IF IS NOT YOUR NATURAL NAME
- I believe and know that the last name is given to us after birth from your blood that represents your father and mother. There is not explanation or normal thing to say by law. The woman has the husband's last name because they are married or because they have children. There is no way that the blood is transferred from the husband to the wife and alter the nature that is ridiculous to change their name. I understand when the woman is an ignorant or has bad reputation, she can adopt another last name to clean her history a little bit, but after divorced has to remove the last name of the ex-husband and go back to the real name and confront the reality and accept it good or bad.
- —Guest RAQUEL
- I kept my ex's last name, and I am currently struggling with whether to drop my ex's name as we have three children. My common-law husband and I have a son as well, and I honestly want to hyphenate or perhaps use my ex's name as my middle name. I just don't know at this point, but it has nothing to do with independence. I love and adore my husband and I loathe my ex. I want to represent all my children and being that they are 10, 6, and 6, it is my worry that they will not understand the dynamics of it and feel that I no longer wish to have "their" name without recognizing that it is their "father's name" that I no longer wish to have, so I will most likely hyphenate both names [my common-law spouse doesn't care what my name is as it has nothing to do with our commitment to one another!]
Why should I?
- I have been married for over four years and I kept my maiden name. Our son got my husband's last name but I am not changing mine. We love each other and all that, but the name has been my identity from the time I was born until the 25 years until I got married, so can I imagine changing my name after having it for 25 years? Hell no! Besides, I would have the same last name as my MIL, so no thank you! ;) LOL! Honestly, I think it's too much to ask for and is unfair when the man doesn't change his name and marriage is supposed to be a "union of our souls" not our soul's last names!
- —Guest Ashley
- If you are getting married, usually you don't think about the WHAT IF WE GET DIVORCED AND I HAVE TO CHANGE MY NAME BACK AND ALL THE HASSLE? That shouldn't matter because you are getting married with plans on staying together forever. It shouldn't matter if you change your name or not, but you shouldn't be thinking of the negative "what ifs."
- —Guest Britni
think of your kids
- My husband's family is of Portugese descent. Thus, his legal middle name is his mother's last name ("maiden" name, she did not change it). When two people marry, I like to see it as a blending of two lives, two families, not that one person "belongs" to another. When our daughter was born, we gave my last name as her middle name, and my husband's last name as her last name. This was not confusing for our family doctors, our daughter's school teacher, or others out in the community. They figured it out. We live in a very diverse, urban area where different traditions are continued and respected. How refreshing in the 21st century!
Long term name
- I was married 21 years then divorced, and I finally remarried. I have had my last married name for 36 years and that is my son's last name. I am just having a hard time losing that name. I just want to add my new husband's last name. Have you ever heard of this - keeping your ex-husband's last name? Also I am very close to my ex-husband's family and my new husband doesn't have a problem with me keeping it.
- —Guest Jeanne
Throwback to Patriarchy
- It's baffling to me that name changing still happens. It is a remnant of the patriarchal ideology which existed to identify which woman and which children belonged to an individual man; it was a way for a man's property to be identified. As we no longer see women in this light or define the relationship of marriage under these constraints, why would we still expect couples to follow this "tradition?" If it really is that important for families to have the same name, why not come up with a unique and new name to identify your individual family and have BOTH parties change their names?
- —Guest amp
- Those of you who think that a marriage is 50/50, apparently have not been married long or you have an unusual marriage. Sometimes it is 90/10, 60/40, etc. depending on who needs the most encouragement and help at the time. I think that children should have a "family name." If you don't want to change your name, then it is your choice. However, it should be understood that it is also the choice of your partner. Talk about these things before it becomes an issue. My son is about to marry and just found out after five years that his fiance does not want his name. He is devastated. It may not be important to all men, but it is important to some. Make sure that you communicate before you marry. God bless.
- —Guest thartle
- I think it's not that big of a deal. I got married seven months ago, and my wife decided to hyphenate that way, depending on the situation, she could use either or both.
- —Guest Mike
Keeping a name
- I am soon to be married and am keeping my name? Why, to all of you out there who say I got my "maiden" name from my father, wrong. My parents are divorced and I have used my mother's maiden name most of my life. I use the name of the man (my grandfather) who loved me more than life and how I loved him. It was a gift he gave to me when I asked him if I could legally take his name. To change it now is to reject that gift and what kind of person would that make me? What last name to give the kids? Why not mine? I am the last of my line, my future husband has nephews that carry his family's name. All the posts about how much I love him, what about how much he loves me. BTW - - I am the larger earner in the family, own the house, pay the majority of the bills, so I haven't "taken" or expect to be "supported" by his hard work and money.
- —Guest Ann
Everyone can have their own opinion
- Frankly, who cares? My wife took my last name because it is simply tradition. It is simpler to have one last name for our whole family, and she is not a career woman/had not been old enough to establish herself career wise. She is sweet and nice but in no way controlling and someone who I always have to ask to make sure she has an opinion/easily controlled. My mother, on the other hand, kept her name. She was a female pilot and was established in her career when she met my father. It depends on the woman. Submissive and younger women like my wife might want to keep their husband's name. More independent and established career women like my mother may want to change it.
- —Guest anonymous
In the military
- I am in the Army, and though I chose to take my husband's last name solely, I know a lot of women who simply added their husband's last name onto theirs, no hyphen. In the Army (with name tapes), they are able to continue using their maiden names and all their paperwork reflects their married names.
- —Guest Jules
It's a woman's right to choose.
- I have been married for eight years, and I have kept my own last name. All of a sudden, my father-in-law has an issue with it. My husband knows me and understands my view on it and fully supports it. But my father-in-law thinks it's a personal lashing out at him, and honestly he is not that high in my book. He's got the 1950s male dominance: You are a woman and you have to do what I say. I was raised by a single mom, and my answer is "hahahha, oh really, I'm not a dog." It's not up to him, but I feel like he's always going to give me hell until I change it. I just can't give into his will.
- —Guest H.C.
A Point of View
- I think hyphenating a last name is a symbol of a woman's independence. She wants to feel as though she is not bound by her husband in any way. Then, why get married in the first place? If you are so independent, why do you see the need for marriage? I think it is a personal choice, but it still seems a bit contradictory.
- —Guest IF
Doesn't deserve it...
- From a guy's point of view: When one joins a club, group, religion, or family, others see the activities of individuals in that group. If even one individual is known for lying, cheating or other evil practices, it gives a bad name to the whole group. My family and I have worked hard to keep our name in good standing with the community. Who says that some future woman who I marry even deserves to take my last name?
- —Guest Brent