1. People & Relationships
Francesca  Di Meglio

When You Hate Your Husband

By September 28, 2009

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I have a confession to make. Sometimes, I hate my husband. I mean I still love him, but I hate him, too. I can't help it. We get into a fight about something -- usually, it's trivial -- and then I just kind of start to loath him. I prefer not to be around him in these moments. His face annoys me. And if I am around him, sometimes these feelings make the fight continue longer than it should.

My mother tells me that this is a normal part of a healthy marriage. There are going to be times when you want to rip off your husband's head. Or can't bear his presence. Still, I can't help but feel guilty about it. I'm much happier -- and at peace with myself -- when I'm back to just loving my husband. I always get back to the love. It just takes a while sometimes. Does this happen to you too? How do you get back to the love?

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Comments
October 4, 2009 at 2:22 pm
(1) natash says:

i do sometimes hate my husband but i hate myself more for chosing him as there is big diffrences between us , it is difficult to leave him as i have a daughter from him and i stood in the face of my family just to be with him he has no interest what so ever in her best,but she cannot live without him .i am so confused so angry

October 5, 2009 at 8:34 am
(2) newlyweds says:

Natash, thanks for sharing with us. I’m sorry to hear that you are confused and angry. When I wrote that I sometimes hate my husband, I was referring to moments of anger that always pass. Honestly, they usually pass rather quickly, often within minutes. I love my husband and I do not regret marrying him. But if you are having doubts about your marriage, you might benefit from professional help from a marriage counselor or religious leader, who can help the two of you work on your problems. You might also find help and resources in the Getting Along section of this Newlyweds site. Please let us know how things are going. Good luck!

October 21, 2009 at 7:35 pm
(3) Kimber says:

I agree, sometimes I want to rip my new husbands head off, as well. We have been married for a month and a half. What drives me nuts, is that he looks at me like I am from the moon when I tell him something completely rational. For instance… He has three children from a previous marriage; 15 yo boy, 14 yo boy, and an 11 yo girl. They are with us full time, their mom is not in the picture.

When I tell him that the kids can’t eat 42 cookies, and 13 Moon Pies when they get home from school, he looks at me like I am speaking a foreign language!

I want to rap him on top of the head, and ask if there is anyone in there!

November 9, 2009 at 11:38 am
(4) OnlyMarried4 months says:

I absolutely hate my husband sometimes. He has an answer for everything. I am half way to getting my CPA (full-time) and I’m 8 3/4 months pregnant and I have a 4 year old and I work full time and all he does is work-and complain about working and likes to go out of hours and hours and comes home thinking it’s okay to try to get frisky with me smelling like smoke and booze and I just want to kick him in his balls. He’s basically worthless, is full of empty promises, doesn’t do anything unless he’s asked or blown up on(because I asked nicely 5 times and he didn’t hear me) and really for the most part thinks of himself and no one else. Then tries to make me look like the bad guy for getting upset at him for only wanting to be mediocre in life when we have almost two kids! When I say mediocre I mean that he doesn’t mind minding next to minimum wage because he doesn’t have any motivation to get any job skills which would earn him more than that) He burps in my face, farts right next to me, has no common sense, and much more!

When I asked him why he married me, he responded with “because you wanted to”. WRONG ANSWER.

But, I do love him, unfortunately for me, fortunately for him, and when I think about all of these things and leaving him I don’t think I could for very long…. We are complete polar opposites in life, even down to political views.

He has some really great things about him that are important to me that keep us together, despite the annoying daily things that make me consider homicide.

November 9, 2009 at 5:55 pm
(5) newlyweds says:

OnlyMarried4 months, thanks for sharing your raw emotions with us. I think we can all relate. Women are often the givers in relationships, and it can be tough to feel as though you are the only one giving and no one appreciates all you do. This is especially true if you are pregnant, working, and taking on the burden for household chores. Congrats on the baby, by the way! But if you love your husband and the bad truly outweighs the good, then you should try not to let resentments build. Resentment can poison your relationship. I usually try to talk to my husband and focus on the positives whenever I start to hate him. But I’m a realist, too. We’re all going to hate our spouses sometimes. It’s human nature. Good luck — and keep us posted.

November 28, 2009 at 4:46 pm
(6) malika says:

Most of the time, I love my fiance. But then, there are those times when taking a broom and wacking him around like a pinata is a much happier option. We get into very stupid arguments, mostly nothing about our relationship, but about whose opinion is right or wrong. I’m the type who doesn’t like to be told repeatedly I’m wrong and he’s the type to keep screwing it if given the opportunity to. And by doing so, it upsets me and I end up bursting out of my usual calmness and hurl all the nasty words ever created at him.

And at that very moment, I hate him beyond anything. He becomes an object of despise and I find all the reasons in the world why I hate him. It usually proceeds with silence from both of us. And then, at this moment, I reflect and realize that I do love him and I shouldn’t want to wack him around with a broom. Guilt settles in and it makes me feel at fault for creating this storm. And because I’m one who hate to admit to being the one wrong, I wait until he initiates the talking. Then, tell him I’m also sorry and at this moment, fall in love with him all over again.

For seven years, it’s been up and down like this. I’ve read that this is normal. I had to confirm because growing up, I didn’t see this between my parents. They argued but not to the degree of our arguments. But, other sites confirm that this is normal in a relationship. I hope so, because I love my fiance and don’t want the relationship to end because of these moments of hate episodes.

December 1, 2009 at 8:44 pm
(7) newlyweds says:

This sounds perfectly normal to me, malika. This is why I wrote the original blog. Arguing is a part of marriage, and sometimes emotions run high. As long as we can keep our emotions in check and control our anger, the love will shine through in the end. Good luck!

January 2, 2010 at 11:58 pm
(8) Jen says:

Kimber, although this is only my opinion, I think your husband might be looking at you “weird” for one of two reasons: 1) I sometimes give a weird look because I’m trying to learn the “why” of something. Maybe I’ve heard it’s the right way, but I don’t quite know why. Maybe that’s how he’s feeling, like he wants to know why you feel that way. Give him the benefit of the doubt and just tell him that eating that much sugar will hurt their stomachs. (2) He may be worried, since the divorce, that they won’t like him if he sets boundaries. Remind him that, one day, they will respect him for his keeping life normal, therefore giving boundaries, not just being their buddy. If he were still married to their mother, he’d set boundaries and expect them to live by them. Kids need to feel nothing’s really changed, other than their living arrangements.

January 12, 2010 at 3:43 am
(9) disappointed in him says:

i hate my husband of seven years. we dated five years before we got married. sometimes i wish i never married him. he has a tendency to be verbally abusive (according to him, its because i frustrate him) and he is a man child. i had two miscarriages, the second one was at three months this past october. about three weeks after the miscarriage, i was feeling very very down, i was distant and crying quite a bit. we went to the market that evening, and in the car, in the market parking lot, we were talking about how felt, and i started to cry again. he started banging on the wheel, and screamed at me to “stop f*cking crying”, when i tried to talk to him calmly, he said “shut the f*ck up”. he hasnt had any blow-ups since, but i know one is coming. this is the story of my life. he has called a b*tch many times in the past, he has since stopped that. i cant begin to tell you some of the things he has done to me. really cruel, emotionally and verbally abusive things, he does done it all except hit me, i am sure that if he were ever in a position where his career would not be in jeopardy, he would start to beat me…he is a doctor. after all is said and done, he will calm down and go back to being mister nice guy…and when he is nice, he is a prince, like the perfect man, but it is a facade. when i was pregnant, and had all the complications he was great, a real prince….but i knew it was short lived. as for the house, i do everything. he wont even so much as change a lightbulb. i fixe everything, i clean everything, i cook everything, i take out the garbage…i do everything. i have to have surgery soon, and i dont know what i am going to do. you see, he has everyone, i mean everyone convinced that he is just the kindest, gentlest, warmest human being. so many people tell me how much of a great guy he is, but i know the truth. i am gathering the strength to leave him though. i will go when he is not home, just taking my clothes, and few items my mother has given me, he can have evrything else. i dont care. i dont need him, all i need is my dignity. a piece of advice ladies and gentlemen, there is a saying: when someone shows you who they are, believe them. you cant reason away someone’s selfishness or cruelty. posting this is the first step toward my new life.

January 12, 2010 at 10:30 am
(10) newlyweds says:

Dear “disappointed in him”, thanks for sharing your story with us. It couldn’t have been easy to do, and we appreciate your honesty. I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriages. I can’t imagine the pain you must feel. You can get more information on abusive relationships here – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/domesticviolence.htm

Please let us know if you have any questions or concerns and keep us posted on your situation.

January 24, 2010 at 10:56 am
(11) MIssJ says:

I’ve been with my husband for 5 years. Out of that we’ve been married for 2.5. Since we meet we’ve been working together and our occupation involves us travelling all over the globe for long periods of time. We get along most of the time, especially for living and working 24/7 in strange places. We get asked so many times how we do it. Being complete opposites, we seem to compliment each other. We do get into arguments where we don’t talk to each other for the day, or one of us apologizes, or it’s such a trivial thing that it just blows over quickly.

HOWEVER, one a year we get into a REALLY intense fight. When I mean intense, I mean I can’t seem to control this urge to physically hit him. It could be from a comment he made, or a face he makes of something he dislikes, jealousy, or him commanding me to do something, or him yelling at me and he just won’t stop when I ask him to “shut up”. He’s a much bigger guy then I am and something triggers inside me and I want him to stop what he’s doing and at that point I feel that the only way to stop him is to hit him (I feel like I want to beat his head in). But when I do, he restrains me and grabs me really hard. Thinking about it and writing it down, I know it’s because he is defending himself. But we get sooo mad at each other that you can even see the hatred in our eyes. We even tell each other it’s over, or we want a divorce but by the next day we resolve it and everything seems better. I don’t really know what I’m trying to get at… is this a sign of spousal abuse? Will this eventually happen more often that we’ll be showing up to work with bruises on out faces and arms? Part of me worries and part of me doesn’t.

Generally, I am not an angry person. When I get mad at someone (who is not my husband), my blood pressure rises and my heart beats fast that I get flustered and it become hard to talk.

My husband brings out the best in me and and the worst in me. I love him and sometimes I hate him. When I look at him, I find him attractive but sometimes a little not. Ideally, we’re not in great shape but I do worry about his weight and I’ve tried to help him but now I feel as though I’m nagging (I hate that!) and sometimes I make some sarcastic ‘fat’ comment. That is a really big concern of mine and we’ve talked about it so many times but everything we do seems short term. I’m a bit scared to confront him about how I feel that at times I don’t feel attracted to him (I sat that because my ex told me I was too fat and he didn’t love me anymore and I just don’t want to do that to my husband). I don’t want to fight about his health.

So I’ve rambled for a while and I apologize about my grammar but I’ve never talked about this or even wrote anything down so I hope what I’ve written is somewhat understandable. Thank you for listening.

January 26, 2010 at 8:50 am
(12) newlyweds says:

MissJ – It sounds like there are abusive parts of your relationship. If you want to make it work, you should try to get help in controlling your tempers and improving communication. On the left-hand side of the newlyweds’ homepage, you’ll find the “Getting Along” section. There are many articles that can help you. One of the first you should read is about how physical aggression might be harming your relationship at http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/physaggression.htm Keep us posted. Good luck!

January 28, 2010 at 9:51 pm
(13) Sooverit says:

wow, after reading these posts I realize I’m not alone. My husband works from home. He spends 1/2 his day though playing xbox360. I do all the housework, fixing of things, mowing the grass, taking out trash. You name it – he won’t do it. We’ve been married 11 yrs. We have a daughter and then my 2 sons (from previous) live with us. I can count on my hand how many times he changed her diaper. He has told me before that he doesn’t have time to “babysit” his own daughter. He won’t help with homework, but complains that the kids are getting bad grades in school. I go to the school, I make sure teachers have been met and he’ll only go to parent teacher conferences to show up. Sports are my responsibility. We have three dogs, 3 cats and two goats – my responsibility. He goes away on business trips and I haven’t gone on a trip for 6 months and that last trip was for the visitation with his daughter. His excuse through all of this is that he works all the time. His work is his thinking and he can’t stop his mind so therefore he is always at work. My other peeve is that when I go to see my friend (we just moved back to my home state), he makes remarks about it, always in a bad mood when I leave, always in a bad mood when I come home. It’s almost like he doesn’t want me going. I have another friend that I email and though I’ve promised to come see her, it’s been 2 years and she lives 4 hours away. Last time I went to see her, I took my mom and we went to a local festival. On the way home, to drop mom off, he called and once again he wanted to pick apart everything and nothing I said could calm him down or back him away from a fight. Mom said nothing will ever make him happy and I do agree with this. I went to my sister’s 50th birthday get together years ago and the same thing happened. He was blowing up over the phone at me and every call was a fight and when I got home it was a fight. Also, he always has something to say derogatory against my sisters. Nothing good. It’s like he’s trying to drive a wedge into my sister’s and my relationship. I have refused to listen to it, but that doesn’t stop him from opening his mouth. If I get angry at him for something or try to stand my ground – he says I need to feel more blessed with all I have and stop pickin apart the bad. Yet, he complains left and right about everything. He can walk out of this house and go wherever and I don’t ask. I walk out of the house and goodness forbid I don’t have my phone on me and can answer it within seconds of it ringing. If I don’t answer it or I don’t have it with me, I get questioned. I have to go to bed at the same time he does, though I get up earlier to get the kids up for school. He stays in bed another 2 hours before he needs to get up for his conference call. And then he doesn’t understand why I’m so tired. I’m just tired and worn out. I believe him to be very emotionally abusive. We have our daughter together and I hate the idea of her being without her father growing up, but I’m tired.

January 29, 2010 at 3:20 pm
(14) fedup says:

Me and my fiance have been together for four years now. We have a son that is 1 1/2 so it is very straining on us when we argue. I absolutely LOATHE him a lot of the time. he has an addiction problem and has a past with jail. i am constantly worried that something will happen and he will be taken out of me and my son’s life. i don’t know what to do anymore. i think me telling him to stop makes him want to do it more inspite. AND i am somewhat of a hypocrite to say- don’t do that, it’s illegal. . when i used to be the same way. i don’t want to leave him bc of our son, but really that’s the only reason. i want my life to move forward and i feel like he is stuck in quicksand.

February 2, 2010 at 11:04 am
(15) newlyweds says:

fedup, thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry to hear about your husband’s addiction problems. I imagine that addiction can wreak havoc on a family and a marriage. You might consider contacting the Partnership for a Drug-Free America to get additional help. Here’s the link – http://www.drugfree.org/Intervention/ and phone number 212-922-1560

Please let us know if you need any other information. Keep us posted. Good luck.

February 2, 2010 at 11:37 am
(16) newlyweds says:

Sooverit, thanks for sharing your concerns with us. It sounds like your a bit blue and your relationship is causing pain for you. Have you considered marriage counseling? Sometimes, getting a third party to help the two of you communicate better and express your concerns can really help couples. Here you’ll find an article about finding a marriage counselor that’s right for you – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/marriagecounseling.htm

Please let us know if you have other questions or concerns. Let us know how things go. Good luck!

February 26, 2010 at 4:31 am
(17) Cher says:

Sometimes I feel like i hate my husband too. I also love him more than anything in the world, and I am happy and excited to share the rest of my life with him. He sometimes has these moments though and I find myself thinking ” what the hell was he thinking and why can’t he just understand or listen…” and I look at his face and just want him to go away. I get to where I really really just cannot stand him. But then I give it some time and thought and try to figure out what it is that is really making me so angry and try and work on it. Usually it works out for the best. Sometimes it doesnt, and I just have to let time heal the wound! At the end of the night i still give my husband a kiss and tell him that I love him!!

March 20, 2010 at 4:46 am
(18) Brandy says:

I hate my husband 80 percent of the time. Everytime I try to find a way out I end up stuck in this dumb marriage. For the last 5 years of our marriage he sleeps on the couch, doesn’t lift a finger in the house, lies about things major things, and I just freaken hate the man. I feel trapped and I don’t know what to do. We are even in danger of loosing our kids to cps over this stupid marriage and I am too scared to leave because of cps, when I should go fo the good of my own kids.

March 29, 2010 at 10:42 am
(19) kk says:

I can’t believe that some of these posts sound like you and I are married to the same jerk. We have been together 13 years and married almost 10. He is the perfect man in front of everyone else but does nothing at home but sit in front of the tv flipping channels. When I do ask him to do anything to help me, he either does it half-assed or not at all. He always has a way to turn everything around to be my fault and tells me how “I” should do this or that differently. He only touches me when he wants to have 10 second sex and he can’t understand why I don’t want to do it anymore. I have not always felt this way but after 13 years of putting up with this, over the last 3-4 years, I have grown to hate him, can’t stand looking at him, and trying to find a way out. Remember, though, he is a “prince” to everyone else, and it would be “me” to blame for the break-up.

March 31, 2010 at 3:05 pm
(20) newlyweds says:

kk, thanks for sharing with us. It sounds like you’re in a tough situation. Have you tried marriage counseling?

April 2, 2010 at 10:09 pm
(21) sick-n-tired says:

kk, I so totally agree with you. I’m starting to beleive that marriage is just legal butty. And a wife’s duty is to cook, clean, lay on her back , all after working outside of the house to help make ends meet. I have been married for 10 years, and I hate it. My husband thinks that the world is all about him. And if I dont agree with him or even if my thoughts isn’t the same as his he gets steaming mad (verbelly). Unfortunatlly, He’s always mad at me. And the sex SUCKS! I tell him sex without entimacy that sex is wrong and painful, but he act as if he just don’t understand or don’t even care. So I just lie there praying through my nights of feeling molested. Again, I really hate marriage and I really hate sex with my husband.

I want to thank God for this site. there is not to many people that I can talk to the would understand.

April 3, 2010 at 9:41 pm
(22) nyloverhater says:

i feel like im always fighting with my husband and i too want to rip his head off. i seriously cannot stand him when we fight and i just want to throw this belongings out the window along with him. it seems like all he ever wants to do is fight, fight, fight. i seriously cannot go one weekend without a fight. i’m really getting irritated. the best part, we’ve been married 1 month.

April 5, 2010 at 10:08 pm
(23) newlyweds says:

sick-n-tired, thank you for sharing your feelings with us. Have you tried talking to your husband? Have you gone to marriage counseling? Just to re-iterate if anyone feels as though she is being abused — verbally or physically — she can get help from a number of organizations. There’s information in this article, including organizations that can help – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/domesticviolence.htm

April 5, 2010 at 10:18 pm
(24) newlyweds says:

nyloverhater – Thanks for sharing your story with us. Many people will tell you that the first year of marriage is often the most difficult. Did you go through pre-marital counseling?

May 2, 2010 at 7:17 pm
(25) Barb says:

It only gets worse. The hate builds.

May 23, 2010 at 10:12 am
(26) spice says:

Yes, there are times when I hate my husband! The hatred is extremely intense, so intense that I just want to walk out and never return. This is the fourth time that he pisses me off. One more time, he’s history.

I ABHOR it when he ignores what I’d said and does things the way he perceives it to be right/better and the one that gets the sh*# out of his lousy decisions is me!

I was once sick in the middle of the trip and we were travelling by budget airline. I told him to keep some spare change so that I could buy some water on the flight to take my medicine. He disregarded what I said and spent EVERY single cent. I had to sit through the flight, dehyrated and with a high fever.

For the 9 years of marriage, he barely mop the floor, refuses to wash the toilet and only cleans up when I announce that I’m going to throw away his stuff. Honestly, do we women need men to complicate an otherwise simple lives? In my answer is “NO!”

One more time, he will be history.

May 26, 2010 at 2:48 am
(27) Indifferent says:

Sometimes I loathe my husband. It’s as if he sees right through me. I used to write and I no longer find words that inspire me. And over time, through lack of confidence from him bothering me to work out or his general disregard for my feelings i feel repulsed by him. I’m not sure what you do when the passion fades unto casual indifference. My husband said he’d never feel empathy and romance, and I realize he’s not the man I thought he was since we were wed and lve together. What do you do when all else seems to fade but you poured everythig into a relationship, so much so that you lost yourself? Can those feelings be evoked once again when all you feel is ambivalence towardd your spouse?

May 27, 2010 at 9:41 pm
(28) i cant stand my husbad says:

i cant stand my husband most of the time. Were married for 3 years and till now were still fighting like crazy. He stayed home most of the time watching the baby and I went to school everyday five days a week. everytime i got home, the house is filty and toys all over the house.I tried to clean it eventhough Im tired and hungry. I asked him to help me in the house but still he was too lazy to do it. I dont know if I can do this anymore, I’m exhausted and can’t live like this anymore. I’m not a superwoman to do all the work and go to school everyday. All he does is laying down and watch the baby..That’s it…I give up!!!

