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You Know You're Married When...


Mystery might have kept your relationship interesting when you were dating. But mystery goes out the window after you say, “I do.” Here are the many ways – good and bad – that you can be sure you are newly wed and far, far away from the single life:

You eat something other than cereal for dinner.

You no longer feel it’s necessary to close the door when you pee.

You kiss your spouse first thing in the morning without bothering to brush your teeth first.

You always have someone to kiss.

Sometimes, you don’t comb your hair or wear make up.

If some flatulence flies out, you no longer get embarrassed.

Sweat pants and a T-shirt count as an outfit during the weekend.

You dream in color.

You belt out tunes while driving without thinking twice.

You can have sex whenever and wherever you want – and sometimes you do.

You can go to sleep without having sex – and it doesn’t mean anything.

You imagine what your future children will look like – and secretly wish they get your nose and your spouse’s smile.

You’ve put a curse on your spouse for forgetting to take out the garbage for the hundredth time.

You are the proud owner of actual furniture (and it’s not a futon or something inflatable or something made of beans).

You feel naked without your wedding ring.

Nesting at home is more appealing than a night on the town.

You’re thinking about getting a cat or a dog or a baby.

You miss wedding planning, so you’ve secretly renewed your subscription to your bridal magazines for just one more year.

You find yourself humming more often.

You’ve had at least one silly argument about something like leaving the cap off the toothpaste.

You intimately know the wonders of make-up sex.

You always have a teammate for charades and a “guest” when invitations roll in.

Every now and then, a stray nose or chin hair escapes you.

Everything feels new, even your skin.

You’ve never been happier.

The list does not have to end here. Make your additions to the list at the Newlyweds Forum.

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