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Francesca  Di Meglio

Having First-Time Sex on Your Wedding Night

By October 6, 2008

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Sex can be stressful if you don't have much experience. So, what about couples that wait for the wedding night to have first-time sex? Some people don't believe you should have sex before you are married. Others just want to make sure they are in a confirmed, committed relationship before sharing such intimacy.

Far too often in popular culture or even among friends, we make light of love making. But it's a really big deal to offer your body to someone. It requires trust and confidence, which is what should exist between husband and wife. And when you're having sex for the first time on your wedding night, you might also need patience. While sex is a natural part of life, it's a bit more complicated than you might think. Besides the fact that you might experience pain the first time you have sex, you also will experience a wave of emotions that are new to you. That can be a lot when you're newly married. Make sure you catch a good spouse, who will treat you right, respect your wishes, and help you learn to enjoy sex. If you love each other, the rest will fall into place -- even if you have to have some awkward love making sessions for practice first.

Did you wait for the wedding night to have sex with your husband or wife? Let us know by leaving a comment below.

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Comments
October 13, 2008 at 9:46 pm
(1) Angela says:

My husband and I certainly did not wait until we were married to start having sex.

October 14, 2008 at 5:52 pm
(2) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

There’s nothing wrong with choosing to make love before marriage. It’s a personal choice. Each couple has to make the decision that is best for them.

October 17, 2008 at 1:08 pm
(3) Heather :) says:

I’m waiting to have sex for the first time when I get married…in 197 days. I’m a little worried and I’m trying to find out more information with out finding porn on the internet. Its a bit frustrating but I know eventually everything will be okay. I’m definatly not expecting fireworks the first night.

October 18, 2008 at 12:33 pm
(4) tulyp says:

My husband and I waited for our wedding night to make love for the first time, and we were glad we did. Naturally we were tempted many times during our courtship years but we felt it was worth the wait as it made it more the sweeter.

October 20, 2008 at 11:00 am
(5) newlyweds says:

There is something quite courageous about waiting to make love in this day and age. While I don’t think there’s anything wrong with choosing to have sex before marriage, I do think that waiting makes it even more special. As long as you love each other and you are patient with each other, there is nothing to fear about having sex for the first time.

October 21, 2008 at 9:51 am
(6) newly wedded says:

for us in our country is obligator to wait for the wedding night but usually it puts the couple under a lot of pressure especially the bride as she thinks of the pain,i have so many questions about the best way to avoid pain and to enjoy the first night together, if anyone was facing the same issue and maybe has advice or even somewhere on the web that can guide i would appreciate having your comments.

October 22, 2008 at 11:19 am
(7) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

May I ask what country you’re from, newly wedded? I am going to try and get information posted on the site soon for people who are waiting until the wedding night for sex. I think it’s an important subject and one for which there is little information in this day and age. I hope to help soon. Thanks for your comments and honesty.

October 24, 2008 at 2:07 pm
(8) Sonata says:

My husband and I waited, and while I was fairly nervous the months preceding the wedding night, it was 10000% worth it to wait. The temptation was hard to bare at times, we made the decision very early on to wait. We dated for four years before we were married. Several months prior to our wedding we had the talk; about expectations, being nervous, pain, etc. And honestly after we talked about it I felt so much better. I think the key is to go slow and gentle, it was sun a special moment that the pain was almost the last thing on my mind. Your first time doesn’t need to be adventurous and perfect, you have the rest of your life for that- just make it special. Feel free to email me if you want to talk more: lovemybeau921@aol.com

October 28, 2008 at 1:08 pm
(9) mukesh says:

i m waiting for my wedding nite to have sex. I m (a male) from india n i m having arranged mairage. I m worried about the matter that whether my wife( whom i seen only twice till 28-10-2008) will have same feeling me on that nite or not. Moreover i m really not ready or i feel guilty to talk about this to my wife. Pls help

October 28, 2008 at 5:18 pm
(10) IwishIhad says:

For those of you in this position, I do not judge anyone, but as they say hindsight is 20/20 and I wish I had waited. There were many reasons I did not. The thing is once your virginity is gone, it’s gone forever, you can never get it back. Only one person can be that first one for you. I am now 50 years old, and I have been married twice. I did not wait for either of my marriages and I wish I had. Just now at 50, I think I know myself better than I ever have, and I think I finally have some perspective. At 18 I certainly did not, but I thought I did. I have alot of regrets. The thing I want everyone to understand is that if no one tells you how special you are and how you should save yourself for that one special person of a lifetime, you don’t automatically know this. You seek the love that you don’t have for yourself and did not get from your parents from others. You give yourself freely thinking this will be the love I am looking for, but it’s not, it’s empty. Parents, please remember to tell your children how loved they are and how special they are so they will not seek love and acceptance from outside sources in the form of sex before marriage. I am not a born again christian or anything like that. I just would like for others to refrain from making the same mistakes I made. I have now met someone with whom I would like to share my virgin body with, but it’s too late. I cannot give him that special gift and I cannot give myself that special gift because it was already given in trying to find the love and acceptance I so desperatly needed.

For those of you out there afraid to talk to your husband or wife to be, don’t be afraid. Communication is the key, and you will both feel better after you talk. It’s nothing to be embarrased or ashamed to talk about. Marriage needs communication at it’s core to thrive and you owe to yourselves and to each other to communicate. Just talk in a loving manner and everything will be OK.

October 29, 2008 at 12:04 pm
(11) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Great comments, IwishIhad. Thank you for your honesty. I think some young people don’t realize how precious a gift sex is and how it should really be reserved for someone truly special. It’s hard to know when is the right time. Sex continues to be special long after the first time. I personally hope we also continue to get better at it and enjoy it more. Regardless, it is up to us to give sex the importance it deserves.

November 2, 2008 at 11:15 am
(12) Marci says:

Hi,

I’m getting married in 6 weeks, and when we make love on our honeymoon, it will be the first time either of us has ever had sex. I’m going through a lot of emotions right now – I’m so excited that we’ll finally be able to unite together in that way. He’s always been so tender with me, and I know that won’t change once we marry. But at the same time, I’m a little nervous about the pain that might ensue. I’ve been warned that sex might not be “good” for the first month…but then again, neither of us have done this before, so I think it makes sense that there will be a “learning curve” of sorts.

I’m so happy that I’ve waited. We love each other so much, and I’m really glad that I’ll never have to worry about STDs or that previous partners might be in his head when we do make love. It’s literally going to be our own brand new “space” together as husband and wife.

I just really wish that more people respected individuals who want to save their virginity for marriage. Too often, people just assume that anyone with this persuasion is a “Christian fundamentalist,” and often don’t consider this as an option on it’s own merits. I’ve never had to worry about unplanned pregnancies or ST D’s or consider having an abortion (which, even for those who believe it’s a fetus, can still be traumatic at times)…the simplicity this decision to be abstinent has brought to my life is truly wonderful!

But I’ll be glad when we’re finally married lol; I’m more than happy to start this part of my life.

November 14, 2008 at 11:32 pm
(13) Dana says:

I had waited for my wedding night to have sex for the first time, but my husband had had sex before. Therefore he was experienced, making it “not so awkward” he would make sure to check if im ok or if it hurt and what i liked. Im glad I waited, and as much as i wish he would have too, i think overall it was amazing!

November 15, 2008 at 11:14 am
(14) newlyweds says:

Thanks for sharing your story, Dana. I think you have validated the choice of many people and helped those are still waiting for the wedding night. It’s further proof that if you love each other, it will work out.

November 20, 2008 at 7:37 am
(15) John says:

Sex before marriage is wrong, wrong, wrong. It clearly says in the Bible that sex before marriage is a sin. Wise up!

November 24, 2008 at 12:32 pm
(16) Alisha says:

My husband and I waited and it was a wonderful experience. When we started dating I told him that I wanted to wait even though I had been sexually active in my past. At first I think he was hesitant but quickly came around to the idea. We waited for several reasons, and there were many benefits:
1. We believe that is it what God intended
2. Sex fades eventually, when we are 80, we don’t have to worry if we are going to get along without sex
3. I never had to wonder if he was with me because the sex was good
4. when we had a disagreement we actually had to work it out instead of having makeup sex.
5. Our wedding night was amazing. I have never had sex so good. I am even more amazed that it keeps getting better.
6. If you can’t control yourself before you are married, what keeps you from indulging in sexual temptations outside of your marriage?
7. Great fun getting to know each other intimately.
We have only been married for 4 months, but so far everything is wonderful, I pray that it will always be.
I know that each couple makes their own decision, and they should be able to do so without judgment. As for me though it was a wonderful blessing to wait, and i highly recommend it to any couple who haven’t made up their mind on the issue.

December 2, 2008 at 5:08 pm
(17) Wally says:

This has been so helpful reading this. My boyfriend and I (of almost 2 years) have yet to have sex. Both of us are in our thirties and have had sex in the past in previous relationships. I admit I have a hard time with abstaining because we really do love each other and I am so attracted to him, but he feels such a strong conviction about us waiting until we are married to make it everything it should be helps me see the bigger picture.

The problem I find is with my friends who question his sexuality (are you sure he isn’t gay?) or interest in me and have said that I should leave, that it isn’t normal. I didn’t think I would encounter so much peer pressure after I became an adult. The judgement is pretty fierce.

December 3, 2008 at 3:34 am
(18) rosedagreat says:

we waited until our wedding to have sex..that’s our culture

December 5, 2008 at 3:23 pm
(19) MeN says:

I’ve had sex thousands of times, but always with the same woman, and always inside of my marriage to her, my wife of 26 years.

I’m NOT going to judge you if you think “premarital sex is OK”, but I do urge you to be consistent with your own belief system. IF you are an atheist, who thinks God doesn’t exist and the Bible is rubbish, then go ahead, fool around all you want. But IF you believe the Bible is true and is the Word of God, then I’m sorry — premarital sex is always wrong for you. Always. It’s that simple.

December 18, 2008 at 11:59 pm
(20) Keith says:

I am getting married in two days, we haven’t had sex and have been together for about two years, I can tell you I cannot wait! I think it will be an amazing experience even if the sex isn’t exactly “pro” yet….

December 24, 2008 at 6:46 am
(21) Uncle Sam says:

look sex is something really appealling but not for those who do it outside the pattern and parameter the Allah has allowed.
When two are not married they allways count the secs to have sex with one another and that’s what the satan besset but remember after the operation esp an unsuccessfull sexual relation how do you feel,don’t you hate yourself don’t you hate your partner.but imagine to be married the abomination alters into a more emotional relation.Never sin.Sis is something wrong.God didn’t say do not sin because you disblief my principles but he says I tell you the sins for your own sake not to ruin life with bad experiences and bad moments.God loves us that’s why he says don’t do this and don’t do that.just like a father to his son.we all think that we are the mind-masters but infact we are all the son and the God is the Father showing us the way not to be hurt.
Another point: Sex will get ordinary one day so always choose your partner for his or her dignity,ethics,beliefs and things like that.
And for the final words I wanna say something about the religion.Look sisters and brothers,As I said God has put many likitations but they vary from one religion to another but remember the religion which has the most complicated rules is the best one because if you know all the rules then you would have the greates life both here or the other world.GOD Loves us.SEX is very good but not for all.I have too many things to say,if somebody needs my words I would be glad to help yopu at all stages of your life.
You can email me for assistance to mfpredominant@yahoo.com

December 27, 2008 at 11:59 pm
(22) newlyweds says:

Congrats Keith! I hope your wedding was beautiful.

December 29, 2008 at 5:46 pm
(23) newlyweds says:

I just want to thank everyone for their comments. And I’d also like to remind everyone that this is a welcoming community for newlyweds and people of all faiths and beliefs. We respect people’s differences and discuss everything openly, honestly, and in an intelligent manner. Please refrain from criticizing each other’s lifestyles. Respect everyone’s right to wait to have sex or not wait. Thanks again! I look forward to further discussion of this topic and others.

January 1, 2009 at 1:47 am
(24) Sophia says:

according to the bible sexual act is a means of entering a covenant with another person bcos your body fluid are mixed during the act.it means for as many people as you have sex with you are tied to them spiritually , a part of you has gone with them and you have their own part too with you.the bible says the marriage bed should not be defiled by premarital sex. but if you have had sex before, coming to Christ offers you a new life as you become a virgin of Christ like i am now. His blood cleases you frol all sin and you becomes a new creature 2Corinthian 5:17

January 1, 2009 at 1:54 am
(25) Sophia says:

I mean the blood of Jesus cleanses you from all sins and you lose that guilt feeling and are set free both in your mind and spirit. God forgives you. you can email me on favouredsophie@yahoo.com for futher clarification

January 2, 2009 at 12:57 pm
(26) Need Advice says:

I am currently married to the love of my life. We have been married now for almost 10 months. I waited ’til marriage before engaging in a sexual relationship. There were a few times in highschool where I came close, but always stopped myself in hopes to share that special moment with my wife and wife alone. However, things worked against me and my wife did not wait ’til marriage before engaging in a sexual relationship. I really have a hard time dealing with that and don’t really know where to go for advice. I’ve talked to my wife about it every now and again, but it makes her feel like a horrible person…. and she always tells me that she doesn’t regret any of it. (Which makes me feel worse). Regardless, how do I deal with not being my wife’s first sexual partner? I lost my virginity to her. Any advice would be nice… I feel sometimes alone in this situation. Let me just make one last comment, regardless of how I feel about this particular aspect of my marriage, we do have an outstanding marriage :)

January 4, 2009 at 9:42 pm
(27) WasAVirgin says:

I started dating a guy about four months ago. We’ve known each other for YEARS! But he called to hangout. After hanging out one evening and fooling around, I just knew I had to sleep with this guy. It was weird, but I knew it had to happen. But I was a virgin and I had to tell him. I told him, he stayed, we continued to fool around. He was patient and made it special. Soooo, I’m no longer a virgin. We had a huge argument a few days later about something stupid and I felt guilty of having slept with him. But he apologize profusely, we worked it out. And we really like each other and like hanging out with each other. We have a good relationship and enjoy sharing ourselves with each other. I never thought I would be with someone like this – it’s special. And I’m happy. That’s what matters!

January 8, 2009 at 7:47 am
(28) newlyweds says:

NeedAdvice, thanks for sharing your story with us. If I were you I would consider getting professional help either with a sex therapist or marriage counselor. Both you and your spouse should be able to work out these issues with the help of someone trained to deal with these kinds of issues. Good luck!

January 8, 2009 at 7:59 am
(29) newlyweds says:

WasAVirgin – thanks for sharing your story with us. Now that you are sexually active, you should be sure to use protection to protect yourself from diseases and unwanted pregnancies. If you need help dealing with the emotional changes you’re experiencing, you should talk to someone you trust such as a parent or guardian or a counselor. Good luck!

January 9, 2009 at 4:43 am
(30) TAIYE(NIGERIA) says:

PREMARITAL SEX IS HEAVILY CONDEMED IN THE SCRITURE BY GOD.IT IS ALWAYS GOOD TO WAITING PATIENCELY FOR THAT NIGHT.I WAS TOLD IT IS FULL OF EXCITMENT AND COS OF THIS, I ‘M PATIENTLY WAITING FOR IT.WE ARE IN THE WORLD ANYTING GOES AND PEOPLE DO NOT SEE ANYTHING WRONG DOING IT BUT MOST TIME YOUR CONSCIENCE ALWAYS JUDGE US WRONG.MOST PEOPLE START HAVING THE PROBLEM THEY ARE GOING THROUGH NOW THROUGH SEX WITH VAROIUS PERSONS.MY ADVICE IS TO WAITING FOR IT,COS IT IS WORTH WAITING FOR .

January 14, 2009 at 7:02 pm
(31) need advice now says:

i am a christian and i do believe that you should wait until marriage but it doesnt stop me from wanting it really badly. i am always horny. i dont know what to do….i am worried the urge will become too much and i will ‘just do it’

January 15, 2009 at 11:40 am
(32) newlyweds says:

need advice now, you should try to speak with someone in the clergy or a religious role model about controlling your urges for the sake of your belief. You could also try seeing a therapist. Keep us posted. Thanks for your honesty! Good luck!

January 16, 2009 at 6:23 pm
(33) notadisworl says:

My husband and I waited until after we were married. It was totally worth the wait. I think its like when you have a craving for something and you put it off and put it off then you get to indulge. Its that much better than when you give in right away. Anticipation only heightend the arousal. It was awkard but my husband and I can laugh and reflect on that and have a sweet intimate memory.

January 19, 2009 at 5:18 pm
(34) ATANAS MZEE says:

im born-again and believe it is worth waiting for that night. it is the best gift we are keeping for one another.i want Jesus to be there to applaud us as we worship him with our first sexual encounter in life. my gal and i cant imagine how mysterious its going to be. but thats the way God has made it to be

January 24, 2009 at 10:15 am
(35) daisyrose says:

I do agree with Need Advice. I am a christian too. I try to wait till marriage but it’s so hard!!!!!!!!!!I feel horny very often and think about often too. I know it’s abnormal but i can do nothing about it.

January 24, 2009 at 11:01 pm
(36) Pearlite says:

Im 22 years old and I made a promise to myself that ill gie my virginity to my husband. In the recent years it has been REALLY hard and i’d just like to thank all of you coz uv shown me that it’s possible.
Keep your fingers crossed for me… and pray if you can. I really wanna do this, more for me than for whoever that lucky guy would be. Again, Thank you. (Especially IwishIHad)

January 25, 2009 at 7:29 pm
(37) Young and Married for 2 years says:

My husband and I have been married for two years and we waited until our wedding night to have sex. The night was amazing! So here’s the nitty gritty truth about waiting for “the night.” Yes, there is some pain, but it’s not excruciating. It’s more of a soreness and all loving husband stop when it begins to hurt. They don’t want it to hurt you! But soon the pain pushes through to pleasure, and the oneness that you feel is amazing and even better because you waited to share this special moment. The actual lovemaking itself will most definately, most likely be very short—matter of minutes…they just can’t help it the first time. As the honeymoon progresses you continue to learn, and the best part is it gets better each time. But the first time is always so precious and special!

January 26, 2009 at 12:24 am
(38) TheNonVirgin says:

Growing up, I always wanted to wait to have sex until I got married. While I was not raised with this idea (my parents were more open and wanted us to ask for help/advice when needed), it was something I strongly wanted. I grew up and moved away and had many many many temptations.

When I got to my mid-20′s, I was beginning to think that marriage was not in my cards, so I entertained the thought of pre-marital sex. I was 26 years old when I lost my virginity and have and some partners since and I do not regret any of it. As a matter of fact, the first guy i slept with, was a one time thing. Am I proud of it? No, but rather than regret…I live and learn.

I waited until I was ready, and that is all that matters. I was/am older and more responsible. If I were to get pregnant, I now have a stable career and life where I am able to accept responsibility that comes with sex. It is a personal choice and my desires changed over time, with life experience just as our thoughts and beliefs should.

January 26, 2009 at 2:07 am
(39) RaCheL says:

Im 21 and still have not had sex. To be honest, it’s one of the most difficult things in the world. It’s hard because my body wants it but I know in my heart it’s wrong and I should wait. Many of these comments are very encouraging. It’s good to know there are actually people out there who wait. As a college student it’s a rare occasion to find someone who’s still a virgin.

January 26, 2009 at 4:05 pm
(40) daisyrose says:

Don’t worry RaChel, I am 26 and I have never had sex too. I would advise to not pay attention to others. That’s what I do.

January 27, 2009 at 6:16 pm
(41) bee says:

I completely disagree with you. Having sex before marriage is important. Being a very sexual woman myself I would never risk choosing a partner for life without knowing if we are sexually compatible.I am almost 30 and only now I realize what my sexual preferences are. If I waited I would have missed out on amazing experiences.

January 28, 2009 at 5:44 am
(42) Jason says:

I am a male at the age of 21, and I am dating my first love, we have been dating for 2 an a half years. We are talking about marriage in 2-4 years. We are both virgins, but I feel great urges for sex, especially when we kiss/makeout. I obviously know these thoughts are kinda normal, but im afraid that these thoughts could hurt are realationship. Its like, I want to have sex, but on the other hand I dont want to screw are relationship up. Ilove her with all my heart, but it takes a toll on my emotions after awhile, and I start getting impatient and grumpy so to speak. We live in two different states and when I see her for christmass, summer, thanksgiving and several other times, my passion for her skyrockets and I guess you could say I disregard my need to remain a virgin. Ive known many people who were not able to stay in a long distance relationship for even a couple months, but we have been in it for 2 years. So there is a lot of love, trust, and communication, that we have, and those are some things that bind and keep a relationship strong and working. I know im babbling here, but im using this site as a journal you could say, I just wanted to get my thoughts out in the open and maybe someone will have some comments or even need some advice. Thank you for listening! and HAPPY NEW YEAR TO EVERYONE, GOD BLESS.

January 29, 2009 at 12:51 pm
(43) daisyrose says:

Talking about sex here is the same as having a stick with two ends. Sharing ideas it’s very good, it brings some relief and I do value all shares here. We will always have pros and cons about the sexual intercourse whether it has to be before or after the marriage. I suppose everything depends on person’s life ideology. Someone wants to have a good experience whereas others cannot do it because of Christian morale. I still remember the words from Bible: “If you need it you will get it. Pray for your eternal life. Jesus knows what you need”.
Be sure about your life principles and it will help you tackle the sex problems. To be strong enough and oppose the seduction is not an easy thing but possible. Be strong, respect yourself and your life ideology!

January 31, 2009 at 2:15 pm
(44) Tricia says:

hello, it is so great to beable to have these comments to read! i am a late teen and had been sexually active since a few years ago, i partied and when i lost my virginity it didnt phase me, i barely remember it because i was blacked out from alcohol! i accepted jesus as my lord and savior feb 17 of last year and i have been sober since feb 4th! this month is a big month for me! I met a guy last year that i just married on New Year’s Day!He is from a previous marriage and a daughter who is 3! We have been guided in our own lives and together by god, we love the lord! We waited to get married before having sex because that is not what our love and relationship is based on and committed to! In our past we disobeyed what god was trying to do in our lives and didnt listen, because we wanted instant, now, gratification! Alot of young adults our age in this generation tend to be this way and even adults, it is so sad to see! We have to suffer the consequences from our pasts and just know we are now creating our new pasts today and cant live tomorrow! We are choosing God’s will for our lives instead of our own! i want to thank everyone for the support and opinions on this page! and i want to add one thing that any young person looking at this right now, we all have made mistakes, temptations are everywhere but what your heart desires and what is right you can have! Don’t give up on your dreams! have a blessed day!

February 2, 2009 at 5:09 pm
(45) Melissa says:

i thought i was gonna stay a virgin until marriege. i even had a promise ring. i’m 17 and i just lost it 3 days ago with a guy i’ve been liking for 2 years now.

not sure if i’ll do it again, but i did break my hymen

February 3, 2009 at 5:08 am
(46) daisyrose says:

Mellisa, look forward but not backward. If you regret about it, try to not make the same mistake for the second time.May God help you!

