The truth is that there are times in everyone’s marriage where they are so steamed that they might feel like ripping the head off their husband or wife. But you must learn to control your anger and take time outs when necessary.
Walk away from a fight, says Ceren. She suggests taking a break from the conversation and spending some time alone thinking about the argument and then returning to it later. “You can have a different point of view, but you should never have arguments,” she adds. “You should have discussions.” If a discussion is turning into an argument, you should take that as a cue to take a break.
Come to a resolution.
In a marriage, you have to be flexible. You might have heard that there is a lot of give and take in a marriage. What that means is that you can’t always have your way like you could when you were single. “Compromise is the name of the game,” says Ceren.
For example, if a husband hates being bombarded by the kids when he comes from work, his wife, who is a stay-at-home mom, might get annoyed because she’s been with them all day. Ceren suggests that the husband find a way to unwind before coming home (that doesn’t mean going to a bar for drinks but could mean taking a walk or going to the gym for an hour after work). Then, when he comes home, says Ceren, he can handle the kids wanting to spend time with him, and he will make his wife feel more like she has a partner in parenting.
Carve out time for communication.
Everyone has a busy schedule these days, but maintaining your marriage must be a priority. You should try to find at least an hour a week to talk to each other face to face about things that are on your mind. Find a designated time when you both are free and tell each other about your week, what you’ve been doing when you’re not together, and long- and short-term goals you’d like to set as a couple. Examples of long-term goals might be deciding to save money for a trip you’d both like to make within the next three years or how much money you’d like to save to buy a house in the next five years. Examples of short-term goals might be scheduling a time to have the carpets cleaned or negotiating when you’re going to have dinner with the in-laws.
Enjoy each other’s company.
Successful communication happens when people feel comfortable with one another. To feel comfortable with one another, you have to be able to be yourselves in the marriage. Letting loose and being able to relax is a necessity in any relationship. Couples should do something fun just for the two of them every week, says Baladerian. Plan a date night or an activity, other than watching TV or films, that will help you unwind and have some fun together. The bottom line and one that sometimes gets forgotten as people plan weddings and get started in married life is that marriage, while challenging, isn’t supposed to be a prison sentence. Says Baladerian, “You’re supposed to be happy.”
