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Francesca  Di Meglio

Long-Distance Marriage

By April 28, 2009

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Nowadays, married couples are often separated by distance. There are dual-income families, where both spouses have to travel often. There are military families, where one or both spouses are called away to serve their country. There are even bi-continental couples who meet on vacation and try to live in both of their homelands. My own husband and I fall into that last category. It's not easy. Sometimes, I'm in the States and he is in Italy, and we miss each other, and we get tense, and we might argue. But we've been doing this for the last five years, and we somehow make it work. Thank God for modern technology, such as the Internet, webcams, phones, and text messaging. In another era, our love would not have lasted. Now, we're not the only married couple trying to make a bi-continental marriage work. We are joined by Salma Hayek and Francois-Henri Pinault, who recently celebrated a vow renewal in Venice, Italy, where they first met. Their relationship is rocky yet romantic. I for one am pulling for them -- and good long-distance love everywhere.
Comments
September 7, 2009 at 4:58 pm
(1) Krista says:

My husband and I are a bi-continental couple, and it totally sucks. We are waiting for his immigration papers to be processed, but the government is so slow its like they are deliberately trying to break our marriage apart. I don’t have the funds to see him more than once or twice a year, and I hate the idea of “being used” to being alone. This is not how I imagined my life, and its pushing me to the breaking point.

September 8, 2009 at 3:48 am
(2) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Krista, I’m sorry to hear about your dilemma. As someone who splits her time between two countries to accommodate my marriage to a foreigner, I can relate. There are no easy answers. Dealing with the necessary documents and waiting for the government requires patience, a whole lot of patience. The good news is that once the paper work arrives, you can be together. You have to make this giant sacrifice and deal with the difficulty up front, but just think that this is only temporary. Also, do you make use of text messages, e-mail, and web cams and Skype? If you need help with any of that, please let me know. I’d be happy to answer your questions. Without Skype, my husband and I never would have arrived at marriage. Good luck and thank you for sharing your story with us. I think there are many more couples in this situation than ever before.

January 26, 2010 at 5:57 pm
(3) Very Lonely says:

I am a newly wed also waiting for papers to work out with my husband. Nice to see that I am not completely crazy and have some partners in crime

February 2, 2010 at 11:48 am
(4) newlyweds says:

VeryLonely – I’m sorry that you’re blue without your husband. In time, the paper work will get done and you’ll be together. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Welcome to the club!

February 9, 2010 at 6:11 am
(5) C says:

I totally hate it.Husband got a new job-more money,gaining experience etc.I’m happy for him however it sucks when you walk into a house and there’s no-one.I sometimes wonder is it worth the money to put your relationship through something like this…Won’t recommend this to anyone

March 15, 2010 at 9:42 am
(6) Vickie says:

I’m in the same situation. I hate it. In my opinion, it’s not worth the money. But for us it’s not a new thing. My husband retired from 20 years in the army, where we had numerous seperations. I think those were easier because he didn’t have a choice. This time he did and it’s much harder. If you have a choice don’t do it.

March 15, 2010 at 2:18 pm
(7) newlyweds says:

Vickie, thanks for sharing your story with us. What exactly is your situation now? Is your husband abroad? Also, since you’re used to have separations because of your family’s military experience, do you have any advice for the rest of us? I know I’d love to benefit from your wisdom. Thanks!

May 2, 2010 at 6:35 am
(8) Just married Mrs says:

Hi All, many thanks for sharing your experience here. In fact, I am going through a long distance marriage at the moment. We both got married in Jan 2010, our original plan was to relocate to somewhere in Asia Pacific but when when we were both ready to leave the UK, I have been offered a dream job in a company where I always wanted to work for in the UK. What makes the situation more difficult was that this job has offered me an extremely attractive salary which is way beyond my expectation. I know money isn’t everything, but it didn’t take me long to decide to stay behind in the UK by myself. My hubby has been very supportive, he said to me that this opportunity (my career) only comes once in a lifetime, if I don’t take it now, I will probably regret it for the rest of my life. I don’t know if I will have to pay a huge price later in life for the decisions I am making today. I’ll only be on a 1 year employment contract with this new job. After the contract ends, I will definitely be leaving the UK and reunite with my hubby. At the moment, we arrange to meet each other once every 2-3 months, tell you what, it’s very tough, I wouldn’t recommend it to anyone. But we both have trust for each other, we email, talk and chat with each other at least once a day. Communications is very important for long distance couples. I really admire any of you who are in a long distance marriage for over a year or more, honestly, it’s been nearly 2 months since our long distance marriage, I’m already find it pretty tough to cope with. I am just hoping this 1 yr will pass by as quickly as possible and that our marriage will work out well all the way throughout our lifetime.