February 6, 2009 at 1:32 am
(47) We're"cheating" says:

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 3 years, and we are saving sex for marriage. However, when I say that, I mean that we are literally saving intercourse for marriage.. we do everything else on occasion. At first we were going to save everything, but it just didn’t work out that way. We have just decided that this is what we think is okay (even though I’ll admit, I’ve felt guilty and decided we should stop in the past, but we always fall back into it).

We both are pretty strong Christians, and I know that we should be saving everything for marriage, but it’s just so frustrating that we have to wait so long for marriage. We met each other at a young age, so if we were are going to wait until we graduate (both going to graduate schools) then it just doesn’t seem fair. And we know we will get married, so we just feel that it’s okay. I was just curious if anyone else did this same thing? I always hear about people waiting for sex, but I always wonder if they mean they waited for everything.

I also feel like our first time won’t be awkward since we are already pretty in tune with each others’ bodies. It’ll be just one more step, and I think minus the pain for me it won’t be weird. I was just wondering if anyone can relate to this?

February 7, 2009 at 5:44 am
(48) Khalid Nazir from Pakistan says:

Asslam O Alekum, I am a single and i gust to know how anybody feeling at his wedding night about sex…

February 7, 2009 at 8:46 pm
(49) dawn says:

well i`m still a virgin but my soon to be husband is not. we both said were gonna wait until our wedding night to go to that next level. i always seen myself having sex before marriage but i was never really ready no matter what my mind said when it came down to it i got to scared. i have someone who understands and loves me enough to wait and that makes me not be afraid.

February 8, 2009 at 2:46 am
(50) CK says:

My husband and I waited until we got married to have sex. This was a very difficult decision to uphold and we were tempted many times, but we believed it was what God wanted for us. We are only 18 and 19 years old (we got married 2 months ago. We’re undergrads and did it over winter break before changing housing. In response to “We’re ‘cheating’”, I feel that part of believing that God wanted us to wait for marriage was also believing that God wanted us to be able to love each other freely within marriage, and we saw no reason to wait for any social landmark. It was between us and God. If you want it bad enough it’ll work out, and if you follow his will, God will bless you. We saw many miracles during the planning process.) but we had long decided that we wanted to be together and were ready to enter into the joy and safety of the commitment of marriage.
Adding sex to our relationship has presented many challenges, but so has sharing space in one small apartment. Our communication and expectations were not always clear (those regarding sex and all other topics), leading to awkward and uncomfortable disagreements. We believe that the blessing of the commitment we’ve made is that we can now place everything in the context of our lives together, and focus on the entire experience, not just on whether we had a good or bad day (or sexual experience). Before we were married we desired a greater intimacy but would not allow ourselves to share it because we wanted to save it to bond us in marriage and set that time of commitment apart from our dating relationship. Now we are again in a relationship in which we can grow together as a couple. We feel we can share ourselves more freely because we know we can depend on one another for life. Our relationship is safe and stable and we have clarified our intent of love and commitment through our actions.
Now for the nitty gritty: It hurt at first. My virgin vagina was very tight at first and needed to be stretched. Despite using lube and experimenting with condoms (which I would suggest as a way to make sex better if someone is having trouble with pain) it really didn’t get better for me until either my husband or I inserted two fingers and gently pulled the walls apart before intercourse. After all, the vagina is a muscle like any other. Ladies, I would advise doing this before you get married if you think you might need it. And always keep in mind, it will get better!
Through all the different challenges my husband and I are both very thankful that we were with someone we love and can rely on.
P.S. I’m sorry but I completely disagree with “Bee”. We were introduced to this idea before we were married through pressure from my husband’s father. He made the point that you may be sexually compatible at one time, but that doesn’t imply that you will be for life. However, we both feel that sexual compatibility is a day-to-day thing. It’s not so much your bodies (see my story above) as a couple’s willingness to give to one another and work with one another. I do understand, however, that if both people are very experienced making a long term commitment may entail more “matching tastes” than growing and developing them together. To each his own in life. I mean only to be encouraging to those who are going through what we did.

February 10, 2009 at 6:04 pm
(51) Kae says:

I am a 17 year old girl who was raised in a Godly home, I have a boyfriend that i have known for 2 years and we have been together for about a year and a half of that. We both are commited to a Godly life and we have never kissed, and we barely hold hands. We are harassed and questioned all the time of why we don’t kiss, why we dont even date, I say that its our choice so that we can keep eachother pure and out of temptation. My family loves him, and I adore his mom. We go to the same church and we are both very involved there. We are examples to the kids younger than us and many of the young pre-teen boys look up to him while the pre-teen girls look up to me. I have made a choice to stay pure till I am married, and I am even thinking about waiting to share my first kiss on my wedding day, if it is with the guy I have now or some one else, I know it will be special either way. I do NOT agree that sex is ok before marriage. Sex is ment for marriage. It’s a God given thing between a man and woman who have said thier vows and mean it. Why give up part of you to many men, when you can have a better kind of sex with the man you marry and only him?

I am 17 and have made that choice.. I plan to keep it till I have found that man and until he places that wedding ring on my finger and we exchange our “I Do’s” will I give up my virginity.

Although, I am not going to lie, I am scarred for that night, I dont want to look like a dork, or make things awkward. I have been told that it hurts, and that you bleed a little, and I dont want the man i marry to be discusted. I have heard that its fun.. but pain doesnt sound so fun to me… What am I supposed to do on my wedding night anyways? Just let him take over? Do we go straight to the bed? I am also super self concious of my body.. I am skinny, about 113 lbs. and I am 5′ 4″, but I dont like the way I look with out clothes, what will he think? How do I get my self out of that wonderment? Do any of you (mainly christian women who can relate who are married or have had the same experience…) have any advice for me? I know I am still young, but is there really any age when you get the “Ok” to finaly know this stuff? Thank you!

February 10, 2009 at 6:35 pm
(52) Kae says:

God has created us to be sexual. We are created with sexual wants. But when you have it outside of marriage, you have sinned and have fallen into the temptation. It is OK to want it, it is OK to think about it.. we are created to want it. But like I said, God created it for a man and woman to share and enjoy inside of marriage.

February 10, 2009 at 10:18 pm
(53) Kelli says:

In response to “Kae”, don’t worry about being self-conscious. I used to struggle with the same thing, but then I met the man I will marry. I can PROMISE you that once you build that loving and trusting relationship with the man you will marry, you will just know that he will love you no matter what you look like. It’s hard to explain because I didn’t use to understand either, but trust me. You will know that he won’t care (or else he’s just not the right guy at all). And as far as feeling like a dork.. don’t worry about that either. If you can find a man that is waiting as well, then you can both be awkward together and it will be all the more special.

February 13, 2009 at 4:53 am
(54) pinky says:

well..i’m quite interested to know how it feel during our first night..is it really hurt compared with the pain of having period every month?? :P i’ll getting married but maybe 2 or 3 years later..right now i’m just too curious to know how we can separate our mind from thinking how hurt its gonna be..i really love my partner right now, and we believe of having sex only after marriage..i love pure thing..i wanna be pure just for my loved one..its make us Special right..we have coupled for 4 years..lots of temptation happen..but thanks god we manage to keep our relationship in pure line..No SeX untill we truly give our heart on wedding day :)

February 14, 2009 at 7:37 am
(55) daisyrose says:

Hi, Kae. I share your opinion completely as to pureness. I will pray for you to be strong till the very end. I was once seduced but said “no” on time. I have understood I love God more than myself and these earthly wishes and sexual dissoluteness make us weaker and bring closer to Devil. Hardly oneone can be found like you nowadays. May God bless you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

February 14, 2009 at 3:27 pm
(56) Crystal says:

Its best to wait for marriage.
I had a friend who dated this “Christian” guy, who was a “virgin.” She wanted to wait til marriage but things happened and she had sex with him. After they had sex he treated her completely differently. He showed her less respect. Months later, she found out that he was not a virgin and had sex with three other girls. Waiting til marraige is best, and you can work out all the kinks in marriage counseling. Plus, most teenagers are not mature yet and when you add sex to the mix it complicates things. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for two years, and although its hard to resist, I know we can do it. Even if you don’t have strong religion like others sex before marriage is still bad. Its bound to mess up your relationship.

February 16, 2009 at 10:17 am
(57) cj (Nigeria) says:

I am a Christian. I’m 23 years old and will be getting married in two months. My soon to be husband and I have never had sex. I am a virgin but he is not. We have been able to build a strong relationship. my friends who have had sex before always have a sad story at the end of everything even though it starts well.waiting is best. Christian or no Christian. It shows that the relationship is built on virtues that are lasting and not passing pleasures that come and go. Being a Christian however, gives you an edge. You have the Holy Spirit to help you stay pure Before Marriage. It is Very Possible!

February 16, 2009 at 12:13 pm
(58) lashana says:

he’s right girl

February 17, 2009 at 8:49 am
(59) Kae says:

Thank you Kelli and Daisyrose! For your imput and prayers. I really dont want to be one of those teens who messes up befor marriage. It’s so common today and so tempting, I know God has a WONDERFUL plan for me. I think as us humans.. we are never able to wait.. How manytimes do you or someone who is driving, yell at the other driver (who cant hear you) to stop pressing their break, or yell at them to go faster? How many of us have ran up and down the isle of cash regesters to find the shortest line..? We can never just take the time to slow down and wait, and be patient.. We want what we feel like having and we want it now… what feels good and “right” to us.. but it makes it that much better to wait.

February 18, 2009 at 9:42 pm
(60) Jay says:

Wow so many comments with different views.
I definitely agree that the best decision you will ever take is waiting to have sex until after marriage, it will be more special and you have no reason to feel guilty about anything if you wait. and trust me its no easy thing, but im 22 getting married with the man God has blessed me with and he is also a virgin, it will definitely be more special knowing that the man i waitied for waited for me too. but of course we are human, we make mistakes, but God can always cleanse us and make us new, falling in love with Him first has been the greatest experience ever, God is the answer. the Bible has answers and im telling you if you are searching for answers, just talk to Him, He is always there for you with arms wide open to offer you freedom from anything.

p.s if you havent seen the movie
FIREPROOF its a great movie about relationships.

God bless you all

February 24, 2009 at 8:07 pm
(61) newlyweds says:

Kae, thanks for having the courage to share your story and opinions with us. I’m wondering if married women who are reading this would like to comment on self confidence and body image, which you brought up in your comment. I, for instance, find that I feel comfortable with my husband and he makes me feel wanted and special, so I don’t worry so much about my chubby thighs or pasty skin anymore. I just go with the flow. What do the others think?

February 25, 2009 at 10:27 am
(62) changa says:

i LOVE SEX! YAHHHHHH!

March 7, 2009 at 11:52 pm
(63) Real man says:

Having sex before marriage is very easy and dangerous as well. But people need to know that thay are different than animals. Having sex with many people is animals behaviour, if somebody wants to na an animal he can do like them.

March 10, 2009 at 4:49 am
(64) daisyrose says:

Fully agree with you!!!!!!!
People, let’s live with God!!!

March 11, 2009 at 6:46 pm
(65) Matt says:

So I’m a virgin and I’m a Christian and I am going to wait until I get married to have sex. I know sex before marriage is wrong. I don’t see myself getting married for at least (probably more than) 5 years. The only problem i have is that in my mind, that’s a long time to wait for sex. Honestly, I really don’t want to wait that long! I know it’ll be worth the wait but that’s a hard wait…

March 12, 2009 at 8:06 am
(66) daisyrose says:

There are things we may do and we may not. You are luckier than me, I don’t know even the approximate number of years I have to wait for. But I am sure now I am a con sex before marriage. If you feel at loss, log in and leave the message for us all. We will support you with pleasure.

March 13, 2009 at 3:01 pm
(67) Real man says:

Any lady hwo wants sex before marriage thought about getting pregnent??

March 14, 2009 at 4:23 am
(68) daisyrose says:

Never. A few people think of the danger at that moment. That’s the problem indeed.

March 14, 2009 at 5:18 am
(69) Real man says:

for men, there is no consequences, but for women, pregnency, losing viginity, in addition to being so cheap woman.

March 14, 2009 at 6:50 am
(70) daisyrose says:

Not only women lose their virginity. As for cheapness and purity it concerns both. The only thing here that makes it worse for the women is to get pregnant and if the she is God-conscious she will not make an abortion and will give birth. But this coin has got its other side – if the man is not egocentric he will never leave her alone. Here all people should understand: sex is a two-people action and if it ends in pregnancy, it’s the matter of two. By now I haven’t understood why all say, only the woman is to blame!!! But why? HE was with her too.

March 14, 2009 at 10:41 am
(71) Real man says:

You are right Daisyrose. I meant that the woman is the big loser here. Also man will think she might had sex with somebody else and he might not accept to continue with her. Actually woman who maintained her virginity is a very valuble and expensive jewelry and this the the woman a man hope to share his life with.

March 14, 2009 at 12:20 pm
(72) daisyrose says:

Fully agree. I hope that all of us we’ll have enough patience.

March 16, 2009 at 7:53 am
(73) Real man says:

Daisyrose – your mail

March 16, 2009 at 8:32 am
(74) d says:
March 17, 2009 at 8:52 pm
(75) sk says:

I am not religious, but i am a virgin and waiting till i am married, which will be in about a month. i choose to wait for alot of reasons, i knew i was not emotionally ready, and did not want to deal with the physical complications. being 21 and a virgin, i got alot of crap about it from my friends and other people, some people in my family dont believe me.

And some times it is hard, i had alot of guys walk away when i told them i was not ready, and that was very hard. i dont think anyone realizes that.

I met the love of my life two years ago and we have been dating a year and he understands and suports my choice. he has been sexualy active for the past 8 years. but he loved me enough to understand me, and to respect me,

while i am so scared of my wedding night, because i have heard it will hurt, im am glad i waited, i can lay next to my husband and know that i gave him something i cherish very much.

the point is i dont judge if you wait or not, it is your body, your right, but FOR ME, this is the right choice. like i sad im not religous, i drink, i smoke, and im not innocent, but i have waited and i do think it is going to be amazing and wonderful. and i know he feels the same way. he thinks i am even more special for keeping something so important to me and such an amazing gift to him on our wedding night, oh yeah , we are so excited!

March 18, 2009 at 5:16 am
(76) NANCY says:

My wedding is about two weeks from now,and i have never had sex in my whole life,am 25 of age,am scared it might hurt me.What should i do?

March 21, 2009 at 8:43 pm
(77) newlyweds says:

Nancy, you can get some advice about having sex for the first time on your wedding night (including some ways to minimize the pain) on this site at http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/a/firsttimesex.htm

Congrats on your wedding! The sex will be great because it will be special and you love each other.

March 22, 2009 at 8:12 pm
(78) daisyrose says:

My congratulations on your wedding, Nancy.Everything will be fantastic!!!!!!!!!!!! Don’t worry and enjoy your time!

March 26, 2009 at 12:10 pm
(79) alex says:

HI
I would like to said that always is good
to have sex before marriage because that
is part of what your going to have for the rest of your life. and suprisses always come
and please women don’t get comfuse whit men
we all men masturbate at early age so tath means we aren’t virgin no more.
we men always said the opposite to the girls
that is part of our macho men
virginity is important for women ,not for men
we never said because is something that some how will hurt someone
some countries use this very serios and is same thing is part of the macho men
is a traditional cultures but in the inside
we don’t care
infat most of separetion are because they
did’t have sex before married and remenber sex
is very importan in couples be open said wha
you feel or think.

March 26, 2009 at 5:15 pm
(80) daisyrose says:

I strongly disagree with you, Alex. Doesn’t matter whether you are a macho man or not, you do have to care about others. What is a macho man? It’s a person who lives for his own satisfaction and brings no goodness to people. Do such people have any sense in their lives?

March 27, 2009 at 1:41 pm
(81) africanos says:

hello all
if u have sex b4 marriage u are simply telling your partner that ur willing to sleep with someone ur not married to. think about it!!

March 28, 2009 at 8:58 am
(82) daisyrose says:

Very smart of you, Africanos!!!!

April 1, 2009 at 10:05 am
(83) beth bolade says:

my husband and i waited till our wedding night before we had sex,we have been courting for five years and i most confess i went through hell,it was so painful and i avoided sex for 3weeks.

April 1, 2009 at 12:18 pm
(84) Cecile says:

If you ask me about it? It’s better to get married first before sex. I got married at the age of 23 and my husband is 24 years old. and I telling you that

” I GOT MARRIED FIRST BEFORE I GAVE UP MY VIRGINITY TO MY HUSBAND” Yes! my husband is my FIRST MAN and I’m proud of it.

We’ve been married three years already but we still inlove each other. I think, we will die very old together! We are both happy for our marriage.

April 5, 2009 at 7:15 pm
(85) Braylin says:

i decided a long time ago to wait until i was married. Needless to say I was thrilled when i met a guy who had made the same decision when he was young as well. I am 22, he is 24. we’ve been dating for 4 years and it hasn’t been easy, but i believe it’ll be worth it. :D

April 13, 2009 at 5:19 pm
(86) wait wait says:

I waited with mu wife until first day of marriage. It is a little funny because you have decided to stay away from sex and it is fine, but on the day of weddding afterwards there is nothing that stops you :) . Waiting after hetting married is more difficult than waiting b4 getting married. What I want to say is that if you have waited for more than 25 years you should not finalize the deed in the first 20 minutes of being in the bedroom. :) )

I guess everyone is doing the mistake i did,
I wish I could go slower over the whole deed. because for a first timer the deed is 5 minutes. Make it longer.

some advices (which i could not follow, but if you follow you will never forget for life)
1. Before you get in the same room it would be nice if you could have a walk where you could be more intimate than you were before marriage like you can hold hands, hug and give some small kisses.
2. Once you are covered by the same blanket keep talking, (in my case it was; silence for 3 minutes, no talking and then started kissing and finished in 10 minutes.) keep talking, make fun or talk about the engagement period, tell her that it reallyhas been a dream for you getting married and as you talk you can play with her eye brows, which is not very sexual.
3. It would be ideal if you behave as if you are not going to have sex that night. Delay the deed as much as possible. Sometimes I even think that not having sex the first night would be more magnificient, you could have that on the first morning. That would be wow :) )
4. Depending on the level of shyness you may start kissing. The golden rule is: go to the next step only as late, as slow as possible. Before you start kissing one thing that you can do is holding her hand, you are not going to talk in bed with no touching. And if you adult :) both should be excited enough only by being in the same bed together. That should be exciting for a first timer and it is.
5. Do not take of all your clothes at once. That was my mistake. You should continue kissing and stop and stare her and tell her she is magnificent. By this time she should be thinking of what is wrong with this guy, she should be wandering whether you are going to do it or not. That is what you should aim for, you should be able to make her even worry that the first night would be only kissing and rubbing. Kiss her eyes, lips neck patiently slowly (you can kiss passionately fast with heavy breathing too, the point is the timing, delay delay). She can be lying on her back and you may have your thigh over her and then your thigh can stay between her thighs.
6. Try to keep her bra and paties on. (this is the first night, you will have all the time in the world to have any type of crazy sex, quickie, full naked, in the kitchen). With your hands you can work her belly or her back. You can add kisses to her belly, neck and shoulders. If your wife is shy (even if she is not with you) you can bring her hands around you.
7. Start working with her thighs using your hands, you can even go kissing there, you decide for yourself depending on you two. It is good to have your wife on her back. You may start to work with the breasts while bras are still on, go around the borders. Take the bras off and start kissing them . I learned after my marriage that breasts are very sensitive, now it is by default. While kissing her breasts your hands can be downstairs, part her thighs and enjoy her thighs for some time, their inner. enjoy them and after that you can get closer to the HOT zone. By now you may consider being completely naked, the last thing that should be on should be your wife’s panties.
8. You may try going missionary possition because you can control movements in case of pain. But you can tease her while she is on her back, lift her left leg, and you are on your side , you can be spooning or half spooning.
about the details after this point you may figure out yourself. After you finish the deed (I wish I had done all these I mentioned above in one hour and not in 10 minutes) you should talk and tell her it was magnificient. If you are not very sleepy you should (may) do it total three or four times, with breaks of course. The best would be if you wake up at night (you have never had a second one in the bed so there is a possibility of waking up during the night :) )) if you wake up, repeat all of the above procedures. I would go back to that day I would do like 3 or 4 times with breaks> but do not worry, the breakfast is to come. One thing to note is: do not drink heavily because you will not be in controll you will sleap all night and your first night will really happen on the second calendar night. So try to have the best time, the longest time on your wedding night so avoid uncontrollable drinking.

Somebody had asked in a post above what it feels like, it feels great, unbeliavable, as Dustin Hoffman said in Rainman : WET. :)

So my main point is, if you have waited more than 20 years wait another hour, it is worth.

April 17, 2009 at 8:23 am
(87) Janice says:

I’m 23 and I’m still a virgin. I fully intend to wait until marriage to have sex. The problem is that I’m really worried about the pain. What exactly does it feel like? How intense is it? Is the pain similar to having menstrual cramps?

Also are you supposed to shave off all of your pubic hair or is a trim sufficient (I don’t have a lot of pubic hair to begin with)?

April 19, 2009 at 8:23 pm
(88) yehyeh says:

am a christian, i lost my virginity when i was 13 but i haven’t had sex in a while. i sometimes wish i hadnt because i cnt stop thinking about past experiences of sex. I think its such as amazing thing to wait and what a gift to give your husband.

April 20, 2009 at 12:38 am
(89) Ryan says:

Janice, how much pubic hair you have is totally up to you. You can shave it, trim it, or leave it. Most couples try it out with all of those stages. As a man, it doesn’t bother me how much hair a woman has down there, although if you want your future lover to give you oral pleasure, shave it.

I didn’t wait till marriage and I’m 21. I don’t regret not waiting. I know that seems callous to you religious folk. I use to be one of you. The truth is, when the time comes to get married I’m going to be sharing a home and a bed with the woman I love before we tie the knot. How else will we know if it is something we wish to maintain for life? It is a true commitment and those are the major parts of it

April 27, 2009 at 11:47 am
(90) skandul says:

Yeah. Nobody told what they mean by sex..We kiss and believe this is OK, so maybe non-penetration sex is also OK? What is the limit? Well, we always refer to the Bible. But I personally believe only in the Gospels, anything else looks like human interpretations and frustrates when it counter people from different religions… And another very important feature – the marriage..Do you believe that putting rings is enough? Should you go to the church or you could receive the blessing in civil ceremony??? I personally believe that the marriage and sex is the miracle we do not know and can just feel (not be told by pastor or rabbie)

April 28, 2009 at 10:33 pm
(91) Curious says:

Just out of curiosity, to what Bible verse are you all referring to that condemns premarital sex? Still waiting for marriage to have sex myself, but I have been searching the Bible for years for this fabled “thou shalt not have sex outside of marriage” law and seriously cannot find it. I can find verses that people have interpreted in several different ways, but nothing that directly states that one shouldn’t have sex outside of marriage (which is curious, considering Leviticus 18 goes through some very explicit sexual activities that must be avoided, not to mention that most of God’s laws ARE spelled out very clearly). Thoughts?

