1. People & Relationships
Francesca  Di Meglio

Sex as Chore

By November 27, 2012

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Anyone who has ever had the slightest trouble getting pregnant knows that sex can become a chore. Before my miscarriage and then between my miscarriage and my successful pregnancy, which resulted in a son, I remember starting to hate sex. I would pee on sticks all day long - some to tell me if I was ovulating, some to tell me if I was pregnant - and then I'd turn to my husband and break the news about whether we had to do it or not. Often, we both would have preferred watching a movie or taking a nap, to be honest. It was an ugly time in my life. I spent most of the time being disappointed and putting forth a brave face for family and friends, who were sharing the wonderful news of their own pregnancies and births. Sex was not fun. The fact that we were having it meant that we didn't have our own good news to share. And we were no longer doing it on our own terms or because romance swept us away. Now, it was a job, part of our responsibility as baby makers.

I never thought to laugh at all the time we spent trying, until I caught last night's episode of CBS' Mike and Molly. The sweet sitcom follows a pair of newlyweds, who live with the bride's family, as they try to navigate marriage and in-laws. Yesterday, the couple was trying to get pregnant with no luck. The husband is dedicated to doing all he can to make this happen, including purchasing a contraption on which they must have sex to improve the odds of sperm meeting egg, wearing a dried rhino penis (the funniest part of all), and going commando. While I couldn't stop laughing, I realized that the storyline resonated with me, and I'm sure many other couples who spent a long time trying to get pregnant. In the end, Molly suggests that they relax a bit and forget about trying. Just love each other and have sex when the mood strikes, she suggests. Really, that's when pregnancy usually happens (barring other health problems). In fact, when I stopped worrying about making a baby and just created a romantic evening for my husband and me, we finally managed to make our baby. The moral of this blog is to never let sex become a chore, even if you're trying to get pregnant. Keep it fun and romantic and everything else will fall into place.

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