June 1, 2010 at 12:45 am
(29) Fet up! says:

So glad to have found this forum. Yes, I can’t stand/hate my husband most of the time. He drinks like a fish and becomes really obnoxious, it’s embarrasing. I don’t even want to be around him. We have been married close to 20 years, and I feel like we just don’t have anything in common. When he is sober, we have nothinbg to say to each other. I’m lucky if we say two words to one another a day. We have two children that are still underage, and I feel that until they are able to take care of themselves, I can’t make a move. Is this normal for a marraige after so many years? We did get married at a very young age. I don’t know if there is any hope to save this marraige. He is a great father to the children, very involve with there activities, etc, but I feel that without the kids, we really have nothing.

June 1, 2010 at 10:55 pm
(30) stupidbells says:

Oh!!! At this very moment, and especially 5 minutes ago, I wanted my husband dead! Sometimes I hate him so much I wondered why I even married him. But sometimes, I do think I love him, and I hate myself for that. I think I am sooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid.

June 5, 2010 at 3:28 pm
(31) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

i cant stand my husband – thanks for sharing. I understand your frustration. But you should give your spouse some credit for watching your child. There are some spouses who won’t even do that. Maybe you could try to talking to him about the other stuff. Perhaps, there is some sort of compromise.

June 5, 2010 at 3:30 pm
(32) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Fet up – thanks for sharing. I have heard from other couples who have been together a long time and have lost that loving feeling. Maybe you could go to marriage counseling together. It might help you reconnect.

June 5, 2010 at 3:33 pm
(33) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

stupidbells – thanks for sharing. Frankly, we all have those moments with our spouses. The good news is that, I find anyway, that they usually pass quickly. And the good, at least for me, outweighs the bad. When I have one of those moments, I try to think about all the things I love about my husband.

June 5, 2010 at 6:23 pm
(34) Tracy says:

I often hate my husband. He embarasses me in front of our neighbours – constantly trying to poll the wives to see what their husbands do for them. He thinks taking out the garbage and very occasionally washing the dishes is a lot. I say that if we were roommates you would think that sharing the work 50 – 50 is fair, so why is it any different to want that in a marriage?

He works late and is barely home and I am responsible for everything at home. I spend most of my time taking care of our house and our family. So when he does get home I am exhausted and not in a good mood. Of course I wouldn’t be in a good mood – I have no help.

On top of that I work full time. I pay all of the mortgage and all our bills with my paycheque and he acts as though I am asking the world for him to pitch in when I don’t have enough to cover everything. Why can’t I have some money to have a little free time or buy a new shirt? Doesn’t he live here too?? Shouldn’t he feel some obligation to help out??

I feel that it has been forever since he said anything nice about me at all. I just feel like crying all of the time. He likes to tell me how I should do my work. He doesn’t support me or act like my teammate at all. He never has sex with me anymore. He says it’s because I am always getting mad at him. I don’t yell – I just talk and I just tell him how I feel and he gets angry and says I complain too much.

He’s cheated on me twice. I forgave him for our family and for all we’ve worked for. I forgave him because I did love him and he made me feel like there were things that I had done wrong. I know he is probably cheating on me again . . .

When we were dating I loved how he treated me like I was special and he would do sweet little things for me. I feel like I was tricked into who he was and he’s different now.

I wish I could go back to when I was twenty and never have met him. I wish I could start my whole life again without him in it.

June 14, 2010 at 4:05 pm
(35) newlyweds says:

Catherine, kudos for your introspective and telling comments. You’re so right to realize that you must do things that annoy him, too. As wives, we get wrapped up in all we do for our spouses. Sometimes, we forget to realize that they have feelings and thoughts and free will, too. We are all human and we probably get on each other’s nerves. Great points! Thanks again.

July 15, 2010 at 10:08 am
(36) GG says:

i have no idea on what to do i hate my husband but still love him we got married 3months ago and we argue every week at least 3times in a week, he had 2sons from his previous marraige, now his ex-wife keeps on calling him and this really annoys me coz she controls him so much as if they were still married, whenever i ask if hez been talking to her he denies he tells me he doesnt talk to her..yet he does..my love for him now is fading away and am thinking of leaving him even if am expecting our baby….really not sure what to do.

July 18, 2010 at 1:19 pm
(37) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

GG, I’m sorry that you’re having such difficulty in your relationship. Have you tried counseling? Have you communicated with your husband (without arguing) about what you’re feeling? Having just been pregnant (although I miscarried), I was pretty emotional (and even now I still am), so I am refraining from making major decisions about my career or relationship until I get a better grip on my emotions.

July 20, 2010 at 9:40 pm
(38) sooverhim says:

Husbands are things to loathe. Rarely, and I mean rarely do they help. They get married so they can say “my wife” or “my kids did this”, but they are not actually married. Men are in a different world, so out of touch with what women actually want, and need. Why do we need counseling? I know try and try harder, but why as women do we feel that we have to keep trying? When it is not working it is not working. How about a man who comes home from work on time, helps with the kids, or throws a load of laundry in, or takes a folded load up, or better yet, offers to bring dinner home? THe guy that plays with the kids while you grab the dishes or he grabs the dishes while you play with the kids? Men, do not get us. We are high-functioing, multi-tasking vehicles who filter everything from the way someone who handed us our coffee, to each childs mood that day. We need to be valued, respected, and papered to some degree. We put so much out there, not saying we wear our emotions on our sleeves, just that we invest feelings, time and love into everything we do, it really needs to come back.

July 20, 2010 at 9:43 pm
(39) nowhere to go says:

Newlywed: I hate my husband with a passion and we have been married a long time. COUNSELING does not work. We have been in it. The men seem to correct initially and then the dumb counselor seems to lose track of what the big issue is, that you are not getting along. LEAVE. LEAVE LEAVE. I can not say it enuf. We have kids, and I am preparing for flight out of here too. I am securing a job, and a home and a life. THINGS i do not have now.. RUN is all I can tell you.. There are good guys out there, it just sounds like we each got the sour lemons

July 21, 2010 at 9:57 am
(40) newlyweds says:

sooverhim and nowhere to go, I’m concerned about your messages. While I agree that sometimes people have to leave their marriages (because of abuse, cheating or because the other person no longer wants to be part of the couple), I don’t think we should take marriage lightly. Husbands or wives are going to get on each other’s nerves and one person will probably do more around the house than the other. If those are your complaints, then communication and compromise will come in handy. Deciding to run away from your marriage, which you have committed to for life, because your husband leaves his socks on the floor or doesn’t change enough diapers is not the answer. You must first ask yourselves if there’s any love left. Then, you should try and see if the relationship can be salvaged. Of course, I understand your need to vent. My husband leaves his clothes all over the place and likes to nap while I’m cleaning the bathroom. We can all relate to that.

July 28, 2010 at 7:55 pm
(41) sometimesIaskwhy says:

I have been married to my husband for almost two years. We had a quick whirl wind relationship…. right after my last marriage. We had been dating seven months when I became pregnant. He really is a good man, a wonderful loving father, and a good step dad to my son. The only problem I have with him is that he does not communicate. When I come to him with a problem he tells me to get over it, or that he wishes I would find someone else to talk to because I talk to much. He constantly makes me feel like my emotions are overblown, and that I just need to accept the problem and get over it. I want to hit him sometimes. He makes me see red! Is there any advice on this?

July 29, 2010 at 8:12 am
(42) newlyweds says:

Hi sometimesIaskwhy, your dilemma is one many couples face. We all have different needs, and we all require different amounts of communication. Couples have to try and tend to each other’s needs. Your husband isn’t a mind reader, so letting him know that you need to talk about certain things is a great first step. Have you tried marriage counseling? Or seeking help from a spiritual leader? Sometimes this helps. You might also want to read this article on improving communication – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/improvecommunication.htm Good luck!

August 10, 2010 at 9:39 pm
(43) Stephanie says:

I find myself hating my husband far more in life than I can ever remember loving him. I look at him and think he is disgusting and I watch him lay around doing absolutely nothing and think to myself “how did I ever allow my life to get here”. I don’t have the highest self esteem but I also don’t believe I was destined to be a provider, a caretaker, available whenever HE wanted me and the maid. All while he did what he wanted and was so entitled and selfish to think that he was King of the Castle. Why didn’t I listen to my parents who tried so hard to tell me to look for a man who treated me well. Now I am 35 and have wasted my entire life! I watch his mother be treated like a queen and she is just like him!! Why didnt I find a MAN! I don’t even love him.. I don’t know why I am here aside from being scared to leave at this point!

August 12, 2010 at 8:07 am
(44) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Hi Stephanie,

I’m sorry to hear about your disillusion and sadness. Have you tried talking to your husband? Have you tried counseling? Is there any chance that there’s still some love between the two of you? I know it’s hard to believe right now, but it’s never too late to improve your life. I think the same is true of a marriage. Keep us posted. Good luck!

August 14, 2010 at 5:35 am
(45) Confused says:

I am not sure if my hatred for my husband is normal or ‘healthy’. My husband tries everything to avoid getting me upset, but I am still angry at him. I really don’t know why. I am easy going and have been that way all my life with everyone, but I frequently get mad at my husband, and the anger is not mild, it’s maddening. Somehow he manages to get on my nerves. Everything about him is wrong (although before we got married, I thought he was both great looking and nice. I used to get either the good looking jerks or the plain looking nice guys). His breath and his body odor are objectionable (although I thought he smelled sexy before we got married). His way of doing things makes no sense to me (although I thought he understood me like my best female friend before we got married). I get angry when I clean the house, but I get even angrier when he tries to help and does it wrong (like using the floor towel to wipe the kitchen countertop or not rinsing the towel after wiping a dirty surface or putting dishes in the dishwasher without scrubbing off the food first…). I get angry when I found out he deleted some of our pictures together that I tagged him because he thought he looked bad in them (how vain!). I got mad because he never thought of taking a camera to some special event to record our ‘kodak moment’ together (I am always the one who does that). I say the most hurtful thing to him when I get mad, and I get more mad because he refuses to respond and tells me that he would resume our talk when I am calmer. I’ve asked him to go away somewhere so that I could be home alone to enjoy my quiet time without someone constantly annoying me. When I am calm, I wonder why am I so angry at him over almost everything and almost everyday? He justifies it for me by saying that I might be just under some kind of stress. However, I am not so sure. Sometimes even in my sleep, something just came up in my mind, and I woke up hating him because my mind interpretted it in a way that got me angry at him. Sometimes I just wish he meets some nice woman and leaves me for her. I just cannot leave him because he has not intentionally done anything wrong. I just get mad at him for being him I guess. I wish I never got married, and I would not want to get married again if our marriage ends. I have stopped complaining about him or our marriage because when I told my family or friends of our fights, they usually said that I was too critical of him. And they think I am lucky to have such a good looking and kind man for a husband. Is it normal that I hate him still?

August 16, 2010 at 6:58 am
(46) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Confused, these sound like common gripes that women have had about their husbands for centuries. Frankly, we all have our own way of doing things. It’s human to live with someone and get on each other’s nerves once in a while. Have you tried communicating your feelings and concerns? Have you seen a counselor?

November 6, 2010 at 8:28 pm
(47) Myshell says:

I have to admit, I HATE my husband. It has been getting worse of the last couple of years, and mostly because he is an emotional black hole. I ponder and ponder the idea that if the bedroom life would get better then it would all be ok. but it doesn’t and isn’t. I tell him over and over how much I cant stand his ‘absenteeism’ in the bedroom, he laughs. I am getting sick and tired.
Last summer on a girls weekend out, I met up with a guy who was so into me. I had just lost 20 lbs and was feeling awesome. Now that I didnt do the wrong thing and have an affair I wish I had.
We have amazing children, and both of our families have blended so wonderfully. My mom is fighting cancer, and I am hosting Thanksgiving dinner for our entire family 15+. Many are from out of town to be with my mom. I want him to find a new place to live so bad, but I dont want to be selfish and spoil thanksgiving dinner. I dont want to destroy plans for all of my family as him leaving would change everyones lives.
I know deep down inside I love him. If my arm brushes his in bed, I can still feel the heat, but I do not see this getting better. We do not communicate at all, and now he has been drinking more, probably due to my being gone. I think I have the answers, but it was nice to read these stories, and vent.

November 8, 2010 at 4:31 pm
(48) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Myshell, I’m sorry to hear that you’re having trouble in your marriage. No one tells people just how hard marriage is going to be. Even if they do, it’s hard to understand until you are married yourself and facing all the challenges head on. It sounds like there might be hope for your relationship. Have you seen a marriage counselor? Why do you feel like your only choice is to have your husband leave?

November 12, 2010 at 1:23 pm
(49) Loner2010 says:

I swear I hate my husband so much some times. He is so sure that everything he says is ther right thing to say. If it seems like the best thing to do and it was his idea, than it must be the gospel. I used to love the fact that my husband was family oriented now I absolutely HATE it!!! I hate it because he I should think of his family as my own, he has more of a relationship with my family than I would’ve ever wanted. I argued with him for 7 years about his family and it finally got better, not I have to argue about my family???

I’m not as family oriented as he is and he knew this. I don’t have to go to family events or talk on the phone or even share what I’m doing and my family still loves me. His family says things like “do she think she’s too good for us? why doesn’t she come visit.” How and why did I become an issue for them. I wish they didn’t even know my name!!! I HATE my marriage right now. We just celebrated a year but I just caught him chatting with my cousin on Facebook. Why??? My husband has all these friends and I don’t interfere but he has to jump into my family. I’m miserable and I regret marrying him now. I want a divorce.

November 12, 2010 at 9:12 pm
(50) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Loner, I’m sorry to hear that you’re feeling so down about your marriage and husband. Have you tried going to marriage counseling? Have you discussed your issues with your husband? It sounds like you want to set boundaries with him about the relationships he forms with your relatives, is that right?

November 18, 2010 at 11:09 pm
(51) chrissy Lander says:

I wish my husband would cheat on me so that I would have an easy out without feeling guilt. My situation is very similar to the second comment by Natasha. I don’t have any desire for him, or jealous feelings for him, I am very undermotivated for him and don’t ever like being his company. The only thing is we have a three year old daughter, he is very sweet with her and playful.
He is a good man I guess but I really don’t like him. One thing is he is an illegal immigrant and I also stood in the face of my family to be with him. So we’ve been struggling through life with cultural and legal and financial problems and sometimes now I just get so jealous of normal people who can get employment and other normal things. It is not fair to my husband that I have these shallow feelings because he has a strong work ethic but it is just how I honestly feel. After all this fighting through life I realize I don’t like the one I’m beside. He is not an interesting person to me at all. Of course he has no idea about any of these feelings–I haven’t really voiced them. Also, I am very isolated when we are social, all acquaintances we’ve made together are of no consequence to me and if we go and meet someone for lunch or something and I say something that is my natural silly self, I get repremanded afterwards. I fantasize about being a single mom and making it work. and what a future would look like for me I’d like to make good decisions in my future. I also realized that I am doing him a disservice by staying with him because I am wasting his life, and life doesn’t last long–he could be looking for someone who really cares for him.

November 30, 2010 at 9:55 pm
(52) newlyweds says:

chrissy, I’m sorry to hear about your difficult time. Have you and your spouse tried counseling? Something must have drawn you to him before and you have a child together. Maybe you can reignite the spark. Would you be willing?

December 7, 2010 at 7:30 am
(53) Confused says:

Interesting reading. Today I feel like I hate my husband. I know it’s not productive, but it is a true feeling. We’ve been married for 3 years and have a 20 month old wonderful little girl. He’s been out of work for 9 months and is depressed. His outlet so he doesn’t have to look at himself is to look at me. Sometimes he says mean things about me and I know better than to take it personally (he just dealing with his own pain), but some days are easier than others. Lately its been hard. He starts to make positive choices and I get my hopes up then he is unable to follow through and ends up depressed again and I end up loosing my hope. I suppose it is important to keep encouraging him through this, but it gets harder because he doesn’t follow through and he doesn’t listen to me, well it is very hard for him to listen to me (this is because he had a problem with women ie mom and ex-wife – he will admit to this).

Here’s where I am… I feel like I need to take care of myself, not take him personally and try to continue to encourage him. This is not my first instinct. My first instinct is to get a resentment and hate him.

What are outlets that you have practiced to stay positive when the spouse is not?

December 7, 2010 at 11:55 am
(54) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Confused, thanks for sharing your story with us. It’s rough when a spouse is blue and you can’t seem to get through to him or her. Unemployment is a problem for many couples nowadays. Here you can find help for supporting your unemployed spouse – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/money/tp/unemployment.htm

Have you talked to your husband about how he’s making you feel? Have you tried seeing a counselor or someone at your house of worship? Let us know. Good luck with everything!

December 11, 2010 at 12:30 am
(55) Something's gotta give.... says:

I’ve been married for 9 years now to a good man, we have two beautiful boys but my husband is a numbers man, extremely driven & successful, highly intelligent and work appears to be his number one priority! I’m resenting this now and sometimes hating him for it. I think I’m also sabotaging our relationship. He has hardly been there for me and the kids over the past 7 years and I can’t seem to get him involved with them no matter how hard I try. I’m at a loss as to what I can do for him to show a genuine interest in our boys. I feel totally stretched and helpless at times. I love him, he has a heart of gold, he often tells me how much he loves me and he would never hurt me. I just need him to be involved, love, cherish and respect our family. Am I asking for too much? I just want things to change. My family is what matters most and my patience is running out!I don’t want to give up just yet!

December 11, 2010 at 10:14 pm
(56) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Something’s gotta give – Thanks for sharing your feelings with us. Have you and your husband tried family counseling? It might help you better communicate your needs and get your husband to understand how to better connect with you and your kids. Good luck!

December 14, 2010 at 8:17 pm
(57) Amy says:

Keep your relationship on an even keel. There are times when things get rough, just keep the conversation going. Let him know your feelings, fantises and what ever else. Also encourage him to speak his mind and listen to each other.
Don’t be like me, my husband has riuned my 60ish years of life. I think in the last 40 years we had sex 30 times, no kids cause thats what he wanted. He thinks kids are discusting little slobbery pukey beings. I wish I had left him years ago. My husband is extreme in his behavior.
Remember air your thoughts and be level headed, if thinks can’t be worked out split up there is someone else out there that is a real man.

December 17, 2010 at 3:14 am
(58) something's gotta give.... says:

Thanks for the advice Francesca. Communication is crucial to any relationship and that is what I cannot seem to do effectively with my husband and i blame myself for it. I’m currently seeing a counsellor about my concerns/strategies for the future and hope to engage in some marriage counselling down the track. My husband is happy with this course of action.

I hope the counselling works out because if it doesn’t, I think I will take Amy’s advice and seriously consider the possibility of allowing a real man into my life! Thanks for your insight Amy. You still have plenty of life in you. What’s stopping you from moving on?

December 20, 2010 at 5:45 pm
(59) Jade says:

I can understand exactly where your coming from. I’ve been married just a month. We’ve been together for almost 4 years and in the beginning everything was great.
But it’s the little things I find shows someone’s true character. He works as a pilot so he’s got a bit of an ego. I love him but at times he makes me what to scream. He can be so selfish. He can go a day and do thing just for himself w/o a thought of how to make my day easier or if the dog has been let out or fed.

Last night, I spent all day cleaning the whole house. He comes home wanting to bake cookies and I told him all I wanted to do was relax and have some time just for myself. Well he guilted me into helping him and after I finished making cookies and washing the dishes I asked him to help me clean up the rest. Instead of seeing how tired I was and how much I worked already, he says I’m being bossy. I later go to pick up movies that evening and specifically told him to keep his cell close in case they don’t have the one he wants b/c he’s so picky that he won’t watch a movie if it’s not what he wants. So I get to the store and call him b/c it’s not there. Well 4 calls go by and he still doesn’t pick up. So of course when I get home I’m upset. He calls me a bitch and tells me to stop talking. Over an hour goes by after I told him to apologize he finally does by saying, “Ok sorry for calling you a bitch but it was b/c you got me upset.” That’s not a real apology. Like every fight I’m left to just deal with it on my own. It the morning I wake up first to go to work while he gets up later to surf. I call him at work and asked him if he’s fed or taken the dog out. His answer is, NO. So of course I have to leave work and take care of the dog so he can go out and think of no one again but himself. I get home let the dog out and all the cookie things I asked him to clean are still out.

Go figure. I’m so fed up.

