As the years pass, couples might start to take each other for granted. Those little romantic moments are fewer and farther between. Working from the beginning of your marriage to remain thoughtful and do good deeds for one another is a smart move. Bradbury offers examples, such as the following: you stop doing things for one another to show you care and then your mother moves in with the two of you and seems to be taking over, your wife might start thinking, "My husband doesn’t care about me anymore. My opinions and happiness don’t matter."
Your job is to demonstrate how much you care, so that you can weather storms like your mother-in-law moving in. "Small things are money in the bank. Stuff is going to happen in your life," says Bradbury. "If you and your partner have wrapped yourself in a blanket that says you love each other in the smallest possible ways, you’ll be better off."
Seek help when necessary.
Many people suggest marriage counseling even if you are not having problems as a way to learn to communicate better and air any potential problems. You don’t necessarily have to go to counseling from day one. But if you’re struggling or having trouble getting on the same page, there’s nothing wrong with finding a marriage counselor or therapist. “Go to therapy if you’re already having problems,” says Bradbury. “Don’t let it eat away at you.”
Forgive.
In the past, you might have said you were sorry simply to end a fight. But you didn't really forgive your spouse. Instead, you carried around your anger. If you keep doing that, which many people do when they're first married, you can build resentment. When your husband or wife does something with which you don't agree or that hurts you, you must acknowledge the wrong, says Frank Finchman, director of the Florida State University Family Institute in Tallahassee. Finchman suggests saying, "That's not fine. I'm mad. But I'll try to forgive you." He adds that you should say "try" because it's not that easy to just let things go when the person you love has wronged you in some way. Then, Finchman says you should try to put yourself in your spouse's shoes and see the extenuating circumstances that might have led to this behavior or incident, think of the times you needed forgiveness and how humbling it was for you, and move on. Beginning to forgive frees you from built-up anger and stress.
Finchman adds that forgiving does not necessarily mean reconciling. Divorced people might forgive each other but that doesn't mean they're getting back together. You shouldn't keep forgiving a husband or wife who continues to make the same mistake over and over again, says Finchman. He adds that certain situations, such as abuse, should never be forgotten. "Forgiveness is not stupidity," says Finchman. "You only should forgive if it's safe and prudent to do so."
Once you have begun to try and forgive your spouse, you should never laud it over the other person, says Finchman. Having a forgiving heart can help your marriage endure. Says Finchman, "A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers."
