People often marry for love. They are in love with their mate and from deep within themselves, they feel a desire to be with this person forever. They can see their flaws and tolerate them. They can see a pleasant future. Nothing else seems to matter. But you cannot truly love another person until you love yourself. That might sound like psycho babble, but common sense tells us it has merit. If you don’t love yourself, you’ll never feel like the type of person who is worthy of love. And you’ll never be able to completely love anyone else. Here’s what you can do to love and care for yourself:
Say, “I love you” to yourself.
You may feel ridiculous saying self-affirming phrases such as, “I love myself,” or “I’m the best me I can be.” But we all need encouragement from time to time, and we should not rely on someone else or wait for our spouse to give it to us. Reminding yourself of your good qualities helps you build self-esteem, which will give you confidence in your relationships and career.
Do things just for yourself.
Even after you are married, even after you have children, you must find “me” time. Take at least a few hours per week or 30 minutes per day to indulge in something that makes you happy. Read a book, work out, knit, eat a special meal or treat. Having this time to yourself makes you less clingy. It also gives you something to look forward to and self satisfaction, all of which will boost your level of joy and confidence. Make time for your friends and family.
You don’t always have to bring your spouse when you are spending time with your friends and family. Having that alone time with them gives you a chance to feel connected to your former self and the people who were most important to you before marriage. Although your spouse should remain the number one person in your life, your friends and family should not lose a place in your heart or your life. If they are positive people, then they likely reinforce your confidence, too. Stand up for yourself.
There’s a difference between being generous and getting stepped on. Once in a while, when someone asks you for a favor – even your spouse – you can say no if it interferes too much with your time or makes you feel uncomfortable. Favors, within reason, should be performed for your spouse. But you don’t ever want one of you to always be performing deeds for the other. It causes resentment to build, and makes one of you more powerful than the other. There should be as close to an equal balance of power in marriage as possible. Equality should be your goal. That will give you the strength and confidence you need to be a successful husband or wife, not to mention person.
