Do You Have a Jealousy Problem?

If you thought your jealous boyfriend or girlfriend would turn trusting once you married him or her, you were mistaken. Jealous girlfriends and boyfriends usually turn into even more jealous wives and husbands. Most couples can overcome jealousy.

Others, however, let jealousy suffocate their relationships to death – and for some it can even be physically dangerous. (If your spouse’s jealousy leads to violent rages, you should seek professional help immediately for your safety and anyone else living with the two of you.)

How do you know if you have a jealousy problem? You and your spouse might have a jealousy problem if either one of you does any of the following:

• You follow your spouse when he or she has a meeting with a colleague or client to whom you could potentially be attracted.

• You read your spouse’s e-mail.

• You listen in on your spouse’s phone conversations.

• You ask your spouse a million questions about where he or she was, what he or she was doing, and with who he or she was doing it.

• You do not believe or are not satisfied with the response he or she offers the first time he or she responds to one of your questions.

• You take an accusatory tone when asking your spouse about his or her day.

• You frequently accuse your spouse of cheating when he or she has never betrayed you or given you reason to believe he or she would do such a thing.

• You excessively frown upon your spouse participating in any kind of social activities without you.

• Your spouse, in turn, dreads invites from friends and has lost touch with many of the people who had been part of his or her life before he or she met you.

• You get into verbal or even physical altercations with others because you’re jealous or paranoid about what these people are doing with your spouse.

• You get violent or hurtful in retaliation of supposed infidelities or transgressions.

• You threaten to hurt your spouse, yourself, or others.

• You have one set of rules about friendships and relationships for you and another for your spouse. For instance, you can participate in a guy’s night out, but your spouse cannot go out with her girlfriends alone ever.

• When the two of you are out with friends and family, you eavesdrop on your spouse’s private conversations with others.

• You generally do not trust your spouse.

Jealousy does not have to cripple your relationship. You can overcome your jealousy problem, but first you must realize and admit to having one.