December 21, 2010 at 9:59 pm
(60) newlyweds says:

Hi Amy,

Thanks for sharing with us. I’m sorry you are having a rough time with your relationship. It sounds like you are disappointed you don’t have children. Did you discuss this with your husband? What did you say? Also, have you gone to counseling? Good luck!

December 21, 2010 at 10:05 pm
(61) newlyweds says:

something’s gotta give – I’m glad you’re planning to work on communication and will be going to counseling. I hope it works for you. Good luck and do keep us posted! Definitely let us know if you get any good tips on how to improve communication. I’m sure we can all use this. Thanks again!

December 21, 2010 at 10:36 pm
(62) newlyweds says:

Hi Jade,

Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry the early days of your marriage have been difficult for you. They say the first year is the hardest. Have you tried setting up a chore schedule, so that you’re not carrying the brunt of the work? The following stories might help you –
How to Improve Communication – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/improvecommunication.htm

How Should We Divide Our Chores – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/householdchores/f/dividechores.htm

How to Apologize (perhaps for your hubby) – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/How-To-Apologize.htm

Good luck! Do keep us posted on how things go.

December 28, 2010 at 1:45 am
(63) Reality says:

i m depressed because of my husband and his family.
they try to create issues between me and my husband and my husband always trusts them over me.we dated each other for 2 years before marriage. now we have fights over almost everything and unfortunately during this phase i am 3 months pregnant too. he works and i take care of the house hold stuff.
he tries to dominate me everytime and in front of others shows as a nice and decent guy who loves me. i know he does but still these fights are major and are creating differences and distance between us. what do i do?

December 28, 2010 at 8:34 pm
(64) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Reality, thanks for sharing your story with us. In-law problems can be a real challenge. They definitely can get in the way of a happy marriage. But there are things you can do to improve your situation. There are no guarantees, but you married your husband and not his family. Have you tried talking to your husband about the trouble you’re having with the in-laws? If so, you have to be careful to choose your language wisely. Don’t use volatile words that will offend your spouse. This is his family, after all. Do explain your feelings and why this is bothering you. Have you tried counseling? Sometimes, an objective third party can help you navigate difficult issues like this.

December 31, 2010 at 1:19 am
(65) sandy says:

Hi Hate my husband today…he goes out of his way to not be nice to my mum and family.Yet his family treat me like crap but because I love him I put up a good face and entertain them.Why cant he make the same sacrifice for me?We will be married for 5 years next month.Today he said he does not want my mum to help out with cleaning…I have a full time job,2 kids,finishing my degree she helps once in a while.He also said I should not buy her a gift for her 60th birthday because I gave her money before that.It hurts that I have the money but cant do what I like,she is the best mother on earth.She puts up with all my husbands insults and comments for me.
He does so much good as well…like make me breakfast daily,his a good dad,he treats me like a lady.But why is he so mean to my family.I dont want him to suck upbut just be civil.No one visits from my side because he sits like inspector dont touch that,dont ,dont ,dont.Yet his family come over and do as they please.MY MIL IS SO LAZY SHE DOES NOTHING WHEN SHE VISITS,YET MY MUM FEELS SORRY AND HELPS AND HE HAS A PROBLEM WITH THAT.
I hate my husband right now I wish I could just lovehim again…but this hate will last a good couple of hours.

January 3, 2011 at 3:08 pm
(66) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Hi sandy, thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry you’re having trouble with your in-laws. This is a common challenge for newlyweds and veteran married people alike. It’s a tough situation, and you have to be careful about how you communicate your frustration to your spouse. You don’t want him to be offended or hurt. After all, this is his family of origin and he loves them, too. Still, you have to discuss the problem. You might want to check out some of the articles on this site about dealing with the in-laws. You can find them here – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/familyfriends/Family_Friends.htm
Have you tried talking to your husband about these issues? What did he say? Good luck!

January 5, 2011 at 4:21 am
(67) FeelingSelfish says:

I don’t know why I hate my husband, He’s sweet and goes out of his way to try and make me happy, but when he talks he makes my skin crawl and god forbid he tries to touch me i am disgusted. We have been married 3 years and I am beginning to think its me and not him. He has never cheated on me, never been abusive in any way. Nothing that could make me feel this way.
Do you think maybe i am the on who needs help.

January 5, 2011 at 11:38 am
(68) newlyweds says:

FeelingSelfish, there is nothing wrong with you. All marriages ebb and flow. You might just be going through a down time. You realize that you’re being unreasonable, which is already a step in the right direction. Have you tried remembering all the reasons you fell in love with your husband and married him? Have you tried reviving the romance in your relationship? Sometimes that is all it takes. The truth is we get on each other’s nerves. That’s part of marriage, but you have to learn how to tap into the good stuff to get back to that happy place. If you can’t do that on your own, then you could consider counseling. Have you done that ever?

January 11, 2011 at 5:44 am
(69) Sad Wife says:

Sometimes I hate my husband. This usually happens everytime he puts me down in front of friends and in public in front of total strangers or whenever he is arrogant and aggressive with me. He has to go to work very early in the morning and I pack his breakfast for him to take with him to have at his work place. I fell badly sick with a viral infection for 3 days and was in bed. He prepared his own breakfast. However I used prepare lunch and dinner. He told a friend that I never wake up in the morning to fix him breakfast and I am never bothered if he ate or not. Another example is when we arrived 2 hours late to a friend’s house, he put the blame on me saying I wanted to go shopping, and looked at me and said, ‘Its because of you, we are late, how could you do that, I told you we should reach here on time’. To avoid a scene in front of friends or strangers, I usually keep quiet. He says, thats the way he is and cannot change and its just a joke. Recently when he was getting dressed, I asked him where he was going and he asked me if I so stupid that I didnt know where he was going. And honestly, I didn’t know. I feel he gets some sort of sadistic pleasure putting me down and treating me as if I am dumb. I put in a lot of effort in our marriage and do everything to make his life comfortable. I don’t know why he puts me down in front of friends and strangers in public. I feel sad to think people would have a different impression of me, compared to what I truly am. I hate the way I feel around him at times. I feel whatever I do for him, has no value or appreciation. However, he is absolutely nice and polite to our friends’ wives and other women in our family.

January 22, 2011 at 3:04 am
(70) liz says:

Ladies….

If any kind of abuse is involved and not addressed things will only get worse, never better. Hope, tears, nor anger will change anything.

Relationship issues such as work sharing, communication and other problems can be helped by councelling. In this case work hard for you relationship because most bad times will pass and you will both be the stronger and closer for it.

But if it is abuse, calculated actions physical, emotional or verbal to control you; if he refuses to acknowlege his responsibilty for them saying it is your fault he hurts you.. GET OUT.

There is no relationship to save if abuse is involved.

January 23, 2011 at 3:15 pm
(71) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

SadWife, do you feel as though your spouse is mentally or verbally abusing you? If so, Liz’ comments are 100 percent correct. No matter what anyone tells you, it’s important to maintain your confidence and know that you are important and you have the right to feel good and be treated well.

January 30, 2011 at 10:30 pm
(72) DoesNotLikeHusband says:

I hate my husband, he is verbally abusive to me and I am thinking about leaving… I don’t think I have the guts to do it… do I see myself spending the rest of my life with him? I am not sure….

February 9, 2011 at 9:14 pm
(73) gizmo3 says:

My husband is an idiot. Together 13 years -married for 5 of them. We just bought a new new house -our first- and my husband thinks its a great idea to go on a big all inclusive vacation one month after we move in. There will be a tonne of expenses and new bills we wont be used to paying and thing will be still unorganized in the house. He wont budge on this idea no matter how uneasy it make me feel. Also MY parents gave us some money to help out for a gift and I think it is so rude to take their gift meant for our house together and use it to go on vacation. My mom even said she was hurt by it but my husband doest care. He thinks he deserves this vaction even if its my parents money he is using without them or myself being okay with it.

He is the most selfish person I have ever met. The worst part is he NEVER asked me where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do and is absolutely set on this stupid vaction no matter what our financial situation is. What an idiot.

February 10, 2011 at 7:48 pm
(74) Sueme says:

Stop telling us to go to marriage counseling. We’re not here for that – we’re here to blow off steam, not get advice. Especially about staying with the jerks! Most of us have already tried counseling anyway. Heck, that’s another reason we hate the jackasses!

We’re not stupid, we realize that we need counseling it we’re going to have a chance at making it work. But, for once, we’d just like to voice our feelings without having someone suggest WE have more work to do.

February 17, 2011 at 2:21 pm
(75) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Note to all – I’m sorry if I’ve offended anyone by suggesting or asking about marriage counseling. I just believe (and know from reporting stories for this site and talking to readers) that a lot of people don’t consider counseling or wait until it’s too late to do anything good for their marriage. I want to make sure people know of all their options. That said, you are all welcome to vent and vent some more on this site. I realize that sometimes a little venting goes a long way and that’s all one needs to get over what ever it is that is going on. One thing that no one should be tolerating is verbal or physical abuse in their marriage. If anyone is facing that kind of situation, she can turn to help. This story offers suggestions on how to get help – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/domesticviolence.htm

Good luck to all!

February 23, 2011 at 2:43 am
(76) grrr says:

I can’t stand my husband most of the time & think about leaving at least a few times a week. We have been together for 11 years married almost 6 & have 2 girls, a 3 year old & a 12 year old which is his from a prev woman, when I agreed to get custody of her I didn’t realize he doesn’t want to lift a finger to help raise either of them. I do everything-work, clean house, wake him up for work, do the bills, raise the kids, fix all broken stuff. A few years ago I found out he had a pain pill addiction & was lying about how much his job was making so he could fund it, he has since gone to counseling but I can’t trust him anymore. He works alot but when he isnt working he is with his friends playing xbox or sleeping, I never get to go out because I always have the girls. I’ve caught him lying about where he’s been, he isn’t cheating but he lies for a reason mostly so he can do what he wants & not “hear my mouth”. He wont stick to a budget & he’ll stay out til 4-5 in the morning on work nights & he expects me to be his personal alarm clock everyday, plus get the girls to school & daycare, did I mention I work a full time job also & make more than him. I always forgive him but he never changes & I often find myself snooping on his phone and in his stuff just to find some shred of truth. We have almost no intimate life & when we do it feels forced like if I never say anything he wouldnt bother with any affection. Its just so sad we used to love eachother so much now I get mad just looking at his face. All his friends are losers who still do pills and he wont stay away from them no matter how much I beg. The scary thing is even if I could go somewhere we are so tangled in debt and owning our house that I just don’t see the light anymore. What do you do when one minute you love him to death & the next you want to bash his head in? Anyway I won’t rant anymore but grrrrrrr!

February 24, 2011 at 9:21 am
(77) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

grrr, I think we can all relate to loving your hubby one minute and hating him the next. And most women feel like the burdens of child rearing and household chores fall mostly on their backs even if they have full-time jobs. This can be frustrating to say the least. Have you tried talking to him about taking on more responsibility or helping you out more? I find asking my husband to do things (think of it as delegating) usually gets him to do it. He might not initiate it himself, but he can’t read my mind and know every time I need help. I have to tell him.

March 10, 2011 at 6:48 pm
(78) Gabriella says:

I often hate my husband as well and I too can not stand the sight of his face, voice, clothes, shoes, etc. for periods of time, well actually most of the time. I have been married to my husband for almost 3 years and it feels like it has been 30 years. We weren’t together long before we got married and I know that has a lot to do with it as well but I know I’m the one who changed when I met him I was so in love with the thought of us and not looking at the actual possibility of how we would be. You never know what life is going to be like once you decide to share yours with someone but unfortunately for me I don’t know how to get back to the love and I’m pretty sure my marriage is over. The things I thought were so cute are now actually pretty juvenile and irritating and the love was pretty much infatuation and lust because as you start to grow and mature more as a person your priorities start to change and sometimes as scary as it is so do your feellings But fortunately for you the fact that you still love him and you still want him says a lot.

March 14, 2011 at 4:00 pm
(79) newlyweds says:

Gabriella, thanks for sharing your story with us. I happen to believe that passionate love ebbs and flows just as sex does in a marriage. Could it just be that your marriage is in a rut? Is there any way to improve things for you? If not, do you know what you’re going to do?

March 14, 2011 at 4:01 pm
(80) Desiree says:

I share most of the feelings a lot of the women here do as well, in the fact that I can’t stand living with my husband. We were together over a long distance for a year before we actually got to live together and now it has only been a handful of months but I cannot stand the man anymore. I did not know what it was going to be like to have someone follow me around the house, look for me when I go do an errand, try to suggest things for me to do if I’m just sitting around,lurking/stalking me in my own house, talk incessantly about his feelings, if I have a bad day ask me what he is doing wrong and why I’m not happy and if I have no answer because I have a headache and don’t want to think about it he goes all Eeyore on me. When he gets into his depressive mode he says things like, “I wish someone loved me” or “it would be nice to have someone that actually cared about me”, and the whole time I’m thinking OMG what is it that you think I’m doing here?! Because I dont do things like he does or reciprocate the way he follows me around like a puppy I don’t love him? What kind of emotionally messed up game is he playing with me? He says things like that to get a reaction out of me and when I don’t react because I’ve figured out his game he either gets mad and locks himself in a world of WoW or self loathing. I hate going home when I have to not only deal with him but our two kids as well. What really sucks is that I have one on the way and I don’t want to feel all the time like I am not giving enough to the relationship just because I show my love in different ways. We have talked about how we each are different but he still see’s me as unloving and uncaring towards him and I am really tired of trying to support his emotional instability and making him feel better, because I dont feel better. I don’t need the constant stress that he gives me everyday trying to live up to his expectations and being reminded just as constantly that I somehow fall short of them. GOODBYE!

March 14, 2011 at 4:28 pm
(81) newlyweds says:

Hi Desiree, I’m sorry you’re having such a difficult time with your husband. It’s tough when we want different things from our spouse. Psychologists will tell you that we all need to be loved differently. Some of us need to hear the words, others need their spouses to demonstrate their love. You need to communicate with each other exactly what you need, and then you have to try and provide that for one another. You need to say that you need more space. And your husband might tell you he needs more physical affection. Talking might help improve things. Have you tried talking about it? Thanks for sharing.

March 15, 2011 at 4:19 am
(82) mrs. wrong says:

I think I have you all beat…I have been married for 29 years. I knew from the moment I married him that it was wrong. We have nothing in common. But my stubborn self refused to show my family that “I couldn’t stay married” and I put up with so much verbal abuse. I am a very adventurous person. Mark…he wants to stay home and watch TV. He wants to go to a movie and out to dinner. We bought a timeshare (his idea) and we haven’t used it in 4 years. He won’t even let me go see my girlfriend in Florida. I feel like I am captured in a cage and I cannot get out. I have 4 kids..they are grown…yet when I did try and divorce them, the kids said they would not talk to me again. (I think it is a religious thing) I KNOW I would be happier without him and yet he has done things to show me that he loves me and then he quickly forgets how to treat me once things settle down. He is always telling me that their is something wrong with me and throws nasty comments towards me when he loses his temper. I am so stuck. I don’t want to lose my children or grandchild and I will if I divorce him. My life is so lonely. I never knew life could be so lonely once the kids moved out and live in another state. Oh how I wish I would have married someone with things in common. I can handle the everyday stuff…but not EVERYDAY his way or no way. Mrs. Wrong

March 15, 2011 at 4:31 am
(83) mrs. wrong says:

P.S. to the person who had her husband yell at her after her third miscarriage…my husband laughed at me after my 2 miscarriages and 11 hour premature 20 week old child. He wasn’t there for me. When I got out of the hospital and flew home, he laughed at me and told me to quit being a big baby. So yeah…I know exactly…how you feel. I am so sorry for you.

March 24, 2011 at 7:40 pm
(84) if i only knew then says:

Im 21 and have a son that is 18 months by my husband. We have been married for 3 years now but we have been together for 4 years, since senior year of high school. I joined the military right out of high school and he meet up with me in texas so we could continue to be together and the only way we could live together is to get married….I hate my husband a lot of the time, we fight about everything and seldom go a day without arguing. He is not a horrible person he is actually very kind and loving but his goals are not the same as mine. I am an X-ray and mammography tech and am continuing to go to school to become a nuclear medicine tech. He works in sales and makes about min wage and doesnt go to school. While i was in the military the opportunity was wide open for him to go to school because of grants and stuff and i asked him many times and he said he would get to is and never did until a few months before I was discharged. He took 1 class, it was an online class and at first he would ask me for help then i ended up doing everything. every time we moved he uses the excuse that he cant find a job for months at a time. Like when we first got married we were at the furniture store to get a table and i was talking to the guy that was selling us the table and it came up that my husband was looking for a job and thIm 21 and have a son that is 18 months by my husband. We have been married for 3 years now but we have been together for 4 years, since senior year of high school. I joined the military right out of high school and he meet up with me in texas so we could continue to be together and the only way we could live together is to get married….I hate my husband a lot of the time, we fight about everything and

March 24, 2011 at 7:46 pm
(85) if i only knew then says:

Im 21 and have a son that is 18 months by my husband. We have been married for 3 years now but we have been together for 4 years, since senior year of high school. I joined the military right out of high school and he meet up with me in texas so we could continue to be together and the only way we could live together is to get married….I hate my husband a lot of the time, we fight about everything and seldom go a day without arguing. He is not a horrible person he is actually very kind and loving but his goals are not the same as mine. I am an X-ray and mammography tech and am continuing to go to school to become a nuclear medicine tech. He works in sales and makes about min wage and doesnt go to school. While i was in the military the opportunity was wide open for him to go to school because of grants and stuff and i asked him many times and he said he would get to is and never did until a few months before I was discharged. He took 1 class, it was an online class and at first he would ask me for help then i ended up doing everything. every time we moved he uses the excuse that he cant find a job for months at a time. Like when we first got married we were at the furniture store to get a table and i was talking to the guy that was selling us the table and it came up that my husband was looking for a job and the guy offered a job right there and then to my husband and my husband smiles and said thankyou and we got to the car, I was excited and my husband said

March 24, 2011 at 7:46 pm
(86) if i only knew then says:

why are you happy you got to be crazy to think im going to work a labor job. We just got married and got out first apartment and the weight of the world was on my shoulders and i feel like he didn’t care…this same type of thing happened a couple of more times. Other than the lack of support i also think i love someone else. there was a few months that i lived in texas alone before i got married, even though i was dating my soon to be husband I got really close to a classmate. He had such ambitions and dreams and I have never felt for anyone like how I felt for him. I totally fell head over heals for him and i still feel the same way 2 and a half years later…but i know that all is lost and i am stuck living this life. The reason i feel like i have no choice is because i have HPV type 1. I must have gotten it sometime in high school when i had really low self esteem and did some really reckless things…I just want to be happy and feel love. any advice?

March 26, 2011 at 6:27 pm
(87) jnen says:

my husband is an arrogant, hurtful bully. Tonight, during a row he went to hit me. I ran away and locked myself in the bathroom. Then it was my fault that the kids were upset. My mother looks after the kids a lot during the week as I work full time and he is down right rude to her. He has a daughter from his first marriage and I have always welcomed her into our family. How come I do these things for him but he can’t be civil to my family for me? I often wonder if I disappeared what he would really miss about me? Just the childcare and the cooking. I have always worked hard (I earn almost as much as him) but he always think he’s the one who is the most tired. I’m so fed up of all of this. I think I deserve better.