May 4, 2010 at 2:59 pm
(9) newlyweds says:

Just Married Mrs. – you are a strong spouse. Congrats on making the long distance work for you. As someone going through something similar, I suggest that you make use of Skype and the phone and any other means of communication. It works for my hubby and me, but it is hard. It’s great that we all admit that. It makes you work that much harder to make the relationship work and it makes you appreciate the time you do have together that much more. Thanks for sharing!

May 6, 2010 at 5:48 pm
(10) Just Married Mrs says:

Hi newlywed, many thanks for your support and great advice. My hubby and I both talk on Skype. We email every single day, and speak on the phone every other day. Our relationship is definitely stronger than before. Absence does makes the hearts grow fonder!

May 9, 2010 at 3:43 pm
(11) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Way to go Just Married! I’m glad to hear you’re making your long-distance marriage work. I can relate and I love hearing other success stories.

May 13, 2010 at 12:37 am
(12) mother of three says:

Hi all, I am pleased to here that there are more of us out there. I have been married with my husband for many 7 years now. and continue to on waiting for his paperwork to resolve. It has been 1 year and 5 months since i came back to America to continue to raise our 3 kids. It is challenging and sad, He has yet to meet his third son who will be 10 months this month. I am here because my family is here, and i have more financial support here. I have notice that we are definitely being challenged during our separation and speaking with each other is challenging as well. With school, work, kids school and kids, my days are gone. I find it challenging it make time for my husband and with his two jobs, it is not common for him to get off late into the night and only have time to sleep. For us it has been HARD, with out a doubt. i am going back with him for the summer time.. but it will be hard for me to leave him. I don’t want to stop my schooling, but another year of this is out of the question. I married him to be with him , not to be separated from him. any advise i would love it.

May 13, 2010 at 8:19 am
(13) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

mother of three, thanks for sharing your story. It sounds like life is very difficult for your family and you at the moment. I’m sorry to hear it. What is the hold up with your husband’s documents? What country is he from? Do you have an immigration lawyer helping you? I look forward to hearing from you. Good luck, Francesca

November 3, 2010 at 9:05 am
(14) Jeannie says:

hey there, actually I m waiting for my divorce paper to get married afterwards in New York. My future husband and I are keeping up since almost two years. Now we have 5 months already again without seeing ech other. I am in Germany and he is in the US. Hopefully our marriage can take place soon and I can stay over there..I will leave my country and my job and my life here in Germany behind me. That s tough but the past two years were much harder. I never experienced a relationship like this. And it s true. We are much stronger and much more addicted to each other as others after two years. But we are more than happy when this will be over one fine day. Please pray for us that things are going to work out for us in january 2011 in New York. I m still confused about all the papers that I have to take. Some say you need this and others say you need that. Well, I ll take my passport, birth certifcate and my divorce paper and just go for it! :-) I can t wait to finally being together with him after all this time. And now another x-mas and silvester is coming up without him. It really sucks and takes away the joy of our days. We don t skype anymore because it hurts too much to always see each other and to know we can t hold us and so on. We email every day, call one day over the other or we chat. But if I would have the choice: never again. It s way too hard and loneliness is daily bread. But here we see: love takes everything and true love survives everything. Altogether! Hang in there!

November 8, 2010 at 3:16 pm
(15) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Hi Jeannie,

Congrats on getting married. I am sorry to hear that you are divorcing first, but as they say, when one door closes, another opens. When that door opens to love, it’s always lovely. Thanks for your encouragement. I can relate to you. My husband and I are often separated with an ocean between us because his family and work are in Italy and my family and work are in the United States. He is about to get his green card, two years after getting married. Yeah! But we’ll still have to be apart sometimes. It is hard. But you can work through it. The time together is all the more special. To make sure you have the right paperwork, I would suggest talking to the American Consulate in your country. They’ll be able to tell you exactly what you need. Good luck! Thanks for writing and encouraging all of us.

November 10, 2010 at 3:30 am
(16) diya says:

hi, im in bi~cont. marriage, plus newlywed. right now we’re at a low moment becuz of the ocean between. i think he’s gonna leave me

November 12, 2010 at 9:23 pm
(17) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

diya,

I’m sorry you’re having such a hard time with your long-distance marriage. Why do you think your spouse will leave you? Have you tried counseling?

