BLING set that I leave at home OFTEN for fear of losing it. I swim and do yoga and I leave the rings at home for safety reasons. Anytime I’m doing anything active, I leave them at home or take them off (how many times have women lost their rings at the beach?!). He’s the same way. We have them, we wear them, we LOVE them, so we protect them when its prudent to do so. Don’t flirt and you won’t get in trouble. In this day and age NO ONE should be making assumptions about a person’s relationship status regardless of rings. What about couples who’ve been together for years, but are not married? Those folks have to beware of flirters, too. Eh. I wasn’t a flirter to begin with. I’m afraid I give a cold shoulder, but better that than give the opposite “available” message. Just my two cents. ;-)

April 23, 2010 at 3:00 pm
(18) PHILLIS says:

I KNOW A MAN NAME RICHARD ANDERSON DONT WERE HIS WEDDING RING AND WAS AT MY HOUSE EVERY NIGHT AND AFTER I TOLD HIM I WAS PREG HE TOLD ME HE WAS MARRY AND HIM AND HIS WIFE WAS NOT TOGETHER I FOUND OUT THAT HE WAS LIEING ABOUT A LOT OF THING THE WIFE CALL MY PHONE I TOLD HER THAT I DID NOT KNOW HE WAS MARRY SHE DID NOT WANT TO BELEAVE ME SO RICHACH ANDERSON PLAY IN THE KINFORK BASS BAND WORK FOR THE CABLE COMPANY WIFE WORK AT HARR CASINO IN NEW ORLEANS AND SHE MESS AROUND WITH THE COOK IN THE KITCHEN . WHAT A MATCH I WAS VERY UPSET WIND I FOUND OUT HE WAS MARRY WHY WOULD A MAN LIE I HAVE A CHILD FOR HIM HE DO NOT WANT TO TELL HIS WIFE THE TRUE NO ONE IS GETTING HURT BUT THE CHILDREN TO HIS WIFE WAKE UP

April 23, 2010 at 3:05 pm
(19) PP says:

SO RICHARD ANDERSON WHY DONT YOU WEAR YOUR WEDDING RING AND HOW MANY CHILDREN DO YOU HAVE IN NEW ORLEANS OR OUT OF TOWN MAILK NEED HIS FATHER TO SPENT TIME WITH HIM NOT WITH ME

May 13, 2010 at 6:35 am
(20) David says:

No.6 Jodi. Absolutely spot on. It’s only the women who are insecure who must be insisting on their man wearing a wedding ring. It makes no difference to me and my wife if I don’t wear mine because it’s uncomfortable. She knows I would never cheat on her the same as I know she wouldn’t. So a band of gold makes absolutely no difference to our relationship whatsoever. And anyone who would be upset if their husband takes his off because they think women will come on to him is pathetic. Before I got married and didn’t have a ring to wear I wasn’t gonna cheat, and now that I am married, have a ring to wear but don’t, I’m still not gonna cheat. If you think someone wearing a ring or not is going to make the slightest bit of difference to a relationship, perhaps you shouldn’t have got married in the 1st place.

May 13, 2010 at 6:39 am
(21) David says:

And one final thing, I know it’s not all about trusting your husband or not, and some women want their husband to wear the ring as a symbol of the marriage, but once again, if you need that, perhaps you shouldn’t be married in the 1st place.

July 28, 2011 at 12:54 am
(22) Maureen says:

Have a nice wedding and engagement ring that I picked out three years after we were married. Wore it a few times; however, not into rings or tradition. Bugged my mother-in-law that I never wore a ring. This made me never want to wear it. We bought the ring 34 years ago, still married. I hate tradition and customs. Hate it that some women never take their ring off. Some people love the ring, the wedding gown, the church–not for everyone. To each his own and for me, I’m proud to be me and different.

March 30, 2012 at 3:46 pm
(23) Kitty says:

The wearing of a wedding ring will never hinder a spouse, of either gender, from being unfaithful.

July 16, 2012 at 11:36 am
(24) Kev says:

I agree with the person who says it comes down to trust. In today’s world people hit on and flirt with men and women who ware rings, without a second thought. Knowing that your spouse will make the right decision regardless I think holds more weight.

July 31, 2012 at 11:34 am
(25) Elen says:

We have found in the ocean wedding men’s ring!!!! ¬†Atlantic Ocean, the city of Funchal, Portugal at ring engraving jenni and wedding date. ¬†Help please to find host! ¬† My name is Elena. My address is luna_leka@list.ru

July 4, 2013 at 10:11 am
(26) SY says:

I am experience the same thing. He says it hurts my finger, I am uncomfortable, it is that type of jewelry so that is why I can not wear the ring. I took the time to find a special ring where the material would not be irritating and guess what same thing. I believe it is all in the mind. It is amazing that some women (me included) believe it is a symbol of love and dedication and I will wear my ring at all times anywhere and some men have at least ten excuses why they can not wear the ring. My heartfelt feeling is that this is bolony. Sorry, I have tried to understand it but it is amazing that they believe that women have this sensor and will detect they are married. Maybe a tattoo on the forehead would be better than the ring (lol!!). I don’t want to discourage anyone but I do want to say from my experience it is foolishness.

July 19, 2013 at 12:35 pm
(27) renee says:

Honestly if it’s really about comfort, get him a comfort fit band. I had a hard time wearing mine until I exchanged it for a comfort band and now I barely even feel it on my hand. I rarely take it off now because there’s no need. But I also do believe it’s sort of a non issue. My husband never cared either way whether I wore mine or not. He wears his most of the time, I think. I honestly don’t check on it though. If he were going to cheat he could do it with or without his ring on. And women come onto him occasionally either way.

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