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How to Find a Spouse

How to Find a Spouse

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Newlyweds are the best people to talk to if you’re in the market to find a spouse. After all, they recently found spouses themselves. Unless they dated for a hundred years, they probably know where to go to meet people and they know what it’s like to have a serious relationship headed toward marriage. In other words, newlyweds are good wingmen for singles. Here are some tips on how to find a spouse based on the experiences of the newlyweds I know:

Forget the bar scene.

Somewhere along the way, single people decided that nightclubs and bars were the places to go to see and be seen and meet people. But any married person you know will tell you that these are the worst places to meet someone who is marriage material. Most of the people at these establishments are looking for fun and commitment is probably not yet in their vocabulary. Your best bet is to go to dinner parties with friends and join organizations that interest you. Think gym, book club, cooking class, cycling club, etc. Or you could ask your married pals to host a cocktail party for all their single friends (hint, hint for those married people reading this). If that’s too much trouble, let your friends fix you up or go on double dates with them. The people who know you best can connect you with someone wonderful. You never know unless you try.

Dress the part.

Women are not going to choose men to be their husbands if they are always sporting sweat pants and ripped T-shirts, otherwise known as the uniform of the lazy. Men might not mind a woman in sweats, as long as it’s more jogging suit and less bag lady, but most will never choose a wife who shows too much skin. This is not to say that you ladies should start dressing like nuns. A little sexy, in fact, goes a long way. The idea is to be appropriate. If it’s not Halloween and someone might mistake you for a hooker, then you should probably change. Wear appropriate clothes for the occasion – whatever it might be – and express yourself with your fashion without sending the wrong message. People always say to dress for the job you want and not the one you have. You can apply this advice to finding a spouse, too. Dress as you would if you were already part of a couple. What would a responsible husband or wife wear in your opinion? Dress like that.

Be careful what you say.

Of course, you should present yourself well to others by dressing nicely and appropriately. But you also must be aware of the language you use. Married people will tell you that until they cut the desperation out of their language, no one was going to get serious about them. In other words, don’t start conversations by asking whether the other person is interested in settling down or wants children anytime soon. Save those talks for the tenth date. Start with something simple such as, “How are you?” or “What do you like to do for fun?” You might also want to avoid talk about weddings, unless you are at one when you meet. Even if your ultimate goal is to meet your spouse, you don’t want to scare the person or pile on the pressure, especially when you first meet. Everyone’s flight instinct kicks in at that point, and he or she will run.

Tend to your own needs.

There is definite truth to the belief that you’ll meet the one once you stop looking for him or her. Instead of dwelling on how to find a spouse or getting married, start focusing on yourself. Think about your career goals and how to achieve them. Now is the time to fulfill dreams you have put off like learning a foreign language, traveling, or taking up a new hobby. And pamper yourself a bit. Go to the spa, focus on fitness and health, and relax. The benefits of doing these things are twofold. You’ll jump start your career and achieve certain goals you’ve always had. You’ll have a dream come true and you just might meet someone in the process. Catering to your own needs will help you love yourself. If you don’t love yourself, who will love you?

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