April 30, 2009 at 6:16 pm
(92) Very soon... says:

My fiance and I will be married in 4 months and we have decided to wait for our wedding night to have sex. He has been sexually active in the past, however I have never had sex. Now that I am testing out birth control for the first time I am finding it harder and harder to wait for that night. However my life long desire to have that most intimate wedding night has always ruled over my temptations in the past. I know also that, even though he has had sex before, he would never let us ruin our wedding night by pressuring me (or letting me pressure him).
I just wanted to thank all those who have waited and shared their stories. It really is encouraging for those of us who are still “on the other side of the fence” to know it is completely worth the wait. I look forward to looking back on our wedding night and being proud of my decision to wait for that night.
Thanks again!

May 1, 2009 at 2:00 am
(93) Eun says:

I just got married 2 weeks ago, and we waited untill our wedding night. I was a virgin but my husband wasn’t. Anyway, the pain was worse than I actually thought, so we couldn’t make much ‘progress’ on wedding night…he had to stop.

We are still on that ‘progress’. One day we will reflect ‘those days’ and will laugh together I know! :)

May 1, 2009 at 2:03 am
(94) Eun says:

I just got married 2 weeks ago, and we waited untill our wedding night. We both are Christians. When I was in high school, I promised this to God, that I’ll wait untill I get married, to give myself to my husband only.

Anyway, the pain was worse than I actually thought, so we couldn’t make much ‘progress’ on wedding night…he had to stop.

We are still on that ‘progress’. One day we will reflect ‘those first days’ and will laugh together I know! :)

May 4, 2009 at 10:27 am
(95) amber says:

I am getting married in 3 weeks and me and my fiance decided to wait until marriage(neither one of us have had sex). We met in high school and have been dating 5 years. everynow and then I think about how much it will hurt, but I am so excited to share this moment with my fiance. We are both undergraduates, I am 20(21 in sept) and he is 22(23 in aug).
For those of you who are married, could you tell me what things you would suggest to take along on the honeymoon to make things enjoyable? thanks :-) amberjac9888@yahoo.com

May 4, 2009 at 4:54 pm
(96) lany says:

i am 30 yrs old and never had sex. I am waiting to share that part of me with my husband but still scared because i dont know how i will feel after the intercourse.So my question is, how do you feel emotionally after the intercourse?

May 6, 2009 at 9:57 pm
(97) newlyweds says:

I actually just ran a story on the Newlyweds site about what to pack for your honeymoon: http://newlyweds.about.com/od/afterthewedding/tp/honeymoonmusthaves.htm

May 7, 2009 at 10:06 am
(98) Becca says:

I think not waiting until marriage to have sex is completely wrong. God designed sex for marriage so you can bond with your spouse in the most intimate way. I am getting married Oct 17 and I’m so excited to be with my husband for the first time. We may try to do things our way, but when we die to ourselves and do it God’s way, I know from personal experience things have a way of working out better than I could ever imagine. Yes it’s hard, I find it hard to wait too, but I would really encourage everyone who is waiting to keep it up. It will be such a blessing in the end.

May 7, 2009 at 11:59 pm
(99) rohan says:

k……Im also about to marry bt i will wait for first wedding night

May 12, 2009 at 1:57 pm
(100) Mercurial says:

It is up to the couple to decide when to engage in sex; it should be a private decision. But nowadays the pressure is there to think of sex as recreational and without consequences. Hollywood constantly glamorizes infidelity and extra-marital affairs. The ideas of abstinence, celibacy or even postponed gratification have become alien concepts in popular culture. Like Wally says, people who choose to wait are judged fiercely. Nowadays, it takes courage and strength of character to defer or delay sex. The people who put off sex until marriage are the true mavericks and rebels, not the people who do it on the first date.

I understand that some people want to make sure they are sexually compatible with a partner before they commit. But you can be sexually “compatible” with a partner who is completely inappropriate for you in every other way. Having sex with someone can make you think you’re in love with him, when you’re not. Having sex with someone can make you stay in a relationship, when you shouldn’t. I’ve been in relationships that were crazy, pointless and dysfunctional, but the sex was amazing. If not for the sex, I’d have been outta there much sooner (or, better yet, not gotten involved in the first place).

Looking back on my misspent youth, at least 95% of the things I regret doing were related somehow or other to sex. I don’t mean that, without sex, I would have led a blissfully mistake-free life. But I sure could have saved myself–and many others–a lot of grief and hassle by keeping my knees together until marriage.

BTW Curious: it is the 7th Commandment–Thou shalt not commit adultery.

May 13, 2009 at 1:12 am
(101) burnsintheair says:

ok so im a 16 year old teen who has been seeing this girl for 4 months, and we are debating if shes ready or not, and we are joking about it and being serious about it. i have lost my virginity before and shes a virgin. we love eachother and i want to know if that our love will grow with each spiritual experience of sex that we have, and also for the day to come, what is the best way to make it special for her first time?

May 16, 2009 at 7:03 am
(102) Specialgift? says:

I am a 21 year old woman and I have never had sex, or anything close to sex. I was raised in the Jewish religion but decided a while ago that religion would play ZERO a role with my body. People always talk about how sex is a special gift you give your husband- what is he going to give me? I expect him to be a virgin as well. I hate it when people talk about sex as “a special gift”, it’s disgusting. While I don’t think people should be careless with their body I also respect people who do have lots of sex and take care of themselves.

I can’t stand how most women don’t know their bodies. Sex hurts because a woman is not aroused, when a woman is aroused, her vagina gets wet and opens.

There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin and nothing wrong with not being one.

Tiff

Ericmarem@yahoo.com

May 17, 2009 at 10:50 am
(103) chris says:

in gods eyes, you need to wait until you are maried to have sex. otherwies you are considered “unpure” and you dont want god to be ashamed of you. but if you have allready made that mistake, repent to god and he will forgive you!, amen

May 19, 2009 at 9:22 am
(104) lovelopes says:

hi everyone..
i m a virgin.. and getting married soon…within 40days. i waited and m waiting to have sex with my husband.we both are really exicieted about that.it was a arrange marriage but now it has turned up into love marriage. we both talk about our fantasies,imaginations and many more.i hate him for loving me.

May 20, 2009 at 2:41 am
(105) NotAVirgin says:

I’m not a virgin, and I’m so thankful I decided to have sex before marriage. While I understand that deciding when to have sex is a personal decision, and everyone is different, I think equating premarital sex with something sinful or catastrophic is innacurate. I am getting married this October to the man I’ve been with for three and a half years. We’ve lived together for 2 years. He is my best friend. He also happens to be the ONLY person I have ever slept with. On our first date I knew there was a strong chance I would marry him. I had sex with him within the first two weeks of our courtship. If I had felt shame or guilt about having sex with my fiance when we first started dating there is no way we would have been able to develop a healthy, strong relationship. If you want to wait until marriage to have sex that’s totally fine, just also realize that it’s totally fine to have premarital sex–the important thing is to do what’s right for you. I thank God everyday I took advantage of the free will he gave me and decided to have premarital sex with the man I’m going to marry in less than five months!

May 23, 2009 at 7:12 am
(106) alice says:

i am too shy talking abut this thing s i dont know why

May 26, 2009 at 2:51 pm
(107) newlyweds says:

A few of you have asked about how one feels emotionally after experiencing intercourse for the first time with your husband or wife. Honestly, I think it is a bit painful at first, at least for the woman. But if your husband is gentle and you take things slowly, you will feel even closer than before with your spouse. There’s some truth that it’s a stress reducer. Most of all, you should feel full of love. And you should know that it keeps getting better and better.

May 29, 2009 at 10:17 am
(108) stillvirgin says:

i just got married and im still a virgin..we waited

June 5, 2009 at 11:44 am
(109) Israel says:

I am a christian and so is my intended, i am almost 29 and she is almost 27, we are both virgins, and we are getting married in 78days. We decided to wait till wedding night and i know it is worth it. We may be inexperienced but, it will be good because we dont have any experience to compare with, so we learn with one another. I think as a christian it is not a matter of you and your fiance(e) deciding to have sex before marriage or not, i think its what God says about it. Having sex before marriage is fornication, lets call a spade a spade, i know its not easy, God put the emotions there, but at the same time he want us to exercise self control through the holy spirit and wait to enjoy the fulness of holy matrimony. We have been tempted a couple of times, but God provided a way out since we made a commitment to him and to one another to wait. Its vital and God intend sex only in marriage, society and mordernisation cant change that.

June 5, 2009 at 8:49 pm
(110) Hannnah Ahern says:

My husband and I waited to have sex for the first time on our wedding night. I am so glad that we waited it made that night so special. I think that waiting makes it easier because you wait so long for that moment and its finally come. you will be nervous but it is worth the wait:)

June 8, 2009 at 4:22 am
(111) Morris says:

I am a huge supporter of “true love waits” campaigns and pledges. Even setting my religious ideals aside, I believe that saving oneself for marriage is an amazing thing to do. While it takes a lot of courage and patience to wait, the reward is sure to be sweet – both on earth and in heaven.

That being said, I have a hunch that most of the people commenting on this article who waited to have sex are young (teens or 20s) and/or share the same moral ground with their partner. For the rest of us, this issue becomes MUCH more convoluted.

Just something to chew on.

June 9, 2009 at 1:08 pm
(112) Annie says:

My husband and I waited until marriage for sex, for religious reasons. Obviously, it was a new and different experience for both of us, but still very passionate and tender. I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

June 10, 2009 at 4:35 pm
(113) TrueLoveWaits says:

I am a 21 year old college senior and my fiancee and I decided to wait to have sex until we are married. We are both virgins (something I’ve discovered to be relatively rare in college and our culture in general) Our wedding is in 248 days and I can’t wait! We are both devout Christians who take the Word of God very seriously and seek to honor God with our relationship as much as possible. Although I understand that not everyone believes in waiting to have sex until marriage, I have always said (even before I became a Christian) that waiting makes the most logical sense regardless of what religion you profess or belief system you hold. If you wait till marriage, you don’t have to worry about STDs, pregnancies, emotional damage if there’s a breakup, etc. Why not wait to share your body with the one whom you can trust and has made a SOLID commitment to you and ONLY you for the rest of their lives? Why not wait to share the ultimate expression of love (through giving someone your body) for your husband/wife when you truly become ONE with that person? Don’t get me wrong, waiting is not easy; it definitely takes some discipline and control, but I know that on my wedding night, it will be worth it in every way imaginable. (And I know that the Lord will be delighted in our union with one another).

“The pain of discipline will prevent you from the pain of regret.”

June 13, 2009 at 6:10 pm
(114) Marissa says:

i have been dating for over two months. I am a virgin, and I’ve been dating guys who always had wanted one thing, they just wanted to get into my pants the first few weeks we were dating. One even broke up with me because i wasn’t easy. So now i’ve been dating this great guy, he is very different. I’m not a sexual active person but he was. He has been with two girls before me, so when we started dating I’ve told him that i’m not a sexual active person and I’m a virgin and I want to stay that way until I’m ready. I’m surprise because he didn’t react like my previous did. He completly understood how i felt. I really love this guy because he treated me with so much respect that sometimes I cry, i never thought that i could find someone special like him. So he asked me one day when am I going to give it up. So i say I don’t know, we’ve talked about it. I’m scared because I’ve heard from many ppl that after they had done it, the boyfriend left them cheated on them afterwards. I’m scared of that might happen to me or I will geet hurt. So he told me not to worry about it that his not going to do that to me, but i’mhaving doubts of still giving it up to anybody. I want to lose during my wedding night or i want it to a special someone. He is really special to me and he told me how he really felt about me. Well we had been doing oral and that’s it because he is the first guy I’ve done it with and I like doing it to him. He haven’t ask me about having sex lately but we still do oral. I want to give it up to him but I’m still unsure of my self. Pls give me some advice and thanks in advance

June 14, 2009 at 10:16 pm
(115) Lela says:

I am a christian who believes that sex should be saved for marriage. For one thing, it gives the couple a bond that they share with noone else, bringing them closer and making each other feel special. From a more practical stand-point, you only have to worry about one sexual partner being tested.
On the other hand, my husband and I understand that the wedding is merely a ceremony; albeit a very nice and important one.
So we decided to copulate the day we promised ourselves to each other; and on the actual wedding night, remain fully clothed.
Call us strange but that’s what we did to prove that we were not having sex for the sake of tradition.
We were both virgins (he’d never even cared enough to kiss a girl before), but I had been deeply scarred very early on. He has done so much to make me feel comfortable in my sexuality without ever pressuring me. To us, sex is at the same time a fun little game we play together and a thing to be treated with great respect. He’s the kind that doesn’t mind if we try something wild that night; if I’m suddenly as terrified as a child; feeling anxious as a bride’s 1st night; or if we do nothing at all. And I love him for it.

Thank you for letting me share our way of doing things.

June 15, 2009 at 8:34 am
(116) newlyweds says:

Marissa, Thanks for sharing your thoughts with us. You’ll have to follow your own heart and make up your own mind about what to do. I personally, however, would not make any moves unless I was 100 percent certain of what I wanted. Perhaps, it would be helpful to speak with trusted relatives or a spiritual leader. Good luck!

June 19, 2009 at 11:28 pm
(117) Jody says:

I’m getting married on June 28 and I’m very excited. I am a virgin and am waiting for our wedding night. My husband to be is not, but that does not bother me. He is waiting for our wedding night. He has never pressured me into having sex because he respects the fact that waiting is very important to me. I love that about him. Like many, I am worried about the pain that I might experience and have been trying to find as much info about first time sex as I can to ease the nerves.

June 21, 2009 at 5:22 am
(118) Ariana says:

I’m religious and to me premarital sex is a big sin. But me and my fiancee can’t help it so we’re just doing petting….but no intercourse at all. We’ve been together for 2 years and never have sex, we’re still virgins and we want to save the sex for marriage.We believe sex in marriage is a beautiful sex to feel.

June 24, 2009 at 6:46 pm
(119) fafa says:

i agree sex before marriage is so animal thing , cos if there is true love there will be only one love that u can share with ur first and last and that will be oin ur weddin night…peace on u

June 25, 2009 at 5:55 pm
(120) Dale says:

Forgot to mention – that first time (on our wedding night at age 23) was some of the lousiest sex we have had in almost 35 years of marriage. It was also extremely significant and meaningful to both of us.

June 25, 2009 at 6:06 pm
(121) Dale says:

Wedding night virgins

Thoughts & Advice:

Do it with somebody who at least knows your situation, and respects you and will put forth a little special effort. Allow plenty of time.

Sex can be very pleasureable without love; it won’t create or replace love, but it adds to an already established loving relationship.

Wait for marriage? It’s certainly something very special to share with your partner, but if I’d done more “playing around” before marriage I probably would have been more faithful . . .

I’d suggest bringing a virgin to orgasm before trying intercourse: for guys, it will slow down his response a bit, and make it better for her. For girls, it will make her as open and lubricated as she’ll ever be. If you’re BOTH virgins – this is even MORE important to improving the quality of the sex. If you’re intending to be life partners a (physiologically) poor first experience may not matter in the long run, but if you haven’t made that commitment you should probably put a little effort into making the first time “good”.

“It doesn’t matter as much to guys.”? BULL!! It matters just as much, though possibly in a different way.

OK – My First Time!
Well, let’s see – we were both 23(!) and both still virgins. It was our wedding night, 1974. It was lousy sex. It was almost consensual rape. It was also extremely significant for both of us. We are still married – yes, to each other. (Although I occasionally remind her of the list I’m keeping of all the things my NEXT wife will, or will not, do.)

We had planned ahead – our wedding was 1:00 in the afternoon especially so that we could have a reception, and start making love at a decent hour. We had known each other for about a year, and been engaged for 10 months. In the last few months of the engagement we had done just about “everything but . . .”. I helped her to her first orgasm (her thighs around my ears) and she had done me orally, manually, and dry humping so we weren’t exactly ignorant of each others’ responses.

We had talked about postponing it, but I think we both knew we were going to do it. We got to our room about 7:00 pm and started deep kissing before the door latched. She gave me a choice: she’d get into one of her “honeymoon nighties”, or I could undress her, or she could undress herself (while I waited in the bathroom – I never quite understood that part!) and wait for me under the covers. I selected the nightie. She went to the bathroom to get ready, and I got into pajamas and waited on the bed.

She came out wearing a yellow gauze creation that was only faintly see-through. We talked and stalled a bit. We read each other some love poetry (not original) and Bible verses. This wasn’t agreed upon beforehand – we each intended to surprise the other with this romantic touch. We embraced and started necking. Probably 30 – 45 minutes later the clothes were off and I was eating her. After a LONG time of this (we agree that it was 15 minures or more) I was frustrated that I couldn’t bring her to climax, as I’d intended immediately before entry.
(During our lovemaking while engaged I had noticed how open and wet she was immediately after orgasm, and knew that was the best time to enter her. I also knew that it took only 5 – 10 minutes to bring her to climax.)

She said, “I’m ready.” Big (sexual) mistake! I should have known she wasn’t ready. She probably knew she wasn’t. We put a pillow under her bottom and put KY Jelly onto our genitals. From some book we had read together we thought these steps would make it better. She raised her knees and spread her thighs. I’d never been so excited – pounding heart, dry mouth, etc. I climbed on top. She hugged me and I tried to make entrance.

It hurt! I couldn’t find the opening! I mashed my cock head against something. OUCH! I thrust and bent my erection. Extreme OUCH!! I was embarassed, frustrated and impatient. Eventually, I found what felt like the right place. I knew I wasn’t really in – my cock head was painfully pinched. When I tried to push in, she’d pull back. When I pulled back, she moved with me so I never could get a run at her.

After 5 – 10 minutes of this we were both tense, frustrated, embarassed and sore. This was NOT what either of us expected. I paused to catch my breath. We looked into each others’ faces, without a clue of what to say or do. I should have rolled off and started a long session of cuddling and fondling. But I felt her relax just a little, and without thinking about it or meaning to I rotated my hips in a full circle. I didn’t actually feel her tear, but I felt myself slip in.

She felt it too. She didn’t scream, but she definitely vocalized her physical discomfort. She jerked and pulled her knees up, toward her chest, trying to squirm away. Bad tactic – it made everything line up just right, and I went all the way in. Again, not that I planned it, it was just the way we were positioned, how she moved, where my weight was, etc.

I HAD NEVER FELT ANYTHING SO GOOD!

She began to cry.

GOD IT FELT GREAT!

I thought, “I’m raping my virgin lover on our wedding night.”.

THIS FEELS SO WONDERFUL THAT SHE MUST CERTAINLY FEEL IT TOO!

Instinctively, I started stroking. She was sobbing. Mercifully, I only lasted about 30 seconds, probably half a dozen strokes.

The contractions were still running through me when I felt ashamed and sorry for what I’d done. I uncoupled quickly, and saw what a bloody mess we’d made. Previously, while she was getting dressed to be undressed, I had run warm water in the sink and had a washcloth and towel ready. It was probably the only thing I did right, although I expected to be cleaning up love juices rather than blood. Nevertheless I spent a long time bathing her genitals in warm water and assuring her that I loved her (which was true) and she was a great sex partner (as if I really knew!) and it was everything I’d hoped it would be (I should have been struck by lightning for telling that whopper!). We cuddled for a long time – she didn’t say many words, but her body recited an eloquent love poem.

About 11:00 we went down to the coffee shop and had ice cream. While sitting there, she noticed a slightly pink stain in the crotch of her white shorts. Thinking her period had come a week early (she’s always been very irregular) we hurried back to the room. Well, that’s not what it was. In all of our sex education, nobody had pointed out that “what goes in, must come out”, and her maidenhead was bidding an oh-so-faint farewell. She came out of the bathroom with no pants on, and said “Let’s do it again.”.

The second time was much better. We were more relaxed, unpressured, and we put her on top. The next day, on our fourth session, she finally had her first married orgasm. It was from cunnilingus, not intercourse, but we were both pleased with that. (It was almost a week before she started coming during intercourse.) All told we did it 5 times in the first 24 hours of our marriage – and haven’t kept count since.

June 26, 2009 at 6:02 pm
(122) CatholicWife says:

Having sexual intercourse before marriage is a mortal sin. We waited. You should too.

June 28, 2009 at 1:55 am
(123) Leslie says:

Wow…who knew there were so many people who waited for marriage to lose their virginity. Most of the time when people say they waited they really got married at 18. How much waiting is that? My fiance and I are also waiting until our marriage is offical before we do the do. We are both 26 and have been together for 5 years. We are both Christians who live for God instead of thinking God lives for us…and I must say that I am a little disappointed with some of the Christian comments some of you have left. Yes, those of us who have a relationship with Christ know that fornication is disobedience (a.k.a. SIN) but God never bashed us over the head with that fact and neither should you be bashing others with it. Coming to others with harsh words and anger only closes ears and does not help anyone to salvation. Conviction is the Holy Spirit’s job…not yours. I’m pretty sure He’s capable of handling it himself. Your responsibility is to tell others of the love Christ has for them and of His work at Calvary. I definitely can relate to those of you who are still trying to wait but are sexually frustrated. It is hard now (no pun intended) but will definitely be worth it. My suggestion is to not spend so much time alone together. Go to public places for your dates. Make sure friends or parents are there when you are in the house together. When you are facing temptation while you are alone, pull out the Word to study or sing praises to the Lord. Thank you everyone for your tips on the honeymoon night. Very enlightening. I also was a little concerned about the pain. Any marriage that follows the commands of Christ truly can be a success…weather you waited or not. He said, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands.” Yes, that means that your husband is the head of your household. I know that holds a fear for some of you, but if you husband follows his command, there should be no need for fear. He said, “Husbands, love your wives even as Christ loves the Church.” Christ put us first before his own needs…even to the point of laying down his life. When the husband can love his wife that way and the wife can submit because she does not fear…THEN marriage can last. Good luck to all of you who are still trying to wait. God Bless

June 29, 2009 at 7:34 am
(124) Em says:

Lovemaking before marriage is something that has gone on throughout human existence. Marriage is only a fairly recent tradition for the vast majority, only gaining approval from the church around 700 years ago (or 700AD, i have not done the appropriate reading recently). It was seen by the early church as an excuse to sin through formication. So for those of you who did not wait until marriage, try not to worry too much about something that cannot be changed.

Speaking from experience, i did not wait for marriage, i have however only had the one partner. i feel that if i was to give advice, it would be not to rush in. if you choose to wait until marriage, that is amazing, it is truly an achievement! i feel i let lust get the better of me, and my first time was disappointing on an emotional level. i was upset with myself, because i knew at the time it could not be undone. i was not in love with my husband at the time, only in lust, although i grew to love him, I am sure it would have been better if i had waited longer, maybe not marriage, but more thought out, and meaningful.

