Unfortunately, people get married and then cheat on their husbands and wives. Some couples break up over these extramarital affairs, and others decide to stay together. Either way, couples have major obstacles to overcome when one of the partners cheats on the other. What do you think? Should a cheater get a second chance with his or her spouse? Where would you draw the line? Share Your Opinion
5years 2gether then he decides to cheat
- I was with my partner 5 years and I love him more then ever until he decided to cheat on Valentine's Day 2012. He obviously told me because he was afraid I'd find out, but it's not that he cheated that hurts the most. It's the fact he did it on Valentine's Day and with someone he only met that day. I've tried everything to stop the pain and hurt, but it's hidden deep within me. I can't forgive him and so I had to end it with him because I can't stay with him knowing he might do it again and again so no I can't give him a second chance because he wouldn't forgive me if I'd cheated on him. I feel better in myself since I've finished with him and I will never forgive him ever because he taught me a valuable lesson and that is never give your all because you will get hurt a lot.
- —Guest
give a second chance
- if you really know your partner well, and you really love him or her, give him or her a second chance. We are not perfect. We are human, and the temptation is always there. Some couples are strong and firm. They love each other, have children, and try to do what is good in the eyes of God. But, as I've said, we are just dust-human so therefore we are not perfect. If your partner asked for a second chance and you still want him or her in your life, why not give him or her a second chance? Remember, God can forgive our sins if we can forgive our fellowmen, too. If you give the second chance, it might be the way that your partner could realize how important it is to stay honest, faithful, and loyal to you. If you put God at the center of your marriage, and apply all the useful information about marriage life in the Bible, surely you will have a successful marriage.
- —Guest Forz
is a cheater always a cheater
- I have been with my husband going on 10 years now. One year ago he cheated on me. He brought another woman into our home while I was at work and paid to have sex with her. It was a one time thing, but I could never really know for sure. He confessed to everything but there have been other accusations about other females. Before that, he swore he didn't do anything. I stayed with him, but I can't forgive him and I am always accusing him. I know it's not going to last. If i cant forgive him, but I'm just too scared that if I do, he will just hurt me again. I am living with the pain to this day. Don't know what to do. He is a good father and seems completely committed, but this is what i thought before, and every time i set off to work I'm so scared that he is cheating. I really need help on my marriage. He says that i am pushing him away and maybe I am but how do I get past this and trust him again? Is it worth it? Will a cheater cheat again?
- —Guest sara
HARDWreTaNYcsoO
- This is one of the most difficult steps of my own recovery. My wife had become involved with a manager at her employer after we had marital difficulties stemming from my neglect of our relationship. She initially leaned on him for emotional support but he was able to make the relationship a sexual one over time. Marital counseling was important for us as well but revealed steps of her affair that filled me with genuine fury toward this man. Brief interactions became unnecessary work trips during which she would spend days doing his job at conferences and meetings while he remained in the hotel watching adult films. When she returned to the hotel in the evenings he would have her reenact his favorite parts of those movies with him until late in the night. She would often return home exhausted from these trips and this put a further strain on our marriage. Finding this out and discovering her complicity in his actions while I remained at home with our first child made me angry in a way that I had never been before and I occasionally still feel that way today. To my everlasting shame I never guessed at what was happening until she told me she was carrying his child (he often refused to use protection with her). Your feelings are valid and common so do not question yourself. I too have forgiven my wife and admit I continue to feel anger and resentment toward her boss like you have mentioned. Seeing such men does make it worse and I encourage you to avoid contact if possible. I still remember going with my wife to clean out her cubicle on her last day and this man supervising her and giving her instructions as we carried her boxes to the car. I feel that he only wanted to show me that he still had control over her in some way despite the time that had passed. Do not question your emotions but know that they will last for a good amount of time as I have discovered. I wish you luck in your recovery and hope that you are finding healing as needed.
- —Guest dOHNaAHIUgEOsP
CHEATED TWICE
- Thirty-six years ago, I cheated on the woman who I was planning to spend the rest of my life with. She was established as a college educator and I was a student. That's how we met. I had to go back to work. She warned me that if I quit school, I would never go back. I worked second shift, she worked days within that year. I had a quick "fling". When I came home, I expected that stuff would hit the fan, and it did. I deserved everything she dished out. She wanted to talk and I couldn't handle the guilt and shame, and I left her two months later. I tried to see her to work things out, but she never knew I was there. I left in sad fear. I've known nothing but heartache and sadness all these years. I found her again. She won't have anything to do with me now. I don't know how she feels about me. She has a whole new successful life. Sometimes, healing takes time. The sin? To cheat on her once and cheat myself twice. I will never forgive myself for the mistake. I can't make the pain go away. I lost her at least twice.
