Newlyweds are a lot like freshmen. They are still learning the ropes of marriage. They are human and make mistakes. But making yourself aware of common mistakes might help you avoid making them yourself. Here is a list of 20 mistakes newlyweds make -- and some tips on how to overcome them:
1. Failing to think beyond the wedding
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Some couples get so wrapped up in the wedding festivities that they fail to comprehend what they’re getting themselves into. You’re married. The party was probably a lot of fun, but it was one day. Now, you have to live together, get along, and form your own family. Enjoy the wedding planning and the afterglow of your big day – from watching the video to reminiscing with friends – but keep the big picture
in your head at all times.
2. Trying to change your spouse
Presumably, you married your spouse because you are in love with him or her. If that’s the case, then there’s no good reason for changing your spouse. Frankly, most adults don’t drastically change, so your best bet
is to accept your spouse and love him or her for the ways he or she is unique and different and not in spite of those things. Trying to change your spouse will only hurt his or her feelings – and damage your marriage.
3. Getting off on the wrong foot with your in-laws
If the damage has already been done, do whatever you can to improve the relationship you have with your in-laws
. Be the first to extend the olive branch because the only person who gets hurt when you fight with the in-laws is your spouse, who feels caught in the middle.
4. Letting your emotions win in an argumentGetting aggressive or yelling and screaming
is not going to help you and your spouse resolve problems or differences of opinion. Rational, calm discussion will get your farther. You’re putting your marriage at risk if you can’t control yourself when you and your spouse argue, so do whatever it takes – from taking a break from the conversation to seeking professional help in the form of a therapist.
5. Avoiding important discussions
No one likes to talk about difficult subjects like how to handle money
, what to do if you can’t have children
, or how to prepare for the unthinkable such as death. Now that you’re married, however, you have no choice but to discuss these matters. Your marriage depends on these matters. Be an adult and discuss it all with your spouse. Seek counsel if the subject requires it, but don’t just ignore these issues.
6. Fighting over silly stuff
Every married person has argued with his or her spouse
over something that seems inane to outsiders – from the notorious cap left off the toothpaste to underwear left on the doorknob. Save your arguments for more important subjects. Let these pet peeves remain as simple pet peeves. Honestly, if the worst thing your spouse does is leave his dirty socks on the floor, you should consider yourself lucky.
7. Being jealous
Your spouse has already chosen you for life. Being jealous is a waste of time
and just offends your spouse, who will start to believe that you don’t trust him or her. If he or she has always been trustworthy, you should not even bother with jealousy. It is poison to a relationship.
8. Acting like you’re still single
Now is the time to grow up. Hanging out with your friends all night
and going to clubs was all right when you were a single person with no one waiting for you at home. As a married person, there are behaviors that are no longer appropriate. You know what’s right and what’s wrong, so just do the right thing.
9. Letting pride get in the way of your relationship
A spouse who holds out for an apology after every argument, always has to win, or denies his or her spouse affection is doing nothing good for the marriage. He or she is letting pride get in the way of resolving problems
and loving his or her spouse. You must allow yourself to get softer and find a way to take responsibility for your own actions.
10. Spending too little time together
You need to tend to your marriage as though it’s a flower. Without water, sunlight, and some attention, it will never grow. Therefore, you have to manage your schedule
, so that you spend quality time with your spouse.