November 20, 2010 at 7:04 pm
(18) kenneth DELANCEY says:

hehehe.you guys have it good.at least you all have good jobs and a steady income.im married to a filipino.she lives in the philippines and i live in the u.s.a.(united states of arabia).i see her 50 days out of the year and i made the mistake of building a small house there the last time i was there.now she is nickel and diming me to death for things needed for the house.she thinks im rich but im really poor and currently unemployed.my marriage to her is on the verge of failing miserably.we argue constantly and she sometimes complains that i dont send her enough money.while all the while i go without sex.there ,now the rest of you can feel better about your circumstances

November 30, 2010 at 10:40 pm
(19) newlyweds says:

kenneth, I’m sorry to hear your situation is difficult right now. I don’t think anyone on this site wants to feel better about their own circumstances at someone else’s expense. We all understand that marriages, in which spouses are separated by distance or living in different countries, come with their own set of challenges. We wish you only the best. Have you tried discussing your concerns with your wife? Most couples argue about money, and many can work through it. Have you tried counseling? Good luck, Francesca

January 21, 2011 at 10:16 pm
(20) Olivia says:

I totally understand everyone here. I got married in July back home and came back to Canada in August. My husband works abroad and we’re currently waiting on his immigration papers and it’s taking forever. The whole long-distance thing is ruining our relationship. We talk everyday more than twice a day on the phone msg all the time but still I feel like we are drifting apart form each other. I find myself being cold to him all the time, I have mood swings and get mad for no reason. Recently I’ve been having so much trouble communicating with him not because of him but because I feel like there’s a wall within me blocking me from doing so. He’s always nice and caring but I just feel like we’ve become strangers. I’m so scared that by the time the papers are approved our marriage will be ruined..

January 23, 2011 at 5:15 pm
(21) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Olivia, I’m sorry to hear things have been so tough. My husband and I are often separated by distance, and it’s not an easy life. Have you tried having Skype dates? That helps us. We reserve time just for us on the computer when we can’t be in the same country. We talk about whatever’s on our mind and connect with one another. It’s not the same as being together in person. The one positive that I’ve found is that the times apart might be hard but it makes the times together all the more special. Have you tried counseling? Is there any chance you can spend more time together in person? Good luck!

January 28, 2011 at 9:09 am
(22) KK says:

A week after our honeymoon my husband lost his job. He has found a job out of town so we are living a long distance marriage and have been married less than a year. I have a great job & can support us on a tight budget but he has to work because he has to pay his sorry ex wife alimony. I’m starting to resent him for his first marriage. We can’t be together because family court won’t make his ex get off her butt and support herself. I know in my head I knew he had to pay alimony when I married him but right now my heart hurts.

February 5, 2011 at 4:28 am
(23) A wife says:

As far as I know it’s will be Ok even I and my husband have to live in the different country. I just believe that our love is enough to pass all of this. He used to call me every night or send me some emails for a day, But after our marriage two months ago, he is rather change. When I asked him to process our legal papers and asked him to take me with him he said, “I’m busy and it need more time, not now”. I was trying to understand. Then one day he told me that he has no money anymore to call me. “It’s expensive”, he said. Ok I understood and didn’t complain about it. But then he very seldom to send me emails. He said, “I’m very busy”. I tried to call him but he was not happy. He said, “don’t disturb me a nd don’t call because it waste the money”. Of course I don’t understand… Now I don’t know what kind of future I will have…

February 6, 2011 at 2:25 am
(24) tony says:

It really is challenging, and difficult. I am in the “club” for 3 months now, and it really sucks to have your spouse thousands of miles away. I just can not fly over the ocean every weekend, to meet with my wife, and something so natural and essential as a hug or a spouse kiss it is blocked thanks to the long time processing.
A great initiative would be to significantly increase the criminal charges for those who abuse the system with fake marriages, so no one who truly gets married has to paid for NATIONAL CRIMINALS.

February 6, 2011 at 9:23 pm
(25) olivia says:

I understand what you mean by people abusing the system Tony . Genuine couples have to suffer because of fake marriages for immigration purpose. Thanks for your advice Francesca, my husband and I started going on skype more often and things are going better all we needed was more communication. Unfortunately I can’t go visit him because I’m enrolled in my last semester in University and I have a full-time job..

A wife , I think you should try speaking with your husband about how you feel or maybe try e-mailing him if he doesn’t want you calling.. but I think a long distance relationship is hard enough like this I don’t think you should have to cope with all this…

February 17, 2011 at 2:44 pm
(26) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

olivia, thanks for following up with us. I am glad to hear that Skype is working out for you. It’s always worked for my husband and I and our families. Right now, my husband is in the States with me, and we communicate with his family in Italy with Skype. And I do the same with my American family when I’m in Italy. I also use it to make and receive phone calls, which is significantly cheaper than landlines or cell phones. Good luck to all!

February 22, 2011 at 11:56 am
(27) lizi says:

My fiance and I are getting married in June. 3 years of our 4 1/2 years of dating were long distance, but we have gotten to spend the last year or so together. Now it looks like we might have to do it for another 2 years because of grad school. We have 3 options: 1) I transfer schools to be with him and take out a significant amount of student loans, 2) I stay at my current school for 2 more years and graduate no debt, or 3) I quit school and try to find a job so we can be together. I know how important money is, especially when you are starting out in a marriage. But to be honest, the thought of another 2 years far apart devastates me….I dont know if I can “choose” another LDR. Perhaps I am over-sensitive, perhaps not…to be honest I just dont know what we should do.

