From the article: How Having a Baby Will Affect Your Marriage
Married people have to prioritize their relationships. Before you have children, your spouse obviously is number one. But once children enter the picture, parents often put their kids ahead of their spouses on the priority list. What do you think is the right thing to do? Should your spouse come before your kids? Or should it be the other way around? Share Your Opinion
- In terms of priority - spouse, hands down. Once you put your husband or wife behind your job, friends, children, other family members, it opens the door for that person to feel insecure with the relationship. My children are a reflection of me and my husband's love. He is my confident, best friend, love of my life, partner. My children will not and should never be those things for me. We both agree that parenting means raising children to be self-sufficient adults. My children's needs are never neglected, and we both agree if there were a life or death situation, we would choose life for our children over ourselves, but if it comes down to choosing between the wants of my husband and the wants of my children, the children will lose every time. We are both extremely pragmatic, so this works for us, and seems to work for couples who are still happily together.
- —Guest Bonnie
Spouse or Equal
- I think that you met your spouse first and fell in love to create a child (at least in most cases). In my situation, it's just me and my fiancé. He is first before myself. We still have a lot of things to accomplish together before we want to bring a child into the picture. We want to have a relationship and build our lives together. When the time comes and we feel the need to make our family grow, that will be a decision we make together as husband and wife. We will work together to provide for that child and teach him or her right from wrong for them to survive a life of their own. After the child is gone, we will still be there for him or her, but we will also continue our life together that we created in the first place and keep a promise we made to our vows, "until death do us part". Either way, I would not put my child's needs ahead of my love nor ignore my child's need for him.
- —Guest taytay
My Children of Course
- It's definitely important to still make time to show your mate that you care and that the love is still present. But not under any circumstances does anybody come before my children. That's something me and my husband talked about before having children and he totally agrees.
- —Guest Monique
- Your child should come before anyone else in this world, and your partner should expect to be second best, no questions asked. Your children will always be there for you and love you no matter what. Not every relationship works out, but your children should mean everything to you.
- —Guest Guest Dan
- My hubby says I'm the one who is more important and comes first because I'm the one who has brought his babies into this world. So, he will always love me more than he is going to love them. Well, that's his side of the story, and I think he says it all to appreciate me for giving him the most amazing gift in this world. I think there is one comparison in this case. He is going to love my babies more than he loves me because it's the same with me.
- —Guest reebz
Spouse b4 your child a except a newborn
- Remember before a child came into the picture, it was you and your spouse. And when a child grows up, it's still you and your spouse. Love and respect your children but not before your spouse. What sense does it make if you have a big oak tree with no leaves; you and your spouse are that oak tree and the children are the leaves. Eventually, leaves fall and the oak tree is still there. Children will always leave. It's like a bird pushing the little one to fly. We're all part of Mother Nature. If we can't keep it balanced, it will never work. A husband and a wife should always come first. A child is borrowed time. I love my children and will always b there for them, but my wife is my love, is my everything. The more you feed your kids, the more they want. So, if you put them first you will exhaust yourself and isolate your spouse. For crying out loud, at least follow one of God's rules of thumb.
- —Guest Jorge
Rephrase the question
- Should a newborn come first? Absolutely, newborns need you 24/7. This is not saying your spouse comes second; just, initially, baby comes first. That being said, make time for your spouse once baby's schedule is regulated to some degree. Yes??!!
- —Guest Marie
- My husband and I have been married almost two years. And I know it's wrong, but I hate his son because he let the babymomma, son, and other family tell him what to do. But he never listens to me about anything.
- —Guest kisha
Spouse and children
- I say why do you have to choose? You can love them both the same but in different ways. I have noticed that a lot of times the mother puts her children before anything in this world, even when they grow up.
- —Guest Sky
- If men were not so needy, they would understand that your child should always come first. Men need to grow up.
- —Guest Anna
Your spouse comes first
- Your spouse comes first, even if you had children before him or her. I am not saying neglect your children, but a spouse is someone who you are making a life with while a child is someone you are teaching to be successful in his/her own life.
- —Guest Guest
- I feel my spouse should be first! But my spouse has a child of her own and that seems to be her priority. It makes me feel that we are together, but I will always come second. I know and understand that her kid will grow up and leave. And I know my fiancee will expect me to be the man I was. But after being second for so many years, I changed. I won't be that man who puts her first. Why? Because she never put me first! Now, we are a distant family in a home that has many rooms, where we can stay to ourselves. We have a baby on the way, and now I feel I'm going to distance myself from her because that's how I was treated.
- —Guest Ricky
- Any spouses would naturally put their children first... Having children ( a natural product of love in the context of marriage) requires the guardians /parents undivided attention and love...and any supportive, loving, nurturing spouse will understand this.
- —Guest Stef
- Definitely agree that spouse comes first. Babies don't stay babies forever, they eventually grow up and have lives of their own. I think many people find themselves divorced within the first few years of having children, because they lost their relationship with their spouse. I'm not saying that kids shouldn't be a priority, but kids need their parents together and happy. Putting your spouse first will improve this relationship with your kids.
- —Guest Lloyd
your kids come first
- Your kids come first because once you have kids it means you take another part of love to your blood.
- —Guest baisago
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