March 31, 2011 at 9:28 pm
(88) caseylacey says:

ive been with my husband for half my life.i was 15 when we met and im now 30. i feel as though ive wasted alot of my youth with him. i went from schoolgirl to housewife. weve got 3 kids together.ive left him a couple of times before but couldnt do it to my kids so i went back.he doesnt physically hurt me but he plays little mind games and is the biggest man child ever.i get alot of invites on girls niights and he gets so jelous because he never gets asked to go out. i’d love for him to go but he llikes to stay cooked up inside and i dont.i think he still wants the 15 year old he first met.sometimes i love him but most of the other times i wish we never met at all.i regret marrying him.
the last time i left him i tried to kick him out and he only went as far as the couch!i needed independance and wanted to find me not just wife and mum and he couldnt give me that so i rebelled and slept with another man.if he left me alone i dont think i would have done that.
i want to leave him for good this time but ive got 3 kiddies.
the main reason i want to go is, is that hes just like his father and i cant stand him!!!! his always winging and bitching and complaining.just like a 4 year old and my hubby the same and i cant deal with that.
please help i need another opinion.
xoxo

April 6, 2011 at 2:24 am
(89) Kae says:

Oh boy do I hate my husband sometimes. We’ve been married 5 months, and he does not make it easy to love him sometimes. So my schedule is as follows: I wake up an hour or two earlier than he needs to because he refuses to get up, yells, complains, and when I tell him it’s hurtful and he needs to stop it or I won’t be waking him up anymore (which won’t work because if I don’t wake him up and make him breakfast then I’m a bad wife, and let’s face it, we live with his family, if I don’t make him breakfast, it does not go unnoticed) so here I am again, he said he had a meeting, I made him breakfast, I brought it to bed, showed it to him, I treat him like a child.. I say “mmm yumm.. look what’s for breakfast”.. now.. an hour later, he’s still in bed (after yelling at me to stop waking him up), he’s late for his meeting, and the bread of the sandwich I made him is too hard to eat, so the sandwich goes into the trash.. this happens almost every morning.. not to mention, he goes to work.. and he doesn’t message or call me all day.. and his reason is “when i’m at work.. I’m too distracted.. ” yet he has time to tweet or sign in at every location (on this foursquare application thing on iphone).. his phone is more important than me when he’s with me (I can’t have a conversation with him without his attention being on his phone), but when he’s at work.. he says he doesn’t touch it, and he doesn’t think about me at work because he’s too busy.. then he gets home.. barely says hello.. sits down, complains about being hungry, pulls out his laptop, opens it, and starts working all over again.. hours later, he shuts his laptop.. and goes to sleep.. and the day begins alllllllll over again :)
The crazy thing is.. he sounds terrible… but really.. he’s wonderful.. i love him.. and when he does something nice.. he really goes to town.. but yes.. i know what it’s like to hate my husband as a newlywed.. let’s face it men are cry-babies.. they can dish it but they can’t take it…)

April 6, 2011 at 12:24 pm
(90) newlyweds says:

ifionlyknewthen, I’m sorry to hear that your marriage is so challenging for you. Relationships – especially marriage – can be hard. HPV is quite common among women, even married women. And it can be in your system for many years before it shows up. I’m not a doctor, however, and you should be seeing a doctor regularly about this. Most recommend regular pap tests to screen for abnormal cells to the cervix, which is caused by HPV. In any event, happiness is something we all pursue and find difficult to achieve at times. Have you tried communicating your wants and needs to your spouse? Have you ever gone to counseling? Do you know what would make you happy? Reflect on your own and talk to your spouse – and see what happens.

April 6, 2011 at 12:29 pm
(91) newlyweds says:

jnen, I’m sorry to hear about your situation. I want you and everyone who reads this to know that hitting and abuse of any kind is unacceptable and it’s not going to just stop. You and your spouse should consider getting help. This article offers some information and tips on who can help you – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/domesticviolence.htm

Please let me know if you have further questions. I wish you all the best!

April 26, 2011 at 10:40 pm
(92) Reecs says:

I hate my husband tonight… we have been together for 15 years, married for 9. Today I had a bad day at work… I can’t stand where I work but I make the money that keeps us going… I was happy to be going home and he ruined it on my way home. When he pisses me off, EVERYTHING he has done or not done all comes back. I tried to leave 3 years ago but I won’t do it again, it was too hard on the kids – we have 3 girls. After reading a lot of the posts.. even though my husband matches the description of a lot of these husbands… he shows everyone else the perfect man… but I get the real one.. which made everyone hate me when I tried to leave him… he really isn’t that bad, he’s not lazy, just not as motivated as I am, he’s not abusive, verbally or physically. It did take him years to learn the world does not revolve around him and realize that I do the majority of the chores and “adult” chores.. like paying ALL the bills, cleaning up our credit, and getting him his truck and this house… I keep trying to come to terms with the fact that I will drive because I have the drive he doesn’t have to keep improving our lives…. but it is so hard.. I want his help.. this was supposed to be 50/50. After reading these posts… I don’t think it really can be 50/50 unless you are one of the lucky ones to marry a guy that’s smart.. and your best friend. I know that our relationship is not healthy, I think I need to work on myself and coming to terms with the fact that if I am not going to leave because of the kids, I have to accept certain aspects of him that will likely never change… I am responsible for my happiness.. no one else. .. It would just be nice if he thot of my happiness sometimes =\

April 27, 2011 at 4:01 pm
(93) Pat says:

I started to read some of these, but they all seem to have the same underlying theme. Men are children. They never grow up. They bully and abuse. They are weak and selfish. Mine is no exception though his biggest deficit is that he is incapable of telling the truth. He’s good looking and society equates that with simply being good. He will lie for fun, but mostly he just lies to cover up his mistakes. He’s cognitively challenged and I’ve helped him through every possible trial and tribulation including bankruptcy. He’s going in the hole again and I can not sit around a watch. I have a very small amount of money set aside, enough to get me out of this 25-year marriage if I sell all the furniture first (which was mine to begin with) and just take a car. His car is in my name because of his credit, and I’m still paying on it with my SS. We had no children together, though I had a son from a previous marriage who died four years ago. There’s nothing to keep me here except health insurance. I’m 64. But I’m college educated. Smart (in most things except choosing a mate). And I have energy and I believe marketable talents. My biggest problem is I haven’t worked in years. I’m terrified of what’s out there. I’m not particularly attractive and can’t imagine finding anyone, so it will be a life-changing decision to go. He doesn’t care. I recently asked him if I could sell all the furniture and he said, “Sure, why not? Go ahead if it will make you feel better.” Clearly he wants this over as much as I do. He’s in counseling for the pathological lying, but then again, he simply says he is. I can’t be sure. Is there no such thing as a long-lasting love? Is there a man on this planet who has both left and right brain function? Why don’t men care about money and security? Why do they….why does everyone…lie about everything? Where is the honor?

May 19, 2011 at 2:24 pm
(94) beyond*over*it says:

I have been w/my husband for 4 years almost 5 and we have a 2 year old son together, I have a daughter and he has a son (whom I cannot stand) with other people. We have been fighting non-stop lately and I’m not talking little fights it’s an all out brawl (not physical) although I think verbal and mental abuse is almost worse, he has always been very controlling and jealous I feel like Ii am being smothered he even gets mad if I want to do something with my Dad without him, it’s crazy! I do everything around the house (OH and we live with his MOTHER) he won’t even put his clothes in the hamper, yet he claims and I think actually believes that he does everything and I do nothing, onn Mother’s Day he didn’t even say happy moms day he just yelled and screamed at me becaus ehe didn’t want to watch our baby. I am completely miserable I hate everything he does He says he wants to go out to eat lunch bcuz coming home is “not relaxing” I said to hin well how can we afford that if we have to live with your mother and he just yells at me more, he nevr recognizes anything I do he just always tells me to f*ck off and I am always sleeping and never taking care of the kids, yet he gets mad anytime I want to work and anytime I have a job it makes him even more angry with me…I don’t want to cook for him anymore I don’t want to clean up after him I don’t want to do his laundry basically I just don’t want to be around him or with him, but since he won’t allow me to work I have no money so I have to put up with his bs! I am starting school monday to be an RN and I’m telling ya as soon as i am out of school and making good money I am out of here!!! This is my 1st step to freedom, but I hope I can make it out of here with some sort of sanity!!!

June 7, 2011 at 7:05 pm
(95) dollybee says:

After reading this, I do not feel so alone. He was still married when I was working for him at the time. We started dating in 2007 and it was much easier when we were under separate roofs. Well, in 2008 he proposed to me and I accepted. I thought we wanted the same things, so I agreed to marry him. We got engaged April 2008, bought a house in June 2008, and moved in together July 2008. Married in October 2008. well, anyways, we went along and then I got anxiety depression issues may 2009 induced by some idiot (not my husband) who drugged me with some fudge. Well, during that time, I started to really hate my husband thinking he should have protected me from all this. I also was resentful because he got laid off two months later and we were struggling to keep our house as a result. (I do work fulltime but my job became in jeopardy due to my depression anxiety issues and I got put on a performance improvement plan……talk about stress) I began to wonder if marrying him had been bad luck due to all the crap happening. It is now 2011 and some of that anxiety/depression has resurfaced and I find myself blaming him again. I was thinking I should leave but we have alot of pets and a house together, not to mention I don’t have the money to leave and I do like his family alot. I feel trapped. I also work a job a I hate because he is now a contractor and needs the health benefits through me. I feel guilty and sad that I do not feel madly in love with him like I did when we were dating

June 8, 2011 at 3:47 pm
(96) newlyweds says:

dollybee, I’m glad you received some comfort from seeing others facing similar questions about their own marriage. I don’t really understand the root of your depression/anxiety, but I’m sorry to hear you’re facing such challenges. I do want to say, however, that the passionate, almost blind, love we experience in the early days of a relationship or marriage rarely remain so hot. The passion ebbs and flows. You must decide whether the love still remains. Of course, as you mention, practical concerns are a factor, too, when deciding about your future. Let us know how things go. Good luck!

June 9, 2011 at 1:42 pm
(97) SuzT says:

I need help. I’ve been married for the past 9 months and I think I need a divorce. I have a 3 month old daughter who I love more than anything in this world and my husband is right after her in that line. I married him because I love him, he married me because I got pregnant (although he would never admit it. Before marriage he was the sweetest, person, the person who understood me better than everyone and he never tried to change me or judge me in any way. Now he’s the opposite of that. We fight all time and mean, nasty words are often said by both of us. He doesn’t understand me at all. He gets mad at me if I cry about anything, we argue when I try to tell him if I feel uncomfortable or hurt. I love him so much that when he doesn’t understand or listen to whatever I have to say I cry and this happens so often that I’m feeling now like I’m tired of crying. I don’t want my daughter to be without her father but I’m not happy. With him I feel as if I’m not supposed to have feelings or an opinion about anything. I’m not supposed to get upset or feel hurt or uncomfortable about any situation and this is not how I was brought up.

June 9, 2011 at 1:43 pm
(98) SuzT says:

I was a very pampered child and young adult and my family was always very kind and encouraged me to be a strong willed person. Now I have lost that. Becuase I love him so much I try everyday to change the way I am in terms of being opinionated on everything and having things the way I think they should be and I’m doing very well. My family doesn’t approve but i’m doing it anyway, for him. Last night I felt uncomfortable about something and I tried telling him how I felt and we argued again. Everytime I slip up in being how he expects me to be he tells me that I would never change and I’m always like this. This is untrue. I changed so much for him but he has this mindset of how I was and he thinks that I will never change. That is frustrating especially when i’m trying so hard. This happens often and I’m beginning to feel myself slipping into depression. I need to be healthy for my daughter but these arguements are beginning to take its toll. Please tell me if i make any sense at all or if i’m being a spoilt brat.

June 15, 2011 at 11:52 am
(99) newlyweds says:

Hi SuzT, I’m sorry that you’re struggling right now. Feeling unloved and feeling as though no one is hearing you is difficult. No one wants to feel that way. First, if you are depressed, I encourage you to get professional help. You can find more information here – http://depression.about.com/

Also, have you tried communicating with your husband about what’s bothering you? Have you tried marriage counseling? Those options might help you better understand him, and he might not realize the pain you’re suffering.

July 6, 2011 at 10:33 pm
(100) AmyL says:

I’ve been married for almost 12 years. My husband is a angry person, I feel like he doesn’t really like me very much. He hasn’t had any interest in having sex with me for 11 months now. He is in a bad mood a lot. He just asked our son to go swimming with him and didn’t invite me and when I made a suggestion for something we could all do together this weekend he said “NO.” Without giving me a reason, when I asked him what he wanted to do he didn’t respond. I just am not satisfied with my marriage and am not sure what to do. We have a 6 year old son together. I think about divorcing him all the time – but don’t know if I’m overreacting. How bad do things have to get? Is this really what marriage is supposed to be like?

July 13, 2011 at 12:26 am
(101) Inlaws suck says:

I hate my husband. I have been married to him and his mother for 11 years. I am glad to hear I am not alone. Despite repeated visits to marriage counseling, nothing ever changes. He puts his mother and her feelings first above me and our two kids – 6 years and 3 years old. Since her marriage is terrible and nonexistent, she uses her own son as a proxy for her husband. He calls and writes her everyday, completes her phd assignments, drives her 5 hrs to reach our vacation destination but leaves me to fend by myself with the two kids on the road, etc. She has told me to my face how i am rude and obnoxious while he called me a f*cling b*tch all while I was 5 mos pregnant, told me that I am the reason he has high blood pressure because I do not fulfill his needs in bed. The list goes on and on. And seeing that I despise him already and never found him that attractive in the first place, I am repulsed by the idea of any intimate contact with him. I never signed up thinking I was marrying the ultimate mama’s boy and his mother, who unfortunately has a striking resemblance to him.

August 12, 2011 at 6:26 am
(102) meera says:

Life is so confusing

Reading all those articles makes me feel that marraige is not an advice i’d give my children.I went for a second marraige and when I first got cose to him life was so beautifully perfect.I was hell bent on both of us getting our divorces and settling down seemed to be all I wanted.I forgot everything else including my silent son who stood by his mom.We fought with the world and declared our love as immortal.Two years later “Bang” it has exploded and we are both ashamed to face the world and accept our defeat so we are both continuing together.I feel stiflled when he comes home.I can’t breathe.He loves me but I hate him.God please make him dissapear from my life.

August 22, 2011 at 12:39 pm
(103) lace says:

i’m married to a selfish man who says he thinks of me and then doesn’t act on the thought. its been 11 years and all i seem to get from him is empty promises and dreams that would not come true unless i did them my self. i currently have two jobs and i babysit for the summer.this doesn’t leave alot of time alone with him. i warned him it would be difficult to be together for some alone time, but he didn’t belive it and when the time came he wanted me to quit. however i did not saying we needed the money and we do. He refuses to get a job due to the amount of child support they would take which leaves me paying all the bills while he sits home and waits for me,and then when i finally get home i’m tired, and want nothing more than dinner and a shower.. the dinner i have to make myself by the way and then after refusing sex he goes on to accuse me of cheating on him. i can’t get a break and i’m tired all the time. All i can think of is how simple this would be if i didn’t have to come home to a man who will never trust me enough to have a healthy relationship. I’ve never cheated on him and never would. why would i bother with another man when i can’t stand the one i already have. I just want to go home one day and find him gone with all his stuff. I think i would be very happy about that.

August 23, 2011 at 2:34 pm
(104) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Interesting comments, lace. Thanks for being so open with us. I think there are many women who worry about whether their husband trusts them and feel all the pressure to maintain a certain lifestyle. Have you tried telling your husband how you feel (without asking him to leave but just letting him know you’re feeling resentment and you want him to trust you and you need a little help)? I know it seems like a silly question. But some people never tell their spouse what’s on their mind, and if they just spoke up, their spouse might actually change. Good luck.

August 27, 2011 at 4:42 am
(105) Rose says:

Before marriage my husband used to be so understanding and was as if he could not stay away even for a moment without me,now we are married for 2yrs and he seems to change totally. He has an ego problem, while he speaks I need to understand him even though nothing make sense to me . He acts so selfish and even though I cry for my right to spend time with him he just ignores..during his off days he spends his whole night on the computer surfing and then when I wake up in the morning he goes off to sleep..On every fighting he tells me to leave him. It is as if impossible for us to stay happy together because he can’t stand me . I left everything- my friend and things I loved to do like going out for fun.I am totally into doing his work but he does not understand.I always go back to him even though he does the very bad things to me , maybe because of this I think he is assured that I can’t leave him and so he goes on doing what he does..He makes many friends especially girls and when I try to question him he is like “it’s not my problem you don’t have friends”. When I try to tell him that I am having a problem because of him doing this or that he straight away comes to argument , then he does not speak to me for several days ..I do not know how to deal with him as sometimes I feel I should leave him.

August 30, 2011 at 4:55 pm
(106) anju says:

My husband is very disorganized person, never keeps anything clean, change cloths and throw on the bedroom floor, papers all over living room, like mails and stuff, he is a buisness man and have a part time job, but com’on I have a full time job too and clean and cook everyday in the home like that is only my job. Its been 6 months I told him to vaccum home because of pregnancy I cannot do it, I told him to clean 2nd bed room and keep ready for baby past 3 months, newly fitted kitchen cabinets doesnt have enough shelves to put all the utensils, 5 months I’ve been telling him, everything else in the home I do it, like, cleaning bedroom and kitchen, everyday cooking, laundry every week, doing groceries, apart from 8 hours job everyday and being 8 months pregnant. I am tired and I cannot deal with this any more, anything I try to tell him nicely, he will yell at me. I need a break from this whole thing, I cannot live in a trashy home and cannot clean it all the time because of messy husband.

August 31, 2011 at 9:53 pm
(107) newlyweds says:

anju, I’m sorry to hear about your troubles. At 8 months pregnant, you should worry about you and your baby and do what you can to stay calm and relaxed. Have you tried to go to marriage counseling to express your grievances to your husband? Maybe that would help him understand your needs. Good luck and congrats on the baby!

September 1, 2011 at 12:51 am
(108) together and unhappy says:

I am also horribly unhappy in my relationship. We are not married, but have been together for a very unhappy 10 years, the first three years were okay, but we were polar opposites, and disliked each other a whole lot from the very beginning. Then, after hating each other for a few years, we somehow ended up dating, we never went through the fairy tale feelings, emotions, and version of falling in love, I’m not sure if we have EVER been in love. I love him, and I do believe that he loves me, but we are roommates, who really don’t get along, and are both raising a child together, no wait, he fathered a child with me, but I do most of the raising. He has finally gotten a job after five years of choosing to be unemployed, after years of pleading from me, my parents, and his parents along with pretty much everyone we know. He is very verbally abusive, always calling me names, telling me how useless I am, how I couldn’t go through life without him, although that’s funny, because I take care of the house, make his doctors appointments, pick-up, fill out and deliver all of his job applications, take care of our child, I have the car, I have the job, everything in the house is mine, all of the bills are in my name, so pretty much, he is just another complaining mouth to feed.

September 1, 2011 at 12:51 am
(109) together and unhappy says:

We have had no physical relationship because I have no desire to be near him at all physically, why would I when he is just another ‘child’ that I take care of. He doesn’t like me to be happy, he doesn’t like me to do anything for myself. The world revolves around him. He is an alcoholic, he has been to 3 rehabs, and has been hospitalized (in intensive care for 2 weeks) for his liver shutting down along with his pancreas…because of his drinking, which he could only manage to stop doing for 4 months. So, his love is for alcohol, and not for his family. His life, along with ours revolves around his alcoholism. This is not fair to our 3 year old daughter, or to me, but I am more concerned about his issues effecting our daughter. He does cook for us, sometimes. I am always lying about him, for him to everyone in our family and to all of our friends, so that they do not really know what goes on behind our closes doors.

September 1, 2011 at 12:52 am
(110) together and unhappy says:

If I repeat something he says he’ll say to me, i hope you aren’t repeating any of this, because it makes me sound like an a$$ho1e…but funny thing is, then he realizes how he is, and what he acts like, and how hurtful he is, which almost makes it worse. If he was completely oblivious to his actions, and the result of them, I could forgive him a little more. He works in a minimum wage job, and is just fine with that, I am not, I want a house, a nice car, some security, a savings account, we are writing out checks before we have the money to cover them. We have absolutely no savings, absolutely nothing to look forward to in the future

September 1, 2011 at 12:53 am
(111) together and unhappy says:

, when we got together I was 23 years old, I figured we were young, at some point he would grow up and things would change, boy have they not changed at all, he has almost regressed as a person. He always threatens to leave me, but never does, I wish that he would sometimes. Then I would not feel guilty. I do nothing that makes me happy, I have completely lost myself, the only thing good that has come of this relationship is my daughter, whom means the world to me, and he is constantly complaining that I spend time with her, and ignore him, which is because we go outside to play, and go to the park, go do fun things together so that she can learn about the world, we read books, we make things, etc…and he wants to watch tv…he never wants to join us, or do any fun family activities, just sit and watch television and drink his 24 beers a day. (to be continued)

September 1, 2011 at 12:54 am
(112) together and unhappy says:

So I see it as being his fault that he is ignored. I lie in bed at night, I work until 4am in the morning, and wake up every morning with my daughter as my parents drop her off at 7am…..and do not sleep any more in the afternoon, as i am a full time single parent as the other parent drinks beer and watches tv or sleeps. anyway, I lie in bed at night hoping that he will just stop breathing while he sleeps, or get in a horrible car accident and not make it, or get sick with some terminal illness, so there is some end in sight. I cry myself to sleep every night, I wake up crying, I cry while I am in the shower, I cry on my way to work after dropping my daughter off with my parents (because he refuses to watch her, claiming he doesn’t ever get a break from her) I am just miserable. But as we continue to go through the motions with nothing changing. I continue to put up with this, sometimes I am happy, it is just becoming more and more seldom when I smile, and if and when I do, I get questioned as to why I am happy, and I am told that I am annoying when I am happy and that he doesn’t want to be around me “stop smiling” he says, or “stop being so happy” and when I am sad, I hear: “what’s wrong, there is always something wrong with you” “can’t you just be positive?” “I hate you, you’re always complaining about something” etc, etc, etc, and my complaints do go on and on, and the issues are endless. I just don’t know if it’s a relationship worth fighting for and continuing to “hang-on” hoping it continues to improve, I will say that things have slowly gotten a little better each year that we have been together, but I am not sure how much more I can take, or have my daughter exposed to. I’m just not sure if I should continue on living in this nightmare, or if I should end it and move on….