- —Guest Dave
Why obsessed with infidelity
- Why are we so obsessed with infidelity? If your man goes out with another woman - please think why? he must have missed something with you - either sexually or emotionally or behaviorally. It may not be that you are to blame. It may just be incompatibility. So, if he fills in the missing gaps, be happy and keep you happy, then what is the big deal? It may be, in fact, better. The problem comes if and when he ignores you or deprives you of anything because of his adventures outside. Here, again please look within yourself. Stop nagging him and give him the comfort to give you comfort. Spying / sharing passwords / nagging / fighting for rights may not help - as you need him more mentally and emotionally than physically - important to give each other free space and look within your self more than looking at others. See how you can make him fully happy, satisfied and content - not just sexually but emotionally and behaviourally so that he does not need to step out
- —Guest Sunny
Infidelity: a woman's difficult choice
- I used to think that I was a woman who could never tolerate unfaithfulness(physical or emotional) from my husband. My marriage was envied by all our friends. We married for love and were happy. Then I discovered his acts of unfaithfulness. I'm a very strong woman but I was not ready for this. I thought I was going to die- this affected me physically, emotionally, mentally. I was dysfunctional for several months. I always had told my husband of 13 years that I can forgive him for anything except infidelity. However, my choices can no longer be made based on what I want. When children are involved, everything changes. No matter how much society tries to make us believe that children are resilient, children always get damaged by divorce. My husband now is committed to me and the kids more than ever before. My kids seem happier now than ever before. Although my life is "perfect" now, I still and will forever have an emptiness and sadness in my heart. But it's worth it because it's for my kids.
- —Guest Sadness
Should I give a second chance?
- My husband was in Mexico for six months waiting for his immigration visa. He started dating a girl and and now they are expecting a baby in August. He has returned back home and has said sorry and that he wants his family here. He asked to talk to her every 15 days since she is really sick with diabetes and such and just wants to make sure the baby is ok. Do you think I should allow him to call and check on the baby and her? He said he wants to financially support the baby since it is his. I don't know if I should allow him in mine and my son's life. He said he wants to get married in the church since we got married in the courthouse and that he wants to have more children with me. I know in Mexico this is normal for him to have a wife and a girlfriend, but i don't accept it. What would you do? I am looking for support during this rough time.
- —Guest Tearzofaprincess
Cheating
- My wife of 16 years cheated on me while I was out of town working to support my children. I was only gone for one week every other month. I was told she needed space, then found a man in the house I was paying for. When I blew up, I was served with a restraining order. It's funny the lies that can obtain one. I hired a lawyer but spent a year trying to save the marriage. I succeeded in getting back with her after breaking the heart of another woman I was seeing. Now, seven months later, I see the same symptoms starting again. I believe that the first instance foretold the future and I have been ignorant of the facts preceding, which will ultimately prove to be her character and make me out to be a horrible person for breaking another's heart for my own selfish desire to have my wife back.
- —Guest dale
Doubt again
- We were married for seven years. I found out that my husband cheated on me. How many times he hurt my feelings but he said it's no matter what happened? I am still his wife. Now, I don't know if he cheats on me because he says he is not having affairs. It's ended, but how can i know if the their relationship is really finished? That girl is also here, same place. Please help.
- —Guest lorena
Cheating
- I am female and cheated twice on my partner. Mine is a long, complicated story of living in China. My ex-husband tried to kill me, and I escaped with my daughter. I remarried in Australia, but the marriage was wrought with problems. My husband would manipulate and lie, and I felt I was going crazy. There were so many issues. We both hit each other. Finally, I was sent to a psych ward. My husband manipulated me in there. I had no one. When I got out, my husband manipulated me again. My husband and father called the police on me, even though I did nothing wrong except show up to the house needing money for milk for my baby. He had the money and I knew it. Anyway, I met a police officer friend where I work, told him my story, hoped I would have an ally, then he wanted sex and I started kissing him, but then left his house saying no to it and never saw him again. I told my husband because I was ashamed. He forgave me, but almost two years the same thing happened with an older, senior police officer. I told him my story, I crossed the line by kissing him and a bit more but ended it. What do you think?
- —Guest Rey
Is his cheating justifiable?
- My husband threatened to cheat on me when his needs were not being met; we both failed to meet each other's emotional needs. I allowed my father to disrespect my husband, and my husband got a restraining order against him. I didn't support him, even though I knew my dad abused him. I still couldn't find it within myself to take my dad to court, and my husband became bitter toward me, after years of complaining about all that, he finally cheated on me. Now, he justifies his cheating by that. When I found out about the affair, I confronted him. He did not deny it. For the past four months, he still sees the other woman now and then, and for the last month he spends every weekend with her and clearly tells me that she is his girlfriend and he is entitled to see her whenever. He tells me he still loves me and does not love the OW, he wants to fix our marriage but is too bitter to do that now, he needs his space so that he can deal with what I put him through. I am fed up and will be leaving him.
- —Guest Imdone
Newlywed HB cheated sev times
- I met my hb in Sept. Engaged April, Married June 2011. I recently got into his email and found he has gone on dates with other women, and sends nasty messages asking for sex. He went to Europe on biz, while there, he asked 3 women to go back w/him there. He was also sending virtual gifts on 2 dating sites. When I read the messages I got physically sick. We have only been married 3 mos. At first, he denied it, apathetic, didn't seem to really care. Then, I found out about more women, and after a day, he decided he cares and wants to work on marriage. His family and friends who came to the wedding are so angry at him. We had a beautiful wedding. He said I am everything he wants and in spite of his mistakes he truly loves me and wants to make it work. I don't know if I could ever forget. He saw his own father killed when 10 years old. He blames a lot of his emotional problems, detached emotions on this. I am so angry and hurt. I am in counseling, so is he. Not together. I am not living with him.
- —Guest Elen
the same piosition
- I think men shouldn't get second chances because they usually still do it. I have had my husband's ex-girlfriend calling and texting him. How can I know if he's cheating or saying the truth???
- —Guest jennifer
I don't think so
- I gave my wife a second chance. To my knowledge she has been faithful ever since (37 years). The problem is me, I have never really forgiven her and I don't see how anyone could.
- —Guest can't forgive
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