Another very important consideration is weather you are emotionally ready to have sex. There are consequences of sex. If you have beliefs about contraception and sex before marriage, defiantly essential to wait, if you throw in you community expectations, consequences of premarital sex could be disastrous. For those of us who have do not have to worry about these things, STI’s, the need for pap tests every 2 years, potential pregnancy, sharing your body, not just with your partner, but the vast number of medical professionals you will see once you become sexually active, are just some of the things to consider. You have to be prepared for every worst case scenario, don’t expect it to happen, but at least think about how you would deal with it. Can you raise an unplanned child, or would you consider terminating a pregnancy? how can you prevent STI’s? Can you handle a stranger taking a scraping from your cervix? If you only have one partner and wait for marriage this does simplify issues. In our modern world, that is something we can all use.
Lovemaking before marriage is something that has gone on throughout human existence. Marriage is only a fairly recent tradition for the vast majority, only gaining approval from the church around 700 years ago (or 700AD, i have not done the appropriate reading recently). It was seen by the early church as an excuse to sin through formication. So for those of you who did not wait until marriage, try not to worry too much about something that cannot be changed.

Speaking from experience, i did not wait for marriage, i have however only had the one partner. i feel that if i was to give advice, it would be not to rush in. if you choose to wait until marriage, that is amazing, it is truly an achievement! i feel i let lust get the better of me, and my first time was disappointing on an emotional level. i was upset with myself, because i knew at the time it could not be undone. i was not in love with my husband at the time, only in lust, although i grew to love him, I am sure it would have been better if i had waited longer, maybe not marriage, but more thought out, and meaningful.

Another very important consideration is weather you are emotionally ready to have sex. There are consequences of sex. If you have beliefs about contraception and sex before marriage, defiantly essential to wait, if you throw in you community expectations, consequences of premarital sex could be disastrous. For those of us who have do not have to worry about these things, STI’s, the need for pap tests every 2 years, potential pregnancy, sharing your body, not just with your partner, but the vast number of medical professionals you will see once you become sexually active, are just some of the things to consider. You have to be prepared for every worst case scenario, don’t expect it to happen, but at least think about how you would deal with it. Can you raise an unplanned child, or would you consider terminating a pregnancy? how can you prevent STI’s? Can you handle a stranger taking a scraping from your cervix? If you only have one partner and wait for marriage this does simplify issues. In our modern world, that is something we can all use.

I would like to mention that I have heard plenty of people comments that waiting will create problems further down the track, people get bored and wish they had tried someone else. In my experience, this is a load of crap. I have not been tempted by anyone in 6 years, I don’t even look. I love my husband, and honestly I am not bored with him, and the idea of trying anyone new actually makes me feel sick.

If you want to wait for marriage i feel it could be nothing but an amazing experience for a newly wed couple to share.

June 29, 2009 at 7:58 am
(125) Em says:

An add on from my previous post, I am not Christian, but have a major in Catholic Theology in my undergrad studies. The biggest sin is to not follow what you feel is right.
If you truly believe it is wrong to have sex before marriage, then premarital sex is a sin. If you believe it is right to have sex before marriage, it would be a sin to wait! Although I do not follow a particular faith, I believe we have an understanding and forgiving God, who gave us free will. It is fantastic to have faith and belong to a community, but never betray what is in your own heart, just because someone tells you that’s what you should do. Just keep in mind polygamy is also widely practiced in the bible, and stoning, and many things we do not do today, I would suggest, read and study, make up you own mind, never and judge others for their choices.

July 1, 2009 at 2:37 am
(126) manni says:

I am eagerly waiting for the wedding night to have sex with my wife?

July 5, 2009 at 11:43 pm
(127) seany123 says:

im 18…ive been raised in a christian household..being taught that sex before marriage is wrong…i have a boyfriend..and im truly falling in love with him…im a virgin…he has be raised the same way i have been, being taught the premarital sex is wrong… i strongly agree that sex is suxh a gift, and that this day in age it is taken so “lightly.” i do not want it to be taken so lightly…
and advice???
and also with the whole keep an open communication when talking about sex with your partner how do i bring it up?

July 9, 2009 at 9:34 am
(128) Curious says:

Wow, time flies! Been away for a while – nice to see some interesting posts have been generated since.

Still, my original question stands: where in the Bible does it say that premarital sex is sinful? I did catch the one post that pointed to the 7th Commandment, but it must be said that adultery involves sex with someone else’s spouse. In other words, it’s a sin because the married person(s) involved are breaking a vow they made to another person. That makes total sense. However, that’s different from what I’m asking; my question involves two people who have never made such a commitment to anyone. Where in the Bible does God say point-blank, “Don’t have sex until you’re married”?
Anyone?

July 16, 2009 at 1:12 pm
(129) Tasha says:

Hi My name is Tasha and you asked a question. Where in the bible that says premarital sex is sinful? You need to read 1 Corthians Chp.5,6,7. You will find the answers your looking for. It’s a sin to sleep with anyone that’s not your wife are husband. And in order to see that it’s wrong you must be brought into the light of God, and having a relationship with him. I have been waiting for alomost three years for God to bless me with a husband. And it feels good that I’m presenting my body as a living sacrifice unto God. The devil want us to think that it’s Okay to have premarital sex with whoever and he does that to keep you in bondage and stop all those wonderful blessings the Lord have in store for you.
Ask God to help you and keep you. I hope you read the scriptures. May God bless you

July 18, 2009 at 9:18 am
(130) ATANAS MZEE says:

I still insist that sex is worth waiting for. I think many couples perhaps unfaithful in their marriage because they a room to make comparisons when they are finally in marriage.thats they can compare the perfomance of their partners to others with whom they have sex in the past. It becomes unfortunate if the their partners’ perfomance are below their past experinces.But just imagine you are having with that one man or woman for the first time in your life?
To the young who love God:
practise to love God through daily devotion by reading and praying and also fasting.
Keep good company. people who occupy your inner circle of life can inluence you greatly.Have friends who can hold you accountable.
Have a vision for you life. what are you living for? if you are not living for something you can fall for anything. Ie is your vision living for God, having a godly marriage and off spring etc ? This can give a good reason to wait until you are ready to have a sexul union sealed by the blessings of God.
ps: for women who think their bodies are out of shape- remember that true is that which start from the inside. beautify the inner person and this will not obsess you. Men pls let your wives or fiancees know that they are the most beautiful for you. you ahave a duty to help her develop a healthy self esteem by doing this.
Everyone rem: virginity is goes beyond the breaking of the hymen. Its also about giving yourself wholly-spiritually,emotionally etc to one another and specifically to the one you are committed to in life
Have a blessed day!

July 20, 2009 at 6:44 am
(131) Nadeem says:

I am engaged to be married, We decided to start intercourse in the first night of t he wedding. although in our religion couples do have sex before marriage. the question is that how we cant start the sex. I mean that first of all we must terminate the virginity. which way is the best to follow to do it? can we have a normal sex after the losing the virginity? please reply it to my email

July 21, 2009 at 3:35 pm
(132) readyandwaiting says:

I’m 22, getting married in a little less than a year. Indeed I am a virgin, and indeed I am waiting. I’m a Christian like a lot of people who have left comments. I’m so glad that I am waiting, but it doesn’t mean that I am innocent. I have done things with my significant other that are displeasing to God…and those are the things I have compromised on my wedding night. However, God forgives me. And I KNOW that my wedding night will be amazing. I am of course not expecting fireworks…but unlike a lot of Christian couples, my fiance’ and I are very open about how we feel about sex and our expectations. I’m honestly not nervous at all. It’s pretty fun to talk about in preparation for that big night…but its something you also have to be careful doing. Talking about it can lead to other things. Saving sex for marriage is the best way to go…i’ve never met anyone who regretted it, but I have met people who regretted not waiting. It just makes sense. :)

July 23, 2009 at 11:58 pm
(133) JSmith says:

These posts are really encouraging. I too am waiting until marriage.

However, I have a huge question about sexual compatibility, or lack there of.
Anyone experience this? Is it always something that can be overcome?

*I don’t mean sexual incompatibility that comes from inexperience (this usually improves with practice&&time). I mean differences in preference or just being unable to satisfy the other. Do you think it’s enough to really ruin a marriage?

August 7, 2009 at 11:17 pm
(134) sharissa says:

I waited untill my wedding night to have sex with my husband,yet my husband had been experienced and was actually glad the woman he chose to make his wife was a virgin. This is strictly a prefrence of each individual as far as how important weather or not they have or have not had sex before, this surely has no bearing on the perosn you decide to marry as far as weather or not they are good, or nice , or anything for that matter. But my husband just perferred a virgin. And as you can see it did not matter to me, I just wanted someone that treated me right , and cared for me and just truly loved me just for me.

August 11, 2009 at 11:43 am
(135) Akua says:

i count myself lack for coming across this site. i’m 32 old woman who is in a relationship for three now, i have ask my man for us to wait for our honeymoon before. he always try to convinced me for sex, though he didn’t complain when i refuse, it thought he is not happy with me and might think i don’t love him, i have decided to give him my virgnity, thus 4 days from now thus over the weekend when i came across this site today. this has made me overcome the temptation and i’m going to stand on my point

August 12, 2009 at 1:45 am
(136) Ali says:

I am a Muslim, and sex before marriage is a HUGE SIN!

And I am gonna wait for marriage! Because that is an Islamic practice!

August 12, 2009 at 9:57 am
(137) joycee says:

am 26 years old, i ve told my man to wait till after our weeding, one day he just told me that he can’t wait again but still i refuse to give him because i know is a great sin, but i don’t want to loss him.

August 12, 2009 at 1:02 pm
(138) Esgal says:

At 32, I’m still waiting as well, getting married next month. Not really nervous just curious and anxious. There is something powerful about my future hubby being able to say that he is the ONLY man on this planet that has ever had me. Indeed VIRGINITY is a powerful thing!

August 14, 2009 at 2:48 pm
(139) Mercurial says:

Tasha: it’s the 7th commandment: Thou shalt not commit adultery. Adultery is sex outside of marriage.

August 15, 2009 at 12:03 pm
(140) Mercurial says:

Esgal: you rock! That is one of the most astute things I’ve ever heard anyone say. Virginity IS powerful. The Bible recognizes it as a powerful thing–that’s why you’re supposed to save it for marriage. It isn’t about repressing or denying that power–it’s about channeling it into the home and family life.

Those who advocate promiscuity also recognize virginity as powerful, and they are threatened by it. That is why they criticize people who wait so viciously. They don’t see it as a personal choice. They can see you have power in your hand and it scares them.

September 14, 2009 at 9:15 pm
(141) IDK says:

I am a virgin but I almost had sex and I feel guilty I put myself in that stupid situation but it almost went in but this might be weird thank god I had a tampon in so I snapped out of it and I am worried since it touched my * and almost went in. im worried im not a virgin still what do you think? and I will never let that happen again!

September 19, 2009 at 8:58 am
(142) Good says:

Sex for the First Time Wedding Night what is necessary to say in quran and start sex ?

September 19, 2009 at 2:43 pm
(143) alex says:

My girlfriend & i have been into a steady relationship for 3 years now . initially she was not too keen on taking the plunge & consumating our relation. but i loved this girl so much ,that it took me a while to convince her on having sex with me. Even while i touched her all i could see is the fear in her eyes (that she would get pregnant). But then i almost melted while i made the first move . And before i could proceed any further, all she said is ” I TRUST YOU ! ”

AW.. MAN.. something in me just stopped me from doing what i was gonna do. I just pulled back & said
“i’ll wait till we get married.”

she was so happy & elated. she looked so beautiful.she knew i wasn’t just making out bacause i had only the sex part in my mind.

We are getting married this december & it feels great that the wait game will be well rewarded on our wedding night :)

I am glad that i chose to wait . sometimes its hard to keep off the temptation. But guys ..trust me !!
you’ll win her heart eventually & let her know how much she means to you.

September 21, 2009 at 4:53 pm
(144) Smith says:

We are an Indian couple and got married 9 months back. Due to several professional reasons we had to stay apart for 5 months after marriage. But now that we are together for the 4 months, we still havent had sex properly. I am very worried. Does it happen to others also that they are not able to do sex till so long inspite of staying together after marriage. Pls help.

September 22, 2009 at 5:29 am
(145) newlyweds says:

Smith, now that the two of you are finally in the same place (at least I think that’s what you were trying to say), why haven’t you had sex yet? What’s the problem? Is it pain? Is it an erectile problem? Is it worry or fear? Let us know the specific problem and we might be able to direct you to someone who can give you more guidance. Thanks for sharing with us.

September 22, 2009 at 9:15 am
(146) newlyweds says:

Hi Smith, Thanks for sharing with us. If I’m understanding you correctly, you have been together for four months as a married couple but still have not had sex. I’m sorry to hear that you are so worried. Can you tell us what is preventing you from having sex? Is it too painful for one of you? Is fear preventing you from going through with it? If we knew what the problem was, we might be able to point you toward people who can help.

September 24, 2009 at 4:14 am
(147) newlyweds says:

Now, you can get involved in the debate – Should People Wait for Marriage to Have Sex? Here’s the link: http://newlyweds.about.com/b/2008/10/06/having-sex-for-the-first-time-on-your-we

October 3, 2009 at 4:40 pm
(148) curlysue says:

Hi Guys, Im married 5 months and we waited for sex. I was a nervous wreck, and it hurt alot, and continued like that for weeks. my husband was and is so patient, loving, gentle. But we went through a period of time where we were avoiding sex because it was alot of work and may not be satisfactory at the end of it. We had to make a conscience decision then to do it more often, the more you do it the better it gets. I remember praying before it saying “please please God let this work, let us both have fun and be satisfied” and ya know what, it worked, I was more relaxed and sex has definitely gotten much better. We have soooo much more to learn but communciation is key, tell each other what you like and what you dont like, choose a suitable time in the day, 11pm may not be suitable as you may have work the next morning but if you prepare and are organised that helps alot. Candles, music and a reasonable time of the day is key!

October 9, 2009 at 11:03 pm
(149) Crystal says:

My husband and I have been married for 14 years now, having dated for 5 years before marriage. We remained virgins until after our wedding. That was at times a challenge for my husband during our dating years, but the Word of God is very clear that sex outside of marriage is sin. Therefore, it was not an option for us. And so, overcoming the temptations is extremely character building as well as an honor to God. Our pastor advised us to not have elevated or pre-set ideas of what the sex would be like the first time – but, rather, to accept it how it was and accept that we would learn. He also encouraged us that sex would get better and richer as we grew in our marriage relationship. We were so glad for that advice, it helped so much.
On the practical side, the sex for the first time was a bit uncomfortable, but it helps so much if the man uses lubrication liberally and uses his finger to gently rub the vaginal area and relax it before inserting his penis. The woman can help by relaxing those muscles in the vaginal area as best as she can. As with anything, practice makes perfect… and remember – you are with some one you love and trust and that some one loves you in return!!

October 16, 2009 at 12:05 pm
(150) senoreta says:

ha ihave been marriege since nearly two years and still virgin i havent have ant sex with my husband coz he was from me in these two years frm date of our marrigw i know its unblivable bt i honestly saying this and now we are going to meet each otha soo sooon so m alil excited have sex with him bt i have a ques the first time im going to have sex at that time ill have my periods so do you its alright to have sex for 1st time while having ur periods i hop i get the ans thanks

October 20, 2009 at 8:51 am
(151) newlyweds says:

senoreta, you can have sex when you have your period. It’s a matter of personal taste. For some people it’s pleasurable because the woman is more lubricated. But some people don’t like it. It can be messy. You might want to put a towel under the two of you to avoid getting blood on your sheets. Also, when you have your period, you might be more sensitive, which might make you slightly uncomfortable. Whether you have sex before, during or after your period, just make sure to relax. Good luck!

October 21, 2009 at 4:15 pm
(152) niceguy says:

I would like to participate and put my comment. In the beginning I say thank you for all guys and girls who said postpone sex after marraige specially girls, because when sex happens outside marraige contract. How can anyone (guys and girls) prove that the other partner will not do sex with someone else? marraige protect kids’ fathers from being unknow. I am muslim believer, I am with what some girls (religious girls) said that they see sex as a great sin and I want to say to them in Islam sex outside marraige contract is prohibited and great sin.

thank you for the reading.

October 31, 2009 at 9:14 am
(153) amialiwadhwania says:

tommorow is my wedding i want to have sex with my wife i have kissed her on her birthday 8 days ago. so ashould i ask her for sex or not

November 4, 2009 at 2:17 am
(154) happyIwaited says:

My husband and I were together for 4 years when we got married and I was a virgin, he was not. We agreed however to wait until we were married and I am SO GLAD that we did! Yes, the first time hurts but it gets soooo much better after that :) I also didn’t have to worry about the other things that come along with premarital sex– disease, birth control, pregnancy, etc. It’s so much less stressful to know that you’re married if you were to get pregnant and you won’t get a disease.

Also curious look at these:

1 Corinthians 7:7:28,34,36-38: Virginity is assumed for unmarried women just as in the Old Testament. Virginity is still the standard for God’s people in the New Covenant.

1 Corinthians 6:16-18: Sexual intimacy “unites” you with your spouse. Outside of marriage this is called “sexual immorality.”

1 Corinthians 7:1-2: Marriage is recommended avoid sexual immorality.

1 Corinthians 7:8-9: Premarital sex isn’t an option for dealing with lust. Marriage is once again recommended avoid sexual immorality.

Ephesians 5:31: Paul is affirming the Old Testament standard of uniting in flesh only with your spouse. One fleshness is to happen when a man is “united to his wife.”

1 Thessalonians 4:2-8: “Acquire a wife in a way that is holy and honorable” or you are in sexual immorality. Sexual sin harms others besides those who engage in it. Premarital sex “cheats” the future spouse by robbing him or her of the virginity that ought to be brought to marriage.

Hebrews 13:4: It is a pure marriage bed or you are an “adulterer” or “sexually immoral.”

1 Timothy 5:2: As a Christian man, if you are not married to her, then she is your sister whom you must treat “with absolute purity.”

2 Corinthians 11:2: Although this passage is talking about Christ and His people, it uses the analogy of a Christian man receiving his bride “as a pure virgin.” Virginity was the ideal. Premarital sex was viewed as sexual immorality – just as in the Old Testament.

The Bible doesn’t always say things explicitly. After all, where does it explicitly say that Christians should celebrate Christmas and Easter, or that smoking pot is bad?

November 14, 2009 at 7:39 am
(155) A Virgin says:

I am virgin too……but when i tell guys that i am a virgin they are shocked …..some of them llike my virginity and some of them,don’t. but i myself don’t believe in having sex before marriage….i think on wedding night there should be some new for couples………i try to keep my virginity before marriage

November 14, 2009 at 7:39 am
(156) A Virgin says:

I am a virgin too……but when i tell guys that i am a virgin they are shocked …..some of them llike my virginity and some of them,don’t. but i myself don’t believe in having sex before marriage….i think on wedding night there should be some new for couples………i try to keep my virginity before marriage

December 3, 2009 at 4:44 pm
(157) Whitany says:

Hello I am 16 and I think it is wrong to have sex BEFORE marrage. It says in the bible that only man and wife should see eachother naked.
And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed. Genesis 2:25 kjv

Your virginity is so precious and you should gard it with all you have. Even if you belive with all your heart that you’ve found you soulmate still DON’T have sex with them. God has someone out there for each one of us.

I personlel don’t DATE I COURTSHIP. Courtship is like dateing but there is no phyical contact with them until you are engage and the you can hold hands.

The best choice you could make in life is waiting until your weeding night.

December 5, 2009 at 7:13 am
(158) Renjith says:

I am 27 years old, male. My marriage has been fixed. I came to know from my fiancee’s cousin that she has dated someone. Though cousin told me that relationship never ended in an intercourse, she doesn’t have a hymen.(I know she is talking through her cousin) Though we never talked, I know my fiancee loves me & wants me as her husband as she knows me well thru her cousin..Can I trust the cousin’s words or could he be hiding the truth from me fearing she will lose me. If he is hiding it then, won’t I be doing a sin by having sex with her after the marriage..? I am a virgin & I had many temptations for sex in the past, but I somehow managed to stay away from them..I believe in my God & The Bible and I strongly believe this pulled me away from those temptations. NOW , I am really confused…If I stay away from this marriage & if what they said was correct then, I will be hurting her and if I blindly believes what they claim and go on with the marriage, I will be doing sin against God. Can anyone provide me a suggestion…??? My hair has started turning grey now thinking on this and I definetly don’t want to be a 27 year ‘OLD’ guy…

December 5, 2009 at 5:50 pm
(159) sugar says:

i believe we should wait for the wedding night the exact time to have sex. because this makes sex more pleasureful and amazing. though i am a virgin.

December 7, 2009 at 8:49 am
(160) newlyweds says:

Renjith, congratulations on your decision to get married. That’s a big step in a person’s life, and I see that you’re trying hard to take it seriously and weigh your options carefully. I personally would try to get to know the woman I am considering marrying to find out if you are in love and if you had similar views and values when it comes to practical matters such as money, raising a family, where to live, etc. Waiting for marriage to have sex is a personal choice, and I respect that you have made this decision. But there are many other important issues to consider when deciding whether to get married. Also, women can lose their hymen in many ways — even on a bicycle — and it’s common for that to happen without having sex. Some women don’t even bleed the first time they have sex.

December 7, 2009 at 9:04 am
(161) Angela says:

whether a christian or not it is absalotely wrong n sin to hav sex b4 marriage….what is this yuck having date ,,,,,

December 9, 2009 at 4:22 pm
(162) Ben says:

Well, I waited. And it wasn’t worth the wait. But I speak only from personal experience; your mileage may vary depending on who you marry. Sex is a gift from God, a door gift to be precise. You get it only if you go to the party, which is marriage. On the way to the party you hear fantastic, gushing superlatives being used to describe it, revving up your expectations of heavenly bliss. But when you enter (no pun intended), no gift is forthcoming, or when you finally get it after much petition, it is a piece of cheap plastic reluctantly flung in your general direction to quell your whining. Unlike most gifts, you can’t throw sex in the garbage, exchange it at the store or give it away at a white elephant gift exchange. Sex is one gift that will demand your attention till the day you die.

Some gift.

December 12, 2009 at 1:33 am
(163) Mira says:

My husband and i were both virgins till our wedding night.Ya it was tough at times very tempting but we made a promise to God and each other that we would wait till we were married. It was so worth the wait we didn’t have to worry about STD’s or pregnancy or being compared to previous partners it was very special and sweet. So good luck to everyone who’s waiting believe me you wont be disapointed:)

December 28, 2009 at 2:05 am
(164) NicoleChantal says:

We’re cheating- i can totally relate. My now husband and i were skating on thin ice and straddling the fence often. We didn’t want to “do everything else” but we did to avoid intercourse. i will say that we didn’t indulge fully until our wedding day. that is what i tell people and that is what is true…. only thing is, we indulged 12 hours prior to taking our vows. The bottom line is that God’s word is true and we need to all wait for this special gift of intimacy called sex. Do we fall short in varying degrees- yes. God’s word says that we have all fallen short of the glory of God but we are all called to press our way toward the mark of God’s holiness. Reflecting His image in our mortal bodies. Even though we did not follow everything to the letter i can agree with the other comments here that waiting however much you did wait blesses your marriage tremendously and pleases the Lord. It is much easier to not start in the first place- however even if you find that you messed up its not too late to do the right thing. May God bless you.

