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Francesca  Di Meglio

Is Your Man Too Sensitive?

By April 5, 2010

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Sensitivity is an important characteristic in your husband or wife. Most people seek out others, who display empathy and sympathy, who feel for you when you're down and want to care for you when you're sick. Many women say they want "sensitive" men. In one way, they're telling the truth. No one wants an abusive or mean husband, after all. But a man who is too sensitive is a turn off to many women, too. It's a fine line men have to walk -- and the line gets finer all the time.

I personally have never seen my husband cry, and we've known each other for six years. He didn't even tear up at our wedding. Part of me wants to see him cry sometime. It seems robotic to be so stoic. I want to know what moves him. I want to know he's sensitive. But then I think about it. Really think about it. Part of me really appreciates it when he's strong and tough and not at all a cry baby. I can be the one who breaks down a bit if he is strong. That can be a relief for a type-A personality.

Then, I think, "Boy, we women are not always fair to men." What do we want? Do we want someone sensitive or do we want someone hard? Are we ever going to be okay with them breaking down? We send our men mixed signals and then they don't know what to do. Some of them cry waterfalls and want to talk about their feelings day and night. They do their hair and have more beauty products than their wife. Others never cry, never show any emotions, and refrain from doing anything that could have them remotely mistaken for a woman.

We women, however, have to be clear about what we want. We have to be open to men who are sensitive without being weak, emotionally intelligent without being a wuss. We need to allow men to be as strong and weak as we are. Frankly, I want my men to be the same as us women -- strong yet sensitive. We all should be able to hold our head up high, shed a tear now and then, but not fall to pieces at the first sign of challenge or difficulty. It's that simple.


Comments
July 19, 2010 at 3:51 pm
(1) V3ro says:

So, I realize this is an old post, but what the heck. I married a man who was a shy, quiet type of person at first. As time went by I saw the a*hole side of him. He has an anger problem and is very bad at controlling that emotion. He gets so mad that he cries. Literally. It makes me seem as the bad person in the relationship. When in all my previous relationships I was the one always crying because the guys I used to date were a*holes. Now I let things slide like water on a duck’s back and have no idea that I’m now being the a*hole. I am aggressive and I try my hardest to submit to my husband but if I feel he’s wrong and I’m right, I can’t hold back. I’m far from mean, I’m just blunt. What do I do with a sensitive man?

July 20, 2010 at 10:03 am
(2) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

My guess is that improving communication between the two of you and learning what each of you needs will help you both with this problem you’re having. Did you have an pre-marital counseling? That sometimes helps. If you did not, you could go to a counselor or spiritual leader now to discuss. Would you consider that? Thanks for sharing.

June 17, 2013 at 4:27 pm
(3) Jean says:

V3Ro,

From reading a bunch of credible articles of insecure men, it looks like your man is insecure with himself, big time. Either that or he has anger issues that will only get worse. Honestly, it could be a number of different things. He could have serious mental issues, that he nor you know anything about. I know this from experience. I dated a guy who was fairly shy and quiet until he started becoming controlling, telling me what I should and shouldn’t wear, smothering me, questioning my every move, calling me degrading names, etc. The list goes on and on, I really think that you should get out of this relationship or you two need to talk and see if he can get some serious help (counseling).

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