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How to Reveal You're Pregnant

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Husband touching wife or woman's pregnant belly.
Julia Wheeler and Veronika Laws/ Taxi/ Getty Images
By all accounts finding out you’re pregnant causes a wave of emotions that is different for everyone, depending on situation and lifestyle. For some, it is the culmination of a long struggle of trying to get pregnant. For others, it’s a total surprise. For some, it’s a blessing. For others, it’s a burden.

For newlyweds, pregnancy isn’t always planned, and the emotions can run the gamut from utter joy to pure panic. The woman is usually the first to know because her body alerts her to certain changes – from a missed period to sensitive breasts, which lead her to take a pregnancy test or see a doctor. Therefore, she’s usually the one to break the news to her partner. Here, you’ll find information and advice on how to tell your husband about your pregnancy whether you both longed for this moment or dreaded it:

Scenario One: You’re pregnant and you both want to start a family.

How to Tell Your Husband: If the pregnancy isn’t wearing you out too much, you can set a lovely table, make a nice meal, and tell your husband over candlelight that you’re delighted to be bringing another life into the world with him, the man you love. You’ll embrace and kiss and start dreaming of your life once baby arrives. This is a beautiful moment that the two of you will cherish always.

Scenario Two: You’re pregnant and happy about the news, but you know your husband is unsure about whether he even wants kids.

How to Tell Your Husband: Wait until you’re both relaxed, getting along, and able to devote time and energy to a serious dialogue. In other words, if he walks into the house fuming over work, you should probably wait to break the news. Then, tell him that you know the two of you weren’t planning on children yet – or maybe not ever – but you’ve just discovered you’re pregnant. Tell him in a warm, loving, and rational way that you’d like to hear what his thoughts are about this news after he’s had a chance to digest what you’ve told him and think about what he’d like to see happen next.

In the meantime, practice what you’d like to say to him about your feelings and wishes for this baby. You shouldn’t feel guilty about wanting the baby even if you sympathize with your husband’s reluctance to become a father. You must be honest with yourself about what you really want. Then, you have to talk it out with your husband.

On his own, your husband might realize that he indeed does want a baby, but he’s terrified at the prospect of being responsible for another mouth to feed, another life. If that’s the case, you need to support one another, give each other encouragement, and seek help if you need it. If your husband is dead set against having this child or being apart of his or her life, then you have to seriously consider all your options and make a decision that satisfies both of you. It could be the most difficult challenge you’ve faced as husband and wife. Let love guide you.

Scenario Three: You’re pregnant and you don’t want the baby, but you know your husband will be thrilled at the prospect of becoming a father.

How to Tell Your Husband: For starters, you have to tell your husband. Some wives in this situation think not telling their husband is the easiest solution. It might be the easiest solution, but it’s not the right one. Keeping such a secret could ruin your marriage and break down the bond of trust you’ve worked so hard to build up over the years of dating and engagement. It also doesn’t seem very fair.

Make sure you’re in the right frame of mind when you start the conversation by saying that you’re pregnant, but you’re not sure how you feel about becoming a mom. Then, state your case. Before you talk to your husband ask yourself some tough questions: Why don’t you want to have a baby? Would you consider abortion or putting the baby up for adoption? Would your husband? You should not have to be convinced to become a mother, but you should keep an open mind and listen to your husband’s reaction, wants, and needs. Do not make any rash decisions. Continue to talk to your spouse and check in with yourself about how you feel. You don’t want to make a decision that you’ll later regret. You might find that fear is what’s holding you back, but you’d really like to have this baby. You might have already fallen in love with him or her. You can’t possibly know until you find yourself in the situation. Then, you have to rely on your heart as much as your brain to guide you.

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