February 24, 2011 at 9:19 am
(28) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

lizi, thanks for sharing with us. I’m sorry to hear about this dilemma. I will tell you this – I personally have had to make great sacrifices to be with my husband, who is from Italy, and maintain my own career and life in the United States. The more we sacrificed up front, however, the more reward we are reaping as we move along. In other words, sacrificing today should mean that you won’t have to sacrifice as much tomorrow. Compromise and sacrifice are a part of every marriage, so I won’t say you’ll never have to make sacrifices again. But I’m finding it gets easier and you reap rewards from the sacrifices down the road. What are you leaning toward doing? Good luck!

All the best, Francesca

March 16, 2011 at 11:22 am
(29) Janie says:

My by-intercontinental is in the last few weeks of waiting for our case to be accepted. I don’t think the marriage will last that long. It’s been 2 yrs in total; 9 months married, and I just went to a different country to see him, not the one he is from… It was mostly great, but since returning home, communication has gotten worse. He tells everyone he knows he loves me; except me. I don’t really think its the distance. I think it’s him……..

March 16, 2011 at 4:56 pm
(30) newlyweds says:

Janie, I know firsthand how tough long-distance marriage can be. My husband and I are about to have to go through it again very soon. It is tough. We rely on Skype and the phone when he’s in Italy, and I’m in the States. I have to say we check in with each other at least once a day, usually two or three times, especially with Skype, which is free. But it requires commitment from both of us. Have you tried asked your husband to check in with you more? Have you told him that you need him to tell you that he loves you? I am not saying this will resolve all your problems. But no one is a mind reader. It just might make a difference.

March 20, 2011 at 8:34 pm
(31) margie says:

It’s nice to read all the supportive comments regarding long distance marriages. My husband and I married in August and we had a chance to spend two wonderful months together before he needed to return to his country of origin (Australia). We’ve tried to do all the ‘right’ things and are now just waiting (!) for the paperwork. But, it is TOUGH. Time zones, jobs, and responsibilities, all of that makes the burden of being married and alone a reality. Obviously, we believe that this ‘trial’ will be worth it when we’re together – but after 162 days… it grows very tiresome – and without an ‘end’ date – it makes the time apart even more difficult. We are ‘making’ it – through emails, chatting, and a few phone calls – and when this slight geographical inconvenience is resolved – well – i may never send him another email again! lol. Good luck everyone – have strength to hold yourselves together, lean on each other and your support system (friends, family). At one point the decision was made to get married and as we admit (more lately) we did know what it might entail. (I just didn’t expect it to last sooooo long)

March 30, 2011 at 4:50 pm
(32) mee says:

Just a quick summary.

long distance for 9 years. I see him once or twice a year ~4weeks in total. Managed to have 4 kids in between. On my own 11 months a year. Horrible life. cant take it anymore and considering divorce. But eventually found a mutual way out.

For those out there the ONLY solution is effective communiction and compromise. you need to give something up and for ANYBODY considering it PLEASE DONT do it. its horrible. too much heartache and temptation especially if he’s not caring/responsible

April 6, 2011 at 11:31 am
(33) newlyweds says:

Margie, hang in there, too. My husband got his green card after two years of working on the papers, so he could only visit periodically. It was tough. Even now, we’re still separated sometimes, so we can both tend to our jobs and families of origin. I know how difficult it can be. And that’s why I appreciate your encouragement so much. Mee, thanks for the honesty. I kind of wish I realized just how hard it would be before I got married. I love my hubby and I am glad we’re wed, but it is still difficult.

June 1, 2011 at 5:32 pm
(34) newlywed in a long distance relationship says:

hi there everyone, funny how I thought that somehow I was the only person on this planet crazy enough to do this. I got married and had a honeymoon all in one month, and then left my hubby cross continent to do my postgrad studies which is sponsored by my work hence a job requirement. I don’t know if I am doing the right thing. He is very supportive and would love for me to pursue it further but the truth is I am finding it horrible without him. And its like what one of the others mentioned, i didn’t marry him to be away from him. Although it is temporary until i finish my program (3-4years) it is still quite a long time and we are still taking the very very first steps as newlyweds! Its only been 1 month since i’ve been apart from him and 2 months since our marriage and i am already starting to feel lonely and worried that this marriage won’t last. Perhaps i was too hasty? I just read all about how the first 2 years of a marriage pretty much shaped the rest of it. Is it normal for me to be having doubts and worrying in the first two months??? If i had to choose between the 2 i would choose my husband in an instant. would love to hear your thoughts on the matter?

