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Why Wedding Night Sex Can be Bad

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Couple sitting on bed, touching foreheads, smiling, side view
Maria Teijeiro/Photodisc/Getty Images
People often have high expectations for wedding night sex. They expect their partners to suddenly look like models and to literally see fireworks as they simultaneously reach orgasm. In reality, the sex is usually far from spectacular. Sometimes, wedding night sex is downright bad or non-existent. This can be a big let down. But you should not let it get to you. Knowing why wedding night sex can be bad might help you feel better about it, and it could prepare you for the disappointment. Here are the reasons why wedding night sex might not be all that you dream it to be:

You’re tired.

You can’t perform well sexually if you’re falling asleep. After a full day of taking vows, celebrating, dancing, and getting used to calling yourselves Mr. and Mrs., you will be lucky if you don’t collapse before making it to bed. Don’t beat yourself up if you’re too tired to make love. There’s always first-day-married sex. There’s nothing wrong with a sexy wake up or even afternoon delight the next day.

You’ve put too much pressure on yourselves.

Building up the expectations for this spectacularly romantic night is a big mistake. When expectations are that high, you are almost certainly going to be disappointed. Keep the expectations realistic – imagine that if you manage to make love, it might only be mediocre because of the exhaustion of the day and all the other factors listed here – and you’ll be a much happier person. If you have good sex, you’ll be happily surprised. If you have no sex or bad sex, you won’t be that surprised and you’ll be able to move onto better sexual experiences together moving forward.

You’re drunk.

Too much celebrating (read: drinking alcohol) can lead to drunken behavior. While people like to talk about walks of shame and drunken sexual escapades, the truth is that being drunk can make sex more difficult. After all, drunken men have a hard time performing. While it’s true that alcohol may lower inhibitions, it can also keep you from being able to perform sexually.

You’re terrified.

Taking vows has some people finally realizing that they’re making a lifetime commitment to another person, that they have far more responsibility than before, and that their life is about to completely change in a new, wonderful, yet scary way. The fear quickly sets in. They start thinking about how much the decisions they make will influence the other person’s life and worry about things such as finances and the future. All these thoughts are sex killers. Worry dampens the mood, to say the least.

You’re wearing uncomfortable clothing that is difficult to remove.

This reason is truer for women than for men. Many women have elaborate wedding gowns with elaborate undergarments. They needed help getting the dress on, bustling it, lifting it up to urinate, and they certainly will need help getting it off. While bridesmaids and mothers often serve as wedding dress helpers during the wedding, grooms take over the job when the ceremony and reception are over. Most grooms are not cut out for this kind of work. And having to remove all this garb can be both overwhelming and exhausting. Add to this hair-dos that take hours to remove – all those pins and hairspray – and you might not even want to undress the bride. Sex is a little difficult if you’re not naked. While some clothes are not an obstacle, a hefty wedding gown is a big one.

You didn’t do enough planning for the wedding night.

The wedding itself often requires so much attention that everything else gets lost in the shuffle. You might not have had the time to properly plan for the wedding night. Maybe, you never booked a hotel, so you and your new spouse are still at your house, along with some of your out-of-town wedding guests. Or you simply didn’t get to do anything to set the mood for love. There are plenty of ways you could make the ambiance just right – from rose petals on the bed to candles on the dresser. Something that simple could be the difference between great wedding night sex and terrible wedding night sex.

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