1. People & Relationships

How to Deal with Infertility and Trouble Having a Baby

By

Infertility, or the failure to conceive after a year or more of regular intercourse without protection, is more common than you think. Having a baby seems easy, but it's not that simple for every couple. Many couples have trouble getting pregnant. You’re not alone if you’re experiencing infertility. When baby lust takes over, couples can put pressure on themselves to get pregnant quickly, and then they grate on one another when things don’t work out as they planned. Here are some tips for keeping your relationship together when you’re trying to have a baby –


Consider the positives.

While you might have been terrified of getting pregnant back when you were a teenager having sex in the backseat of your boyfriend’s car, you are now free to have sex without protection and without worry.  This freedom should lower your inhibitions. You can have sex whenever you’d like without any forethought about consequences, protection, or whether this is a risky time of the month for pregnancy. After all, you actually want it to be a risky time of the month for pregnancy. If the mood strikes while the two of you are eating dinner in your dining room, you can go for it. You have a built-in excuse for finding time to make love with one another. Can’t beat that.

Never let sex become a chore.

Just because you have to have sex – and perhaps even schedule it according to ovulation – doesn’t mean it has to be boring or feel like a job. Be romantic. Make yourselves a nice dinner and light some candles beforehand. Wear sexy lingerie. Take a bath together. Snuggle on the couch to get started. Foreplay and romance should still play a big part in your relationship.

Give Mother Nature a hand.

When you first decide to try to get pregnant, you should just have sex without protection and see what happens. After six months of trying without conceiving, you might want to try things, such as ovulation test kits, taking your basal body temperature, and ovulation calendars. As long as you don’t become obsessed and dependent on these items, you should give them a try. They might help you pinpoint the times when you should have sex to increase your chances of conceiving.

Talk to people.

Every person is different, and some couples simply can’t bring themselves to talk about their failed efforts at trying to conceive. Others, on the other hand, find comfort and advice when talking to people about the trouble they’re having getting pregnant. One couple might tell you about the ovulation test they took, which changed their life by making it possible for them to conceive. Another might suggest an infertility doctor. Another might share their story of failed efforts and how they persevered and now have two children of their own. You might feel better just by hearing their stories.

Stay healthy.

You should already be living a healthy lifestyle by eating healthy foods as part of a well-balanced diet, exercising, and refraining from smoking and drug use. But you and your husband or wife should see a doctor for a check-up. Women should get a pap smear and talk to their doctor about their desire to conceive. They should also talk to their doctor about pre-natal vitamins because women trying to conceive should take them from the start of their efforts. It creates an even more welcoming atmosphere for your baby in your body.

Get rid of stress.

Removing stress from your life is a must. Although there is little scientific proof about whether stress influences fertility, stress affects your health in many, many ways. It can also make your hormones go haywire. You and your husband and wife should be as calm as possible when trying to have a baby. Discover meditation. Go to a spa. Learn yoga. Find the methods for de-stressing that work for you, and make full use of them. Don’t let the trouble you’re having conceiving weigh on you. It’s difficult, but if you focus on the failed attempts, you may never have success.

Never blame one another.

Nature is at work here, so don’t blame your spouse if your attempts at having kids fail at first. Don’t blame yourself either. This is no one’s fault. With time, you’ll find a solution that is right for the both of you. Picking on one another, laying blame, or making someone feel guilty about something that is out of his or her control will only cause harm to your relationship.

Know when to ask for help.

Most medical guidelines suggest seeing a fertility specialist after at least one year of trying to get pregnant without success. Women over 35 might want to see a specialist after six months because it gets increasingly difficult to get pregnant with age. But keep in touch with your doctor and see what advice he or she gives you. It’s okay to ask for help. Sometimes, a little help is all you need.
  1. About.com
  2. People & Relationships
  3. Newlyweds
  4. Having a Baby
  5. Infertility
  6. Stay Together - How to Deal with Infertility and Trouble Having a Baby

©2014 About.com. All rights reserved.