June 6, 2011 at 2:03 pm
(35) newlyweds says:

newlywed in a long-distance relationship – Thanks for sharing your story and concerns. To me, you’re not at all crazy. My husband and I have been married three years, and every so often we spend stretches of a couple of months apart because he is from Italy, and I’m from the United States. It’s not easy, but we’re finding it manageable for now. I think every couple is different. You have to find a way to make the marriage work for you. If the long-distance is temporary and you can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it might be worth it. But some people can’t stand being apart for a minute, and that’s perfectly okay and understandable. If you do end up staying apart, you can make things easier on yourself using technology such as text messaging, phones, and, of course, Skype video conferencing. Let us know what you decide to do. Good luck!

August 12, 2011 at 4:24 pm
(36) stuckhere says:

It all happened very fast. We met, we married, he got daignoed with MS. On top of that we have a bi continental relationship. Iam still waiting for my paper… almost 2 year now. Apparently the immigration people do not care that im loosing the best years of my life with him. I thing i could handle the long distance if there was no MS in the equation…but now im slowly loosing it. We have a daughter together. shes six months old. Hes going to miss her first word. Her first step. It should be a choice for couples. It should’nt be enforced like this! I don’t think i will ever forfive these people for making us suffer so much!

August 12, 2011 at 9:54 pm
(37) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

stuckhere, Thank you for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry to hear things have been so difficult for you and your spouse. I hope things improve for you soon.

August 29, 2011 at 5:16 pm
(38) Kids Over Us says:

I went looking for some comfort on the internet and found some but also learned it will be as terrible as I think it is. I am from Canada and my husband is from the UK. He has a 22 yr & 20 yr old. I have a 19 yr old. My son & I have been apart for most of his life as I chose to move to the UK (very long story). He came to the UK to try and settle with all of us 2 1/2 years ago & couldn’t do it so went back to Canada. We followed, now a yr later my hubby’s 20 yr old came to visit and spent 2 days crying that she missed her daddy. He’s made the decision to go back with or without me. I have to make the choice to stay and NOT let me son down again and wait until me or my husband decides our kid doesn’t need us anymore or just pack up and follow my husband back to the UK. Wonderful, we spent three months apart and it was truly horrible but at least there was a timeline, this situation is an unknown and the only comfort I get from him is who knows it may be three years but our marriage is fine . . . I am feeling hurt, angry and so sad. I truly want to be here for my son but he has already told me to go back with my husband because he doesn’t want a depressed mom . . . Why can’t my step daughter be the same?? The other side note is I don’t want to live in the UK, I love being back home in Canada and all that is great about it. He promises that we will move back to Canada and he loves it here too but for some reason, I have doubts that will happen. All I can say is no matter what happens or that its the right thing to do, nothing about it feels good. Sorry for the long read but this is weighing so heavily on mind all the time . . . .

August 29, 2011 at 5:37 pm
(39) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

KidsOverUs, thanks for sharing your story. I’m sorry you’re facing such obstacles in your family. Have you expressed your feelings and concerns to both your stepdaughter and husband? Good luck with communicating your feelings and coming to resolutions that somehow satisfy you and your family.

October 2, 2011 at 6:53 pm
(40) KENNETH DELANCEY says:

i have been in a long distance relationship for nearly 4 years now.my wife lives in the philippines and i live in america.in the past,ive been able to come to the philippines and spend 2 months out of the year with her but now im having financial difficulties and im not sure when i will be able to return there.we talk on messenger 2 times a week for many hours but mostly just argue.she has a way of pushing all my buttons and she complains sometimes that i dont send her enough money.to further complicate matters i built a small house when i was there a couple times ago.i dont like this anymore and most of the time i just feel like ive made a big mistake.i went to the philippines because i wanted to find a nice place to someday retire to but for me the philippines has been nothing but expensive,expensive and expensive.the money i spent on the house there ($7000 us) was supposed to be used here in california for me to buy a new business (seed money).now im 56 years old and just a few months away from being homeless in this lousy economy here.meanwhile,i go without sex,without someone to do things for me while i conservatably send her $225.00 per month.on top of everything else,i hate communicating online.she lives in the philippines where their servers are crap and so we cant use the microphone and forced to type.its hard for me and im fed up with arguing with her regarding mostly money.if it’s going to take me 2 more years to come back there,then doesnt that signal the end.i mean dont you have to draw a line somewhere.i really just want to come there and stay footloose and fancy free.i dont want a 50 year old woman clinging to me everywhere i go

October 4, 2011 at 5:58 am
(41) newlyweds says:

Kenneth, thanks for sharing your story with us. It sounds like you’re unhappy. Frankly, no one can know for sure if your marriage is coming to an end. Only you and your wife can have a clue about that. But you should try to communicate your unhappiness and concerns with your wife. Have you tried counseling? Do you ever get to see each other?