January 7, 2010 at 11:41 pm
(165) Jay says:

Thank u so much for the advice. It is hard to b a teen in the age if sex. It seems like my boyfriend and I are the only ones who want to stay virgins until we’re married. It’s scary to say the least. Im afraid it will b awkward on my wedding night (whenever that will be). I’m not saying I’m giving up on that purity ring but sometimes it’s nerve racking to think about. And there’s not many articles out there to help.

January 22, 2010 at 5:31 am
(166) Shalini says:

My daughter’s marriage is fixed..In her college days she had a boyfriend. They had sexual intercourse..She told me that they used a condem. But now, she feels guilty of what she has done. As her marriage is fixed, she has undergone hymenoplasty & restored her lost hymen..but if she undergoes a medical examination, will the report show that an intercourse has happened..?? She fears her husband may force her for a medical checkup before their intercourse as he is expecting a virgin as his wife.

January 31, 2010 at 12:16 am
(167) yahoo12 says:

I had sex first time with my wife at marriage day and she knew waht she was doing and i didn’t know, so is it possible that she had sex before ? I am really worried and my head spins all the time after i think about it, please help me?

February 1, 2010 at 1:33 pm
(168) vimal says:

i wanted to know about sex.i am a mba professional. i never seen porn till my gratuation. but after that i have seen that on force of my friends. when i saw then i am very surprised.i wants about reallty . thats natural or not. its really happen after marriage. which they do in porn, all are we can do ?????????
if not, then what we can do and what is unsafe???
please help me…

February 2, 2010 at 10:49 am
(169) newlyweds says:

vimal, thanks for getting in touch with us. the only way to be completely safe is to abstain from sex. But you can significantly lower your chances of getting STDs or having unwanted pregnancies by using a condom whenever you have sex. Married people, who are usually in monogamous relationships, should be tested for diseases before having unprotected sex with their spouses. Once they have been tested and they are clear of disease, if they remain faithful to one another, they can have unprotected sex without having to worry about disease. Sex will come to you naturally when you are ready to have it and find yourself in a committed, loving relationship. I think that’s what you wanted to know. Please let us know if you have further questions. Thanks.

February 2, 2010 at 10:55 am
(170) newlyweds says:

yahoo12, just because sex comes naturally to a woman or man does not mean that he or she has had sex before. I always say that you should trust a person unless he or she gives you a reason not to. You should especially trust your spouse.

February 3, 2010 at 1:35 am
(171) J'dore says:

my boyfriend and I decided to wait until we are married… What can we do in the mean time to build our relationship

February 3, 2010 at 9:31 am
(172) newlyweds says:

J’adore – Congrats on making your decision to wait! The important thing is to do what’s right for you and your boyfriend. In the meantime, you and your boyfriend should continue to get to know one another. Go on dates, enjoy each other’s company, and talk about all sorts of things. Of course, kissing is not sex. Kiss each other, hold hands, hug, and show affection to one another. Fall in love over and over again. Have fun!

February 7, 2010 at 6:48 pm
(173) annie says:

In five months I will be marrying my best friend, we have been seeing each other for seven years we have a very strong emotional connection and are very close we can discuss anything, nothing is off limits, except for sex. We both strongly believe that if your not married you should not be having sex. Because we have kept our friendship/courtship sex free we are able to do so many things together so we have formed a strong bond and foundation, we can now take it to another level. I now my wedding night will be very special when we will become lovers.

February 11, 2010 at 10:40 am
(174) dee says:

It is sooooo encouraging to see so many people who really think it should wait. I know it should wait for that special night. :)
Even my love thinks we should wait.
It could take anything from 2-4 years for us to finally get married. But I think the wait will be worth it. :)
Indians always believed people should wait for the wedding night to do it. People are doing it the oriental way now. Glad to see I have company. :)
CheerZ!

February 15, 2010 at 6:09 am
(175) WishWeHadWaited says:

I was with my boyfriend (now husband) for 2 1/2 years before we had sex for the first time. We got married 3 1/2 months after our first time together (had no idea we’d be getting married that soon…). We’re both Christian and we were both virgins, but we made the mistake of putting each other before we put God. God has been gracious to us and I know that we’re forgiven. Our marriage is thriving, but I regret not obeying the Lord and not being patient. If I could turn back the hands of time I would. Those of you who make the decision to wait, and follow through with that decision, will not regret it. :-)

February 20, 2010 at 3:02 pm
(176) ritu says:

hi….i am married for around 12 yrs now..but still i can remember our first night..it ws amazing…i ws bit nervous..
we had talk fr 1 hr..then my hubby stated touching me ..rest everything happened automatically…now we have 2 kids..still our sexual life is going good…we still enjoy our sex..like we used to enjoy early days…

February 23, 2010 at 1:33 am
(177) Sketcher4Life says:

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year now, friends for longer. We’re both Christians and we’ve already talked about it and agree that we’re going to obey God and scripture and we’re more than willing to wait. Not that it’s always easy, but we’re confident it will be worth it when we get married in about…a year and a half.

March 7, 2010 at 1:35 pm
(178) very-confused says:

I’m 18 and have started going out with my very first boyfriend (who is also 18) 4 months ago. He has had ex-girlfriends and sex and other things before. I want to wait to have sex. (though I plan on if with him for years and comfortable to try being naked and touching one another before that night, because all sex health sites I’ve seen say to take virginity in steps, not all in one night) He says he doesn’t want to have me do anything I don’t think I’m ready for and that he’s perfectly fine taking things at my speed… but I can’t help but wounder how hard the waiting will be on him, and when/’IF’ we finally do it will he be able to control himself and be gentle after such along wait? (I know first relationship don’t usually last, but I also realize this could come up with whoever I marry) I’ve talked to my mother but I feel the need for more advice & was unsure where to turn so I commented here, I hope this is okay.

March 8, 2010 at 8:21 pm
(179) Newlymarried says:

Without getting into the religious debate, I want to say first that I do not believe that there is Biblical support for the proposition that pre-marital sex is immoral or a sin. (Read a book called Dirt, Greed and Sex: Sexual Ethics in the New Testament which sets forth a full understanding of the word fornication and its Biblical context–It has never been meant to refer to consensual sex between two adults).

Nevertheless, I remained a virgin until I was in my mid-forties because I wanted to be in love and in a committed relationship.

With that goal in mind, I had sex for the first time with my fiancee a month before we were married. I have now been married for 3 months and we have the most incredible sex life one could ever imagine.

Some of my friends and family were so disappointed that I didn’t wait until my wedding night to have sex since I had “held out” for so long. The truth of the matter is that I am glad that I waited to have sex with my husband (my only lover) but I am also happy that I did not wait until our wedding night to have sex for the first time.

Sex for the first time–at any age– is very stressful and painful–even with someone you love. I am so happy that I was not dealing with that issue on the happiest day of my life or on our honeymoon. It is overwhelming (and did I say painful)-even with a gentle, kind and patient lover. While my first time making love was a beautiful experience, it is not like it appears in the movies or in fairy tales. It’s awkward, it’s stressful, it’s painful and did I say it’s painful? I am glad that I made the decision to deal with that before the wedding day (a very happy and joyous day AND NIGHT for me and my husband).

For those couples who are “saving themselves for each other,” I think that is commendable too. I love the fact that my husband is the only lover that I ever had. I have a connection with my husband that I’ve never had with anyone in this world. It is true that the two people become one flesh –it is the most beautiful experience on earth–nothing will ever compare.

I agree that it is an individual choice. I am glad I didn’t let men or my friends pressure me to have sex too soon and that I didn’t let my church hold me in some type of religious bondage when I finally decided to have sex. When the time is right, the couple will know.

March 8, 2010 at 8:42 pm
(180) Newlymarried says:

One more comment: After reading some more of the post discussing the religious side of the issue, I wanted to leave this excerpt from an article that I have written on the topic of pre-marital sex. Here it goes:

“I spent the majority of my life believing that pre-marital sex is a sin until recently such notions were challenged in my study of sexual ethics in the New Testament. I am not advocating that everyone run out and have pre-marital sex, nor have I, nor do I advocate that Christians stop having pre-marital sex if they are led by the Holy Spirit to do so. I will even be much stronger and state that I personally oppose casual sex for reasons unrelated to religious issues. However, I believe that there are strong arguments that can be made that the Bible does not prohibit consensual sexual relations with unmarried adults, particularly in a monogamous committed relationship where a couple has chosen to live together. In fact, there are some Christian scholars who make a compelling argument that what we have traditionally been taught about sexual issues in the Bible are not based upon sound Biblical exegesis. (See eg., Dirt, Greed and Sex by L. William Countryman and Oh God! A Black Woman’s Guide to Sex and Spirituality by The Reverend Dr. Susan Newman for an alternative perspective on the issue of pre-marital sex).

For example, many point out that what was forbidden in both the Old and New Testament were illicit (prostitution, idolatry) and adulterous sexual relationships which did not include consensual sexual relations between two unmarried adults. These Christian scholars point to examples of the Great Men of God in the Old Testament who had multiple wives and concubines and who were never chastised by God for such relationships. Furthermore, the chastity of a woman before marriage was based upon her value as property to her father and family and not based upon moral or religious issues. On the other hand, we see a beautiful love story in the Book of the Song of Solomon about healthy consensual sexual relations. It is further argued that the original Greek word for fornication came from the word pornia which only referred to illicit sex such as prostitution and sexual relations as a form of idolatry. Indeed, in many instances throughout the Bible, the term fornication is referring to an adulterous relationship between a man and a married woman. (Ironically, it was not adultery for a married man to have sex with a single woman). As Christians, we have simply accepted that fornication includes consensual sexual relations between unmarried adults.

Even where Paul discusses the issue in Corinthians, he says very clearly that he is only giving his personal opinion. There is a reason that Paul says it is his personal opinion because there is nowhere that Jesus has addressed the issue.”

I included this little excerpt because I think that all of those Christians passing judgment should pull out there Bible (and the original Greek and Hebrew Bible) and really study the issue before they tell others what the Bible purportedly says… always make sure there is Biblical support when trying to tell others what God does or does not like.

March 9, 2010 at 6:49 pm
(181) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Hi very confused, thanks for sharing your story with us. Congrats on choosing to do what is right for you. I’m glad to hear that you talked to your mom about this, too. There’s nothing wrong with waiting to have sex. The point is to do what’s right for you. If you tell us more specifically what questions you have, I’m sure the readers and I could respond. Keep the questions coming. Talk to you soon!

March 15, 2010 at 1:57 am
(182) Melody Simpindu says:

I am a 20 year old who is virgin and I TOTALLY thank God for giving me a man who understands my principle on waitin coz thats a parcel I want him alone to open and the password is wedding night.
There have been temptation here and there but we thank God, we really do. we love each other and I love him so much.

March 16, 2010 at 4:42 pm
(183) Kris mar says:

My wife and I have had sex only with each other and the first time we made love to each other was after our marriage. I can tell you with 100% confidence that I would never have it any other way. My wife says the same thing. We have had sex every which way (phone sex, sex chat, etc not to forget real physical sex too) everywhere, for the last 25 years. We are looking forward to an active sex life for a long time.

March 23, 2010 at 10:54 pm
(184) Nolberto says:

My name is Nolberto im from Puerto Rico. I understand that non believers in the bible find sex before marriage not to be bad or wrong because they dont believe in the bible to be the guide for their lives and even when I wish everyone find that they needs God and realizes that the bible is the best guide to make good desisions, to know Jesus and God and to get to salvation is their right to believe in whatever they want. But I dont understand bible believers that says that there is nothing wrong in sex before marriage. Im 27 and I have been waiting for it. And next july 11 I will have the blessing and the honor of having sex with the woman I love after we get married with the blessing of the Lord. It has been very hard to hold the desires all this years but the bible says: (Bible in basic english): 2 Timothy 1:7 For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of self-control.
So if we read the bible and pray for the power that comes with the Holy Spirit we will be able to control ourselves and hold the desires. The bible also says about fornication (the meaning of fornication is having sex without being married) (King James version): 1 Corinthians Chapter 6:18-20 – Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body. What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost [which is] in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God’s.
There are so many vesicles that talks about this; sex is a blessing only below the wings of marriage and Gods knows what is best for us and also He wants what is best for us so young people reading this if you seek the power that God wants to give you trhough prayer and reading the bible you will be able to have self control and to wait to the right time. As the bible says there is a time for everithing in life. Lets wait for it. Hope the Lord bless you all. Amen

April 8, 2010 at 2:08 am
(185) Bill says:

You are ridiculous, only strongly religious people wait until marriage to have sex. Quit imposing stupid, irrelevant, beliefs upon people religion is the major cause of problems in the world. It was developed to control the masses in the past, but it was never intended for the future. All I have to say is religion is ruining the world; your arguments against me are fruitless I have debated with Priests and Jehovah’s Witnesses and have shut them up every time. Give it up and enjoy life, have sex its worth it. My friends have waited till they were married and regretted it, they wished it had happened sooner and with other people, its natural to be with more than one person in your entire life. Look at all the animals in the world, through evolution that desire has still remained with us.

April 14, 2010 at 4:18 pm
(186) Jessica says:

I believe in waiting until marriage, since I think it is something a husband and wife should share, not just boyfriend and girlfriend. I believe you can love without making love. Working together on resisting the temptation will, according to me, strengthen the relationship of the couple.

April 16, 2010 at 6:25 am
(187) Limon says:

I strongly support sex after marriage.But how to start that with someone, who is totally inexperienced like me about sex.According to Bangladeshi Muslim culture, here we all religions, in case of settled marriage, we don’t know the best of our newly married wives’ emotion on the wedding bed at their First Night…so is it not a stupidity to have sex??? But there must have sex between wife & husbannd. BUT HOW WILL I START THAT WITH MY LIFE PARTNER?

REPLY ME VIA MAIL.

April 18, 2010 at 1:13 am
(188) jessica says:

When my husband and I got married we were both virgins! Its rare to hear that now a days. We were married on october 9 2007. Even though we waited and were so excited about our wedding night nothing happened. There wasn’t that pressure there that we had to have sex. Our first time together was a week later and we will never forget it. We laugh about it now but at least when our children are at that stage of tlkin about sex we won’t have to lie to them we can tell them to wait we did and we survived! Thanks be to God!

April 19, 2010 at 6:58 am
(189) was my dream says:

it was my dream to get sex first time wth my wife,but i lost it,though i lost it but i m a dreamer,i had,have,will have dream on it…….i feel sry for her,i did it …i m sorry,i dont knw who will be my wife but i m waiting for her,everyday i wake up from my bed n get a sence that may be today i m going to meet with her,i m going to have smell of her perfume……..i dont knw when she will come in my life……..when i will give myself to her n she also.i m waiting for that loveable, cute, trustworthy women…….when u will come in my life .plz come quickly….i wana give u a hug..tc

April 19, 2010 at 7:26 pm
(190) Chicago/Florida LDR says:

My fiancé and I are waiting until our wedding night in November to have sex. I am 31 and a virgin. He is 44 and while not a virgin he has been celibate for several years and throughout our entire courtship.

We made a commitment to stay pure until then and although temptation and desire run very we make we don’t get ourselves in situations were it would be inevitable.

While we’re counting down the days (and anxious to boot) we do know it will be worth it and it is all the more reason to wait. :)

May 9, 2010 at 6:28 am
(191) Lynn says:

Hi, my husband n i had married for 2 years….but we stay a distance away from each other b’coz of our working place. We just meet each other when there is a holiday. Until now, when we meet, we still on learning ro have a sex…so, till now, we r still virgin..We don’t know how to make it. coz everytime we did it, we are stop in the middle..Anyone can help me!!!

May 15, 2010 at 7:50 am
(192) SPB says:

I am not giving my side to whom that they having sex before getting marrige, they are commiting a very huge sin (can not anticipate) in islam religion, Islam not allowing people to having sex before marringe, so thereby i am requesting for all my freinds that please do not cross the limit of islam, norrrrrrrrrrrrrr you will regret soon.
Best sincerity for whom that follow my request. Osman Khan

June 16, 2010 at 5:33 am
(193) hazae says:

i am getting married in 3 months, we are together since 5 years. we havent had sex in fact i mean the penetration part ddnt happen but we have been together, hugging cuddeling, slept together ! the real part ddnt happen and we are waitn 4 the weddin
i feel a bit nervous! will it hurt!
i hope i enjjoy it

June 17, 2010 at 6:07 pm
(194) Blessing(not real name) says:

I want to obey God and stay a virgin until my wedding night. It is the greatest gift any woman would give to her husband on this earth and likewise the Man. My mum has also preached to me to keep my virginity and present it only to my husband, as it will earn me lifelong respects from him. And I once read in a book that boys were asked to choose from among the following as gifts that they will like their wives to present to them on their wedding night;
(a)Her virginity,
(b)A brand new car from her father.
and they all chose her virginity (although not all the boys were virgins). In essence what am I saying, boys and girls, men and women keep your selves for your LEGALLY married spouses, it will earn you LOTS of respect. And do not fool around. I’m 16 years old and pray to get married at the age of 22, I want to court for just 9 months or less but in all, let it be God’s will . I have read the comments above that it is not easy, and the temptation is strong, but nevertheless I can do all things through Christ that strengthens me. Let us keep praying for and engouraging eachother. Till I post again.

Bye And Remain Blessed.

July 6, 2010 at 12:16 pm
(195) misty says:

i waited until my honeymoon to have sex with my husband who was also a virgin..it didn’t happen the first try but with some KY and some wine we hit it off really well the following days…wwe didn’t even get to explore the resort…but it was nice…bled a bit the first 3 times BUT the days and months that followed were pure ecstacy since we are now able to fully express ourselves and live out our fantasies with each other…we we 22 and 24 years old…it’s worth the wait!
We don’t believe in sex before marriage and though it was tempting @ times we are glad we held out…no guilty feelings or wondering if we did it with other ppl etc just pure excitement from the wedding day till now!!!

August 3, 2010 at 3:42 am
(196) neeDadvice says:

I’m am a univ student and my boyfriend is working. I dont know If I’m doing the right thing with my boyfriend…well, we both decided that we’ll not make love after marriage, but this so hard…so later on we find another way how to control our self from temptation…but sometimes I just feel guilty of my self because I dont feel its good for us…the thing that we do when get tempted is touching each other…he touches my body and i touch his body…its like “horny” thats all we do everytime…he understands me a lot, but still I want to keep my virginity till I get married with him….we are both christian and that’s why we dont want to have sex before marriage, but what do you guys think about this matter? is this Ok or wrong?

I need your advice guys…
Thanks before :)

August 16, 2010 at 12:33 pm
(197) bbell says:

I am 51 yrs old and i have have sex before marriage, i am a born again christian therefore i have been trying to refrain from sex until i get married. i have been single for 4 years, i haven’t met anyone at all. i can at any time have sex with my last boyfriend but i really want to wait, but what if i never met someone that i feel is worthy enough to be my husband what do i do then, do i just give up on sex or do i give in to sex

August 18, 2010 at 3:35 am
(198) tefi says:

Hi i read the first 70 comments on this, i disagree with many of them. First of all, just because you have sex with someone before marriage doesn’t mean they will leave you. Bad experiences are usual the result of poor choices. Second, i don’t know why one user said it feels like a soreness, the feeling you have when you have sex is an individual experience. I hate to scare those of you who are waiting for your wedding night. I am someone who suffered extreme pain when i had sex, because i am fortunately and unfortunately tighter than most women. The first time was so excruciating that if i had waited till my wedding night i am sure i would have regreted it. Also, i have know my boyfriend for 5 years and we have been dating for two. We did know each other intimately before we had sex, and there are people who get married who are christian and hardly know each other. To me, this is worse than not waiting. I mean i know a handful of people who got married simply because they couldn’t wait, that is ridiculous. If you are not ready, you are not, and vice versa. ANd some of these bad experiences of guys lying to you and leaving you are due to you not getting to know them before you had sex not because you choose to have sex with them. Sex can make a relationship healthy and vibrant. My boyfriend and I were completely ready and aware of what we were doing and we thought about it for a long time, it wan’t something that just happened. We loved each other completely and we saw no point in getting married by the state or by church. The united states does not accept some religious ceremonies of marriage and that is unfair, we were one flesh simply because we knew we’d be together forever and God was at that ceremony. And we don’t need a marriage certificate to prove how much we love each other.

August 19, 2010 at 5:09 am
(199) I didn't. says:

I didn’t wait for marriage.
I find the idea strange, rather absurd at times, but it is a personal choice, and therein lies the controversy.
It’s ridiculous to say that you do not know yourself at 18, and it takes until you’re 50 to truly know who you are.
This is called the hindsight bias.
You are who you are at any given time. Experiences may change you, but that doesn’t mean that you know yourself any less at an earlier point in time, you just know less in general about everything. As you grow, you learn which means you view things differently.

In my opinion, sex is about trust and love, and although that is what marriage is essentially about, trust and love can (miraculously) appear without it. I knew my boyfriend a scant 5 months, and were together 3 months, before we had sex for the first time, and I don’t regret it for a second.
We were alike in age, humour and many other things, that our relationship has still required little or no effort to maintain. It’s easy, uncomplicated and never once have we been the type of couple to fawn over each other publicly, or even on an internet site.
We talked, and researched (together) about sex a few weeks before we finally attempted it. We vocalise our worries, fears and wants easily in front of one another, and find it easy to joke and have a laugh about our sexual relationship.
Sometimes it’s intimate, other times its about need. But over all, sex makes me feel good. I love the feeling of being that close to him.
As the article states, it’s a worry sometimes that when we do get married, the marriage bed will fail to stand out among our many other fantastic exploits in bed, but personally, I find that if we wait a week or two before having sex, when we do eventually do it again, it has that power that it lacked before.
We know what we like, how to do it, and how to add just that touch of freakishness that makes us both lie back and say, “Wow, that was awesome,” and then high five.
So that’s our plan for the marriage bed.
Those with less knowledge will find that although that night was special and unique… you will have nights that will blow it out of the water later on, if you communicate right.

I lost my point.

Well, never mind. Excuse me, my fiance awaits.