September 2, 2011 at 10:48 am
(113) Unhappy_Newlywed says:

I have been married to my husband for 6 months and since we got back from our honeymoon I have never felt so miserable in my life.
Before getting married I was quite specific in stating my needs and trying to determine his needs so that we could work at having a successful marriage. No matter how many times I ask him to communicate with me, even if it’s simply asking me how my day was or telling me about his day when I ask him, he just never puts in the effort. he just spends all his playing with his phone, watching sports or surfing the Internet.
We live with his parents and so rarely get time alone so I’ve asked if we can set time aside even if it’s once a fortnight to go out to dinner so we can have some alone time and catch up with whats going on in our lives. I will try to talk and initiate conversation and he will just sit there quietly playing with his phone. I tell him it upsets me that we are always the only table at the restaurant who aren’t talking and he doesn’t seem to care.

September 2, 2011 at 10:50 am
(114) Unhappy_Newlywed pt2 says:

Some nights, a lot of nights I cry myself to sleep because I’ve never felt alone or unloved and rather than comforting me he will turn the tv on and watch sports.
He always put his parents needs and feelings before mine and is more concerned with what his friends think about him than what I think about him even though he knows it causes problems in our marriage.
He always turns down any moments to be intimate saying he’s tired or doesn’t feel well yet he’ll spend the entire night reading the online sports news. He doesn’t ever kiss me goodnight or cuddle with me or even tells me he loves before going to sleep even though he knows it’s important to me. I tried kissing him goodnight and saying I love u for the first 3 months but am tired of putting in all the effort and him not reciprocating.
I have asked him if we can see a counsellor to try to help us express our needs and help him with general communicating so we can make our marriage work but he is not interested.
i Don’t know what to do.

September 2, 2011 at 10:57 am
(115) Unhappy_Newlywed pt 3 says:

He constantly puts his parents needs and feelings before mine and cares more about what his friends think of him rather than what I think, even though he knows it causes problems in our marriage.
I tell him that when he does that or acts indifferent that it hurts me and he just shrugs it off.
I am trying and putting in so much effort and he doesn’t.
Most mornings I wish I didn’t wake up. I tell him I’m depressed and unhappy and he tells me it’s my fault because I’m too sensitive.
He was not like this when we were dating. He was very attentive and sweet. I know deep down he is a good man but I just can’t seem to understand why things have changed for the worse since marrying. I truly want to be happy with him and hope he wants to make it work also.
If anyone has constructive advise, please help.

September 6, 2011 at 3:58 pm
(116) newlyweds says:

together and unhappy, thanks for sharing your story with us. I hope someone else chimes in with advice. One thing I think you should do is look at his alcoholism and addiction as a disease. Itís like when someone has cancer. You canít help him with this disease unless he wants help. Youíre best bet is making your daughter a number one priority. To get help with your alcoholic partner, you should contact a professional. You should be able to find more information on how to get help at http://alcoholism.about.com/
Good luck!

September 6, 2011 at 4:00 pm
(117) newlyweds says:

unhappy, kudos to you for suggesting counseling. I am sorry to hear that your partner is not interesting in going to counseling. Try bringing it up again and explain why you think it’s important. If that does not work, there’s no law preventing you from seeking counseling for yourself. Perhaps, a third party can help you work through these problems and decide what to do to find happiness again. Good luck!

October 12, 2011 at 1:31 am
(118) Tania says:

To newlywed

Who made you a therapist?

October 17, 2011 at 10:15 pm
(119) needhelp says:

i’m prolly n the wrong place to post this as i am the hated husband. I try HARD to make my wife happy. I do anything she asks me to do, I will admit that sometimes she has to ask me 2, 3, or 5 times but i always get it done. We just moved into a new (to us) house. I replumbed, rewired, and remodeled almost everything in the entire house and am still continuing work on the house to make it everything SHE wants and i did all of this while going to work 40-75hrs a wk and carpentry is not my profession, but she still claims that i am lazy and do nothing around the house. I will admit that we prolly split the cleaning but i do 95% of my own laundry (not complaining i was doin it b4 i met her) she still claims im lazy. I never go out by myself and when i do shes mad when i leave, mad when im gone, and mad when i get home. So i hardly go out w/o her now but she says i need to go do my own things but how can i when i almost feel too scared to ask and would rather avoid another a$$ chewin. I feel like i cant do anything right. I take her out to eat when she wants and randomly to keep things spontaneous, i buy her flowers on our special dates and sometimes for no reason at all and i always have them delivered to her workplace, and try to pamper her at home. I cook for her and she says that im the best shes ever had in bed. Ive always put her first in that category, and 2nd and 3rd and 4th. i am trying my best and nothing makes me happier than making her happy! shes everything to me and I dont ever want to b without her but the way she yells at me and puts me down really bothers me. i dont know what to do anymore. everytime we fight i feel like shes jus trying to see how mad she can make me. two nights ago she went into the garage and started drilling holes into my newest and almost completed wood project. she always brings up divorce every time and tell me how shes been talking to a lawyer about it. affects me mentally and physically and people at work have noticed.

October 19, 2011 at 1:55 pm
(120) helpless says:

I have been with my husband for 6 years now. we have been married for 3. i got pregnant and then we had to get married. He has always been abusive physically, verbally and emotionally. I always try to leave but he always be and promise to change but after 6 years together he never changed. Whenever he hits me he would tell me it was my fault. He drinks almost everyday and claims he has to relax after a long day at work. After years of the hitting and abuse I will always forgive him and try to make our relationship work, but these past few months I have grown to resent him and can’t stand being around him. I hate making love to him, it make me sick to my stomach and I just hate it. I finally worked up to courage to talk to him and tell him how I feel. He said he will change and be a better husband but that of course never happen. I told him a few weeks ago that I want a divorce and I think that it will be better for both of us and we both can be happy and our son would not have to grow up in an environment with so much tension and abuse. He told me that if I ever try leaving he will kill me. He told me I am his property and I have to do as he says and go by his rules. I consider suicide so many time but because of my son I haven’t done it. I feel so sad and depressed all the time and he don’t seem to see that. I used to be such a happy person before I was with him but now I can’t even find myself. I really want to be happy but the love I used to have for him is no more. I do my duties as a wife and I have always been faithful but I find it difficult loving him now. I think I have reached a point in my life where the beating me and cursing me has mad me stone hearted and I just can’t forgive him for the way he has treated me all these years. Even though he claims he want to be the best husband and that he loves me and wants us to make it work. I don’t know what to do. I am praying for a way out. Help!

November 7, 2011 at 6:27 pm
(121) newlyweds says:

needhelp – I’m sorry to hear about your situation. Have you tried going to marriage counseling or suggesting that to your wife?

November 7, 2011 at 6:33 pm
(122) newlyweds says:

helpless – I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. No one should ever be abused verbally or physically. This article offers information on how to get help if you’re in an abusive relationship http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/domesticviolence.htm

November 13, 2011 at 10:04 pm
(123) carla says:

i have been with my husband for 4 years, we have a 2 year old baby. i sincerly hate him, everything about him. i urinate on his toothbrush everynight, i put mouse poop in his sandwich when i pack his lunch everynight also. i can’t leave because i am a stay at home mom without an income. i feel i am going into a depression due to my hatred.

November 26, 2011 at 2:37 pm
(124) Lorii says:

I hate my husband sometimes too. I remember one day he asked me why was I staring at him and I told him l was wishing I could burn his eyes out. I felt bad once the anger was over and we always go back to love, but he pisses me off so bad sometimes. I still love him.

December 6, 2011 at 7:11 am
(125) Mary says:

I feel exactly the way all these women feel. I hate my husband too, though I am quickly finding also I am starting to hate my children too. Like most of these my husband is a lazy arse, who sits on his bum every night by the tv watching sport, sport and more sport. The only time he really only comes to bed is when he wants sex. I have to admit he is not a selfish lover compared to what he is like outside the bedroom. I have started lately also hating my children as they all rely on me. I run our business full-time, run the household, parent teacher interviews, organising everything from Client dealings write through to quotes, wages all office and home cleaning duties. My children are 14, 11 and 8 all girls. They do nothing but complain like him about what dinner I cook. When I cook quick meals thats all i hear. I am a bit of a clean freak probably because of my early marriage with my husband dominating how I did things and comparing me to his mother. I am greek, and am trying to bring my girls up the right way. But I can’t help but feel like a slave to all of them. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to leave and let them fend for themselves. I am tired most nights and exhausted from all day duties as well as late night walking the dog no-one ever walks. Lately I have freaked out a lot at all of them complaining about how I feel. My husband says all the time i shouldn’t do as much and delegate to the girls. But guess what he constantly leaves a mess behind every night after his late night snacks his just as bad. There must be a better solution to this, I realise that my family don’t respect and appreciate me. How can I fix my problem ? Do I have to be very dramatic and leave for them to realise how sick and tired I am ? Please help !

December 25, 2011 at 1:41 am
(126) resentfulmom says:

I hate my husband 99% of the time. We only married because I got pregnant. He spends his time being a pervert on the internet and playing games rather than spending time with his family. I had a future before my kids and I resent the hell out of them because without them I wouldnt be chained to my husband. I dont want to be a single mom and raise my kids in poverty. Id rather live this lie in comfort than struggle and be miserable anyway!

December 26, 2011 at 10:15 pm
(127) Babs says:

The author sounds like a broken record playing “Go to counseling”

January 3, 2012 at 10:09 am
(128) Ana says:

So I googled “is it normal to hate your husband” and was at first pleasantly shocked at all the comments relating to this topic but also saddened that there were this many comments relating to this topic. My husband is actually capable of being thoughtful and considerate, but those Good attributes are becoming fewer and further! He can be very inconsiderate, selfish and shows no affection toward me. He tends to be difficult and argumentive. And what’s worse he does it in front of the kids. I have a lot of pride and feel the need to defend myself by lashing back at him and regrettably, I lose myself and we start a yelling match. Typically the fights are are about anything from him going out too much or playing the music extremely too loud at all hours of the day and me asking him to lower it. Or I’ll admit sometimes I’m stressed out and want him to just listen to me and soothe me. But he doesn’t have the capability. We’ve tried counseling and it helped a tiny bit…but with full time jobs and a 2 yr old it’s just hard to fit it in! Anyway the point is that I do hate my husband sometimes and I’m trying real hard to justify staying with him. I feel I deserve better and I’d rather be alone than in a dysfunctional marriage! All I can say is that if you’re young enough and things can still be worked out in your marriage give it your best shot! This is my second time at the marriage rodeo and divorce sometimes isn’t the best solution. Unless you have not even a spark of emotion left for your husband then divorce might be your only way of finding true happiness and peace again. But be real sure because it can also be a difficult and long process and trying on the kids(if you have kids). Good luck to everyone who hates their husband. I feel you! But do give it your best shot to communicate your feelings to him. Sometimes they just don’t get it!

January 3, 2012 at 10:39 am
(129) Not too sure says:

What you are describing is not normal. Telling yourself that it is, is like an alcoholic trying to convince themselves that everyone drinks. You are in an unhealthy marriage, which you are half to blame for.

If it happened, say, during a really rough patch or maybe once a year… But what a lot of you are describing is incompatibility issues with abusive or inconsiderate men that you really do not like. I would say, go to an individual councellor until you like yourself enough to not tolerate how they treat you so you can leave.

I have been married for 19 years and can say, I have been angry and disappointed in rare occasion but do not experience what you are trying to say is “normal”. I feel like I am married to a friend that listens to me, makes changes at my request, does not act immature, etc. and I treat him the same way. The hatred you describe indicates you have a broken marriage but you will get right into another until you change what a marriage is supposed to look like to you and until you change your own general relationship dynamics and expectations (of their and your behaviour).

Good luck… It also is fixable if both parties are willing to put in the work. You can start by reading Harville Hendrix’s Getting the love you want, and more impotantly, read If Love is a game, these are the Rules, combined with councelling.

January 22, 2012 at 4:53 am
(130) QJ&Y says:

In the beginning my partner was incredibly attentative. He would travel for miles just to surprise me on my half hour break or to bring me antibiotics and vitamins when I had a cold. We would go out to dinner and go camping together. He would shower me with gold for special occasions money when I was short for my bills. Fast track 9 years and everything has stopped. All I get now is he wants something or the house is not up to his pristine standards. He works full time and I work part time and every cent I earn must go towards the bills and food and I have never seen one of his pay checks. He has become incredibly tight and has no problem with asking for any of mine. I am 8 mths pregnant with twins, almost ready to drop and worked every single week of my pregnancy. Everyone tells me i should stop working and hes the only one who tells me to keep going. He makes comments when im eating, insinuating that Im always hungry. I fluctuate between a AUS 12 -14!! All he ever does after work is come home and sit at the computer.What really hurts however is that he has still has not divorced his wife. Instead he does everything he can to avoid the issue. when he left he paid off her credit card, he provided her with a new car, he always treats her politely and still relies on her to do his ‘books’. He has mentioned to me that for us he intends to have me sign a prenup. I asked him if he would be looking after me and he said he would look after our kids and he’ll make sure THEY look after me. I have had to deal with this pregnancy all on my own, walking everywhere or catching public transport and yesterday had to make my own way to my baby shower and home with all my things despite he has a $30,000+ vehicle in his garage. I just burst into tears when i got home and hes been very tender but i told him straight out several times ‘ I just hate you so much.’After yesterday something has struck and I just cant stand the useless sight of him.

January 22, 2012 at 5:09 pm
(131) CeCe says:

I understand what everyone is saying. I hate my husband some of the time, mostly because he is mean to me. I have loved him for almost 20 years, and we have been married for the past five. We had a troubled relationship, with many break ups and reconciliations. He does much for me but I do not feel really loved or appreciated because he is verbally abusive, refuses to contribute equally to the household expenses, depends on me to carry most of the responsibility but then I can’t manage to do it all right for him. One minute I am a great wife the next I am a bitch. If I ask for something he tells me I am controlling him but he expects me to fulfill all of his expectations and sometimes to read his mind. It gets very tiring. I don’t feel I have the full support of another adult and partner.

January 26, 2012 at 5:50 pm
(132) lostmycharm says:

I hate him many a times and it is becoming more and more these days. It is hard isnt it cracking a man’s head and knowing whats in there? absolutely no interest to share or discuss anything i mean ANYTHING. and it is wakeup, eat,dressup go to work come back eat sleep and watch tv in between. of course he does some chores. the distance is growing. he claimed to love me for over 4yrs and then got married. i knew him as a friend and thought it will work out as he talked and called and ‘thought’ about me most of those 4 yrs. it is 8yrs of marriage now and gained nothing. no ‘just like that conversations’ or ‘romantic moments’ or ‘planning for future’ or ‘discussing for kids’. more mechanical. anything brought up – blows up and the ‘high face nonsense’ session goes on for days together. Oh my God! I wish time can be reversed. I hate him and sometimes it turns towards the kids and cant stand them when they dont listen or act ‘not listening’ – reminds me of him & absolutely dont want them to grow up like him.
looks like hatred is common. wish I can get out of this. But cannot or he will not agree. it is like living separate but forgng a loving life before the world. oh the world except a few close think of us as the ideal couple. That gives him all the satisfaction and thats all he wants. I can go on and on on what causes. Coming from Asia – his family and their attitude tortures and they caused a lot of pain (continue to). He simply doesnt acknowledge & as someone above said ‘yeah feel like opening up there to see if anything is in there’. I bet the heart is missing too :-)

February 18, 2012 at 6:19 am
(133) Nike says:

We’ve been married for only 4 months and i think I’m beginning to hate my husband. He just hurts me deliberately sometimes, and he still claims to love me. I wish I could keep a distance from him because seeing him sometimes makes me more angry and confused. he doesnt understand me and he is not making any effort to. I kind of wish I married someone else

February 24, 2012 at 1:44 pm
(134) Sick of everything wife says:

My husband is a weird one. He damages my things on purpose, sometimes right in front of me, physically hurts me on purpose then acts all innocent. He is jealous of me spending time with my children. Lies to me, flirts with other women, does the stupidest things, which is usually me who suffers because of it, but he never learns and will repeat same stupid mistakes over and over again. He has terrible road rage because other drivers are sooooo stupid but he is not the greatest driver either. He always picks into me like I’m always doing things wrong: such as leaving my combs beside the sink in the bathroom, having books or magazines in bookshelf instead of empty bookshelf. If he knows I’m planning to go shopping next day, he will “accidentally of course” take the car keys with him to work. If I have the nerve to speak up about these things, of course I’m the big b–ch. He acts in front of other people like he is so nice and considerate but he is so opposite to me and the kids. I feel trapped, unhealthy, beaten down, and like no one will believe me if I seek counselling or divorce. We have done counselling many times in the past but he admits to me he lies to them because he doesn’t want them thinking he’s an a-hole. God help me and please pray for me!

February 24, 2012 at 2:12 pm
(135) Sick of everything wife part 2 says:

Some other things he does to me that don’t make sense is he will “accidentally” step on my foot with all his weight on his one foot, act like it was an accident, then repeat the exact same thing two more days in a row till I lose it on him. When I use to come up to bed I would find my pillow on the floor beside the bed every night and he always had an innocent excuse. When I really blew my top about this, it suddenly changed to my pyjamas top or bottom or both magically being on the floor beside the bed every night when I always folded them and put them under my pillow. This b.s. finally stopped when I decided to fight fire with fire and put his pillow on the floor beside the bed. After two times of this, he stopped doing it to me. No one I know has a husband who does these things to them because I have asked. When we are in the car together, it can be -12c outside and it will stay the same temp in the car because he refuses to turn the heat on and sometimes even has the dial set to the cold setting of the a/c with fan blowing, this after the car is fully warmed up and I am literally shivering and seeing my breath in the car. We then have a huge fight where he denies doing it and even tries to convince me that I turned the air conditioning setting on.

March 3, 2012 at 6:35 pm
(136) Brittney says:

i have been married to my middle school sweet heart for a year this past February we have a one year old daughter sometimes i just hate the fact i got married he doses stupid things like he says i be back in 20 minutes and then comes back in a hour or long correct me if I’m wrong but doesn’t this make you look as if your doing something wrong how hard is it to pick up the phone and say I’m stopping here or there and he is super cheap my allowance is a 100 a month i do not work b/c we agreed we do not trust ppl with our day the world is crazy . like this past weekend we went to the zoo and i thought had my snap award letter and i didn’t he was ready to leave b/c it wasn’t free and then i ended up paying for my own ticket it was embarrassing b/c we went with another couple and their children and they saw all this

March 5, 2012 at 3:00 am
(137) Rachel says:

I despise my husband. He is useless, ignorant and I’m starting to wonder if he’s actually not all mentally there. He acts like a spoilt baby. He hasn’t had a real job _ever_. He can’t have sex because he’s deformed. He is repulsively ugly. He is so stupid he doesn’t even brush his teeth in the morning, and I have to call him during the day twice while I’m at work to remind him to do simple things. All day he does nothing but play on the internet. Every day I wish I had never met him.

I realise I have very poor self esteem but I am starting to wonder if I deserve this. Maybe I was terrible in a previous life, I don’t know.

