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Readers Respond: Is Sex Before Marriage Wrong?

Responses: 526


A blog and article about having sex for the first time on your wedding night generated hundreds of comments on the Newlyweds site. Sex is a big part of most marriages. It's a way to express your love, relieve stress, feel closer to one another, and make babies. First-time sex is an important milestone in a person's life, whether it happens on your prom night or your wedding night or somewhere in between. Clearly, first-time sex is a topic for which many of you have strong opinions. We want to read them all. Tell us - should people wait for marriage to have sex? Why or why not? Weigh In Now

Bring on the lustful sinful sex

I commented before, why does love have to be in the same equation as sex? Love is just chemistry, after all. Live a little.
—Guest Louise

Sex does not determine my worth

My value as a person is not determined by whether or not I am a virgin until marriage. I reject this concept wholeheartedly. Sexual "purity" does not a good person make. I aspire to be an open minded, accepting and non-judgmental person, and that means I could honestly care less if someone is sexually 'pure' or not. If you want to wait until marriage, good for you, that's your choice. If you don't, good for you, that's your choice. I made my choice, and I don't regret it at all. Yes, I was a little older than many - 18 - and no I wasn't in a relationship, but it wasn't a shameful, regretful incident. If someone were to think less of me because of this, then he or she is not someone I want in my life to begin with. For many people, myself included, marriage is not the end game, and an entire life of celibacy is simply not realistic nor in any way desirable. Also, everyone knows condoms and other methods, such as the Pill, exist because I'm seeing a lot of ignorance in these responses.
—Guest Louise

no... its not wrong at all...

Maybe some people think that it's wrong to have sex before marriage. But if your partner feels ok and safe with you and if your partner is ready to do it, then what's the problem? Just do it. But don't hurt someone's feelings just for sex. It's just physical satisfaction. Love someone. Live for her/him. Live happily. Do what he/she likes. And your life will give you what you need to be happy.
—Guest sunny sunny

I Waited

I waited and to this day I'm still waiting. Married 46 years and to old to care or want sex anymore. We only had sex once on our wedding night and it never happened again. My husband hated sex he thought it was gross and so very ugly. He moved to our basement and started to work the midnight shift the day after we were married. 46 years ago sex before marriage was a no no. In this day and age I can't say whether sex before or after marriage is OK. You just don't know what your getting into in your married life. I would say the choice should be up to the individuals. What I got was somebody off the bottom of the barrel. I never had kids or grandkids or a life-long partner. For everyone choose wisely!!!!!!!!!!
—Guest Amy

It's between you & your partner.

If you trust your partner and you are fairly sure that you both will get married, you can have sex after making promises to one another. Live and enjoy with your partner. Don't ever cheat, lie, or leave your partner. Once you have had SEX with your bf/gf, don't think about breaking up. Take him/her as your life partner. If you're not ready for this, in my opinion, you shouldn't have sex. You shouldn't have sex with someone you won't marry.
—Guest Jov

waiting is better

Honestly, I think that it is better waiting no matter how long. If you love yourself, you've got to respect yourself! Find someone who can wait, and who will understand you.
—Guest Ana perez

No sex until Marriage!

Sex should Only be enjoyed within marriage. Biblically Sex outside of marriage is wrong. That is what I believe. But if you choose to have sex outside marriage that is YOUR CHOICE NOT MINE OR ANYONE ELSE'S. Do what YOU feel is right. It's YOUR life.
—Guest Anonymous Queen

should people wait until marriage?

Yes, so that they can know each other and share love, stress, and making a baby.
—Guest rosaria ximenes

unsure myself

I'm not religious at all. I'm 20 and I'm a virgin, I came here looking for answers and all I got is confused. But from reading if I lose my virginity before marriage I will go to hell, I thought God was forgiving? We are animals. We have intense feelings. Now if I have sex with 1,000 people and never get married, I might understand that concept. But there's no way if I fall in love - let's say I've known him for years before we start a relationship - and things get steamy and we do the sin, I will go to hell. I highly doubt that. Then again, I guess I'm already going for not being apart of a religion.
—Guest woman


There is no specific prohibition in the Bible against sex between an unmarried man and unmarried woman. However, "sexual immorality" is denounced in about 25 passages in the New Testament. The word translated as "sexual immorality" or "fornication" in English versions of the Bible is the Greek word porneia, which means "illicit sexual intercourse." Jesus said this: [Jesus] said, "It is what comes out of a person that defiles. For it is from within, from the human heart, that evil intentions come: fornication, theft, murder, adultery, avarice, wickedness, deceit, licentiousness, envy, slander, pride, folly. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person." (NRSV, Mark 7:20-23) The apostle Paul wrote these verses: The acts of the sinful nature are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you
—Guest complicated


It's not always what you want that is the right thing. God knows better when He said you shouldn't do it. He knows what it will cost you. When you break God's rule, it breaks you. Remember whatever choices you make today, they have eternal consequences. It's not about the now. THINK TWICE. GOD CARES ABOUT YOU.
—Guest Beloved

It's awesome

Sex before marriage is like tasting a food before it gets ready. It's really cool.
—Guest shekinnah

anyone who hasn't lusted ....

Thought I would weigh in on the woman about to be stoned to death, seeing the Bible is being quoted.
—Guest grainy

I like Virgin Women

Non-virgin women are to be used for sex and nothing else. You don't marry or start a family with them. They have loose morals and will probably fail at being a wife and mother. I would only settle down with a virgin woman. It's like choosing between a new car and a used car. One is pure and the other is tarnished.
—Guest James

Pre-marital sex is very wrong

The Bible says in d book of 1cor 6:9 "do you know that unrighteousness will not inherit into the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived neither FORNICATORS, nor IDOLATERS, nor ADULTERERS, nor HOMOSEXUAL nor SODOMITE... And the Bible also states that when you commit sexual immorality, you are sinning against yourselves.
—Guest Deborah T

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Is Sex Before Marriage Wrong?

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