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How to Flirt with Your Husband or Wife

6 Steps to Charming the Pants Off (Sometimes Literally) Your Spouse

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Flirting is not just for single people looking for a mate. Flirting can also benefit your marriage. If it’s been a while since you’ve flirted with anyone, you don’t have to worry. After all, these instructions are to help you flirt with your husband or wife, which means you’ll have a level of comfort that never existed with those strangers back when you were playing the field. Here is what you need to do to flex your flirting muscles –



1. Dress hot.

Couple Sitting On Bed Cuddling
Cavan Images/Stone/Getty Images

Put on clothes (and perhaps sexy lingerie and undergarments) that make you feel sexy and confident. Although these outfits should turn on your husband or wife, they also have to make you feel good about yourself. Of course, they must also be appropriate for the occasion. Nothing but a trench coat would work for dinner for two at home but not at your co-worker’s cocktail party. You can show some skin without creating a riot or landing yourself in jail. Above all, however, you must feel fierce in whatever you are wearing – and wear it with pride. 

2. Start a conversation.

Flirting is all about communication. You’re trying to communicate that you are charmed by this person and attracted to him or her. In the case of your spouse, you’re trying to say that this is and always will be a love connection with a lot of heat. Talk about your day or the weather or what you’re having for dinner, but be sure to naturally work in a compliment. “While my boss was hammering me with questions about the project, I was looking forward to coming home to you.” Or “The clear blue skies today had me dreaming of your blue eyes.” Or “You’re as spicy as the Mexican chicken I’m making for dinner.”

3. Use body language.

Just about everyone has heard about that come hither look. Using your facial expressions – from a wink of your eye to a broad smile – to indicate you are happy to be with this person in the moment is quite effective. It also happens to be contagious. Face the person with whom you’re talking, make eye contact, and remain open (for example, don’t cross your arms or legs) to indicate your interest in what they’re saying. This body language clues in the person that you’re open and receptive to their advances. Even after marriage, we’re looking for the green light from our partners for embracing, cuddling, and especially sex. Marriage does not turn off your need to be wanted. In fact, it probably makes the need greater.

4. Touch each other.

While rubbing up against your spouse might seem like a good idea, it is far too obvious. The best flirts are far more subtle. On the night I met my husband, after dinner, we went dancing and he led me out of the nightclub by placing his hand on the center of my back. It was electric. He can still bring on the butterflies by brushing his hand against mine when we're clearing the dinner table, leaving his hand on my knee for a second longer than he should when watching TV, or playfully taking my hand when I'm about to fall asleep. Touch doesn't always have to be blatantly sexual. Get close to one another and let nature and your spouse guide you.

5. Let your spouse flirt back.

Back in your single life, you might have experienced people at the bar who would do all the work trying to pick you up and not let you participate at all. One-sided flirting is like an ice-cream sundae you can see but can’t eat. It seems divine, but you can’t really enjoy it and you know it’s going to melt sooner or later. While it’s great for you to initiate flirting with your spouse, you have to give him or her the chance to flirt back. Leave openings in the conversation, so your husband or wife can chime in. Send signals that you’re open to your spouse’s advances by leaning in to better hear what he or she is saying or taking his or her hand in yours. You want to send the message that the flirting is reciprocated and appreciated.

6. Be cheesy with wild abandon.

People sometimes get turned off by the idea of flirting because they picture a bunch of immature people running around a club using lines such as, “Are you a runner? Because you’ve been running through my mind all day.” Flirting doesn’t have to be like that. It can be a form of playful communication that indicates to your mate that you are attracted to him or her and that you welcome love and sex from him or her. If you consider, saying, “I love you,” or toasting each other over champagne or winking at one another to be cheesy, then indulge in the cheese every once in a while. Your spouse will likely be as grateful as a mouse would be for it.  

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