Arguments in marriage can be bitter and cause great challenges to a couple. But if you learn how to control your temper, communicate well with one another, and seek help when you need it, the arguments will not break your marriage. Here is a step-by-step guide to arguments, how to have them and how to get through them -
Avoid the temptation to blow up whether you’re steamed about something as small as wet towels left on the bathroom floor or something as big as finding a strange woman’s phone number in your husband’s cell phone. Step away from the situation, take a walk, meditate, breath deeply – do whatever it takes for you to remain calm and rational. Don’t let your emotions get the best of you or you’ll resolve nothing. Simply think before you speak or take action.
The reality is that sometimes you and your spouse will want to rip each other's heads off, your voices may elevate, and you may say things that you don't really mean. While taking a break may help you control your temper, you also need to be fair and flexible when you communicate whatever it is that is making you angry.
Keeping your feelings bottled up is almost always a bad idea. Instead, you should rationally discuss what's on your mind. Preparing for these big talks is one way to keep the conversation from turning into a war. You might even jot down what you want to say. Be clear and tell your spouse what you're feeling and what you need in a caring way. Let him or her know that this issue standing between you doesn't mean you don't love your spouse.
The number one subject that causes couples to argue is money. To quit fighting about money, you must get your finances under control - get out of debt, make a budget, and learn to save money. Commit to doing this together and make compromises about spending and saving. If you have money for a rainy day, you are less likely to fight about it.
Most people never fess up to being wrong, nor do they take responsibility when they've hurt their spouse. But learning to apologize and saying you're sorry when an argument has taken a wrong turn will prove to your spouse that you are dependable. It will help you trust one another more fully. Of course, your spouse must reciprocate when you deserve an apology.
Some of us are as reluctant to forgive as we are to apologize. While you probably should never forget a major wrong by your spouse, such as an affair, you must be willing to truly forgive if you want to move on. Even if you decide to separate, you have to find forgiveness in your heart or risk being poisoned by resentment. Indeed, forgiveness is more for the forgiver than it is for the one being forgiven.
If all else fails and you and your spouse are entrenched in warfare that threatens your marriage, go to marriage counseling to get professional help. An objective third party can often help you sort out your differences. Make sure this is not a family member or friend but someone who will remain unbiased. While you may not reach an actual resolution to whatever it is you’re fighting about, you might learn how to agree to disagree or at least voice your thoughts in a more practical and loving way.