March 9, 2012 at 4:28 pm
(138) Louis says:

There are two sides to every story and in my case no matter how hard I try and I really do try, there is always something I have done wrong and I hear a mouthful of complaints at least bi-monthly. Where there used to be patience in me is now replaced with anger and resentment. When you have to live with a partner who is chronically dissatisfied then even parting the red sea will not appease them for long. We are debt free with no money problems, I hold a steady well paying engineering job, I help around the house and never say no to anything she asks. I gladly give her daily evening massages to put her to sleep. I am home most of the time with my family and put a lot of care into it. She is a stay at home mom by choice. One day she is happy the next day I become the worst of the worst in her eyes. It’s very debilitating and I go through many sleepless nights worrying about our future. We tried counseling but her mood swing get the better of her

March 22, 2012 at 8:33 am
(139) I hate him so much! says:

Most of the time I just hate my husband! I’m at stay at home mom with our two year old child, well he thinks that since he works that he doesn’t have to do anything else! And when I do ask him if he can do something for me he either ignores me, looks at me like I’m crazy, or tells me that ain’t my job. I do the laundry dishes clean cook yard work, and even raise our son by myself! When our son fall asleep on the couch, he can’t even pick him up and put him in his bed, that’s my job too. When he is home all he does is watch TV, and when I tell him I want us to go out and do something he’ll throw a huge fit about it! If i call him and ask him to Stop and get one thing at the grocery atore on his way home, he drives right past it comes home and tells me hat i should have gone earlier. If something doesn’t go right, it’s my fault, if something breaks its my fault! I’m not saying I’m perfect, because I have my flaws. H can go to the bar whenever he wants, but when I want to go out with my friends I’m a whore and he tells me not to come home that I should just go home with whoever I’m flirting with, and the funny thing about that is he is the one that cheated on me before we got married and I forgave him, and I’m the slut! I’m just getting tired of all this!

April 20, 2012 at 12:50 pm
(140) whatever says:

I HATE HIM,I HATE HIM,I HATE HIM………I am so all done,the only reason I stay is because of my children.He’s rude,embarrassing and I really don’t know if I can stand him anymore.He sometimes is even sometimes rude to our children.I don’t know how much longer I can deal.He has emotionally,mentally and physically drained me.I need to be strong for my kids and I also need to be strong for myself.Can’t do it anymore…

May 4, 2012 at 12:58 am
(141) Stephanie says:

He is never happy unless hes talking to other women. I talked to his ex girlfriend who he was talking to behind my back and she says that was why she broke it off with him.

I dumped him when we were dating because I found out about his secret convos with his ex’s. He bought a $7K ring and showed up at my door crying, begging me to marry him. Like an idiot I fell for it – and its been the same for 5 years. He got back from Iraq – I find pics of him with a female

I check his computer, he’s on dating sites. He isn’t terrible – he doesn’t drink and I know he hasn’t slept with these people he finds amusing. I allow myself the same liberties just to get under his skin. I looked at singles on the net. I mean and there are so many weird guys too.

Met one guy I thought I could really possibly love. He was wealthy, attractive, hard worker. He was arrested on the news by a swat team…. WTF? Am I a psycho magnet or what? Don’t answer that

Im tired of my husband & his mom. Anybody who treats her dogs better than her grandson is just annoying.

I mean imagine at the end of me doing a great deed for her i.e. helping her save her home from forclosure, sending her money to help with her dog’s surgery etc then just insert the most violent TKO you have ever seen

My older sister came to live with me, she went out alone – she got intoxicated and died

Well my mother-in-law was just devastated over this complete stranger whom she had barely met and my husband said he wished I had died instead –

I can’t trust my husband, My mother in law views me as some sort of Pinata for money and home repairs. My son no longer respects this man. My husband demanded the right to adopt him and then refused to adopt him when I went to have the papers prepped.

I worked hard to make 10K to have a botanical garden wedding. He put off the wedding then He was called back to the Army for Iraq & we were married in a car dealership !

My honeymoon, I fell asleep crying while he blogged

May 5, 2012 at 6:08 am
(142) Ybur says:

For 3 days now I still hate my husband. It usually doesn’t take this long. It always happened when I am about to get my period. I am so irritable and most of the time if he insist what he wants, it hurt my feeling so much and I hated him for that. Right now I am worried, and many questions in my mind. Did he really ever love me, or have I ever love him? Were 10 years married with 3 kids (8,6 & 4 1/5) He is 66 and I am 41, he is Italian and I am a Filipina. After I get my period though it was all back to normal. Hopefully by tomorrow I will get my period. And hope this hatred will end. But is this going to be every monthly fight? I hate it too because it seems when that time comes it’s getting worser. Right now, the hate is like forever. Can someone tell me what is wrong with me?

May 13, 2012 at 7:18 pm
(143) so unsure says:

I have been with my partner for 9 years and we have been engaged for 7 months ! I am having so many doubts – the person i fell in love with years ago doesnt exist anymore – we fight over stupid things and he literally NEVER ever can admit any fault with himself – i love him a lot and i cant see myself with anyone else – people say its about working at it – but in the heat of the argument I definately hate him – i think its completely normal to do so – anyone has any suggestions on how to solve this issue – with mean that can never ever see any fault with themselves and are simply arrogant – please let me know

May 20, 2012 at 8:39 am
(144) Uglyhusband says:

ive been married for 8months but i hate my husband everyday, especialy since i got pregnant. i work and provide for everything all he does is make excuses about why he is unproductive and sometimes has the ordesirty to bleme me for him “MISFORTUNE” when there fact of the matter is that he is bloody lasy. He says he is waiting for me to make enough money so that he can start a business, i regret marrying him, the more he shows me how stupid he is the ugly he looks, makes me feel disgusted and i have having sex with him and i wont be having sex with him either unless he gets up his ass and be a man, im nor prepared to be the man and the woman at the same time.

May 26, 2012 at 11:55 am
(145) almost2years says:

almost 2 years in my marriage! yey! Im happy, most of the time, but i cant help but think cause there are moments that he is totally a different person. and it normally happens when we go out and try to have fun, then he get really indifferent to me, and my family. and that drives me nuts, and its always me who goes to him and try to make up, he havent apologised to anything, ever. i cant help but think that i might be happier with another man, or maybe by myself and that seem to make me very guarded of plans for the future. we dont have kids yet, and we are waiting for the time for me to get pregnant, and im freaking out. we are the exact opposites, but i really love him. im stuck and lost.

June 2, 2012 at 1:26 pm
(146) Amy says:

I’ve been married 45 years and I have been angry and hated my husband. In all those years we only had sex once, have never slept together for a whole night, no intimacy, no going out, no vacations together. no dinners, no children (this hurt the most). just plain no nothing. We don’t even live together on the same level of our house. He sleeps down in the basement and I upstairs. We never really talk to each other, I guess were more like apartment dewellers. Why did I put up with all this, well thats a good question. I have a roof over my head thats all payed for. I can’t find a decent job to support myself, I have enough education but as every one knows the job market sucks. If I could support myself I would just leave him I wouldn’t even divorce him. He doesn’t have alot of money just enough to get by.

June 3, 2012 at 1:38 pm
(147) Iphie says:

Where can I begin? I don’t just hate my husband, i loathe him. The sight of him disgusts me. As I am writing this, I feel really bad but pouring out my feelings makes it feel better. We are like two separate individuals. He does his own thing I do mine. Can any woman out there tolerate a man who clearly talks about other women, fantasizes about them right in your face. I used to be a size 8 and ever since I had my baby I moved to a 10, since then my husband has turned into a full-time dog. he was before though. I can’t get to bring my skinny friends around him, because the last one who came to visit, I caught him lurking his eyes around her behind. Just to save my marriage, I had to paint her black about what she said against him. That is so terrible of me but I fear him carrying his manhood off to another pasture. He always complains about my weight. I am currently breastfeeding and this man will not let me eat. Anytime he sees me eating all he does is complain, complain, complain until I get disgusted with the food. Baby is crying and he wouldn’t bother picking her up. I beg him to do his own part of the house work and when he decides to do it a month has passed. I am currently, preparing for a huge exam that will change my life forever if I pass it, all he does is remind me of how I am not studying and I tell him what are you doing to help out? You won’t help me with the baby. I am always alone in the house. I can’t boast like other women who always have their husbands around.

June 24, 2012 at 9:01 pm
(148) Barb says:

I can’t say I hate him yet but I have been married to my husband for 3 years at first it started off great now for the last 2 1/2 years it’s been going down hill you see my husband thinks everyone is the problem but him I work 40 hours a week he works 20 or less he gets disability (long story about that) and uses it as a crutch all he does is sit most days watching tv and playing on his laptop he never does anything on his own always asking me why not surprise me sometimes he will start dinner when he sees me walking through the door and rushes through it his idea of cleaning is pushing dirt around and if I say something he says” whatever” he does not like to wash his hands after going to the bathroom or petting the dog ect. And gets mad if I say something does not want to cut his hair or bathe or brush teeth often and thinks washing his face is done by removing the crust from his eyes with his hands and again gets mad when I say something when and if we go anywhere he thinks he should wear shorts he says the only time you should dress up is for funerals or weddings that’s why I don’t want him with me he is mean and so arrogant about everything it sometimes gets embarrassing we were planing a 4th of July trip we both were going to pay our part and split my sons part now he tells me he won’t have the money so I’m going to cancel because I can’t pay for everyone I’m going to be 50 and it seems every man I get with wants me to take care of them I’m tired and don’t know what to do I’m I better off single? Sometimes I wonder

June 25, 2012 at 2:11 am
(149) shelly says:

My Husband is a really good guy, we just have a difficult situation, We have three kids, our middle boy who is 5 is autistic, so he is a lot of work my youngest is 1 so he is still a lot of work, and my husband has fibromyalgia and lyme disease so if he is not working he is sleeping, He is always in pain so he is unable to help. I know it’s terrible, but I find myself hating my husband when I do so much for my family, and being a perfectionist I do my best, all I can do, then have my husband in fights tear me down. His sickness keeps us from doing so many things, and Im tired. It’s almost to much to handle to be criticized so terribly once a month. But then I tell myself this is the life I ended up with I need to grit and bear, but in the mean time I feel like my self esteem, friendships, relationships are continually going down hill. I’m trying to fight depression, but it’s a constant battle. I don’t know that you really have any advice, but I guess I needed to vent somewhere where I won’t be a burden to my friends and family and any insights would be appreciated.

July 9, 2012 at 6:41 am
(150) lifesucks says:

I am not sure how much of my fault, but I am honestly confused. I am lazy and 50% of the times try to postpone things. However, my husband of 7 years (we married 5 yrs) is also equally lazy.

He does not touch any of the household chores. Each word of his makes me want to distance from him. Earlier, he would agree to come grocery shopping with me. Later, he got restless and would shout at me as he does not have the patience to finish it. I decided to never go shopping with him.

I am supposed to take care of our 3 yr old daughter and anything wrong she does is a fault of my upbringing. He will not spend time with her and so he is never at fault for anything our daughter does.

He has made me stop talking to my sister over a property issue. He wants the house of my mother totally without a share for my sister. He talks lowly of my mother but wants me to respect his brother and father.

Both of us work full time but he talks as if he is the only person slogging for the family. When I am frustrated over office tensions, he taunted me so much that I have stopped sharing my office tensions with him. Each thing he does is slowly distancing me from him.

Sometimes, he acts so princely and says me and my daughter are his only world. He even treats me nicely and says I am the best wife in the world. He praises me for all that I do for the family. But one small miss and he says just the opposite. He says I do nothing, I am lazy, I dont care of him, do not do anything for him. I understand there are a few misses from my side at times. But the way he brings them up, makes me want to stay away from him as much as possible.

I am just staying together for our daughter. Earlier, I would just think its a phase of marriage. However, these days I find myself visiting forums such as this one to read how others feel about this. Today, I took the courage to write my feelings. Wanted to know where I am wrong and what I can do to stop feeling frustrated

July 13, 2012 at 11:23 pm
(151) what to do says:

hello well i have been married for 5 years have 2 beautiful kids 4 and 2 year olds my marriage hasent been good in the past 3 years he has cheated on me ones when i was prgnant with my second child he was going out with someone else for one month. then when my baby was 9 months he left me because he said that he didnt loved me and went out with someone else he came runing back with me and yes i accept him back but know it has been one year that we got back together and i still cant forgive him im not happy living like this but i dont whant to hurt my kids. i dont feel that i love him because of how much he has hurt me but i dont know what to do

help me please

July 15, 2012 at 3:50 pm
(152) Selfish husband says:

I have been married for two years and I absolutely hate my husband, he is so selfish i can’t take it anymore!! I have a daughter from a previous relationship and when she leaves it hurts me but I’m am not allowed to show emotions cause it starts a fight about how my priorities are wrong and it’s not the end of the world, I should care for him like I do my daughter. It’s a on going fight with him he makes me feel like he hates my daughter and like I should hey her too. If I kiss her or show her emotion it’s a fight cause I give her everything and spoil her. It’s just never ending about my daughter!!! :( I want to leave him so bad but don’t know how we live with my parents and I just don’t know how to get him out of my life. I cant stand to be around him he fakes he likes us in front of everyone and I just can’t stand him. I don’t wear my rings nor do I acknowledge him as my husband when introducing him to people. He tries to be nice but it’s way to late I try everything to stay away and desperalty want him out o our lives !! How can I make him leave ????

July 17, 2012 at 6:55 pm
(153) WantFiends says:

I have read most of the comments here and all are related to hating husband because of how one’s husband did or was. In my case, it isn’t really like that. I am opposing what my husband wishes, because he has strong self-righteousness. He thinks that he understand me more than i think but what i feel is he doesn’t really understand my train of thought. I am currently wishing to be with my close friends more than him. We have been married for 4 years without kid, we decided not to have kid for first few years of our marriage. Often, i don’t feel much happiness while sitting with him, instead i want to be with my friends. Many times, i didn’t talk because my mind was somewhere there remembering my social life in university. Well, i had my best time when i studied in university. I am by nature is very social person who like to be with others and engage in some activity with them. That social life ended once we moved to a new country. Sometimes, it’s driving me nuts whenever i feel like going against whatever he wish for. May be, deep down in my heart, i put blame on him on hard times that we have been through or simply it’s because i want my social life back to the track. I am a bit doubting whether i truly love him or i am still learning to love him or both? I don’t deny, he can be so mean to me but he never abused me physically. He usually is a nice loving husband, no doubt about that. I don’t like the fact that he has strong self-righteousness and very argumentative, i can’t beat him in this. He is very clever to point out my mistakes and faults and at the end, i feel exploited emotionally then i feel so guilty and blaming myself of being too slow. He can be so angry to me but he almost never give me chance to be angry at him. I don’t think he is a good teammate and i already gave up my anger long ago because it’s useless to talk about my anger with him. I like to share my feelings more to my parents and my friends, i feel more secured to share it with them.

July 18, 2012 at 1:48 am
(154) chell says:

Sometimes i feel that I hate my husband because he is so controlling. My husband is a hard worker and he makes a great sacrifice to support his family. He is a Truck driver and it keeps him away from home 5 days out of the week. His income is 1,000 a week after taxes and my income is only 300 every two weeks. Because he makes the money he does his response to me is that Its not fair to him to make all the money and that I have to clean to his standards and that the kids are my responsibility and I have no say in how the money gets spent. We both decided that since his job keeps him away that I only work part time so that the children have one parent there most of the time and not in daycare or home alone all the time. Ill be the first to admit that I am not the worlds best housekeeper but I feel that just because the laundry is washed but not put away or that the dishes might not get done till the next morning doesn’t make me a bad housekeeper. My husband tells me that since I don’t clean any better than I do that I am taking advantage of him and that I should better myself because he makes the money and its my job to have it done the way he expects.

July 18, 2012 at 1:52 am
(155) chell says:

When it comes to the children he says that his job it just to come home and play with them and its my job to discipline them. Money is always spent the way he sees fit. We both have debts together and don’t want to spend the rest of our lives paying them off. My husband will not let me help with the bill paying and always makes anywhere between 100-200 payment towards our debts. We never spend money on other things like going out with the kids or renting movies (unless he wants to) because he says its a waste of time and money. I’m also told that I cant fill up the tub more than half full because its a waste of money and that if I were to go and get a drink from the connivence store I have to ask him first.

July 18, 2012 at 1:53 am
(156) chell says:

There has been no affection or intimacy let alone kissing in our relationship for the past 6 years. Sex is still a must according to him “if we don’t have sex then we might as well not be together! After all I owe it to him since he makes the money.” We argue constantly about the same things and we even went to marriage counseling but he quit stating that it was a waste of time and money and that he was tired of listening to the councilor and me tell him that he was doing everything wrong. While I full heartedly appreciate what he does for us I feel that just because i don’t make the money he does doesn’t mean that i have clean to his standards or that i cant be involved in how the money gets spent. We have 2 children together and I want to make things work for their sake. But I don’t feel that it is healthy for them to grow up thinking that this is how relationships are supposed to be. Am I wrong for feeling that he is controlling or that sometimes when we are lying in bed I just want to stab him in the back?

July 22, 2012 at 10:03 am
(157) LisaG says:

I jumped on this website/topic after Googling “sometimes I hate my husband” and have now read half a dozen stories, some of which I can totally relate to. I am normally great at expressing my feelings whilst excersizing great empathy and awareness of my own faults/weaknesses and my husbands, but today, I have no desire to write at all. I feel lazy at the idea of even telling our story like if it wasnt worthy of the effort.

Does this mean it’s over? I am really struggling with the question of whether I love him or not. Like I feel something for him, but he mostly annoys me….his breath, his complaining about this pain or that whatever, his negativity is such a turn off I just walk away. I want the damn remote control as I am sick of watching his shows and I want to use my vibrator when I feel like it!!!!!

What does this mean? Is this over?

July 23, 2012 at 7:38 pm
(158) cloudydays says:

amazing the support group you will find from googling something. My story is that of a controlling, negative, condescending husband of 4 years. I even left a few months ago but recently came back after thinking i can just endure it for our 3 year old’s sake. (my oldest child does not like him) It’s the same old stuff again. He is back to picking apart everything I do, i don’t even back out of the garage correctly. it’s amazing that i stumbled through life surviving before he came along! Everything thing i do is wrong. everything that i say is wrong and i never know what i am talking about. not even memories of mine are correct. If I is said the sky is blue, he would say “well, actually it’s not so much blue, but it’s…….” He competes with me over everything and always feels he needs to one-up no matter what i do. He needs credit from everybody for everything and he is good at steering the conversation onto himself with everybody. He hates my job because I am not home early enough and he has separation anxiety and waits for me to get home to figure out what i want to do for dinner (he gets home 2 hours before i do….showers and watches TV with the kids). so now i have a situation where i can quit my crazy brain taxing job, take a break, and maybe work part time in the future. But i am afraid the controlling things he does and negativity will only get worse as he will probably make me account for my every single minute of standing idle. I am afraid that quitting my job when I already have a controllling husband might be a mistake. I have a big decision to make fast. I want so bad to be there more for my kids, but afraid i might be losing the only identity I have left.

July 29, 2012 at 11:39 am
(159) Lonley in love says:

Here’s what I wanna know. When does it turn around? I have read ALL theses posts that say exactly how I feel and I had no idea there were so many of us out there. So basically we are all walking around pretending to be happy when inside we feel like ignored, misread, and not properly cared for? I have lived by a motto, “fake it till you make it” to help me through times of angst and nerves but I dunno if I can fake happiness in a marriage.
I too have a man who by today’s standards is a “good guy”. Of course he doesn’t scrub the toilet and I have to ask to get the trash out when its Obviously overflowing. There are many things I do he doesnt and I suppose I could live with that IF: I felt cared for, pampered a bit, and felt safe with him. I think if guys just knew how to nurture our feminine side and did it WITHOUT US TELLING THEM TO. My hatred wouldn’t be as frequent.
YEah yeah its great to see him with the kids and bring home the check and help out from time to time. That defiantly doesnt mean I am roaring to lay in bed and make love. You feel me ladies? Who forgot to coach these men on taking care of our needs? And Ill tell you what when I ask for it sure as hell takes the pleasure out of receiving it. Men think on one plane and most times it is for our benefit but only from their perspective.
I hate him most of the time just like so many posts I have read. I dont even like him sleeping. LOL I am planning to upgrade to a house where I can have my own room. I just wanted to feel secure and loved and have asked and still feel lonely in love.. He doesn’t get it. I hear from family it gets better, they get better with age, more thoughtful. I dunno if I can wait. Im 34 3 kids deep and hating him more than loving him.

August 3, 2012 at 9:39 am
(160) mrsunhappy says:

I am really coming to hate my husband. We have been together 17 years, married for 6. We have 3 children as well. At first things were okay. But now the things that were okay aren’t okay. His car was owned by his parents previously and given to us. The house we rent, his parents. His father employs us both. My husband has no motivation to do anything with his life. When he comes home, the only thing he cares about is getting onto the computer to play games with his friends. He speaks to me more in front of other people than he does when we are alone. Sex? Non-existent. I can’t stand to even be in the same room with him anymore. He doesn’t even bother to discipline our kids, I have to do it all. Counseling? He won’t do any of it. I have been trying to find new employment (and not getting beyond an interview here or there) just so that I can leave him. I can’t take it anymore. I know I deserve someone who at least acts like they want me around.