August 29, 2010 at 1:36 pm
(200) Kaci says:

I waited until marriage to have sex, and it’s the best decision I ever made. Sex outside of marriage has painful and dangerous consequences – but inside marriage it is one of Gods most sacred gifts. I love the fact that my husband is the only lover that I ever had. I have a connection with my husband that I’ve never had with anyone in this world. It is true that the two people become one flesh –it is the most beautiful experience on earth–nothing will ever compare. There’s just something wonderful about knowing only one man will have that part of me. Growing up, it was insanely saddening and frustrating that my friends found sex and their boyfriend more important and more fulfilling than a pure, holy, relationship with the Lord and keeping the covenant made with Him. However, it gave me a sense of empowerment to know that I didn’t have to have sex just to keep a boyfriend. It’s easy to have sex. The mature people, the ones that make something of themselves, are the ones that wait.

If you want to be rebellious, be pure. Society tells you to do otherwise.

September 7, 2010 at 7:05 am
(201) harry says:

hi, i have marriage after 5 months . i have to know abut 1st wedding nights sex . how can i sex with her 1st time pls realy me fast dear ok

September 7, 2010 at 7:46 am
(202) newlyweds says:

Hi Harry, You can get information on how to make first-time sex easier on your and your spouse. Here’s the link – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/a/firsttimesex.htm
All the best, Francesca

September 15, 2010 at 5:37 am
(203) TINA JOSHI says:

I HAVE ALREADY HAD SEX MANY TIMES,BUT I AM AFRAID OF MY SEX ON FIRST NIGHT

September 21, 2010 at 5:49 am
(204) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Hi Tina,

Don’t get worried. You can prepare yourself for the big event. This story on wedding night sex might help – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/tp/weddingnightsex.htm

Good luck,
Francesca

October 6, 2010 at 11:40 am
(205) Kumar says:

Yes I want start my sex with my wife after the marriage
because it is moral and it is blessed
and it have a true route of sex and happy life
couple can trust each other

November 4, 2010 at 9:35 am
(206) Alia says:

I belong to a muslim conservative family and I’m an Indian. In both my religion and culture having sex before marriage is considered to be a shameful deed and the girl is considered dishonoured. It is strictly prohibited. Therefore I never went into any relationship with boys and had sex only after my marriage with my husband.

November 4, 2010 at 2:08 pm
(207) soha says:

i really afraid coz after a month is my wedding i really scare i havent done sex before :( (((

November 8, 2010 at 3:32 pm
(208) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

Alia, thanks for sharing a bit of your story and culture with us. We appreciate it. Kudos for making a decision that works for you! Soha, don’t worry about the sexual part of your marriage. Although sex at first can bring on anxiety (and can be a little painful), if your partner is patient, it will improve over time and you’ll desire it and enjoy it. Just relax. For more help on first-time sex on the wedding night, click here – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/a/firsttimesex.htm
Congrats on getting married!

November 13, 2010 at 7:59 pm
(209) winsome says:

I had sex for the first time on my wedding night. The key to enjoying sex is relaxation. If you can relax then you can enjoy the whole experience. If will be painful and bloody the first time, but it gets better after the third or fourth try.

November 15, 2010 at 1:51 am
(210) Anonymous says:

Hi There:
My question is not new may be asked thousand times in these posts, but for me its always new and now its time to come up with this and to ask your advise.
Next week I am going to be married. I am virgin and so my suppose is. Sexual relations is a normal thing in every part of world these days. But still there are few societies where its prohibited, and we belong to such type of society. To be honest I am kind of scared when I think… what will happen how I will handle her. I am shy to ask my friends about it. So I decided to Google it and got here. I know how to make love but how to make love with a virgin especially at your first night that is a question. I’ve seen some pornography but it is very clear that, those professional porno stuff is much for a starter. Sorry I am writing and writing may be because I am a little nervous. Please advise me how to do it or anything any tip would be much appreciated. (It’s an arrange marriage but we talk on phone and have great understanding now after one and half month of our engagement).
Please advice for a decent respectful marriage life so we can make a good impression and please each other the way we deserve.

Thanks and regards.

November 15, 2010 at 4:53 pm
(211) newlyweds says:

Hi Anonymous, the fact that you’re concerned and trying to do what’s best for you and your soon-to-be spouse is a sign that all will go well for you on your first night together. For tips on how to make the experience more pleasurable and less anxiety ridden, read this article – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/a/firsttimesex.htm

Good luck and congratulations on getting married!

November 22, 2010 at 3:19 pm
(212) Niyati says:

I have not waited for sex after marriage; however, i would like to have the best sex with my hubby on our first night.

November 24, 2010 at 12:31 pm
(213) Krish says:

I am an Indian male getting married in less than a week. I am very stressed out about having sex on my first night. Having been brought up in a conservative family, I am still a virgin and I have never had a girl friend. To make matters worse, my future wife and I will have to stay apart very soon after marriage due to professional commitments.

I want to give my wife a memorable experience during our first night and it doesn’t have to be sex. I just want to make her feel that I love her and care for her. Any advice is gratefully acknowledged…

November 27, 2010 at 2:01 am
(214) Ravi says:

Hi Krish,

I got married about a month ago and had a same situation after marriage i left my wife alone for 1 month and stayed with her only for a week.

The only difference is we knew each other from last 2 years …Don’t be stressed out s its very simple and cool expecially for men ,,though women suffer from pain during first inter-course….

Lets come to the point …its not mandatory to have sex on the first night …wait until both of you are comfortable and confident enough …tell your wife what you think about her and discuss about the sex and feelings…you won’t believe we also had a sex after 3 days of our marriage ….so be cool and try to know each other as much as you can and gradually proceed further….

Last but not the least ,,,during first intercourse be patient and do it very slowly …always ask your wife about the pain and if she tells its paining try to motivate her….and understand her feelings

Hope this helps..
Ravi Krishan

November 29, 2010 at 6:20 pm
(215) Smith says:

sex before marriage is completly wrong

November 30, 2010 at 12:52 pm
(216) Hay says:

I got married 3days back I am expecting to make love with my husband today never had sex with him before, I cant wait the time I am scared I dont know why but I am sure it will be good…… I had period on my wedding night, was bad cause I expected to give my self to the man who respected me!!

November 30, 2010 at 10:45 pm
(217) newlyweds says:

Those who are looking to have a special wedding night can read the Guide to Wedding Night Sex – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/tp/weddingnightsex.htm

Enjoy!

December 7, 2010 at 4:08 pm
(218) Wondering Reader says:

Well, i am sorry…. but im a 22 year old guy. Who cares, im not telling you to wait or not wait, i sure as hell didnt, and i have no idea why people do. I agree with the notion that it is crazy to ‘give’ your virginity to someone. I have noticed that 80% or more of you are Christian / doing it with a faith. I cannot understand why. I guess im a catholic, not really practicing, but i do believe in god. I go to college, and i run a business. I do believe that religion is the cause of all war (there is an exception to every rule….) however, when you think about it, its true. I beleive when i die, thats it… lights out, your dead, that this whole idea of having to be good in this life was to control people. To have people be better, because now they have an incentive to not be sinful, the afterlife. I just dont get it…. It seams absolutely absurd to me to wait… Hell, half of being in your 20′s in passing out drunk, waking up next to someone, and going… How the hell did i land her, or damn i was that drunk? I bet you are all the same type of people who have never smoked pot because its illegal, its not for everyone, but it is not a crime. (Or shouldnt be considered one). I would also guess that most of you live in the midwest / Bible belt. I live in massachusetts with a bunch of tree hugging liberals, I am conservative politically. I know i come off as overly judgemental, and im sorry… but that me, dont mean to come off like that. Please, by all means, enlighten me, Dont bother trying to convert / save me, ill just tell you im the devil.

December 9, 2010 at 2:50 pm
(219) Married and In Love! says:

My husband and I waited until we were married to have sex. Although it was hard to resist during our courtship, we were so happy we did. We were both virgins on our wedding night. Knowing that we were experiencing something new and wonderful with each other for the first time made the experience very special for us both. We waited for mainly religious reasons, but I would recommend everyone wait even if you’re not religious. You will never regret having relations with your spouse, but you may regret having relations with someone before your spouse.

December 9, 2010 at 4:01 pm
(220) Arsto says:

Please i tell all people all over the world, to read the holy Quran because you can get and find all the answers of any question which you have, i don’t ask you to become a muslem! Only I ask you to read the holy Quran
You can get information about any subject you want, scientific, religion, social etc

December 9, 2010 at 4:20 pm
(221) Arsto says:

In Islam you should wait till the wedding day, it is not allowed to have sex before marriage, in Islam if you married a woman you should live with her for ever, and also you can marry another woman or girl in one condition if your old wife agree with you,
My religion has made me to not think alot about sex, i think it is an important subject in our life but we mast be abrade m man apon this disire, please dodont practice sex before marriage please please

December 14, 2010 at 12:28 am
(222) Slave says:

helow guys,
lets think………………
is sex before marriage good???
God have honored us Human Beings. and He the Exalted have revealed to us what and what not to do. what is good and what is not good.
as we humans are honored we should be in a limit in every aspect of life. here comes sex. before or after marriage. God “WARNS” us not to have sex before marriage. He commands us to marry if we fear we will fall in to adultery or fornication. In bible its clearly mentioned not have poke. not to have alcohol. grow a beard. don’t have sex before marriage. but we now say no.no.no its in the old testimony not in the new testimony. so what i want to ask is…. can u pick up what u like from what god has revealed unto u and leave what u don’t like. if u do so… you are no longer obeying jesus christ and his God.

December 18, 2010 at 4:50 am
(223) Lori says:

My husband and I wanted to get married before having sex. Even though it was hard to wait, we are so happy that we did because it felt like the right thing to do: A wedding means a new commitment to each other, a new chapter in our lives, a promise to each other and a promise to God, a ndw enjoyment getting to know your new spouse…what could be more beautiful?

December 30, 2010 at 6:25 am
(224) cn't leve says:

if hsbind or wife try to do it slowly slowly i am sure the female
will not feel pain arrange marrage is really good because u can trust on ur each other

January 17, 2011 at 7:36 am
(225) Karthi says:

Before marriage keeping sex is very bad.. So keep on masturbation till the wedding day.. Now a day keeping sex before marriage is became as fashion.. Keeping sex relationship in college days so after marriage it will became bore.. So wait with expectation..

January 18, 2011 at 12:30 pm
(226) a teenager says:

@iwishIhad: hey man u said a lot of enlightin stuff, i knw how u might hv felt abt it, aftr gettin ur true love at age of 50 . tell me honestly wat wud hv been ur mental condition if u wud hv waitd to hv sex till today whn u realy think u hv tht special person in ur life .i think it mst hv been even worsewe live in an era wr pornography nd discusions abt sex are commn .we listn all abt it daily nd we all hv a soft cornr in our heart wr we develops anxiety fr d same.if u wud hv waitd fr 50 long yrs until u gt d prfct one u might jst hv gone into frustration or some thing like tht .i didnt wantd tlk abt it bt aftr readin ur coment i had to defend my feelin abt havin it as soon as we hope to gt a perfct partnr may it be a perfct 1 or nt ,we r no1 to decide it nor we can posibly decide it.
d truth lies smwr inside us ,nd truth is nt d same fr all.fr me it is like i will do it whn i will feel love fr sm1 be it before or aftr mariage

January 18, 2011 at 2:22 pm
(227) confused says:

for the past few months I’ve known this guy, we’re not exactly what you call best friends, but we get a long very well with each other. I am still a virgin, I have not had intercourse. …but the thoughts of losing my virginity to this new guy i’m talking to are so strong. I don’t know what to do cause we’ve talked about it and agreed to it. He’s already engaged in sex, and I haven’t. I have always wanted to wait until marriage, and i was raised in the church so you know what morals I was instilled with. any help or advice? i’m battling with two different parts of my heart, and time’s running out. :/ I’m afraid that i’m gonna go through with it, and even though i feel like i won’t regret it now, how will i feel afterwards? or 10 yrs from now?

January 19, 2011 at 9:49 pm
(228) inquisitiveat20 says:

I just want to thank all of you for your comments and insights. I was just discussing this topic with my boyfriend of a year this past weekend. The question of “Is it awkward on the wedding night?” came up and that’s what led me here. We both are virgins, and are waiting to be married to lose that, whomever we marry. However, I have learned, from comments alone, some biological things that happen during sex that I was previously unaware of, and also what can help. I know I’m not ready, but I greatly appreciate the knowledge that has been shared here :)

January 20, 2011 at 7:49 pm
(229) Atul says:

I got married in October 2000. But I still remember that I had to wait for 8 months before I could finally penetrate her. Partly because both of us were too young to have known all those things and partly because my second half was too scared to make love. So, it took me 8 long months to convince her before, I broke her virginity.

I hope and pray to god that nobody in this world experiences the same as me.

January 23, 2011 at 4:34 pm
(230) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

confused, thanks for sharing your dilemma with us. I think it’s a common dilemma that many people face. I personally would refrain from having sex until I was certain it was the right choice for me. Should you decide to have sex, be safe. Use a condom.

February 1, 2011 at 5:36 am
(231) Princess says:

I just stumbled across this site and it was interesting reading different comments but i guess it all depends on your beliefs or culture. I am not a virgin though i wish i was again, since i became a believer i have decided to wait until my wedding day before i have sex again. Most of the comments have been encouraging, at least i know i am not the only crazy one. Most of my friends tells me am been too religious but i know i am not religious, christianity is a way of life but some laws to make people unhappy, I do it because i love my God & he knows what is best. I have even lost guys when i told them i wanted to wait till i get married though initially they professed ‘LOVE’…. I have met someone who is ready to wait & i pray it all goes well.

February 9, 2011 at 11:31 am
(232) PD says:

Dear confused,

I’m a married man 40 years of age. My wife and I were virgins until our wedding day. Today, I like to share with you what sex means to me (male standpoint) after about 15 years of marriage.

Before marriage, my then girlfriend and I were greatly “inflamed with passion”. We wanted sex badly because God made us to be so. However, we both also knew God’s stand on the matter and hence NOT EVEN for once mentioned the topic of intercourse before marriage.

Then came the wedding day. That was as if “passion unleashed”. We did it at least three times a day for almost a month. Not a single day went by without it.

Then, as life goes back to reality, chores of life (house work, career, religious commitment, etc) limits us from the wedding wilds to a more “normal” sexual routine.

Then came our first child, thoughts of “fairness” to our firstborn made us engage in sex for the sake of conceiving another. But God only gave the second child to us five years later.

After that, as financial burden lessens, we have more intimacy and thus came another twins.

However, looking back, because we were both virgins, we REALLY DID NOT KNOW how to do it! Even until the twins were born, 13 years into marriage, we DID IT WRONGLY!

Why so?

It was only lately that I began to read from the Internet the explanation of sex from 1 Corinthians 7. From those few articles, I realized sex is NOT about how I can be satisfied by my wife, but how I can satisfy her, be a “steward over her body”.

Then I learn the “How to”. For man, to satisfy a woman means to arouse her with touch, kisses, caressing, words, massage, etc. So I practice those, particularly massaging my wife. As I do it, I then realized her needs are VERY DIFFERENT from mine. But when I found her “hot spots”, she’ll got very aroused and offer herself for intercourse because she realize how high I was when I offer my “service” to her.

That day, for the first time after more than 13 years into marriage, then I realized what sex is all about. That one intercourse surpasses ALL the previous intercourses combined, and I’m not exaggerating.

Of course, I’m not complaining about the ecstasies we had from the day we lost our virgins. But looking back, we realized how much better it would have been if we learn the real meaning of sex since day 1.

With this story of mine, I hope you can keep your virginity until your wedding day. Remember: Sex is NOT what you can get from your boyfriend. It’s what you DO to become a “steward over his body”. Likewise, for your boyfriend, it’s not how “inflamed with passion” he is today, but how he can fulfill his “stewardship over your body”.

From the Bible, only married couple can have “stewardship” over each other’s body.

So, instead of thinking about how to satisfy both your passions, why not think about how to build a love for each other, and then consummate it on you wedding night.

I’m sure you’ll NEVER regret giving your body to your ONLY legal steward; while you accepts his body and fulfill your stewardship over his. This is true love and it’s Biblical.

February 11, 2011 at 6:56 pm
(233) Barbie says:

PD, well said! I have saved your comment on word sheet so I can show my futire husband of what you said.

March 18, 2011 at 4:58 pm
(234) been around says:

I had had sex with only two women before I married. My wife, however, was a virgin. I believed in saving myself for marriage, though, and so did the women with whom I had sex. They weren’t virgins, though, and they were not able to control themselves around me. I let them have their way. I expected, then, to have a woman who took the intiative and new how to get pleasure form me. that didn’t happen. I didn’t penetrate my wife at any time over a two week honeymoon. We tried, but it hurt her. Finally, about a month after we married, we were able to make it work. After over 23 years of marriage, it got a lot better. She gets consistent orgasm.s

March 27, 2011 at 7:36 pm
(235) Just got married, :) says:

I got married just one day before and this is totally arranged marriage (in just 20 days, we haven’t met before) in first night I didn’t try for sex coz of two major reasons

1-I haven’t done it before so I didn’t know how to start with it!
2-As this was really first meeting with her I was willing to get her confidence first!

For now I wish I could start it with confidence and the things go easier for me!

April 6, 2011 at 1:30 pm
(236) Waiting after being married before says:

My fiancée’ and I have been dating for almost 2 years.
WE have always planned on waiting. Even if we never decided to get married it was always no sex! We have both been married before but never waited before.
WE feel it is so important to have a relationship long before sex. WE got engaged after 19 months and are still waiting.
The wedding is in just under three months now. Just because I have been married before sure doesn’t mean I am not nervous. WE have talked about it though.
WE both believe waiting is the right way. I tease him how many days we have left.
WE both realize that the first time may not be all we want it to be. After all weddings make people tired, but who knows?? THe best is yet to come. And we have an awesome relationship to begin with!! So in two months and 20 days……

April 7, 2011 at 12:25 pm
(237) Christian Newlywed Girl says:

My husband and I were both virgins when we married about three weeks ago–neither of us had even kissed anyone. (We’re in our mid-to-late twenties.) We didn’t do much the first night because we were so tired, but the next day was amazing. The first time I had pain that was pretty much like a stubbed toe, but there wasn’t any blood that we could see. He could feel a barrier that time that wasn’t there later. Anyway, I was glad for the little bit of pain because it showed that we had got the parts fit together right…. Haha, we were a little worried about that, and it did take us a bit of trying before we figured out just how it was supposed to work. I was physically kind of shaky afterward, but it all felt good and safe because we were married and it was right and I knew we were together permanently. The second time and after it was just great for both of us, no more pain or anything, and lots of fun.

April 12, 2011 at 6:45 am
(238) subha says:

we are nt having sex before our marriage and we are going to marriage within 45 days

April 14, 2011 at 11:37 am
(239) happilywaiting says:

To daisyrose and RaChel, I’m 26 and a virgin too. I went through school and university as a Christian with the conviction that sexual intimacies are to be for my spouse only. I’m now engaged. Be committed to what you know is the right thing; God (Jesus) will always help you. I think something that helped me so much was that I decided in my late teens not to date someone unless I saw it as potentially leading to marriage. I waited, now I have someone who is very good. Am I nervous about the wedding night? Yes. But doing it the right way, when you’re totally in love, and knowing you have your lives to grow in intimacy at every level… I’m pretty sure that’s worth the wait :-)

April 15, 2011 at 12:33 pm
(240) Frustrated girlfriend says:

I have an issue. My boyfriend of 1 year has just now decided to wait until marriage, after making love for a full year, I’m a bit frustrated. He has found God again, and for me, I am not so religious. I realize I need to wait it out, but we are waiting about 3 years to be married. Three years without making love. Not sure where this all came from but I’m pretty upset about it. Sure, its not the only important thing in our relationship. We are very committed and serious about getting married, but my beliefs are that making love shows a deeper and more intimate level of communication and trust. And for that to just disappear, frightens me. I’ve talked to him and hes adamant about waiting. He wont change that. What can I do to get over this and move on from those feelings, because I want to be with him for the rest of my life.

April 21, 2011 at 9:20 pm
(241) Sara says:

These comments are VERY encouraging for someone like me–I’m a virgin and almost 21 and trying to save it for marriage. The problem is I think about it all the time and even daydream about how wonderful it will be once I’m married. (Which makes it worse because who know how long that could be) I’m hoping maybe by the time I”m 25?! But, I’m graduating college when I’m 22 and I’m curious as to where you all meet people willing to wait for you!

April 23, 2011 at 6:51 am
(242) prince says:

I sleeped with my wife only 19 days after my marriage , I tried for sex with her but i feel she was not intrested , she was afraid about sex , with out intercourse , i dont know why she like this , i am so worried now

April 25, 2011 at 3:39 pm
(243) Nirvana says:

hey all there…I want to share an experience..I was a virgin and was very much in love with my boyfriend.He is a passionate guy in the field of making love and often used to get out of control and pushed me to make it.It wasn’t a total lusty feeling but a mixture of love and lust.but what I felt is,He being too a virgin wants to make me know that he can make me satisfy and happy.He didnt know how to handle a virgin.He had the idea from porns that he have to rock me rough.but I was a scared soul..am not hesitating to say that I was a lot more afraid of that feeling of pain..a psychi rather.but I never let him know,I felt upset inside,somewhere felt lacking.but I wanted to give him all I can give as a partner….
I had my best friend Nick,He was a soul to understand what am going through..bit odd but I let him fingering me and enter me.I stopped there.I was somewhere confident that I wont shiver and cry like a baby when my passionate boyfriend marry me and make it.I didnt enjoy or had so called sex..just that I lose my virginity.I was happy to find myself control and not to go further.I closed my eyes with tears as His face came flashing.Later,to be honest guilt was ruining me up badly..At times i was feeling suicidal.I was so very in love with my boy friend and without him life means very little to me.One fine day,I told him what I did with my friend…It was hard to explain that just for his pleasure I just did a sin.I confessed him.I felt light and free from the paining guilt.He was understanding and to my surprise He loved me more than before.I was happy and saved sex for another three years..soon I will be marrying him(If God willing)Trust me…Love is above every thing,I realised that day.We respect each other more than before,talk about all hiiden fears and fantasies,we value each other more,we are excited.life cannot be flavoured throughout by Lust but Love along with it.

Its an odd story but who knows somebody in the crowd may go through such 1.

April 26, 2011 at 5:15 am
(244) indianbride says:

Hi all. I am married for six months now. My husband and I were Virgins when we got married :)
We had sex after 5 days of our marriage. Though hugging and kissing and touching each other happened on the second night itself. It was a great experience :)

The first time we had sex was on our honeymoon. My husband had a perfect erection but penetration was not easy. He just could not get in because i was so tight .We had to try hard. And when he entered after a good struggle it was very very painful for me though i did not bleed at all. I did not come the first time though he could.
It was a great experience though.

We got better with each following act of intimacy.

we waited till we got married and trust me its worth the wait. :)

we are totally in love and trust each other with our lives.

