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Readers Respond: When Is It Okay to Lie to Your Husband or Wife?

Responses: 9


Many experts say that white lies can be beneficial to a relationship. So, honesty might not always be the best policy in marriage. But where should you draw the line? Is it okay to lie about your true feelings when it comes to your in-laws but not about the insurance policy you bought when you married? Let us know when it is all right to lie to your husband or wife and why.

He lies to my face

I ask him all of the time why he likes girl on girl and his reply is "I only like it if it's you". I was just on his computer and he was following several blogs about lesbian and 'sexy' women. It hurts my feelings that he would lie to me, mostly because I used to have an amazing body, and I was the only one he could look at.. after two kids I have stretch marks, scars from c-sections, extra weight, loose skin, and grey hairs.. So I don't feel attractive at all anymore, and finding those on his computer hurt me so deeply that I think I don't love him as much anymore. I only feel that way because he won't tell me the truth. I know all guys like to see two girls going at it, but the fact that he lies hurts deep down. I would be ok with it, seeing as I like to mess around with girls, but he doesn't tell me anything important like that. I plan on getting surgery to fix my body, I'm afraid until then he won't be interested in me. We've barely had sex and feel so distant from him. What can I do?
—Guest Brenda

my husband lies to me all the time

We've been together for 13 years. It started 10 years ago when I found out about one affair. Ever since it's chatrooms, Internet porn,e-mails, and I found proof of him cheating. But he lies to my face! Recently, he promised not to do that stuff again as our sex life got better and we had an honest chat about it -- or so I thought it was honest. I found similiar things on his phone in the past few days. I feel I shouldn't even ask him because it will just be more lies from him, so I think I'm going to leave him for good this time. We have three kids and it breaks my heart to break their hearts but in the long run it's going to be for the best.
—Guest jay

I hate lying

My husband of almost 10 years has started talking to a woman friend. He says one thing to me and then he tells her lies about me. I am hurt and I was hoping to fix it.
—Guest Stephanie

I feel like a fool

I have been married for 23 years and my husband has told me lies every year. He said he quit smoking, but I saw him at the neighbors smoking. He has now turned it around again and yells and swears at me. He said it's not a big deal. He has lied about money and going out also. I feel like a stupid fool and don't know what to do.
—Guest flower petal

when is it ok to lie to a spouse

You should never lie but to keep from hurting their feelings or someone else hurting their feelings that is ok
—Guest Regina


If you really love your wife, you would never lie to her.

some are fine

As [stated] above, it's ok regarding the love handles, etc. My husband was much like the first response. He's lied to me for 33 years about things he'd done even when a kid for fear I wouldn't love him or find him good enough for me. He had an affair, I suspected after a few months, found out positively after seven, he's very very good at lying. It's scary - me on the other hand, I blush or turn deep red if I tell a lie, so I don't. It causes too much of a hassle anyway. When his affair ended, and we began to work on our marriage in earnest, I told him that NO MORE LIES meant no more lies period. He came clean on several (many) more shocking truths I never knew about. But we are working on truth, trust (hard for me) and reality now. I've told him that if I catch him in a lie again, we're done. Absolutely, no explanations can save him, but I'm talking about serious ones, not does my butt look too big in these pants ones. Honesty is number one for a good marriage!
—Guest tryin

Marriage lies

It took me a very long time to realize my husband had been lying to me since before we were married. It continued on for the next 33 years. He is passive aggressive, and these guys will lie to your face the whole time you're making plans for a vacation, event, or just making life plans. He would intentionally tell me what I wanted to hear, but within a few days, months or even a year later scream at me that he didn't really want to do whatever we had agreed to do. We had planned on building a house for five years. Before we finally had the money, time etc. to do it and right in the middle of the construction of our home, he screamed at me one day as to why we were building a bigger house. Mind you, we were living in a two-bedroom, one bath home, had just had one baby and were planning on several more (or so I had been told and thought). We had been married for 10 years at that point and owned several small homes before this one. It was not a matter of money; it was a matter of getting something larger, a three bedroom, two bath.
—Guest goldy55

White Lies are Fine

I would tell my husband he looked good naked despite his love handles because he still turns me on, and I want him to feel good about himself and the attraction I have for him. I would not lie to him by faking an orgasm, nor would I lie to him about big issues like a loss of sexual spark, money issues, relationships with other people, etc. These are big no-nos that can only harm our precious marriage.
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