August 7, 2012 at 6:32 am
(161) mrsfedup says:

I too have a controlling husband. Nothing I do is right. He refuses to see a counselor since “I am the one who needs it, not him”. He constantly puts me down in public. He loves his computer more than me.
I am in it for my family but thats about it. I want to GET OUT but am too unsure about myself. Probably from all the years he’s been putting me down over and over again. I am starting to lose my confidence.

August 13, 2012 at 2:11 am
(162) Over tired. says:

I am so tired, as I read the comments here most of you are newlyweds, I have a comment for the lady”s staying in relationship for the kids, That is not a good idea, I have done that same thing Iam married for 21 years and in this time I have alot of hate, anger just about every emotion you can think of that it has changed me into a very bitter person… And realize it has damaged my parenting , because of not being happy, feeling loved or no support as a team it taught my boys there is always conflict,and my mood did effect how I was with my boys, no matter how much I tried to hide it, They felt it and all they do is fight, NO HARMONY…They dont know what working together is and or compromising, and looking back they didnt have the family values and the joy that a good marriage offers.. How will they have any good relationships, marriages ?? If I could only do it over I would not stay together……

August 19, 2012 at 3:37 pm
(163) Horridhubby says:

Quite a lot of the time I simply cannt stand my husband everything he does irritates the hell out of me! He’s never actually hit me but is regularly verbally abusive towards me and just today during an argument where I was trying to get my point across about him constantly picking at everything and nothing I ever do being right he actually said f**k off you stupid c**t!!! What decent man calls his wide that?! He thinks he is the best thing ever and has such a high opinion of himself it’s unreal. The thing is like several other posts I’ve read here he doesn’t act like this infront of friends and family and I’ve told him that in several occasions telling him that he doesn’t do it as if he did people would see him for what he really is a bully! I think regularly about leaving him but stay for the sake of my 7 year old and 16 month old, sometimes I feel like I just want smash his smug face in !!!!

August 20, 2012 at 5:18 am
(164) Sin says:

I hate my husband so much i have killed him a hundred of times in my mind!!! Living with him is an agony!!! He’s so defensive!! Talking with him is an agony!!!! I hate his family too!!! They are all stupid!!

September 2, 2012 at 10:04 am
(165) ieyes says:

I hated my husband shortly after getting married last year and finding out that I was pregnant. We were learning more and more about each other and I was finding out more and more that he was a liar. It’s even more complicated because we are not even legally married. We had a fraudulant ceremony that he convinced me to have without my loved ones–just his stupid fraud of a pastor and even stupider wife. I hate my “husband” but even more hate myself for agreeing to this idiot operation. Now my son is here. I left my city, lost my job and now have nowhere to go. I’m now stuck in a miserable situation with his dirty relatives moving in one by one. I wish I had gone with my first instinct of not wanting to date him in the first place. He was a rebound after I lost the love of my life who was actually trying to rekindle our relationship. I was just too angry and dumb to realize it at the time. Now, if I leave I risk ruining my son’s life since I have nothing to live off of.

September 2, 2012 at 4:35 pm
(166) crazy girl says:

I’ve been married to my husband for 5 years. Ive been with him for 9. In the beginning everything was great. He did all the right stuff, said all the right things. Even though I found we were polar opposites, we fell in love, moved in together, and so it starts.
He didn’t have a great childhood. Lots of negativity, violence, betrayal, drugs, etc. I had the best! Lots of love, kindness, discipline, family events, etc. I guess I though I could “fix” him.
From the start he had a problem with lying & hiding things. there was rumors he cheated on me, some of the girls confirmed it was true, but he’s so good at convinceing otherwise, I didn’t believe it. He always made out that everyone was against him/us. We’ve always argued because of trust & lack of money. He became a truck driver & that helped out a little bc he wasn’t home. But I was still playing detective at home. Now, five years of anger, unhappiness, trust issues, & 2 kids…want to leave. I have no where to go, no money…. My poor kids hear our fights, they ask questions about all the things he breaks, … I hate him! I bust my ass cleaning this house, cooking him food, rasing our kids (basically alone) and I get nothing. It makes me madder to have sex with. I feel like his personal sperm bank. But if I don’t, then that’s another fight the kids have to hear. It’s not worth it. I wish he would stop lying over stupid things & show me love. He tells me all day he loves me but never shows me. He always makes me feel like everything is my fault. I feel like I am crazy/pycho sometimes. I deserve so much better than this!!

September 2, 2012 at 6:24 pm
(167) Alicia says:

He and I have very little in common and wouldn’t be together if we didn’t have children and if I had the money to leave him. He wanted me to be a stay at home mom. I agreed because the cost of daycare is more than the cost of rent, but holy bananas, I never thought I would never get to leave! We have one car, he controls every last dime that comes into the house, and I’m lucky to get to take a trip to the grocery store once a week. He hates my family and friends, so to avoid screaming matches, I just don’t attempt to have a relationship with anyone. This has left me bitter, resentful, and considering taking my own life. The only thing that keeps me holding on is the fear of having this man raise my beautiful daughters. He is a good father now, but they are little. What will happen when they get a mind of their own, friends of their own, etc.?? He would most likely treat them the same way he treats me. I really would leave if my girls didn’t love him so much, I had a place to go and a job that would support 3 people. Not exactly a small feat.. I have people I have spoken to on occasion, but I was also bullied severely as a child, and I think that is likely why I settled for a man below my intelligence level with severe aggression issues. He also likes to break my shit. He has busted out 2 windsheilds, 2 rearview mirrors, one passenger window, one laptop, countless holes in the wall and anything decent wedding china I had is gone.

September 5, 2012 at 9:16 am
(168) doubtingmyself says:

I have been married for 2 years and 2 months nows. When I have a flight with my husband I start thinking of my ex-boyfriend whom I had dumped to marry my present husband.i am doubting myself did I make a wrong choice 2 years back? Me and My ex were madly in love that time.However when we are in good terms ( me and my hubby) I hardly could think about my ex, I am all into my present husband. Not sure where I am heading. We are thinking to plan family now but I am really not sure and would liek to give more time to out marriage.

September 6, 2012 at 5:12 pm
(169) Mentally drained says:

As much as I try and see the good in my husband and try to make him happy it is never good enough. I have been with him 9 years married 2 of them!! I look back on our relationship wen I first got with him I was 16 he was 23 and it was volatile, at the time I never saw it I just thought he loved me but he was controlling, physically abusive and mentally abusive.
Luckily for me instead of it making me weaker it made me stronger and my husband and I managed to work through alot of the violence in our relationship and even alot of the mental abuse!
We now have 2 kids 5 and 4 my husband works full time and I work part time, I do everything around the house sort out the kids clean the car do the garden make tea do his pack lunches Hoover and clean every day ( my husband I am convinced has OCD )but all he does is pick at me. It’s like his expectations are ridiculously high and it doesn’t matter wat I do I will never reach them! I started having panic attacks wen I knew he was coming home as I wud dread wat things he wud pick at! Things like the dog broke the cat flap, or the car needed hoovering or if he banged his head on a cupboard it wud be my fault. Everything is always my fault if he can’t find anything it’s my fault! I do my best going to work and doing everything else but I am just a bit sick of always being pulled to pieces.
My husband is a great dad and he works hard to provide for us but we are having major financial difficulties this past year, I Dont know if this is just his way of dealing with the stress as we are struggling alot. I just don’t know if I can take anymore of his criticism! I feel myself distancing myself from him more and more and don’t have the energy to defend myself! I now just let him rant and inside feel like my heart is breaking.

September 9, 2012 at 11:24 pm
(170) daughters and parent great Love says:

Truly when ѕοmeone doеsn’t understand after that its up to other people that they will assist, so here it takes place.

September 14, 2012 at 10:52 pm
(171) red foxx says:

Look I’ve been with my man fa 13 yrs ?? have four kids by him and ?? treated me really bad ?Ŗ?? now ?? ??? here willin to make things work and ?? can’t stand him and the worst part ??? sex ?? can’t stand him touching me ?? try to bare with ??? sometimes ?? bite my lip ?? wud scratch my head buckle my toes and try to bare with ??? ?Ŗ?? ?? doan want to do this no more ?? jus can’t

September 21, 2012 at 6:59 pm
(172) sandy says:

He told me to stay calm and let the spell do itís work, which indeed it did. Not even 3-4 days later, Wells called me and asked me out for a drink. He apologized to me and sincerely begged me for forgiveness and to give him another chance. I loved this man so much, I could not say no. He now treats me like a princess better than before if I may add. Dr. cool made a believer out of me. I wrote to him and apologized for my rudeness and lack of trust and patience. He also explained to me that magic is not like a push-button kind of thing. It sometimes takes longer than anticipated but it always works and he was right. You may also need help in your love life and i recommend him as he is a great spell caster. Contact him via: Agumaguspelltemple@gmail.com

September 25, 2012 at 2:02 pm
(173) Missy L says:

We’re going to be married 20 years and overall it has been fine. But in the last year he lost his job and cannot find another one. I am tired of the ups and downs of unemployment and feel like he is always angry at me now.

I can’t do anything without a negative comment. He makes me feel like I am the ones who fired him. I can’t be happy because he is miserable. I am starting to believe him when he says I deserve better.

September 30, 2012 at 10:42 pm
(174) MY says:

Wow. Why post this and then do a one eighty with the marriage advice?

November 15, 2012 at 11:36 am
(175) lili says:

I cannot even to tell how much I hate my husband of fifteen years he is verbally,mentally and on occasion physically abusive.I am not blinded by anything the reason why I have not left is because my options are so limited you see I am in my mid thirty, with kids, orphan,no green card still waiting and married to a jerk-cacoepist-has everybody else but me fooled by how nice he is,threatning to kill me and the kids kind of jack ass.I sometimes hate myself more for ever coming in contact with such a waste of a human being. He has a very violent temper and I am as stuck as they come.I left him four times before and had every thing working with the court and women shelter until he showed me a list of women shelter in the whole state and told me that he has gone to the one i stayed in and saw me, you see he has contacts with a lot of people in law enforcement and one of those corrupted ones gave him the information but I do know that one day I will be free of him and all of it for God will never have you carry anything you cannot handle but mine sure is heavy but as long as I don’t put it down I will get there and be thankful that I pressed on.If you are engaged to someone you know in your heart is not right do yourself a favor and end it now because marriage only makes these kind of situations (not that he showed his true self before)worst and like always say” If you don’t like to clean up messes then don’t make them”.

November 16, 2012 at 3:22 pm
(176) Midwest Momma says:

So I hate my husband because he doesn’t communicate effectively.

He is a hard worker. Never goes out. Takes care of the family well and always does what needs done. He is a “good” man from the outside. Sometimes I am able to talk with him but it is never too deep and he can never laugh or joke with me.

I really need that.

But…..

He is not affectionate. He does not EVER complement me. When he is dissatisfied with something I am doing he wont say what it is he will just walk around face all negative and angry. He will make everyone in the house feel uncomfortable and want to stay away from him.

I have never cheated on him but sometimes I just want a love partner. A partner who cares about me and wants to touch me and look at me. A person who think and says I am beautiful. A man who will hold me in there arms and talk about nothing with me. A guy who makes me breakfast in bed and then we somehow forget about the breakfast to make sweet morning ….well you get the point.

Where art thou romeo?

November 20, 2012 at 10:37 pm
(177) Dissatisfied says:

I’ve been married to my husband for just about 6 months, and I swear I just want to smack him sometimes and say “what the hell is wrong with you??!!”

He moved in with me right before we got engaged a year and a half ago, and he is the biggest slob EVER. If I ask him to clean up HIS mess, then he gets pissy and defensive. I work full time in a laboratory and I am very mentally exhausted when I get home, especially since I wake up 4 and a half hours earlier than he does! He works less than 40 hrs a week at a computer job where he just does mindless stuff all day. But God forbid he has to do something besides sit on his ass for 5 hours after getting off work. We don’t have kids, thankfully, and I’m thinking we probably never will. He literally has no sex drive, and when we actually do get intimate it lasts for 5 minutes, and I end up just frustrated and annoyed.

His mom is also a complete jerk. He’s just as lazy as she is, and it drives me NUTS. But if I ever bring up any of the issues I mentioned, I get yelled at. Because I’m clearly the crazy one for wanting a husband who doesn’t act like a damn child. Freaking idiot.

December 9, 2012 at 7:41 am
(178) Loveless Laurie says:

I have been married for 12 years. I feel angry and frustrated by my marriage. Most of the time, I fantasize about other men, spefically Brad Pitt. I just want to be swept off my sweet . . . experience hot, passionate, wild sex again, feel like a woman for one night.

My husband is a good man, supports his family, loves his son, but he is an antagonizer and loathes to talk, unless it is to make fun of someone (me).

I have grown to resent and hate him. I want to let these emotions go, but it is proving difficult. Our sex life is null void for about 4 months now, and I am afraid he will start cheating.

Where do you find the love again?

December 17, 2012 at 6:02 pm
(179) Melodie says:

Reading all these posts definitely make me realize I’m not alone. I wish I never met my husband. I hate him down to my bones. He’s screws my entire life up because he’s a thrill junky. He’s slept with other girls including a nasty stripper. He’s cheated on my and put me through he’ll both my pregnancies and I’ve ha to call the cops on him numerous times because he turns into a phyco. We’re always in debt because of fines and other stupid decisions he makes, we’re always broke. I have to sit in a home that’s not even mine all day everyday and he just does whatever the hell he wants but I can’t leave. It’s like he gets his perfect life everything he’s ever wanted and I get to deal with his mess and heartache he’s caused me over the years, the best part is.. I’m not allowed to show any emotion about it or he gets another excuse if you will a freebie to go off and fuck around and come back and convince me and everyone else that I would have been different if I was just nicer to him. I hate his guts. Everything about him. I wish I never met him.

December 20, 2012 at 6:46 pm
(180) lily says:

i hve been married 4 a year.wen we 1st gt married he ws ok bt lacked affection. I ws preg wen we gt married nd gave birth in april. At the time we were living wth his mum so tht ws stressful, then in june we moved out except he never properly moved with me…its more like he jst used me as a piece of meat for a while. So i was left alone with a newborn baby,getting no money or support for him.
he would watch me through my windows, he would save all my reciepts to see if i was spending money on a guy, he would get down on the floor and inspect it for mens footprints, he would root through the bins outside in search of condoms, he would read through all my emails, facebook, texts and he completely studied my phone bills with highlighters and everything!! and i let him do all this to prove to him that i have nothing to hide. when he didnt find anything he decided to forgive me, to come home to me, but to still treat me like crap. also EVERYTHING is my fault. you cant win, he has to win all the time even if he is blatently wrong. i catch him out on so many lies and he STILL lies to me even though i have the proof right in front of me! i dont understand why he would claim to have ‘forgiven’ me (even though i have nothing to be forgiven for, its ridiculous that i had to plead for forgiveness int he first place), and yet he carrys on treating me like he hasnt forgiven me. its like GET OVER IT!
He never comes near me, no hugs, no kisses and sex is just ancient history. When i tell him im unhappy he says he doesnt care. i try my hardest to be calm with him, but hes always saying the same thing “F**k off you t**t, you d***k head!!!!”. im tired of been put down, im tired of taking his crap, and i want to come home from work to someone who loves me.
i cant stand the pain of a breakup but i cant stand the pain of been with him either. but i dont want my marriage to fail

December 24, 2012 at 2:21 pm
(181) Doesitgetbetter? says:

I have been married 2.5 years, together for 5. In the beginning my husband was fun, respectful and willing to work through problems. Just shortly before the wedding, I noticed him becoming a little more controlling. Now that has escalated to the point where I absolutely hate him. I loathe him. I can’t even stand his touch sometimes. Sadly, I think he feels the same way about me but won’t admit it. It is turning into more a father/daughter relationship…he thinks I need to lose weight so he will hide food or take it to work so I can’t eat it, he will tell me to ‘take the dog for a walk” like 20 times per day. In definace, I will eat when he’s not around and sometimes binge on foods I never would have otherwise eaten. Sometimes when I drink alcohol, I like to have a cigarrette. He does not “permit” this. He will search my belongings (purse, drawers, car) and will watch me like a hawk if we are out socially somewhere. If he “catches” me smoking, he becomes the most intolerable passive aggessive ahole that makes me loathe him. We have no kids, which is probably a good thing although he desperately wants them. I have thought many times of separation however he has threatened to take my home. I bought my own house over 10 years ago. Since the day he moved in, he has never paid for any of the mortgage, bills upkeep etc. I don’t want to lose my home, especially to him. My friends/parents/elders tell me there are natural “ups and downs” in marriage, and to just hang in there while still maintaining my limits and boundaries. I am exhausted and don’t feel like living like this any more. We have been to counselling in the past; that was basically a flop because he turned everything around and wouldn’t be honest. Has anyone been in this kind of situation before? Any advice?

January 5, 2013 at 10:11 pm
(182) justmarried says:

This will sound harsh but I honestly feel that marrying my husband was the worst decision I’ve ever made in my life. I loathe him and we’ve only been married for a month. We had a whirlwind romance in the beginning. He was sweet, generous, mature, intelligent and funny and we eloped after 5 months (red flag #1) but once we got married EVERYTHING CHANGED. He’s petty, stingy, immature, sex-crazed (which would be fine if he knew what the word foreplay meant, if he didn’t eat multiple value meals in one sitting everyday, if he did any type of physical activity and if he washed his sack on a regular basis.) He’s controlling, critical and extremely judgemental,financially irresponsible, rude/disrespectful and dirty/gross. I feel like I’ve been hoodwinked. Granted, I should not have agreed to marriage so quickly but he lied to me about who he was in every aspect of his life and I hate who he really is. Not to mention he won’t allow me to work and I’ve NEVER wanted to be a housewife and especially not a housewife that doesn’t even get an allowance. I can’t even go out with friends for coffee because my “husband” won’t even give me $20. I’m absolutely miserable. I feel trapped not only because I don’t work but also because I don’t believe in divorce. I know I seem mean but I try to be a good wife to him anyway. I figure if people in other countries can make arranged marriages work and eventually learn to love each other over time then I can make something of mine. I don’t talk about our marriage to anyone not even family or friends because even though he drives me crazy I don’t want to embarrass him. He still gets sex 3 times a week even though I have zero desire to ever. I still try to talk things out logically but I’m at my wits end with the constant fighting that seems to continue to escalate. I wish I could ho back to before I met him and skip it completely.

January 13, 2013 at 12:56 am
(183) Missy says:

I feel like such a failure… But I’ve read many of the comments here, and thankfully, realize I’m not alone. I hate my husband. We’ve been married less than a year and things just keep getting worse. I pay ALL of the bills. He just got a “real job,” but complains about working. Keep in mind that I’m still paying for everything, including my Xmas gifts from him (found out when I checked my CC statement). He is mean. Goes off for whatever reason and calls me every name in the book and constantly accuses me of cheating. He’s also gotten physical with me in some of our bad fights, and I’m not proud to say, but I damn sure did defend myself. We have no communication between us… He can’t talk about anything “real.” I’m miserable. Drinking too much to drown it all. Is there hope? Or do I make the hard decision and bail??? I’m catholic and don’t believe divorce is the first choice, but I’m at a loss. Counseling only briefly helped.

January 13, 2013 at 12:58 am
(184) Missy says:

I feel like such a failure… But I’ve read many of the comments here, and thankfully, realize I’m not alone. I hate my husband. We’ve been married less than a year and things just keep getting worse. I pay ALL of the bills. He just got a “real job,” but complains about working. Keep in mind that I’m still paying for everything, including my Xmas gifts from him (found out when I checked my CC statement). He is mean. Goes off for whatever reason and calls me every name in the book and constantly accuses me of cheating. He’s also gotten physical with me in some of our bad fights, and I’m not proud to say, but I damn sure did defend myself. We have no communication between us… He can’t talk about anything “real.” I’m miserable. Drinking too much to drown it all. Is there hope? Or do I make the hard decision and bail??? I’m catholic and don’t believe divorce is the first choice, but I’m at a loss. Counseling only briefly helped

January 22, 2013 at 10:28 am
(185) tus says:

I hate my husband immediately after my wedding wat shall I do??

January 31, 2013 at 2:34 pm
(186) Erin says:

Dear Newlywed, why does your proxy response always have to be “Have you tried marriage counseling”? Don’t waste your time ladies. Counseling makes it WORSE, especially if the counselor is a man. Our husbands are like broken bicycles, and taking them to counseling would be like expecting a broken bike to be fixed by taking it for a ride. They’re so pompous and idiotic the couldn’t even benefit from counseling!