December 15, 2011 at 9:25 pm
(42) Sickwithheartache says:

My husband moved across the country a little over a year ago, I was originally going to join him but could not due to health problems. I was recovering and was going to move right after we got married (early September) but I had another health set back. I wanted to postpone the wedding, but my friends family and fiancÚ talked me out of it. I am getting sicker, and my husband refuses to come back to live with me. We have never lived together and now we have to spend the first couple years of marriage apart. I wish I could say he left for work or school, but he didn’t. He left “for the experience” we talk everyday, Skype at least once a week. I love him with all my heart but I feel such resentment towards him, I don’t know what to do. Any advice?
p.s. this forum helps to know I’m not alone. Thank You

January 25, 2012 at 4:20 pm
(43) newlyweds says:

Sickwithheartache, I’m sorry to hear about your health problems. I hope you are feeling better already. I’m sorry to hear about your difficulties with your husband living in another place. What kind of experience is he seeking? I know what you mean about resentment. This article talks about things you could do to prevent it from building up in your marriage – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/resentment.htm
I’m glad you have found comfort here. I can relate. My husband and I are not always able to live together, and it’s very difficult to be apart.

March 14, 2012 at 10:46 am
(44) Mara Fortenberry says:

I worth the article.Really thank you! Many obliged.

May 21, 2012 at 12:47 pm
(45) AirforceWife says:

I’m a newly wed, married for 3 months. My husband is an Airforce pilot. We are in a long distance marriage.
We meet weekly or fortnightly since our honeymoon. Things get tensed and I’m the person who gets heated up quite often. Maybe it’s due to our separation. I can’t live with him in his airforce base because of my job and we need it for our financial stability. Therefore quitting my job isn’t an option.
Sometimes I envy to see newly weds being happy together and I cry alone. My husband told me everything before getting married what military life is going to be. I was ready to take the challenge and now I’m facing it, to tell you the truth, it’s really tough.

I’m still coping it and I’m not going to give up as I love him so much.

July 8, 2012 at 11:54 pm
(46) Love My Husband says:

I can’t believe there are so many out there suffering like us. I am from india and got married three months ago. My husband is in India and I am in Canada. We are waiting for my husband’s immigration so that we can finally be together. I was in India for three weeks only and now miss him a lot after coming to Canada. The immigration process is taking longer than we expected and he won’t be here for another 6 months. I miss him a lot and some days are worse than the other. I live all by myself and have no friends or family nearby. Try to keep busy as much as I can but mostly stay depressed because of this distance. My husband is in worse condition than I am. It’s harder on him.We talk on text messages all day and call three four times a day> we skype all day on the weekends.But this makes me more impatient as I fell i cant be with him. I am positive this time will pass and we will be together one day. Our love for each other is increasing day by day. I wish luck to all who are struggling to be together. I hope no one has to go through this. Good Luck!!!

July 14, 2012 at 12:26 am
(47) NotSoSure says:

I’ve been married for a year and a half now and have never lived with my husband. He’s over 700 miles away. I have evidence that he is in constant communication with another woman and I’m not so sure it is “just a friend” although he tells me so. I love my husband very much but I feel like I should worry because he becomes very defensive when I ask questions about this woman. I hope it is really not what I think it is because there are plans for me to join him and I would hate to give up everything to be hurt in the end. Has anyone experienced this type of situation??? Suggestions for what to do would be most appreciated.

October 20, 2012 at 12:50 am
(48) Mrs k says:

Thank for this greAt article . It makes me feel less sad.
I will my story . I got married with my fiancÚ 3 weeks ago. 2 weeks after wedding I have to go back to my country indonesia and my husband stay in Australia. Before we married we were long distance couple as well for 1,5 year. We met every 3 months,
When I was in Aussie I stayed with him for 4 months. Then we got married. This is harder than we thought. The first week I spent everyday stay in bed and cry. It is so difficult nor to be the one that we love.
I have depression , I am affraid I will be crazy or permanently drpressed. I try to get over it but it always failed. I am sad

December 30, 2012 at 1:43 pm
(49) lonely_wife says:

Hi, I’m glad that I found this website so I know that I am not alone. I have been married for 2 years and living apart for a little over a year now. We have a 9 month old baby. I live in the US and my husband lives in Mexico. He left because his mom passed away, then he needed to care of things, then he found a dream job. He is not planning to move back here for at least another year. In the meantime, he is missing out on our baby’s first milestones. He wasn’t even here when he was born. Our problem is that we don’t communicate. I try every single day but he doesn’t. We talk for about 5 minutes a week and it’s only about how the baby is doing. I send him messages telling him that I need him and that we need to keep our love alive. He never responds not even an email or during our short talks. He didn’t even call for Christmas. He said that he is trying to save money. Well, Skype is free, so I try to reason with him and it turn into an argument. He is not affectionate at all. I’m just asking for some compliment, a love word. He just tells me “Love you” at the end of the call. Yesterday he said that he was going to call at 9:30pm. I waiting til 11. I texted him and nothing. So, today I have decided (probably out of anger) that I will not text, call or message him at all. I’ll wait til he does. I am honestly tired of begging for affection. See I’m crying now just typing about it. Thanks for listening

