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Readers Respond: Is It Possible for Men and Women to Have Opposite-Sex Friends?

Responses: 36


Newlyweds have opposite-sex friends. Sometimes, spouses get jealous of opposite-sex friends. Some couples deal with this by setting boundaries and limits for themselves. Others agree to never meet with opposite sex friends without their spouses. It comes down to how you view opposite-sex friends. Do you believe that men and women can be just friends and nothing more? Why or why not?

can women be just friends with males.

I think it just depends, if he is just your friend and nothing more. I think women can't be just freinds with their ex because there are too many feelings to think about. It is not right to sleep with your freinds because you want more. I think people don't know how to draw the line between friend and relationship.
—Guest mary boec

Highly unlikely

My husband only acts extra friendly toward very attractive women. It seems pretty clear to me why, especially since he behaves like a smitten schoolboy right in front of me, but claims to not be acting differently. Very few male-female friendships lack element of attraction. There's always that 'what if' factor going on for at least one person, I think.

he says they are friends

I worried when my husband didn't call me on New Year's. I was at work on the night of New Year's Eve and because in the 29 years of our marriage he has never forgotten me. Heartbroken I made myself go through his phone when I got home from work. I found some text messages and phone calls he and a woman made to each other on the morning of January 1, 2012. He told her he missed her and wanted to kiss and hold her. I asked them about the text and calls. They both claimed they were just friends, and he said he's only been talking to her for 2 weeks. I love him so much, so I forgave him. May 15, 2012 I went through his phone records because he was turning his phone off or keeping it far away from me. I found out they have been talking since October 2011. They both say no sex was involved, phone conversations were the only thing that took place between them and that they are just friends. I find it so hard to believe. Am I wrong to feel so heartbroken? Can they be just friends?
—Guest Tonia

Impossible to have Opposite Sex Friend

It's merely impossible to have or maintain an opposite sex friend ... even after marriage! Even whatever boundaries you derive. But again, it is impossible. If so, then definitely for sure 100% guaranteed sex will occur for possible number of times...There can't be a friendship between opposite sex? Which ultimately fires for sexual relationship irrespective of the age...Age is not a bar! Shaitaan always awaiting such opportunities to lead toward the pivotal sin. If Any body Saying No No We are not like dat then Thay are Cheating themselves & OTHER too... SO NEVER MAKE THIS POSSible
—Guest Khali

Having a problem doing this

l am good friends, with my neighbor next door, a married mother with three kids. l have just starting going out with her, and her kids, taking them to fun spots. l have been having a lot of trouble, with my wife, over spending so much money on her. l took some sexy pics of this woman and my wife found them, and l asked to buy a present for her, on a cruise. My wife was furious. My wife moved out for a couple days because l asked if l could take her and her kids to Cuba. After a lot of huge fights, l have decided to cool things next door. My neighbor and l get along really well, and she set the boundaries - no sex. "l don't cheat, but we can play a bit," she said.
—Guest jon jon


I see that male/female can be friends as long as both of them know the boundaries. But here is the question, why can't they share the same thing and keep a good relationship? Male/female feel they can open up more to their friends than their spouse and that causes the affections to grow into something more.
—Guest baka

not possible

I am 54 and attracted to my wife's best friend, who is 46, and we are "friends" and share hour-long conversations on the phone. She keeps saying it's a "platonic" friendship, but we chat frankly about intimate, personal issues. I know I am cheating, though we have not been physical. I am not sure about her. I find things in the "friend" that I wish my wife had. It's a 20-year-old "friendship." It's for the first time that I have started feeling sexual about it. So, I guess. It is not possible for men to have opposite sex friends.
—Guest uppit


I believe there's nothing wrong with male-female friendships, provided it's not hidden from one's spouse. But once you discover that you are attracted to each other in an I-can't-help-it-any-longer sexually, the best thing to do is to S-T-O-P the relationship if you truly want your marriage to work.
—Guest Top

Of course

If the female friend grew up with the male friend, and they reconnect, I don't see an issue with that as long as it is just friends type of relationship.
—Guest Chanel

Not in the truest sense

I am 46 years old, reasonably attractive, and have a few close female friends. The only reason that I would allow a male to become my friend is because I am attracted to him or he has done something to make me feel wanted and attractive to him. That is the truth! For emotional support, friendship and companionship my female friends are just fine thank you. Male friends serve as an ego boost to me. I should mention I am also happily married but still enjoy the admiration of other men, my "male friends".

Lots of love

1st be friend. 2nd close relationship. 3rd LOVE forever

No physical/emotional attraction...

Maybe, yes. Men and women all have different but somehow similar desires. If you are married (man or woman) and have friends of the opposite sex, make sure [the relationship] is clear to your spouse and that you introduce that friend to your spouse. Any hint of attraction, emotional or physical, it's better to STOP, if you care about your marriage, of course!
—Guest Don't

I feel we can be just friends

I have found it hard to find a man who would be just a friend. Sex always comes up. I do feel the same way.
—Guest kathi

my opinion

The person who dumped their boyfriend because he went camping with another woman did the right thing. Can men and women be friends? They can just as long as they are repulsive to one another. I am a married man and I do have women I consider friends but I have always made sure they meet my wife and I never go out with these women. I wouldn't want my wife going out with her men friends. That just seems out of line to me. I wonder how many million affairs have and will start with one spouse saying "He/she/ is just a friend". This has got to be the most popular phrase for a cheater before and during the affair, followed by "I didn't think you loved me."
—Guest wagonhead

Let me fill you in

I am a guy in a guy's career field. I am prior military as a combat controller, and I now work as a fugitive recovery agent. I know how guys think. If a guy is really good friends with a girl, it is because he wants to sleep with her. He can BS you all he wants, but guys do not have female friends to whom they aren't attracted. I think women can probably have relationships with guys to whom they aren't attracted, but here's the kicker. Women are more emotionally aroused, and when they think that the guy they are such great friends with understands them so much better than the guy they are with, they end up having sex. Women, your male friends are simply waiting you out. TRUST ME!
—Guest NOT
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