April 26, 2011 at 10:42 pm
(245) newlyweds says:

Nirvana, thanks for sharing your story. If you feel as though you were ever abused, forced to do things you didn’t want to do, or at all pushed around, you can get help. This article might be a resource for you – http://newlyweds.about.com/od/gettingalong/a/domesticviolence.htm

May 1, 2011 at 3:08 am
(246) Kumar says:

Hi,
Myself Kumar from India and going to get married soon (In next month). It is 100% arranged marriage where my parents have finalized the girl. We have started talking to each other for last few weeks now but still very limited and conservative talk. Couple of things which are in my mind (I am sure – almost everyone must have gone thru this) so will appreciate response from experienced/experts on this

1. I am not in mood of having sex on first night. Mentally planning on my honeymoon which will start after 4 days from marriage but if she has this in mind – how to get to know?

2. Which is the best contraceptive to use first time. There are various suggestions like condom, pills etc but experts comments pls

thanks in advanced

May 5, 2011 at 11:19 pm
(247) Kristi says:

My fiance and I are waiting until we’re married, and as difficult as it has been to do, I am so happy that I get to share that intimacy with him for the first time on our wedding night.

June 8, 2011 at 5:57 pm
(248) sima says:

mmm… im gtin married soon.. n iv saved myslf
my fiance is a very very loving n caring person tht cud have a stroke if i jst gt a tiny scratch
bt im really nervous abt our first night
im very sensitive 2 pain.. n iv nvr evn masturbated
iv talked 2 hm abt it since we hv got less thn 2 month till our wedding
he told me nt 2 worry n tht hed b very careful n slow bt im still kinda scared
any tips 2 gt rid of ths fear? n anythng on hw 2 make it less painful?

June 9, 2011 at 11:20 am
(249) Newlyweds Guide Francesca says:

sima, congrats on getting married! Thanks for sharing your concerns and fears with us. This article should offer you tips and information on how to make that first night together both special and less painful for you. http://newlyweds.about.com/od/lovesex/a/firsttimesex.htm

Relax and enjoy it all!

June 10, 2011 at 1:20 am
(250) asian says:

hi…me an asian after reading all the 249 comments prior to mine..here’s my experience…u can best judge what to do..?

i got married 3 years back at the age of 30 as a virgin with my now (wife) aged 27 then..30 now.
being an asian and 4rm traditional family preserved myself 4r my future wife…though i got my education 4rm convent co-ed school..further co-ed college..didn’t make a single girl friend (yes u r right am a fool) though girls were drooling over me as i was exceptionally good in studies, sports ,arts and craft or any other extra curricular activities. u can say a all rounder. (head boy and captain of sports team).

i often insulted girls if approached by them ( an act i totally regret and repent from the day my so called wife came into my life)

well something about my wife whom i gave my virginity.
she had a boy friend for 2 years prior to marriage with whom she used to have sex..and he happens to be my colleague now (spreading he laid my wife…i don’t have the courage to face him because it’s true)..reward for upholding my virginity till marriage.

i don’t know whether she loves me or not but am sure i don’t love her nor ever will.

later i came to know prior to this man she had one more boy friend who still sends message to her cherishing their past( though not sure about their sexual relation)…what a reward !

i feel completely devastated and has cut off all social relation..there is nothing left in my life though i have a daughter with her and am afraid that she will b grow up to b like her…..think about the agony and pain even after knowing all these i have to continue the relationship for the sake of my parents.what will happen if they come to know…

one lady had commented that if a girl loses her virginity prior to marriage..his husband will not respect her…..that’s very true…forget about respect i hate my wife and myself..

June 10, 2011 at 1:22 am
(251) asian says:

i don’t know whether she loves me or not but am sure i don’t love her nor ever will.

later i came to know prior to this man she had one more boy friend who still sends message to her cherishing their past( though not sure about their sexual relation)…what a reward !

i feel completely devastated and has cut off all social relation..there is nothing left in my life though i have a daughter with her and am afraid that she will b grow up to b like her…..think about the agony and pain even after knowing all these i have to continue the relationship for the sake of my parents.what will happen if they come to know…

one lady had commented that if a girl loses her virginity prior to marriage..his husband will not respect her…..that’s very true…forget about respect i hate my wife and myself..

when i talk about it with my wife she gets angry. and stubborn…and says forget about past it’s not going to give u anything…..but how can i forget….it haunts and will haunt me till my death…whatever she says to me in bed reminds me that it’s a repeatation for her…what’s new to her…..
her mere presence makes me feel nasty.
am thinking to retaliate by calling a call girl and doing all short of shits in front of the so called wife….getting into affair…throwing away all my fortune to call girls and so on… and i know i ll’ surely do it….even if it hurts my child.

it’s up to u boys and girls what u do prior to marriage……i have just shared my experience..

June 10, 2011 at 1:25 am
(252) asian says:

when i talk about it with my wife she gets angry. and stubborn…and says forget about past it’s not going to give u anything…..but how can i forget….it haunts and will haunt me till my death…whatever she says to me in bed reminds me that it’s a repeatation for her…what’s new to her…..
her mere presence makes me feel nasty.
am thinking to retaliate by calling a call girl and doing all short of shits in front of the so called wife….getting into affair…throwing away all my fortune to call girls and so on… and i know i ll’ surely do it….even if it hurts my child.

it’s up to u boys and girls what u do prior to marriage……i have just shared my experience..

June 14, 2011 at 9:40 am
(253) newlyweds says:

asian, everyone comes into a marriage with a past, especially when you’re marrying at 27 or 30. Some people choose to have sex before marriage with previous boyfriends. That doesn’t make him or her a bad person. It’s become part of our culture, and not everyone waits for marriage for sex. You have to be happy with the choice you made for you and not as though you were doing it for the other person. You should try to forgive your wife for these pressures and judgments you’re making. It will be better for you and her. You might even discover the love you once had for her. Have you tried marriage counseling?

June 18, 2011 at 3:41 am
(254) Youngwomen says:

Ive been dating my boyfriend for about 9 months, Im also only 17. We both have always stayed strong in our beliefs to wait for marriage. Its early days but we both take the concept of dating seriously. Obviously we both know that there is no point dating if you arent looking for marriage. We know that we will marry in a couple of years however the thing that annoys me is the worlds society is expecting a young couple like us to fall apart, they also suspect that since its been more then 6 months we must of have had sex. I believe puriety starts at the heart. I would like everyone to give young couples a chance, we might be young but if your mature about the concepts of dating and believe in puriety that comes with trust and love then I believe we will be together forever. I would like to congratualate all the inspiring stories about the couples that waiting in order to consecrate their marriage, truely inspiring.

June 28, 2011 at 8:23 am
(255) mohit says:

definitely waited for the first wedding night as this wait is also kind of very fun and on the first night obviously we would have a few problems to start but it would mean a good committed relationship and also there is trust for STD’s and stuff

July 5, 2011 at 10:39 am
(256) essie says:

I am 28 and i have not found anyone who want to be with me. When you go for five years without anyone showing interest in you, then you start having neutral thoughts about marriage and relationships. You know sex before marriage is wrong and that you should wait for the right person, but what if you never someone who thinks the same way? What if you never get someone at all to love you? It sucks to be an ugly girl.

July 11, 2011 at 1:13 am
(257) Jasmine says:

I waited my wedding night with my husband and he never had sex with anyone we were virgens and are weddingg night wwas sooo special it was a dream come true I think everryone should wait for there wedding night it’s the best feeling in the world to know your going to do it with someone your married to and you love

July 14, 2011 at 8:14 pm
(258) MissyRenea says:

Hi beautiful people ! I’m 17 There are a bunch of good comments on here but just so many lol. I’m not a Christian but I do believe in god. I thought about waiting to have sex until I’m married but I still have thoughts. The good thing about waiting is that I know that I will be in a secure relationship and I will know the person I’m marrying by the time we get married so I won’t have to worry about all of the diseases and things like that, but what if i’m not happy with our sexual relationship? I wouldn’t leave him and I would never cheat but I don’t want to be stuck in a situation where I have to settle… Also I have urges like others have said, the horny all the time lol ! I still haven’t made a complete decision on whether I will wait or not… But I know if I start a relationship sex is not an option .

July 18, 2011 at 8:55 pm
(259) newlyweds says:

essie, thanks for sharing your thoughts. Finding someone and falling in love is not something that happens every day. It takes time and patience. Hang in there. In the meantime, do things to build your own self-confidence and make your own happiness.

July 23, 2011 at 12:24 am
(260) karthik says:

hi
My marrige is held on after five months.my future wife broken our shild by his nails .will i pleasure my first night.any effect on my first night sex pleasure .i can’t broke his wall bcoz his wall broke before marrige.wht i do i m displeasure

August 2, 2011 at 6:16 am
(261) beginner says:

as I thought, talking about s*x on the internet will be long. if the topic was politics, i guarantee the conversation won’t be this long.
side note. sorry for my english. english is not my mother tongue.

August 8, 2011 at 8:32 pm
(262) Annie says:

We waited..and should have waited longer. We just were not comfortable being intimate and still are not after several years. We are very self conscious and sex is a chore we must work at. I have little desire for sex or to see my spouse unclothed. We both have a great deal of problems relaxing. I have never reached “satisfaction”. I cannot really tell when he finds his peak of satisfaction. The whole thing is just messy and embarrasing to both of us. Yet we have a solid marriage based on the teachings of St. Paul and the other fathers of the Christian religon.

We left a good Church after recieving pastoral counselling when it was suggested we learn to masterbate so we could learn what satisfaction is about. . We were disgusted.
We just are not close that way.
We both have active ministries. We have decided that we will arrange for artifical inseminations when it is time for a baby.
Now don’t take this as a weird marriage, we love God, and want to serve Jesus and His Church.

August 12, 2011 at 3:56 pm
(263) Zannie says:

Its great to know there are people who see it worth the wait and are glad to have waited for marriage. I haven’t had intercourse but have had oral sex with my boyfriend and feels intense like having intercourse. I have considered saving myself for marriage but have had oral sex it feels like what’s the point. How am I gonna explain to my prospective husband that I haven’t had intercourse but oral sex….is there a difference?? Because I want my wedding night to be just as special and I would want to give my all to my husband to be.

August 13, 2011 at 12:52 am
(264) Seile says:

I am engaged since 2 yrs but my fiance & me had never enjoyed sex,i m very much affraid of it. We r waitinf 4 our wedding night to be soooooooooooooooo romantic & full of enjoyment………………we have definitely loved each other so much during this time but never have sex???????????

August 19, 2011 at 3:40 pm
(265) Wantodotherighthing says:

I am 25 years old. I have children with a guy I dated for 5 1/2 years. We were engaged but the relationship turned violent and I left. I do want to get married one day and i want to wait until I get married to have sex again. I wonder about some things. Has anyone on this site had sex before marriage then waited until they married to have sex with their husband? I worry about what if the sex life is bad after marriage? I had a great sex life before but I want to do things the right way when I get married. I’ve met a great guy and we’ve been dating and the relationship has stayed pure but I wonder what it’s like. Do women think a previous partner was better or do they even think about that.

September 9, 2011 at 10:10 am
(266) Brucey says:

Me and my wife had a threesome with her friend our wedding night, it was awesome

September 13, 2011 at 1:53 pm
(267) deny says:

being the Muslim having sex before the marriage is so far you even cannot touch your fiancee before marriage and even you cannot meet with fiancee alone until one under the supervision of your beloved one and you can meet once before marriage if you are stranger and if you are relative you can see each other but you cannot meet alone. brother and sisters i suggest you that kindly don’t take this easy as we people have to die and there is someone who we must answer in front. this is one of the biggest sin in Islam. be awair this is the message of Islam.

September 28, 2011 at 8:44 pm
(268) Nameless says:

Actually in my culture, it is really forbidden to have love with your spouse before the wedding night, some religious issues are related to this habit, anyway I think it better if the couple wait to that night, because if the didn’t, then spending money on the wedding is useless.

September 28, 2011 at 11:22 pm
(269) tina says:

Hi all of you! I am 26 and i am a virgin still, I am getting married next month. Me and my fiancee are in relationship with last 1 year. Ours is going to be an arrange marriage. we both are quite excited and we both didnt had pre marital sex so we both are novice in this subject. He is the most wonderfull person i have ever met. I talked with him regarding my apprehension for the first night and he is so gentle he told me that we dont want to rush will take our ownn time so do not get nervous. My half of the worries is gone!
Its really necessary to have a loving partner who understands u. sex is a gift from god and you should always wait for the right person after all you are loosing your most prices possession your virginity. I think loosing virginity for the right one is worth while. I am still worried about the pain it will cause. please share your experiece..

October 4, 2011 at 9:02 pm
(270) unknown says:

I m 20 years old. I m in a relationship for 5 months now. This is my 2nd bf. I never wanted to have sex before marriage. I really love my bf. actually he wasnt a virgin. so wen v got into relationship he really wanted to have it. I controled myself n told him he should wait until v get married. 1st he agreed then later he wanted to break up. only for his sake n to make him happy i had sex wid him n lost my virginity. Now v r happy together bt sometym i feel very guilty. I dnt even knw if he respect me the way he suppose to do. or Is he gona marry me ? i think a lot nwdays. i dnt really discuss all this wid him cuz i dnt wana make him feel dat i worry too much. He kinda changed too. He used to be very lovign n caring bt nw he is too busy in his own life. He doesnt really get any tym for me. I feel abonden sometym. The lesson i got for my stupidness is dat plz never have sex before marrige. I hope my bf is serious abt me. I have no way to go. I hav to kill myseld if he doesnt accept me. :(

October 5, 2011 at 7:27 pm
(271) Tasha says:

me and my husband to be are both virgins, i’m 21 and he is 23, we both took a purity vow at young ages due to religion and have never regreted it, i am happy to say my husband to be will be my first, and I his.
love isn’t made through sex, but on how you feel when you look into each others eyes.

October 7, 2011 at 9:34 am
(272) shorya says:

Hi,
me and my wud b both are virgin and super excited for our marriage whc is gng to happen in a month..we hv njoyed our courtship period a lot but somehow m nervous for my first wedding night itz not about the pain but m feeling shy dont know why..and even i dont have the words to share my nervousness with my wud be.please help. wot i’ll do in this case.Do i really need to share with him that i am scared and shy to being physically intimate with him.

October 7, 2011 at 4:25 pm
(273) humble_guy says:

Sex before marriage is a sin, it should be avoided. Quran says this as well as Bible.

October 13, 2011 at 6:49 am
(274) Racheal says:

Thanks all you guys for the great encouragements. I am 24 now and have still kept my virginity…. for the right person. But pple i want to tell u this truth, it at tyms gets over whelming for me. Some tyms i get drown into emotions, feelings and almost end-up highly tempted to try this “adventure” called love making.

I am not dating at the moment. The truth is what keeps me going is the fear i hav for my God ……….. the fact tht i kno sex before marriage is sin………….. and the respect i have for my future husband.

October 19, 2011 at 2:25 pm
(275) Tara says:

I am waiting to have sex fo rthe first time with My soon to be husband who is also waiting for our wedding night to be his first time. I think its important to wait for many reason, 1 being, you know that this person loves you enough to put off sexual desires until they can marry you. It helps me know that he is “The one”, cause both of us would do anything for eachother and this is one way of showing it.

October 19, 2011 at 7:24 pm
(276) hapz says:

i am waiting for my 1st wedding night but i am really scared that don’t know what gonna be happen but my partner is really helpful to me and tells everything to me about love making but still i am scared don’t its a mixture of feelings inside no doubt i love him but that will be my first time i even don’t know how will i deal with it because its a big deal to me because i belong to religious family there are some restrictions about this this so no one use to talk about it aha!
but my partner is really helpful to me he always make me fell comfortable and easy n use to talk about related things …. its good

October 21, 2011 at 1:19 am
(277) tammy says:

i decided a long time ago based on religious beliefs that i was going to wait until i got married. i am 39 years old and not married. all the past relationships i had did not involve sex. it was very hard to avoid temptation but with prayer and self control it helped. currently i am dating a man younger than me. i decided to engage in sex for the first time. i felt that it was time. it was a painful experience and i had mix emotions after doing it for i went against my core beliefs. it was also for medical purposes after having failed two pap smears because it was too painful for the speculum to go in. do i have regrets? i have ambivalent feelings. i did the act with someone i liked and cared for. are we getting married? no. there is no future for the both of us. i just felt that at this point in my life it was time to engage in such an act then waiting to get married.

October 24, 2011 at 6:57 pm
(278) Paul says:

Sex in our marriage was difficult.
Been married 40 plus years and sexless approximately 30 years.
On our honey moom and the following weeks we never had sex. Wife was scared and just wasn’t interested. Finally had sex about 6 months later and I found out it wasn’t exciting at all I thought it was kind a boring. So I lived with it for about 10 years and finally just told my wife sex is’nt doing anything for me. Then I broke the news and told her I think we should quit having sex. By this time she was enjoying sex and that she wanted to continue with sex. She was upset and still is. But not having sex with her has been the best thing in my world. I told her she’s a grownup and can do what ever she wants . We still live together and function like a brother sister type affair.

October 25, 2011 at 4:18 pm
(279) chay says:

its weath it to wait until your wedding night we all know that sex is good with your official partner

November 3, 2011 at 9:42 pm
(280) TheFrums says:

I’m 17, never had a boyfriend, never been kissed, and I plan to stay a virgin until I get married. I know that God wants me to wait, and I believe that the reason I have yet to be kissed is because he’s going to bring the perfect guy into my life. Can’t wait to meet him. I don’t even know my future husband yet but I already love him enough to wait. <3

November 6, 2011 at 3:02 am
(281) Mohamed says:

am 25 and still never had sex before. How did I achieve it ? Patient and fasting every mondays and tuesdays (sunna).
be patient and remember the reward is great

November 11, 2011 at 12:09 pm
(282) kattekliek says:

I wasn’t a virgin when I got married, because I started to think (and act) in a completely different way some years after I had made love to several boyfriends during my early twenties. Five years before I met my husband, I became a Christian and this changed my views on sex radically. We waited until the wedding night (he was a virgin till then) and both are very glad we did! :-) Sex with him is so much better than in my earlier years – because it’s based on our unconditional love for each other and not just on the emotions of the moment. Having both experiences (having sex ‘just because it feels right’ and waiting until marriage), I warmly recommend the waiting ;-)

November 17, 2011 at 11:12 am
(283) Lucky says:

I have a prob in sex with my wife

November 18, 2011 at 6:52 pm
(284) FairyDust says:

I am 17 years old and I’m still a virgin. I’ve never had a boyfriend, never been kissed or even thought about having sex before marriage. I know that if I did lose my virginity now, it may be the wrong person for me and in future, when I am with the right person, I’d feel really guilty and bad. I know that there is someone for me in this world and I cannot wait to meet him. I have saved everything for him and I will only reveal myself properly to him. I hope when I meet him, he could be proud of the fact that his wife stayed ‘pure’ all just for him. I hope he does the same for me. I know you’re somewhere in this world right now, walking the Earth…but where are you?! I can’t wait to meet you xD I love you so much already <3

November 25, 2011 at 11:49 am
(285) Mafia says:

I originally planned to wait until marriage but I gave in to powerful temptation being my cute gf. I’m a really attractive guy and waiting for 22 years was very hard. I can say that even though I didn’t keep God’s word, I feel 0 regrets. I don’t feel a sense of loss or feel “doomed” like the kids back when I was in teenage youth group. The relationship between me and her is still great and we do alot for eachother. We can still carry on intelligent conversations and make eachother laugh. We also engage in creative activities together, we love eachother very much and were are even planning marriage after college. She’s so wonderful and even though we gave into temptation me and her both somehow know we’re right for eachother. We both have things in our past that hurt us until this day but our relationship is helping undo the damage that was done :) I’m happy with her

November 25, 2011 at 12:56 pm
(286) cincaubandung says:

I’m a Malaysian Indian guy. It’s going to be our wedding in 2 more days and it’s going to our first sex on our 1st night after wedding. Many times we got tempted to do it, but we some how managed to refrain our self from doing it. I’ll share my experience of our 1st night soon.
In the mean I would like to share my friends 1st time experience on his wedding night. His wife was quite scared thinking about the pain. So, it took him a week to finally have sex with her.

November 25, 2011 at 7:59 pm
(287) Kayde says:

My husband and I waited, we were both virgins and he is a pastor and I work with the youth and lead praise and worship, I have to say it was worth the 21 yr wait for me and 23 for him. With us we both have a sense of humor so when the time come that night we both made “stupid” mistakes but we laughed our way thru it we’ve been married three months now and are still happy. I found this site while I was researching stuff on the power of purity to do a lesson for the teens

December 2, 2011 at 3:57 pm
(288) amie says:

i am married and still a virgin> i am scared of sex. my husband cant penetrate, it feels like i@ll never be able to have sex. i dont know what to do and i am worried. any advice on this?

December 8, 2011 at 9:36 pm
(289) the man says:

am 22 and still never had sex before. How did I achieve it. and now i think i have to do sex

December 8, 2011 at 9:38 pm
(290) the man says:

I am a virgin too……but when i tell guys that i am a virgin they are shocked …..some of them llike my virginity and some of them,don’t. but i myself don’t believe in having sex before marriage….i think on wedding night there should be some new for couples………i try to keep my virginity before marriage

December 8, 2011 at 9:41 pm
(291) 00- says:

till 22 i never sex but now i want to do sex

December 9, 2011 at 2:47 am
(292) hani9 says:

hi, I and my husband were both virgins, & we got married by the age of 25, more than 7 years ago. I just met my husband once before the wedding. we were matched by our married friends. my sexual life is -thank God- very fine, although by the first months of our marriage, well, a little bit difficult. we started to make love on the 3rd night of our wedding and now we’re getting even ‘hotter’ by the years. we learned the ‘tricks’ from our friends and family. and we got books of guidance for the great sex in marriage, written by our scholars of religious knowledge. we learned together and still keep learning, since making love is a very essencial part of any marriage. and it’s a big fun, too, lol………. through the days we started to love each other, and the love keeps getting stronger, praise be to Allah, and we found we have no desire to even look at any other men/women once we got married.
our people, we may not watch any ‘hot’ movies, well any movies at all, actually. we do not own TVs, oh, I hope you believe what I’m writing. but we got internet for the news and as means of communication and studies only.
in my place, a man may not see women’s faces but his wife’s and family’s & relatives’. there may not be any kind of communication, without any urgency, between a man and a woman who’s not one of these. not even saying hello. a man will never know his sister in law’s face or his neighbor’s wife. When a man or a woman wants to get married, he/she will have a third party to look for the ‘right’ one. and we’re suggested to consider the personality, not the wealth, lineage, or physical values. so a reputation based of religious point of view is an important thing among us. When he/she’s certain of what kind of person the bride/groom to be is, he/she would be permitted to see/look at each other.