January 7, 2013 at 11:29 am
(50) newlyweds says:

lonely, I’m sorry to hear that you are so disconnected from your spouse in the long-distance marriage. Is he certain that he will return after one year? If so, he might just feel as though he’ll be back soon and things will go back to normal. Of course, he should still respond to your needs and requests. I’ve said before that the only reason my sometimes long-distance marriage works is because we are both dedicated to staying in touch a few times per day. And I understand the desire to speak with your husband daily. I’m sorry for him that he’s missing your son’s first milestones. The same thing happened with my husband. He missed out on first steps and all the time from 9 months to 13 months. It’s tough, but he’s making up for it now that we’re all together. Hang in there! Yes, know that you’re not alone.

March 8, 2013 at 4:20 pm
(51) acrossafrica says:

At first my family and friends thought I was crazy beign only 26 and decided to marry my husband after an LDR for 2 years. We love each other and we got married 6 months ago. Now I’m beginning to think I really was crazy. He lives in Africa and I’m in USA. I won’t see him for another 5months becaus of his immigration paperwork and I’m patient with that. The trouble is that we are growing so apart and I have been thinking of just taking a break from talking to him because all we seem to do is fight and judge each other over things that never seemed to bother us before. I am so tired of it and I am also very confused. I dont know what to do anymore. I don’t want to leave him but I’m starting to think very negative thoughts and it hurts.

PS: I really though I was the only one. Thanks for sharing on here.

March 10, 2013 at 9:40 pm
(52) Fany says:

Right now I’m at the point of no return I think. I have been married for 2 years but together for 7 , I was trying to get my documents to go back to the US ( in mexico right now) but my husband has giving up on the whole thing , to make matters worst he brought my kids here with me and now has just dissapeared on us. I mean no calls or txts or anything. It’s very depressing. He is out partying and having the time of his life feeling single (facebook told me lol) I don’t know what to do , I love my husband but now he just threw me n our three kids away like trash. It’s a horrible situation.

April 26, 2013 at 4:12 pm
(53) Shelly says:

Hi..I’ve just read through what everyone wrote and I’m glad to know that there are other people like me out there. Hats off to everyone who has been holding their own! I’m a in a bi continental marriage and have been living apart from my husband for more than a year now. Initially we managed things well and had no problems communicating..but over the past 3 months this long distance marriage is getting to me know. Thanx to overly long immigration process out marriage is suffering and I feel its getting worse and worse each day. I cannot communicate with him now..i get mad and upset for no reason and we end up arguing over the most trivial of things….living apart sucks esp when your husband had to go back 2.5 weeks after the wedding and since then the waiting has been never ending! Skype dates, emails, texting and phonecalls have totally lost their charm for me now and I never thought the problems would begin immediately after being married!! I am so depressed and lonely and wish i had never decided to go for the whole marriage business.

May 9, 2013 at 9:42 pm
(54) Torn says:

I am in a bi-continental relationship that is very complicated. I live in the US and my partner lives in a Middle Eastern country. It is illegal for us to be together there because we are a homosexual couple. I did live there for over 2 years and had to go back into the closet. Since gay marriage is not recognized federally we can not be married and my partner recieve a green card or visa. Recently I have come home to the US only to be told that my partner doesn’t ever want to live here. I am willing to move to any where else in Europe but my schooling holds me here. I am very torn as to how to handle this situation. We are very much in love and I am even thinking about going back. I am struggling with how to communicate to my partner that this is my home. I built my life and all my dreams here. I have been honest about wanting to live here. I do not want to lose our relationship. I don’t know what to do. I want to be together so badly but leaving my home again would kill me.

May 12, 2013 at 10:37 pm
(55) Ava says:

I feel good to know that there are other out there like me . I am too in bi continental marriage we have been apart for almost two years and our love just keep getting stronger . The only thing that keeping us apart is money . We got marry fast not thinking everything though . My family is not happy alway putting down my relationship saying its fake and not real .

