1. People & Relationships

Readers Respond: Should Your Spouse Come before Your Kids?

Responses: 24


Married people have to prioritize their relationships. Before you have children, your spouse obviously is number one. But once children enter the picture, parents often put their kids ahead of their spouses on the priority list. What do you think is the right thing to do? Should your spouse come before your kids? Or should it be the other way around? Share Your Opinion


GOD spouse children family career. My marriage failed because we did not put our spouses FIRST. The marriage counselor told us this, but my husband still put me last on the totem pole so it ended in divorce.The children need to see their parents put each other before anything else to grow to have healthy, happy marriage themselves.
—Guest Margaret

kids should come before the spouse

The kids should come before the spouse. What if the couple divorces or splits up? The kids will still be there for their parent(s).
—Guest Brandy Carter

why do you have to pick

Spouse and kids need different things. You need to plan and prioritize. It shouldn't be a contest. Everyone should get their needs met. It would be sad if your spouse left but if your spouse leaves anyway and your kids only call on holidays and never come to see you when you're old, then you will be just as sad. You don't want to be in last place when you are old, so don't put your kids in last place.
—Guest Jaye

When the Birdies Fly?

Your spouse comes first, not the children. This does not mean that you slack in your child's care one bit, but you MUST cultivate your relationship with you spouse because 'when the birdies fly' you will still have something in common and won't end up divorced or looking for other mates. My sister and her husband always took time for each other and are great friends to this day. All their kids are grown and amazingly enough strong, healthy, and mature. Balance your time with your kids and your mate because balance will provide you with great fruit in the future.
—Guest No Spin Girl


My husband comes first with my baby a super duper close second. Happy partners make happy (and better) parents. A marriage needs prioritization and nurturing for it to survive the stresses of raising children. Also, by nurturing your relationship with your spouse, you are teaching your children what to look for in a relationship and how to treat their significant other when it is their turn. We regularly call grandma or aunties to watch the baby and smother it with love so we can reconnect away from the baby on a regular basis, and this is even more important when they are small babies and super needy...it takes a lot of emotional energy and patience to respond lovingly to a baby and each other over and over and OVER again when you are cranky, tired, hungry and oh, did I mention tired? The team requires maintenance or no one will be happy.
—Guest Nona

Spouse First

In terms of priority - spouse, hands down. Once you put your husband or wife behind your job, friends, children, other family members, it opens the door for that person to feel insecure with the relationship. My children are a reflection of me and my husband's love. He is my confident, best friend, love of my life, partner. My children will not and should never be those things for me. We both agree that parenting means raising children to be self-sufficient adults. My children's needs are never neglected, and we both agree if there were a life or death situation, we would choose life for our children over ourselves, but if it comes down to choosing between the wants of my husband and the wants of my children, the children will lose every time. We are both extremely pragmatic, so this works for us, and seems to work for couples who are still happily together.
—Guest Bonnie

Spouse or Equal

I think that you met your spouse first and fell in love to create a child (at least in most cases). In my situation, it's just me and my fiancé. He is first before myself. We still have a lot of things to accomplish together before we want to bring a child into the picture. We want to have a relationship and build our lives together. When the time comes and we feel the need to make our family grow, that will be a decision we make together as husband and wife. We will work together to provide for that child and teach him or her right from wrong for them to survive a life of their own. After the child is gone, we will still be there for him or her, but we will also continue our life together that we created in the first place and keep a promise we made to our vows, "until death do us part". Either way, I would not put my child's needs ahead of my love nor ignore my child's need for him.
—Guest taytay

My Children of Course

It's definitely important to still make time to show your mate that you care and that the love is still present. But not under any circumstances does anybody come before my children. That's something me and my husband talked about before having children and he totally agrees.
—Guest Monique

Children First

Your child should come before anyone else in this world, and your partner should expect to be second best, no questions asked. Your children will always be there for you and love you no matter what. Not every relationship works out, but your children should mean everything to you.
—Guest Guest Dan

spouse :)

My hubby says I'm the one who is more important and comes first because I'm the one who has brought his babies into this world. So, he will always love me more than he is going to love them. Well, that's his side of the story, and I think he says it all to appreciate me for giving him the most amazing gift in this world. I think there is one comparison in this case. He is going to love my babies more than he loves me because it's the same with me.
—Guest reebz

Spouse b4 your child a except a newborn

Remember before a child came into the picture, it was you and your spouse. And when a child grows up, it's still you and your spouse. Love and respect your children but not before your spouse. What sense does it make if you have a big oak tree with no leaves; you and your spouse are that oak tree and the children are the leaves. Eventually, leaves fall and the oak tree is still there. Children will always leave. It's like a bird pushing the little one to fly. We're all part of Mother Nature. If we can't keep it balanced, it will never work. A husband and a wife should always come first. A child is borrowed time. I love my children and will always b there for them, but my wife is my love, is my everything. The more you feed your kids, the more they want. So, if you put them first you will exhaust yourself and isolate your spouse. For crying out loud, at least follow one of God's rules of thumb.
—Guest Jorge

Rephrase the question

Should a newborn come first? Absolutely, newborns need you 24/7. This is not saying your spouse comes second; just, initially, baby comes first. That being said, make time for your spouse once baby's schedule is regulated to some degree. Yes??!!
—Guest Marie

Spouse first

My husband and I have been married almost two years. And I know it's wrong, but I hate his son because he let the babymomma, son, and other family tell him what to do. But he never listens to me about anything.
—Guest kisha

Spouse and children

I say why do you have to choose? You can love them both the same but in different ways. I have noticed that a lot of times the mother puts her children before anything in this world, even when they grow up.
—Guest Sky

Children first

If men were not so needy, they would understand that your child should always come first. Men need to grow up.
—Guest Anna

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Should Your Spouse Come before Your Kids?

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