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Readers Respond: How to Make Your Marriage Last

Responses: 31

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Although you can go through pre-marital counseling, prepare your finances, and move in together, you and your husband or wife will gain experience in marriage on the job. Still, you can learn from other couples and try to figure out what it takes to stay together forever. If you've been married a year or more, we'd like to hear from you. Some of you have already shared your tips with the Newlyweds guide. But we can always learn more. So, share your best marriage advice here. Share Your Advice

veni

I am a married woman. My husband doesn't love me. He doesn't care about me. He is always blaming me for simple, simple things. He complains about me to all my relations, which embarrasses me a lot. Even though I have talked to him about this a lot, he continues doing it. He has an erection problem. He is not able to perform sometimes. He shouts at me, using foul language, in public. This makes me feel sad, and he keeps on telling me to get a divorce. What to do?
—Guest deju

Advice to Get Married

Wow! You left after 33 years, which took a lot of strength. My wife divorced me after 25 years together and it was tough. However, since then I have realized that she did me a favor. I'm 57 years old and free to do whatever I want, with nothing to lose. I don't think I ever really loved her. I married her because she had a college degree and her parents had money. The marriage was doomed from the very beginning, and I always hated my mother-in-law. The girlfriend I had prior to my ex did not have a degree, but I believe I would have been happier with her. My mistake!
—Guest Goldy55

Making Marriage last

Please don't expect perfection in your marriage, but it's important to not have what Dr. Phil calls deal breakers, such as drug addiction and abuse. From the beginning of our 5-year marriage, I have had the mindset that my husband will tell me things when he is comfortable doing so. Interesting thing is, he talks to me about all matters/things, treats me like his best friend. I openly display & share my emotions with him. I also ask for forgivenesss when I am impatient & I exercise humility ---- through this, I allow myself to be human without the ego. I just recognize the importance of treating him with respect & dignity. I am learning to be a better listener after he complained about this numerous times. I have recognized the further importance of meeting his needs first before I expect him to meet mine. I have even carried the load for both of us - to sustain the marriage when he is emotionally reactive. Giving up is never an option. God provides us all with the gift of marriage.
—Guest Debbie

heart break

I love my wife soo much but seems to be cheating on me. She leaves home and comes back after two weeks. We are married for 7 years now with two kids. She always denies me sex. I am getting mad.
—Guest kwame

help reunite my marriage

I have been married three years+. I LOVE my husband deeply. When we got married, I had no other thoughts than I married my soul mate, lover, BF. He made me feel so secure, respected, happier than I've ever been. I was strong-willed, get things done then. Our marriage has been bumpy. But I'm not one to throw in the towel at the first disagreement. I believe anything worth having takes hard work, but I'm not sure I'm doing it the right way. I found him to not be truthful about one small thing (smoking). And it seems to have snowballed from there. I hate that I feel like that. Now, if I ask him something, he feels like I'm interrogating him. This has made me jealous.
—Guest "sunshine"

10ways to save your marriage

I love my husband but I'm in love to other guy...my husband and I were married 8years ago... I love my husband but he is soooo controlling, his jealousy is killing me,..what should I do? Shall I jump out or stay in this unhealthy marriage?
—Guest marciana

Will it work?

Been together 28 yrs and married for almost 13 years. We have 6 awesome kids together. My husband works 6 days a week and has Sunday off and decides to spend it with his friends playing music. By the time he comes home he's too drunk to spend the rest of the day with the family. We have no family time anymore. And how can someone be married and feel so lonely? I don't know if I'm fooling myself thinking he still loves me. All I want is for us to work our problems out and stay together til death do us part. If he could only feel the same about me as I feel about him, then there would be so much love in our house. I always believed the reason I was blessed with 6 kids was because God knew I had so much love that he wanted me to share it, and I still have plenty for my husband..
—Guest Heartbroken

kinda lost

have been married for more than 3 years now. i love my husband but there are times when i just felt like i want to run away. we have a son in which we both adore dearly. i love him i cant imagine separating from him. But sometimes he just gets into head. Sometimes even if i am right, he cant accept it or atleast show me that he accepts it cuz that way he'll think i am trying to change him into what i want. i dont know how to deal with it. i am tired.
—Guest WonderLost

my world is crumbling around me

I've tried all these steps and my relationship is still falling apart.
—Guest shocked

any advise

Me and my husband have been married for a year and five months. We have a 13-month-old son. We both are very happy with each other and still love each other more then ever. We make time to spend together but lately it's seems like we can't agree on anything I feel like he wants to control all the decisions we have to make he even gives me a curfew when I hang out with my girlfriends, witch I don't do often. I don't want our love to fade because we have very different outlooks on life.
—Guest heather

Keep marriage alive

I've been married now for 16 years to the same man. I consider him to be the sweetest darling that he was during our courtship. We have two sons and he is a great, exemplary father to them. We constantly have what we call huzzy n wifey chat sessions where we discuss the things which may get us ticking with each other. Believe me these sessions are superb as then we learn and understand so much more about each other. It is of the utmost importance that we keep the communication line open in our relationship and at the top of our priority list is the fact that God is the head and the foundation of our marriage accompanied by selflessness, honesty, respect, friendship.
—Guest Germz

Advice to get married

My spouse married me for a "replacement" to his dear departed mother. He lied to me for the first 20 years. He kept saying he wanted this, but the truth was he really married me because of extreme loneliness. We are all lonely, but you don't get up in front of God and lie. I was honest about what I wanted and expected in a marital partnership. He never discussed anything; we didn't fight a lot. I had been raised in an abusive home and was very aware of what a "war zone" does to the family. Even though I kept trying to have quiet, intelligent conversations, he just repeated the same thing. I finally left after 33 years, the day after our child graduated college. I begged for counseling...he refused. I was a good wife, good mom, and I worked full time before children. I honestly know I did everything possible, but the truth was "he never loved me as a wife". You simply can't lie your way through life and think you can hide it. We never had money problems.
—Guest goldy55

Marriage is not ownership of property

Please do not assume that once you are married, you "own" your spouse and he should be always "faithful" to you. If he looks out, then it's time for you to look "within" yourself. Where did you go wrong? If you nag him, push him to be your way (just for example), he may look out and so there are so many things. Most importantly, please do not try to change him to be as you like. This is the most common error. This brings stress and a silent revolt called "infidelity."
—Guest Sunny

Respect is to be comanded - not demanded

If something is going wrong, even if it's infidelity, before blaming your spouse or blowing your head off - STOP - reflect - Why did it happen? First, look at yourself. Could you have helped avoid it? Or did you do anything you did or you failed to do to trigger it? Do not expect you spouse to change. Try to accept him or her and see how you both can mutually adjust. Do not be over possessive. Give space to each other
—Guest Sunny

Respect is to be comanded - not demanded

As they say, "Respect is commanded and cannot be demanded." Well, so is fidelity. Marriage is not only about fidelity or intimacy. This is only one part of married life. There is a lot more to it. It's a life partnership with joint responsibilities, mutual security, parenting, etc. If we find our spouse "cheating," I would suggest following these steps: Review all aspects of married life. How is he doing in other areas in terms of parenting, security, responsibilities etc.? In case other areas are comfortable, then (1) do not think of breaking marriage (2) do not confront him or make known to him that you must know - right away. Wait, take a step back, review your relationship. What made him do this? Where did your relationship fail or is less than complete? It's not just about intimacy, it's about totality of the relationship. If need be, get help from a marriage counselor and try identify and correct the gaps if any and try to "win" him back. After all, he is doing good in all other areas.
—Guest Sunny

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How to Make Your Marriage Last

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