May 15, 2013 at 12:31 am
(56) understanding says:

I do want to tell everyone thank you for your honest thoughts and heartfelt feelings! I have learned something from all of you. Firstly, Bi-continental…that is me. I am in the US and he is in Africa. Bi-continental gives long distance relationship a definition that is somewhat percise. To be away from someone with large/vast oceans between you both does something to the Psyche of Faith, Hope, and Dreams. Money is a root to all evil so they say. Money is a tool to keep not only the utilities, rent/mortage, food, and clothing in tact. Too less can get the most in love person down or seeing a reality check. If money is keeping me from being happy with my marriage I plan to find other avenues to keep my family’s neccities in tact. From pulling strings to the lack of communication. It creates room to imply, if there is lack of communication someone is either not wanting to face reality or they may have their own agenda in the actual relationship itself. In the last 3 months I have made it a goal not to act out based on me being angry with my status as single mother of two in a bi-continental marriage. I think what affects me lately, is when our child (age 3) says I want my daddy. Before I would be sympatheic to her feelings. While feeling sad that I want their father too, at the time no one is being sympatheic to my feelings. So, even more recently I am going with the flow of truth, when she makes the statement I agree and say I do to. I feel more human, not so tough anymore, which gives my a sense of me caring that I miss him too. I agree with all of you. It is so tough being alone for all the right reasons to endure for the sake of marriage, family, and love. Again, I appreciate this forum because now I can wholeheartly say I have been searching for the right kind of advice and you guys experiences are truths of long distance hearts! I pray GOD blesses you guys and my marriage to see better and fruitful days.

May 23, 2013 at 1:57 am
(57) fri says:

lucky you guys are able to cope up. i am on to verge of letting go.. it seems priorities have change., he was not the man he promised to be. it seems i am alone fighting this feeling

May 23, 2013 at 6:07 pm
(58) jojo says:

I am glad to read this posts as I realise I am not alone , we have been married 16 months and the visa process is just taking forever and we are waiting on our appeal , I get really low as I am dealing with problems in the uk too personal stuff I just want to cry but the truth is I adore him and he adores me and so we just have to breathe through this horrible process until we can be together , hope your all reunited soon

July 19, 2013 at 8:46 am
(59) Bridgette says:

I too am in a bi-continental relationship. I married my husband overseas in the country where we both worked. A year ago I came home for the birth of our first child so that I could be in my home country and feel comfortable. I needed to be near my mother and in a country where I spoke the language in this new chapter in our lives and wanted to start the process to bring my husband to be with me. My daughter and I became ill shortly after her birth and where hospitalized. My husband was not even able to get a visit visa to come and support me during this very scary time. We try hard to manage but after over a year we are both so hurt by this experience. I can feel my husband slipping away. He is frustrated and sad and feels my country has taken the precious moments he wanted to share with his wife and baby. I am so alone and desperate. I never dreamed this could happen. He cannot come here and I cannot travel to him. It is so painful

August 20, 2013 at 7:00 pm
(60) Shady Desoky says:

Me and my wife had Distance problem, she is from a country and i am from another ,we have been married for 3 years now, and yet we can`t get the method to stable, we are trying with her government immigration place, but everything is going like taking time longer and cost money too much that we can`t handle also because of distance we start to have some personal problems and that make it worse , we meet each others by visiting maybe 2 or 3 times a year… we love each others but she start to get annoyed about the situation and she start to lose hope and she is prefer to break and end the story , i Love her so much and I can`t stand my life without her,

September 10, 2013 at 11:07 am
(61) Sarah Disouky says:

I can so relate to how everyone feels on here. I suppose i found this because im looking for some relief to my pain which is constant and daily. My story to keep it brief is: met my man online 4 1/2 years ago. I am in the UK he is in the middle east. At first it was just a thrill and bit of excitement as i was just divorced with 3 daughters. Over time and many visits to him and living there for 2 months and many visits from him to me we finally got married on June 1st of this year in the UK. We have always had a temperamental relationship as i have never been able to deal with the distance very well and im quite a needy person. But even before we got married, in fact most of this year after we got our marriage visit visa we have been none stop fighting. He arrived the day before our marriage (which only had me and him, my kids and my parents there) and left the day after and I have not seen him since. He prefers to put hi mother and sister before me and even though he can easily travel to me he has chosen not to.

September 10, 2013 at 11:07 am
(62) Sarah Disouky says:

I have explained to him how hurt and lonely i am and that i just want to be together and he called me greedy and too needy and too emotional and that if i didnt like it to divorce him then. His sisters know he is married but he wont tell his mum as he says she wont accept me as his wife. 3 years i tried to convince him to tell his mum but all i get is its not my business??? He doesnt wear his wedding ring because he doesnt want his work to know he is married and now is telling me because of the political situation in his home country (not where he is living and working thou) he says its gonna be difficult to think about coming over here yet. He says hes scared to leave the security of his job and now is making me feel for the first time in over 4 years that my kids are a problem. I am so down all the time – crying constantly. I cannot bear to see couples together, i feel cheated because of my cheap wedding day( after which he actually laughed about it and my cheap dress!!!!) He says he loves me and I honestly believed him up until now but from all these things and his actions i suspect he loves the idea of loving me but either doesnt really or doesnt know how to. So from my wedding day being promised by him that it will all be over by the end of the year Im back as i always was – alone, unsure when it will end, sad, and MARRIED. Sorry for the long post but im at breaking point and just needed to vent

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