1. People & Relationships

Readers Respond: Is It Possible for Men and Women to Have Opposite-Sex Friends?

Responses: 54


Newlyweds have opposite-sex friends. Sometimes, spouses get jealous of opposite-sex friends. Some couples deal with this by setting boundaries and limits for themselves. Others agree to never meet with opposite sex friends without their spouses. It comes down to how you view opposite-sex friends. Do you believe that men and women can be just friends and nothing more? Why or why not? Share Your Opinion

Can't believe it

I can't believe some of the responses. What do you mean there are some things you can discuss with your opposite-sex friends that you can't with your partner. Sorry, opposite-sex friends cannot exist when in a relationship. Biggest no no out there. It's cheating. Simple.
—Guest Armend

Of course

Why not? I grew up but around nothing but men. My best friend was a guy, and we have been friends for many years. Come on people, we're all adults here.
—Guest Angela

friends again

I believe you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex as long as you respect the other person involved. You have to give space and back from anything that will send mixed signals.
—Guest aleen

Women's world

We should not deceive ourselves. Is there any friendship between cat and rat? No matter how long the friendship, no matter how disciplined the rat is, he will end up in fourth pot of Mr. CAT. If you are one with your husband in marriage, then your friend must also be your husband's friend. Any opposite-sex friend that you have who takes part of your time and attention will eventually take your feelings. Before you know it, you start comparing behaviors, actions, and weaknesses between your husband your opposite-sex friend. When there is little misunderstanding between wife and husband, because the woman has a shoulder to cry on, she will not be calm and patient enough to settle it with the husband but start comparing behaviors of the men in her life. The Bible instructed the man to leave his father, mother and cleaving with his wife 100%. But in this day of pinging, Internet chatting, women are cleaving with opposite-sex friends, 45%, to their children, 35% and husband 20%. This is bad.
—Guest Bayo Bambi

yes and No

Yes, they can in my experience. I have lots of opposite-sex friends. Until now we shared secrets. And no, because it's complicated. I've tried once. I have a very close guy friend; we shared secrets and problems but other people can't understand us, even his wife, who is also my friend. As a result, we ended our friendship because I don't want to ruin a family.
—Guest zoey mel

If it feels NOT ok then it isn't

All friends you make are 'attractive' to you in some way. Both sexes need affirmation from the opposite sex to know they are attractive, interesting, and liked. There is no one right answer, but we all know the feeling you get when a line is crossed and how it feels when the sparkle in your spouse's eye is not for you. Keep all opposite-sex relationships above the table and pull the plug when that ounce of guilt kicks in or you feel you have to hide a text or call to avoid a fight with your partner. Use common sense - you know why you are talking with that person despite the stories you tell others. Keep honest or end the relationship out tje remainder of respect you have for your soon to be ex- partner.
—Guest Ravensoftware

Only through self- deception

Men and women are the opposite emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically and they are meant to complete each other by investing in these areas and it takes a lifetime to do so. This is called marriage. Investing in a third party's life without expecting something in return is very unlikely and where does this leave the "original" friend? We were never meant to be like bees that fly around from flower to flower pollinating. Two is company, three is a crowd and someone will be missing out on something. Who decides who is missing out on what today, tomorrow? Such an arrangement is not only unfair but also dangerous and very selfish. Chances are that the one who has no problem having a relationship with more than one friend of the opposite sex is probably only interested in what he/she can get out of it . By its very nature emotional intimacy is meant for only two people. Anything different is nothing more than self-deception on everybody's part!
—Guest glove

Opposite Sex Friends in a Relationship

Some men and women don't know how to just be friends with the opposite sex. There are men, as well as women, who have to constantly surround themselves with the opposite sex to boost their egos, even when they are in a committed relationship. People of this nature are immature, have self-esteem issues and most are just sexual thrill seekers. People who are like this most likely will never be in a lasting relationship because being faithful and not cheating on their significant other is not in their genetic makeup. They will always surround themselves with the opposite sex looking for someone, the more the better, to help fulfill their desire no matter how it affects their relationship or how much it hurts the other person. It’s always all about them and what they need or want.

Of course it's possible

I have many friendships, some spanning decades, with women and men. I consider them on the level of siblings. If you're incapable of maintaining opposite-sex friendships without threatening your marriage/relationship, perhaps that's the thing you should be examining. Emotional insecurity is a minefield on many levels. Cheaters will cheat with or without the pretense of a friendship.
—Guest Jn

Yes you can! but conditionally

The only way you can be friends with someone of the opposite sex is if he or she couldn't turn you ON with a 2000 watt battery! If there is a spark between you, it can burn into a fire. So, only choose people who do not physically excite you at all. Even better, they should not be beating your spouse in looks or desirability. If they are lesser, then you are just fine.
—Guest Vick

yes you can!

I am married for 12 years to an awesome man. I have a male friend who I've known since I was a teenager and we've reconnected. We chat all the time through texting. I was attracted to him then, and I still am now. But I will never let him know this. I do not flirt. Even if we are attracted to one another, I will NEVER encourage or try to make it into a different kind of relationship. He wouldn't either. I never speak in a disparaging way to him about my husband. I let him know my husband is awesome, and we stay respectful to my marriage and husband. He is my other best friend. I cherish our friendship. I an NOT willing to jeopardize either relationship. I have an awesome husband and an awesome best friend. There are some things I talk to my best friend about that I wouldn't with my husband. But there is a lot more I share with my husband that I wouldn't share with my best friend. It's two very special and different relationships that I value tremendously. I have no intention of screwing them up. Both are forever.
—Guest shelly




I am 29 years old and married. I think it's possible to have an opposite-sex friend. You can share a lot of things that you can't tell husband about. I have an opposite-sex friend. We've been friends for 10 years, and we have an amazing relationship.
—Guest salma

yes! to just friends

I have two male friends of 37 years. Now, I have a new online male friend of 1 1/2 years. His girlfriend just found out and is very unsettled. I felt connected to this friend, but now I am struggling with whether to end our friendship. I'm thinking what happens when they marry and she has insecurities and controlling ways. Well, it would cause a problem. Well, I hope my friend comes back to me because I am his true friend. He would have had sex in the first place, and would have had no other motives.
—Guest laudee

It Depends

That is a yes and no answer. Yes, it is ok to have opposite-sex friends, but highly recommended that you and your spouse share friendships with everybody. If you have an opposite-sex friend that is not friends with your spouse that can be a threat to your marriage. So, to avoid that, it is best to end the friendship so no further problems persist.
—Guest Ria

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Is It Possible for Men and Women to Have Opposite-Sex Friends?

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