February 7, 2013 at 3:39 am
(187) Let me die says:

I dont know wether i hate my husband or not.watever happens in house he blames me.He always taunt me for not getting job,he never encouraged me 2 study further,i’ve wasted my 1 yr of my life to learn cooking n home duties for him.he always taunts me for my cooking or watever i do n when i cry he calls me a b***ch,hits me to shutup n shouts to leave the house.He wants children now but am not prepared for this when things were not good between us how can v have children.He spends thousands of rupees for his relatives and parents wen i ask him for money 2 buy something he says he’s on savings he cant give me money am tired of xpecting something from him.
The time has come i want to get a job but for that i need to pass a test.My parents’ve given me money to join classes,now he doesn’t want me to go he says he wants children after that i can go to work.he spends his most money to entertain his relatives.I hate him like anything bt i cant leave him bcoz somewhere in my heart i’ve lots of love for him bt he dont deserve dat.Even 2 day he had a big fight with me asusally he blamed me for my behaviuor(dat is crying) i told him he’s going to see my deadbody 2day bt he left for office as nothing has happened he didn’t even console me.wat i’ve to do to tell him dat he’s hurting me so much……….

February 7, 2013 at 12:17 pm
(188) newlyweds says:

I’ve written to you privately, Let me die. But I want everyone who reads these messages to know that she or he matters. No one has to be unhappy, nor do you have to live in danger. You can read this article for help – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/domesticviolence.htm

February 11, 2013 at 11:22 am
(189) Amy says:

I’ve HATED my husband for over 40 years. The day after we were married he changed for the worst. He has only slept and had sex with me once in all these years. Also he built an apartment in our basement and thats where hes lived. He hated sex, thought it was ugly, disgusting, pointess and meaningless. He couldn’t believe people do this to another human. I should have left him the day after we were married, but I was young and stupid. I even hate my self for being such a fool. I’m way past the age of caring anymore and I’ve accepted my life for what it is. I can’t forgive myself for my mistake.

February 12, 2013 at 2:06 am
(190) a man says:

Join the club. I hate my wife, too. She’s an overbearing control freak and is excellent at making me feel like many of the “idiots” described on this site. When people begin to realize that marriage is too old-fashioned for modern society, we’ll all be better off.

February 13, 2013 at 1:30 pm
(191) Unsure says:

I am having such a hard time in my marriage. We’ve been married 11 years. Just last night I was planning on moving out for a bit so we can spend some time apart to figure things out. I seem to become obsessed with ONE thing, try to talk to him about it, run into a brick wall, get frustrated, become more obsessed with the fact that we can’t talk about it, nag, nag, nag…..it’s getting so tiring for both of us. He won’t sit down and talk to me about ANYTHING!

Example: our sex life has decreased to maybe once a week, and every time I ask for it I get rejected. Meanwhile, he works from home and watches porn at least 2x a week. He refuses to talk to me about this. I finally started becoming ok with the porn so I could freakin move on with my life and quit thinking about it. Everyone has a different opinion, and when I tried to get advice on the subject, there were too many opinions so I just had to come to the conclusion that I couldn’t obsess about it anymore.

NOW, I recently found out he has onset diabetes and high cholesterol and has to take medicine for these conditions. He also has high blood pressure. He is only 46 and now I can’t help but imagine what life will be like 20 years from now, or if he keels over now! He’s about 50 lbs overweight and isn’t trying to do anything about it. I can’t tell you how frustrating and upsetting it is to see someone who has those health issues go back for thirds and fourths at dinner. :( I seriously can’t imagine my life without him. I love (most of) his personality and his morals. We just have the worst communication problem and we escalate issues SO FAST. One minute we’re happily watching TV, then next minute we are saying hurtful things and being pissed.

February 21, 2013 at 5:38 pm
(192) Bianka says:

I have a so-called “fiance” and we have 2 kids and we’ve been together for 3 years, I CAN’T stand him sometimes he hurts me emotionally CONSTANTLY and we argue and fight all of the time. I want to leave him, but he won’t let me leave with my kids. He NEVER does anything for them and I do everything that I can for them AND him. I care about him, but he’s hurt me so much that I don’t want to be with him. There is no way out. I feel trapped, must I live the rest of my life in misery with him just to be with my kids?

February 25, 2013 at 2:55 pm
(193) Jennifer says:

My husband of 6 months drives me nuts. Even the sounds of his voice makes me want to puke. His family comes first, before me or my 2 children (from before). He lies, has excuses for everything and has a very low IQ – as in commen sense or book smarts. He has no desire to do anything to help us financially because – “I’m not interested in that” when in actuality – its too hard for him to figure out. My dad tried teaching him things and got so frustrated that I’m surprised he didn’t knock him out. He tells me I don’t deserve things, but yet his other family members do. His family members that are the same ages of my kids can do anything and everything, but mine can’t – they aren’t good enough. And I may not be happy at my job, but I was told I have to keep it so we have health insurance. Everything he does is a secret or a lie – and when I catch him in it – I’m being mean and then he tells me everything is none of my business. I was alone before him and have sold things like my house and cannot afford to go back to that way. I would leave him in a heartbeat, but can’t afford to do so and don’t want to live with my parents – my children are 13 and 3. Even last week we found Porno was watched on the TV and he denied it, then admitted, then denied it again and threatened me not to tell anyone. I was angry and HE left the home because I made his so mad and he couldn’t handle me. I told him if he would just tell the truth 100% of the time, things wouldn’t be such a fight all the time. I pick the fight just so he HAS to tell the truth. His family gets mad at me when I do that because this is his “illness”. I think he has just been babied and needs to grow up. But when you are almost 40 and haven’t grown up yet or cut the cord from your momma, you ain’t ever going to do so. I’m not even attracted to him anymore. I just fake everything because right now I feel I have to. Life sucks.

March 17, 2013 at 11:33 am
(194) HOw to be a model says:

Hello, I log on to your blogs daily. Your story-telling style is witty, keep it up!|

March 24, 2013 at 4:18 pm
(195) Lindsey says:

My husband and I have been married for 4 years, together for 6. We have a 4 year old and one on the way. We are both living in a state where there is no family. I was promised to move back to my home state 4 years ago but still nothing. Now being pregnant with our 2 child I want the move even more, but still get turned down. I think it’s a control thing, maybe even a lazy thing being that its a 14 hour drive away. I’m desperate to be there but don’t want a broken family. I’ve been through all the positives with him on why it’d be less stressful to be near family. I want my children to grow up living near my family. Not just having visits with them a few times a year. We have started seeing a therapist a few months ago because the amount of resent I have towards him has driven a wedge so far between us I hate him so much. We haven’t been intimate since we made our baby, and I’m 20 weeks along. Any advice? Because I’d like to love my husband again.

March 28, 2013 at 8:09 pm
(196) Liz says:

Wow am I glad I found this site. I thought I was the only one. My husband is military. I have been diagnosed with spousal PTSD and anxiety due to him being away a lot. Right now i can barely look at him.I am too upset. I never wanted to be married into the military life. when we dated he said he wouldnt re-enlist, and stupid me actually believed the man i feel in love with. what did he decide to do?He just re-enlisted….knowing I can’t sleep, i am on meds to help with that and my anxiety is crazy. I dont want to live on meds during our marriage while he stays in. I asked him tonight if he could promise me this would be his last 4 years in the military because of what its doing to my physical and mental health, and he flat out said he couldnt promise that. I am so hurt I dont know what to do so I told him i wont stay with him if he makes a career out of the military. yeah i know others may view me as something is terribly wrong with me because i am not supporting the troops or some crap especially since my husband is active duty. I work FT, take care of the house, our 3 animals and yet his job is always more important than mine. he could care less what i do because his surpasses it. im tired, i am worn out. I dont sleep, and he wonders why or sex life is rare and gives me an ultimatum that we wont last if i dont spice up in the bedroom. I am tired because of his job, the stress it brings,and me working 50 hrs a week and taking care of the house and pets….how is that so hard to understand. I want my husband back who once cared, truly cared. He is blatantly choosing career over family.

April 1, 2013 at 5:59 am
(197) chloe says:

Yes Im the same but mine is for a different reason my partner does everything for me he wont even let me get up to the baby at night by myself he tells me he cant work in a company with a boss cause what if i need a hand one day. he will sacrifice everything then turn around and tell me that he has had no time to do some paintings, Even though i’ve begged for him to just go out and do something and let me be a mum to my kids. And if i do happen to get to watch my own kids he quickly takes over or tells me you need to put a blanket underneath them if there painting outside otherwise he will have to clean it up later. Its like he doesn’t think I’m gonna clean it up If I even dear sigh he quickly apologizes to me and tells me hes wrong. last time i tried to sit down and tell him that he is just giving to me to much its making me miserable he turned around and said yes I know my behavior is disgusting and it needs to stop. it makes me feel so guilty for opening up my mouth and sharing how i feel. The baby cries at night i go to sit up to get the baby and he wakes up and goes no you lay down ill get him for you. other times i try to tell him whats wrong and how i’m hurt by him he dismisses it with oh your just having a bad day can i do something for you. even though i just told him that him doing all the things for me is hurting me. Other times he tries to force me to hug him cause i’m sad and if i say no he tells me oh Chloe you can have a hug your good enough. I don’t get it I know im good enough that’s why i tell him what i honestly want and that is in those situations to be left alone i don’t want a hug honestly im not beating myself up. It makes me want to scream someday s why is he doing this

April 23, 2013 at 10:38 pm
(198) Lindy says:

Hi. I am thinking here we go again, him and me. We’ve been married 38.5 years and I hate him so much now, for the awfull things he said to me today..I have actually been thinking about divorce all day long. My husband is a very hard to live with, critical man who yells a lot. today because I asked him about his medical appointment he accused me of ruining his life, meddling in HIS & our kids business and lied to me (telling me our son said I ruined his life) I asked our son who is 25 and he said he never said that. The truth,I’m sick of him cutting me down…and I am avoiding him, more and more,. He is miserable, winey, complaining moody and frankly I am getting to the point where i don’t care if he comes home. or. I told him today, you are not welcome to join us for Mothers Day, because you will ruin the day .What is wrong w this miserable man? Sick of him, wife–he’s a drag, a lot!

May 2, 2013 at 1:23 pm
(199) divyabharthi says:

hi,im married since frm nov 2010 when i ws newly married tht time everything ws going good bt when i got pregnant tht time my i think my hubby changed alot bt i feel he still loves the same bt something really bothers me tht is he got a school frd class mate he always said tht they both r good frds which i really hate it n he promised on me also tht i wnt talk to her then too last time i caught him talking to her bt the talk ws normal bt still i hve dought on him i knw he is nt doing anything wrong bt i donno hw to react

May 16, 2013 at 12:54 am
(200) veronica says:

Am Veronica I have so much hate for my husband there’s times that I can’t stand him. I dont know if it’s cuz what he did to me in the pass that I can’t let go. Is that da reason y. I dont know what to do no more. He really trys to make us work but it’s me that can’t let that go.

May 31, 2013 at 2:13 pm
(201) driyah says:

I hate him*10000000000000000000. he dnt care anyways

June 17, 2013 at 8:49 pm
(202) anna says:

I developed this feeling of hatred after an year of our marriage. Generally I am a people friendly girl. But soon (3 months )after our marriage my mother in law died due to third stage of cancer. In spite of being a joint family nobody in the house knew that she was suffering from cancer. When it was discovered it was spread in all parts of her body. She was 58 years old. I was totally in shock like a fool I was defending my family at the funeral but I was watching my husband and his family closely and they appeared to pretend that they are in pain. Later after few months I started thinking about what must have happened to this lady. I am still confused that why she chose such horrible death over life. I asked questions to my husband which he could not satisfactorily answered.
During my pregnancy he continued to be selfish. He use to find out excuse to sleep in the TV room. Whenever I talk to my parents they always advised me to focus on my pregnancy.
After delivery I went mad about my childís health and got suspicious about every action of my husbandís family.in those days due to parents pressure I forced myself with my husband. And he manipulated my mind to go around the world with him for his carrier. Due to continuous travelling I lost my health. Though I am a professional architect I could not go back to my carrier. Now even if my husband tries to patch up with the things every small and big mistake looks gigantic to me.

June 28, 2013 at 11:27 am
(203) rachel says:

Wow, I’m so sorry so many of you are suffering like this. Some of you are with abusers or passive aggressive weirdos who are sucking the life out of you and my advice is get while the gettins good! I’m mad at my husband, yeah, but after reading most of these posts he is like a prince! He needs to take better care of himself but he’s not evil like so many husbands I just read about. Again, I am sorry and think everyone here should do some serious soul searching and I thank you for telling your stories, you may have just saved my marriage.

June 30, 2013 at 10:10 am
(204) Juliet McGrath says:

Okay. Here’s the deal. Men are morons with muscles. Women are not. Sex is only fun when you don’t realize the above. This knowledge is acquired at about 30 years of age. It takes another about…hmmmm, lemme see 10 years to accept that it’s okay to be celibate and from experience, i can tell you, Im 53 yrs old and my husband is 55 and i told him…go do what you feel you have to, but remember. I’ll laugh at you. She’ll laugh at you and you’ll wind up dying alone, ’cause I’ll be on a cruise. Long live the freedom to close my 22 year old looking legs and keep my perfect body hidden.I look like 40 and intend to remain so.

July 4, 2013 at 12:56 pm
(205) I am tired says:

I am easily annoyed at my husband and sometimes i don’t understand why. We have one child together, I have five from a previous marriage and we both work. My kids love him. He is a great dad and stepdad but for some reason I just cannot stand him, I get annoyed when I see his face. I feel guilty sometimes because he has not done anything wrong to me and the children. Today I lashed at him for something so petty. I don’t understand why I feel this way towards my husband. I think I need help.

July 25, 2013 at 11:24 am
(206) Just Curious says:

Just out of curiosity, but have any of you ever looked back at what you wrote and saw the bad you are commiting too? Have any of you ever stopped thinking about yourselves just once and asked him what might be bothering him? If you have, have you actually made the attempt to make it better instead of just saying you will? My husband and I had a lot of issues so we went to counseling and it really showed me how much I don’t listen to him and how selfish I was. After reading a lot of these stories, a lot of you need to pull your heads out of your butts and start wondering what you might be doing wrong. Communication works both ways, not just him having to figure out what he is doing wrong.

August 31, 2013 at 5:39 am
(207) d says:

he said ” I don’t want to live with you, and nobody will not like you, now you go out from my home” What can I do with it? my 5 year old daughter saw all that bad fight. how can i explain to her all of this fight and argue? please, help me?
we have been living for 6 years. i don’t like to live like this way. i just want to live so peacefully, with full of love.
what should i do?

October 8, 2013 at 11:42 am
(208) newlyweds says:

d – If you are unhappy in your marriage, talk to your spouse. If he is reasonable, he’ll want to work out your problems in a calm, rational manner, especially if he too wants to do right by your daughter. You might disagree on things, but you could talk to a marriage counselor or therapist. If he is not willing to try to work things and keeps making you unhappy and creates a chaotic home for your child, then you have to consider leaving. It’s hard, but things might be better for all of you if there’s some distance between you. Have you tried counseling? Have you ever been separated before?

October 10, 2013 at 10:06 pm
(209) Wendy says:

I love my husband but absolutely cannnot stand him at times. This is one of them. He is loving and caring, but subconsciously egotistical. He always exaggerates, twists words to make himself “right” or appear to be right, and is a habitual “white lie” teller. I hate this about him and he knows it. I don’t like half truths or mini-truths, which he has no problem telling. I hate it when he gets annoyed over stupid things, like me pointing out to him the 30 sec microwave button. He shrugs his shoulders, makes a stupid little annoyed face and when I say to him that he doesn’t have to use the button and I was only making him aware of it, he denies that he ever shrugged his shoulders and ever being annoyed. He always insists I am “making it up”…

I have specifically asked him to keep our arguments within the home….our neighbors do not need to hear his feelings. Everytime we have a big argument, he yells as he opens the door for all to hear on his way out. I have told him how much it embarrasses me in front of the neighbors and to stop it. If he gets so upset that he has to leave – fine, do that, by there’s no need to let everyone else know the obvious reason that you are leaving – because we’re having a marital fight.
When he makes me this angry, I want to punish him. I want him to feel angry, mad as hell, even hurt if necessary – just so he can understand how angry he makes me feel. I am not a violent person but I sometimes want to smash a glass bottle upside his dumb ass head because I feel he is too stupid to get the picture otherwise. I know it’s dead wrong to feel that way, but he takes me there. He knows how to push my buttons and do the very things that I beg him not to, because they infuriate me.

October 22, 2013 at 7:43 pm
(210) Jill says:

My problem is I have been married for 6 weeks and he said I love you to me the other day and used his ex girlfriends name.I feel like divorcing him and saying I love you has become the last thing on my mind, wnen it should be the first. How should I handle this??????

October 23, 2013 at 12:33 pm
(211) newlyweds says:

Wendy, I hear you. We all can get pretty frustrated with our spouse and sometimes we feel as though we’re going to explode. Before you get to the point where you want to pop your husband in the head, take a deep breath or go for a walk or distract yourself. Don’t stay in the same room with your spouse in those moments (as tempted as you may be to continue to argue to reach resolution). You wouldn’t want your temper to get the best of you, and you won’t reach resolution until you’re both rational and calm. When you are not at all angry or fighting, try to talk to your husband about these behaviors that annoy you. If you can’t get past these things, consider counseling of some sort.

Jill, I’m sorry to hear about your plight. That’s rough. I realize your husband said his ex’s name out loud to you. But I think lots of couples face the fact that one or the other still has some feelings for an old flame even it doesn’t come out in this way. It’s very difficult and quite painful for the spouse who is fully committed. I would recommend counseling because you seem distraught (rightfully so) about your husband’s error. And if your marriage has a chance of working, this is probably the only way. I’m sorry to sound like a broken record by suggesting counseling so often, but it helps to get an objective voice to intervene sometimes.

February 15, 2014 at 3:51 pm
(212) Lola says:

My partner yells at me everyday and hits me a lot. The problem is I’m 22 and shouldn’t be going through this. We have a 1 year old baby and I hate that she gets caught in the middle of all his shouting. He abused me a lot physically, even when I was pregnant, when I was working it was a daily occurrence. I am now trying to finish up school so I can’t afford to move out on my own. We can’t go out anywhere or have any special occasion without him ruining it. He has a smoking addiction , when he doesnt smoke he gets really angry. We could have a perfect day, but he’ll ruin it at the end by getting angry if he doesnt have smokes. Like on day he punched me several times and yanked my hair out. He left me bruised.

February 15, 2014 at 3:52 pm
(213) Lola says:

Right now I have a bruise on my face, my arm, leg, foot, thigh and head (from being thrown against the wall and having the wall crack). He loves his family more than me, I don’t mind but he brings their problems back here and fights about it. When he fights its not subtle its loud and he breaks things, he has broken many tvs, dvd players laptops and phones not to mention the walls when hes fighting. When people say or think something about him he takes it out on me. When he wants to pass his point across as serious he doesnt believe anything you say that will make him believe that you agree with him. Instead he hits until he feels “hes beaten his point into you” .When he panics he does the same thing. I remember the first day I went with him he panicked about something and hauled me by my hair into a brick wall. Another time he grabbed my jacket and slammed me face first into the floor and all buttons snapped of – im on the floor and hes still holding the jacket. We were living with his parents and they didnt even care. He is the most abusive person I know and says the most disrespectful and disgusting thngs to me. I hhave supported him throughout but now I don’t even care because it makes no difference to the way he acts. He has already been charged once for assault and if he does again he’ll be arrested and baby will miss him, the thing is I have no where to go myself, and just really want to be free. Im just waiting till babys big enough so I can get a job and leave him hanging.

March 18, 2014 at 8:20 am
(214) newlyweds says:

If you are a domestic abuse survivor and you’re still in the relationship, you can get help. This article offers info on what to do if your spouse is violent or makes you feel unsafe in any way and there’s a hotline number and Web site link, too. Here’s the story – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/domesticviolence.htm

February 16, 2014 at 11:06 pm
(215) Fmac says:

Theree are times that I just dislike my husband. I mean, how hard can it possibly be to carry his own plate to the sink as he leaves the dining table after a meal? Never mind clearing the table because that will NEVER happen. Or telling me to answer the phone while I’m cooking and he’s just standing close to it. I especially get annoyed when he would try to send me off to one of his tasks in mind, when I had just finished unloading the groceries by myself! It is so irritating when he would make light of a misfortune because it didn’t happen to him. Sometimes I think he wants everyone around him to be miserable too when he is! He can truly be a pain, but I guess there is no choice but to try and work it out all the time. We have been married 19 years,just saying.

April 15, 2014 at 8:40 am
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