December 9, 2011 at 2:49 am
(293) hani9 says:

We do not deny things called physical attraction, but we control it as we believe as Allah’s will. if during the process of ‘looking’ he/she would like to speak to the spouse-to-be then it has to be done behind the curtain/wall. He/she will be suggested to pray to Allah, to ask for guidance in every step of the way to the marriage.We believe the guidance will form itself as a confidence/feeling sure in proposing, for the man, or in saying yes, for the woman. and a woman has every right to say no. but once they enter the marriage, there are rules to obey, obligations and rights to both parties. mostly, our marriages succeeded, maybe above 95% of success. no divorce no separation. no scandal. we easily focus ourselves in our jobs and our children and other obligations. life is wonderful, all praise is due to Allah.

December 9, 2011 at 2:50 am
(294) hani9 says:

We do not deny things called physical attraction, but we control it as we believe as Allah’s will. if during the process of ‘looking’ he/she would like to speak to the spouse-to-be then it has to be done behind the curtain/wall. He/she will be suggested to pray to Allah, to ask for guidance in every step of the way to the marriage.We believe the guidance will form itself as a confidence/feeling sure in proposing, for the man, or in saying yes, for the woman. and a woman has every right to say no. but once they enter the marriage, there are rules to obey, obligations and rights to both parties. mostly, our marriages succeeded, maybe above 95% of success. no divorce no separation. no scandal. we easily focus ourselves in our jobs and our children and other obligations. life is wonderful, all praise is due to Allah. but these days, some numbers of our brothers and sisters start to use facebook, twitter, etc, and things start to change…. if one’s not careful to limit his/her ‘friend’, a man could talk to a woman freely, a woman could be seen through photos, videos, and the sanctity of marriage is getting bothered by these kind of sites. it is their own faults… for leaving the strict rules of our belief…

December 10, 2011 at 12:40 pm
(295) winkie says:

hii m frm india..i had a love ..b4 one year..he was the first guy i was in love with…soo.he is my relative too..n also we both..started loving….we have also…taked abt touches and kisses…but nt touched,,he is a vry decent guy… and suddenly..he started worring abt my parent’s..lyk..weather they will accept for our marriage or not?..frm tht day..he started avoiding me…he sad..we can tak after i finish graduation.!!!..but tht hurts me lyk anytng…i dono abt him…bt..i think abt.all we taked..!!..i miss him badly…bt y is he avoiding me??…can u plss help me….n hw to know…tht a guy is virgin or not?

December 11, 2011 at 12:15 pm
(296) Rajiv says:

i hv done sex after marriage. but was thrilled when my wife touch my body in bed

December 23, 2011 at 12:53 am
(297) b says:

I am One Of those Who R Waiting for Sex in the Weding Night

January 4, 2012 at 2:11 am
(298) ICE CUBE says:

hello , i am 23 and i have never had sex.i will hav it after marriage..and before marriage having sex is big sin..but i try to please myself by masturbating. But i can only hold for 30-40 seconds..some of my friends say it is gonna be alright after u hav sex for sometimes with your partner..is it true ? every man faces this problem before having sex ? and when u have sex for the first time is it natural to ejaculate within a minute ? will it be cured after i have sex for some times ? plzz someone reply…thanks

January 10, 2012 at 1:59 pm
(299) carol says:

yes i was a virgin on my wedding night, to put it bluntly it really hurt a lot when my husband broke my hymen. it must have taken him 30 minutes to finally stretch me open and fully penetrate me. after the first time was over i went to the bathroom and i was bleeding some and there was also blood on the bed sheets . we had sex 3 times that night and i was really sore the next morning . but after about 2 days and my vagina got accustomed to having a penis put up inside of me i started having orgasms and sex really felt good to me.

January 12, 2012 at 1:58 pm
(300) carol says:

my first time sex on my wedding night did not feel too good. first of all it must have taken my husband about 30 minutes to break my hymen and fully penetrate me. it hurt so bad when his penis was tearing through my hymen. after we got through the first time i went to the bathroom to pee only to notice that i was bleeding and it was blood on my nightgown also. another thing that bothered me at the time was i was leaking my husbands cum out of me.but after 2 more times that night and 4or 5 times the next few days my vagina got stretched enough and sex started feeling good to me . at this point i started having orgasms and sex was very enjoyable to me and still is.

January 14, 2012 at 12:25 pm
(301) lisa says:

when i got married at 19 years of age i was a virgin with little knowledge of sex. i had been attending boarding schools in switzerland my whole life. they were very strict with us. we were not able to use tampons during our menstrual periods only pads. i was very nervous right before my wedding. the only information that my mother and grandmother would tell me was to be sure to keep myself cleaned out for my husband.thry would always tell me how much love juice that i was going to get put up deep inside my vagina. and if i didnt keep myself cleaned out all of the time the juices would keep leaking out of me. i guess that i became a feminene hygiene freak but everything worked out all right.

January 15, 2012 at 7:05 pm
(302) kanadiangirl says:

I saved myself for my husband and I am SO glad I did. We had sex 4 times on our wedding night and I did not feel any pain. We have now been married 24 years and have 13 children. We LOVE having sex every day – it just gets better and better. I would definitely suggest that you wait for marriage before you have sex. It just seems so special and something to really look forward to.

January 17, 2012 at 9:33 am
(303) website says:

1 cheese

January 19, 2012 at 5:06 pm
(304) 5yearsand stillwaiting says:

m in a relationship since last 5 years,m 24 yrs now.its been a wonderful journey n in a few days we will b engaged ! it was our mutual decision to wait till our wedding nyt n we still stick to it.Both of us are virgin and treat it as a special gift for our wedding nyt.Although many a times we were tempted and we got many chances bt we respected our decision and never forced each other.I feel its one’s personal decision but i wanted to wait so we are…i know its worth waiting …Waiting for the wedding nyt makes it special to think about.I love him so much that i can wait for him …he is abroad since last 1 year but the love is still so fresh n no matter how far we are in distance , but in heart we are close…he is so special that i will give my soul n body to only him

January 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm
(305) get one link movies,grab movies from mediafire says:

Hey There. I found your blog using msn. That is a really neatly written article. I’ll make sure to bookmark it and return to learn more of your helpful information. Thanks for the post. I’ll certainly comeback.

January 22, 2012 at 3:27 pm
(306) love says:

actually i m virgin right now. i will get merry sooon and thinking how can i strart sex in my first night

January 31, 2012 at 8:27 am
(307) cassandra says:

I’m 20 and still a virgin, all of my friends have boyfriends and are sleeping with them. It’s hard becasue they dont understand why I would want to wait. I’m kinda concerned about my first time which should be my wedding night wont it be really awkward and painful? I’ll be so nervous which will ruin it.
Also can I really expect to find a guy in this day and age who would be willing to wait?
P.S Is mutual masturbation deemed as sinful in the bible?
Thanks

February 1, 2012 at 1:24 am
(308) Michael says:

I guess I’m in the minority here. My wife and I were both virgins when we got married. We lost our virginity the day after we got married, and it sucked. Sex (the little of it we have) has continued to suck and is ruining our marriage. Before we got married we were both very sexual and couldn’t keep our hands off one another. Now she hates sex, and I want it so bad. She’s never enjoyed it, and it’s not that I don’t love her or don’t help her enough or make sex all about my fulfillment. On the contrary, I try to make it about her, but it is simply unfulfilling. I feel constant, intense rejection, and there’s nothing I can do about it. I don’t want masturbation, pornography, or an affair because that doesn’t get me the true intimacy I crave, and I really only want it with my wife. I just want to be close to my wife, but it doesn’t look like it’s ever going to happen. It’s causing us to fall apart. The only sex we have is pity sex where she feels so bad for me that she tells me to go ahead, but she tells me to just get it over with, which is worse than not doing it at all, but I have physical desires to so I take what I can get.

February 1, 2012 at 1:24 am
(309) Michael says:

Before we were married, for her the forbidden nature of sex was the allure, but now that we’re married, and it’s okay, she has zero libido. She discovered that she doesn’t even like sex and admits that she probably never will. Because I’ve never been with anyone else, I wonder if it’s just me that sucks at it. I’ll never get the satisfaction of lying next to a woman and knowing that we’re closer because of sex. I won’t get the satisfaction of knowing that she wants to have sex with me. It will always just be a chore, and it want it to be so much more. I do not want a divorce, but this is a very hard (more like flaccid) situation. If we’d had sex before marriage, I’d have known that we would have had this issue and to be honest, it’d probably be a deal-breaker. I know that may seem shallow, but it really isn’t. I want to be able to communicate with the woman I love, but I don’t feel like I can properly communicate with her because any time I try to show it, it just hurts her or makes her feel gross. I hate my life, and I hate that we didn’t have sex before it was too late to call it off.

February 4, 2012 at 6:56 pm
(310) Doctor says:

I randomly found this site while looking for something completely different, but it’s been interesting. I just thought I’d try and help out a little. First, Michael, how (if at all) have you tried talking to your wife and how long have you been married? Also, you said you both were very both very sexual before marriage. What were the sexual things you would do? Like just clothes and touching a little or up to everything but penetration? The wedding sex may have just been very uncomfortable/painful for here being the first time and/or she may have difficulty reaching orgasm, which could be due to her own body/mind and/or due to how she thinks about sex now after her first experience. I know this is a horribly difficult situation you’re in. Sex is half of an intimate relationship.

February 4, 2012 at 6:58 pm
(311) Doctor says:

To Michael con’t..
If it wasn’t for sex then why would we even get married and we why would marriage be between only a man and a woman?! I don’t know what your or her religious beliefs are (if any), but there may even be something there causing issues. Have you thought of seeing a sex counselor together? It could make a HUGE difference if so and she is willing to go. But talking to her about it, NOT just asking her for sex or telling her you need/want it, I mean sitting down with her and expressing your concerns for her, not even just the marriage or how it would make things better. But really ask her why she feels the way she does, what bothers her about it, what may have changed her feelings about sex and having sex with you. Find out if she just has difficulty reaching orgasm, if it’s painful, if she changed her mind about it due to the first time experience being bad or anything that at all that has/is been bothering her. Becoming aroused and reaching orgasm is MUCH more than than physical contact! Over half of the equation is actually from mental desire and stimulation. That is why a sex therapist could really help! They specialize in finding the root of the problem, whether it be an organic problem or psychologic in nature. But really sit down with her and and express your concerns about her, not just about sex, and her feelings about you, life in general, and then sex. It may even, without her realizing it, a decreased sex drive (libido) due to low testosterone or estrogen! Which is easily managed. How old are the two of you by the way? And again, how long have you been married? I’ll emphasize again though in ending, half of sexual desire is by mental stimulation and thoughts. Maybe, what you are doing to”help her” is only physical help? If you so, have you tried be fun and playful and romantic, like buying flowers randomly and not with the purpose of trying to have sex or doing something other romantic that she would like.

February 4, 2012 at 7:00 pm
(312) Doctor says:

To Michael con’t…
Lastly, maybe your being to affectionate for her, because woman often look at a man who is very kind, sweet, and overly affectionate as being weak. Yes, sadly and stupidly that’s true. I don’t mean be a jerk at all! But just stand your ground when need be and be affirmative (not demanding or bossy!) when talking with her. Be very caring and show concern for her, but do it with showing CONFIDENCE! Woman are VERY attracted to that! That may even end up turning on enough to give it more of a chance! But I would definitely put some thought into and if all else fails seeing a sex therapist, together! And if she will not go, then you could try going by yourself (without letting her know you are! But try and see if she will go together and then if she won’t don’t tell her you may go anyway. She may take it wrongly and not notice the improvements in sex you have made) But if she completely rejects the idea of going, don’t stand down right away, be firm about your feelings on this matter and that she, as your wife and partner in life, should make this effort for you and you relationship. It would be selfish of her not to make such a simple attempt at helping. Also, this wouldn’t just be you you at all! It is apart of BOTH male and female to have sexual desire and if she doesn’t have it then there is something what as if there is something wrong and unnatural/unholy or anything where she could take it that you are blaming her for having something wrong with her, as women will not use logic in most matters as this and will be offended easily.

February 4, 2012 at 7:00 pm
(313) Doctor says:

To Michael con’t…
Let me know what I asked and if you have any other questions/concerns that I may be of help with. Also, you said you felt it may be selfish to have not gotten married to her if you had known it would be like this. That is not selfish at all! Intimacy and sex are 3/4 of a relationship, ESPECIALLY MARRIAGE! That is why we get married and to the opposite sex! Otherwise we could just not get married and just hangout with our friends of even the same sex all the time!

February 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm
(314) foreveralone says:

having read the 902563 comments before mine…all i can say is that I envy you guys. Regardless of whether you were a virgin or on, whether it worked out or not, you guys know what it is like to be in a relationship with another person.
I’m a 23 year old girl from an asian country that is still conservative by western standards. For 22 years of my life, I was taught to shun relationships because our religion forbids pre marital relationships. By relationships, I don’t just mean ‘sexual’ relationships, I mean all kinds of unnecessary flirtatious relation with a member of the opposite sex.

February 6, 2012 at 5:27 pm
(315) foreveralone says:

I studied in a co school, have educated parents, and a general liberal family as compared to the majority in my country and YET I was never encouraged to be friend men. Gradually, it became a part of my personality…and now I can’t bring myself to be close to any man who takes interest in me. As the risk of sounding vain, I would add that I have always been told that I am pretty…with a majority of my girlfriends thinking someone like me would have men head over heels for me. I o notice that men pay attention to me at first, but with my stone cold attitue (that I can not help, regardless of how much I try) I successfully manage to scare them away. After 22 years of my life, my mother told me that I am mature now and reciprocate if someone shows interest in me (if he’s worth it). This I believe, is because she fears that unless I get married in a few years, our society will start counting me as over age as far as arranged marriage is concerned. When I see people around me in healthy steady relationships, my heart yearns for something like it and I feel so alone. I tried to uphold my parents trust, my religious beliefs and societal norms, yet 22 years of doing so has rendered me incapable of being in a close relationship with a man. Try as I might, I have ran away from every man who has shown interest in me. They tell me I’m pretty, I still can’t talk to them. I have aced academically and made my parents proud. On paper my life seems perfect but the loneliness is killing me. Furthermore, because I mange to drive away all the men by showing total lack of interest, I feel that my looks don’t matter. It is eroding my self confidence with every passing day and the life I thought I would have (because of my perseverance) is no where in sight. You talk of sex….I can not even imagine a non sexual healthy relationship with another human being…
any advise someone gives, will be appreciated…

February 22, 2012 at 1:54 am
(316) kishore says:

In Indian calture, its very big task for Indian girl, who never sex before marriage……..they have so many question in her mind…but when ever husband start for sex at first night, first she get confusion but after some time she enjoy sex….once enter in VAGINA she enjoy lot and giving pleasure to partner….

February 24, 2012 at 1:40 pm
(317) Silent Knight says:

@Foreveralone

I am also from an asian country and i can understand whats going through your mind..In fact i have had a colleague similar to you who always had excellent grades and was adorable but she never allowed anyone to get close to her in her parent’s respect…..Now at 26 years of age she has got married and living perfectly fine so i think you shouldnt worry as well as you are just 22……………All is well that ends well so just keep faith in yourself and your parents

March 19, 2012 at 7:18 pm
(318) Juli says:

This site/comments are great to read and are extremely encouraging. Thank you all for writing. It helps to know I’m not the only one who has a heck of a hard time waiting! :)
Watch out, cuz this is gonna be long. AND in pieces, since it can’t be super long. My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 3 months, but have been good friends for almost 7 years now. We had always had a crush on each other but never knew about the other’s crush. Plus, it didn’t help that we were always dating someone else all those years. When I was single, he wasn’t, and vice versa. Recently we both got out of our long term relationships (5.5 years for me, 6 for him) and we just happened to reconnect…and there were sparks. We both believe God had His hand in us coming together at just the right time and it feels like a big God thing. :) I have dated 4 guys before him and he only dated 2 and married the 2nd one. (unfortunately….she cheated on him after being married for only 3 years. sorry if this is confusing.) So 4 months ago we were both finally single and we both knew what the other was going through so we could help each other through it all. We are so much alike, it’s awesome. ***Now for those of you who will bring up the fact that we are moving too soon out of other relationships, that’s not what I want to discuss. Trust me, we have had long long talks about it. He and I both were done with our relationships long before they were actually over. We both knew of the cheating long before. Therefore, longer time to process.*** SO, here’s the thing, I am not a virgin. I don’t like that, and I hate that I’m not. I have asked God for forgiveness, but the guilt still haunts me.

March 19, 2012 at 7:20 pm
(319) Juli says:

He isn’t a virgin either (obviously since he was married.) but he waited til marriage the first time. Now I am wanting to become a new person and follow God better than I have in the past and do things differently with this one. I have loved him as a friend in the past, but now I love him as something else…:) I don’t want to mess this relationship up with sex, so he and I are waiting for marriage. IT IS ALREADY HARD. Why?? he is a good Christian man who loves God and wants to follow Him and I am a Christian who is getting better at that, so we want to do the right thing and wait, but holy cow it is hard!! His roommate and my friends can’t believe we aren’t having sex, I guess it’s the norm these days, which is sad. But we are both stubborn and won’t let each other fall. I just feel that he is the one for me, even tho he can drive me batty, I love him. (I havent told him that yet, so dont tell! :) ) He feels that in a couple few years, if things are going as good as they are now, then he wants to ask me to marry him. It’s already very comfortable. It’s still hard to trust sometimes, but we are working on that, it will just take time. I have never been so excited in a relationship, not cuz it’s new, but because I found a man who is different, who is willing to wait for me. No other man has, even though I have asked. (they either pressured me til I gave in, or cheated on me) So, I’m just glad that I know love him and no sex is there clouding my judgement and same with him. I know he cares about me and is with me for other reasons, not sex.

March 19, 2012 at 7:21 pm
(320) Juli says:

We know it’s right, but we are SO stinkin attracted to each other that we get into situations and tempt each other, not actually DO anything, heck no, but we still get tempted and frustrated. (him more than me, cuz he’s a guy. lol) But NO oral, NO touching nothin. He hasn’t crossed the line and neither have I, but it’s still hard. The very thought of having to wait 2+ years for possible engagement and another year for marriage kinda kills me. What should we do? OR not do? Thank you for reading, sorry I got a bit wordy. All I know is that if we get to the point of marriage, it will me SO worth it on that night. :D

March 19, 2012 at 7:25 pm
(321) Juli says:

Sorry, in between the last two posts of mine, the question “why is it so hard to wait?? ” was left out. :)

March 28, 2012 at 7:22 am
(322) GURPREET SINGH says:

HIW SHOULD I START SEX WITH MY WIFE FIRST TIME. PEASE RECMEND ME
I KOW SOMETHING THAT TERE ARE TWO SEX PART OF WOMEN, WITH ONE I SHOULD DO SEX. TELL ME, I M INNOCENT FOR THIS, BECAUSE I M GOING TO BE MARRIED NEXT 15 DAYS

March 31, 2012 at 6:50 pm
(323) beth says:

ive been with my boyfriend, 10 years this year, we dont believe in god at all, we dont want to get married, has we think its a waste of money just to tell everyone, that u love it each and to get drunk!, when everyone know that anyway,
so if we wanted to have sex untill we were married we would not have it!
every person is different and we all sort respect each other. but what happens if u waited so long to have sex (with ur husband) and the marriage fails, and if find other man, do u wait again?? knowing what sex feel like! beileving in god and jesus all sounds a bit confusing to me….seems to be telling everyone want you cant do!
respect and love to each and everyone of you :)

April 3, 2012 at 11:48 am
(324) saving yourself for marriage says:

Thanks so much for this article! My husband and I dated all through high school and college and waited to have sex until our wedding night. It was definitely tough at times(esp. when it seemed like everyone around me was doing it), but we are both SO happy we made the decision to wait.

It made getting married that much more exciting and although the first night wasn’t quite as great as expected, we were able to learn together and have fun doing it! :) We have been married a year now and are still completely in the honeymoon stage. ( I often wonder if that would be the case if we hadn’t of waited?)

April 15, 2012 at 8:49 am
(325) counsellor says:

It is wisdom to follow the way of the maker of man and woman. Each time we choose our way against the way of the maker we suffer the consequence.
It does not matter how good it feels as long as it is not according to the design of the maker, there are regrets ,repercussion that is both physical and spiritual.
I encourage everyone in the house to get a good hold of themselves ,there is a word called DISCIPLINE coupled with the GRACE of GOD to help out in times like this.
Let no one hood-wink you that it is right. We have all been there and we can testify to the goodness of the maker for the worth of the waiting…
More info on this … atibadebo@yahoo.com

April 16, 2012 at 2:51 pm
(326) Jennie says:

I am getting married in few days time. Want to know as to how to say yes or no to my husband during sex if I like or dislike any of his moves. Our relationship is bit formal as marriage is arranged and we havent talked about sex at all.

April 22, 2012 at 12:36 pm
(327) A2z says:

Well if you dislike any of his actions like if he wants to lip kiss you or any other thing,you should touch him a little with your hand and say something like “please!”,”excuse me!”,”hum aa!” in a sane way so that he doesn’t feels that u dislike him or something else. However,clearly saying to him that you want him not to do what he was just going to do will be much better.
And u do not need to hesitate in front of ur hasband.

May 10, 2012 at 2:43 pm
(328) Ryan says:

I am 23 and I have met the guy of my dreams. He loves me for who I am and we want to wait. I always think of ore honeymoon and us being able to bond and unite in such away. Being able to connect with your husband like that. I have been with him for 5 years and have known him since I was 12. I have had my temptations to do it before but its like waiting to open your birthday presents. You so badly want to open but you wait. When you do open them your anticipation has built up. I know it must hurt and we have discusssed it an he is always going to check on me. The purpose is not to hurt me it’s to touch, unite, love, make love, and show me what I mean to him. He doesn’t believe in rough hard sex. He wants to take things slow. The most interesting thing he said about it is eye contact. He wants to stare in my eyes almost the whole time. He can study my movement emotions and fascism expressions. The scene he described was moving against and with me in the moonligh in front of the fire. As we talk more about it I am more comfortable. He wanted to go to the pool and I said no because I did not want him to see me and I rejected and he was perfectly fine with it. After these talks we went to the pool and when he saw me step out of the dressing room he starred right in my eyes. Then walked over and said ” Do you know how beautiful you are, you are amazing. But it’s what’s on the inside that admire but all this makes me love you even more. After that we went to his house and watched breaking dawn part 1. I got sleepy and took a nap on his bed when I woke up we made eye contact and crawled nearer to me. Then started to say something but stopped and I left. It took him 5 years to say I love you and he meant it. We were in his room and we were working on homework when I started throwing up. He took me to the bathroom took me out of my clothes and cleaned me up. Then I fronted. When I woke up I was in his bed naked. He saw that I was awake walked over and examined me seeing if I was okay. I asked where my clothes were and he had them neatly had them layed on the bed. He said he would leave while I got dressed and I told him to stay and I got up and I told him to touch me and he said no. I walked over grabbed his hands and put them on my hips and said touch me. He looked at my body up and down kissed my bellybutton and said go get dressed. He had an erection but it took him everything he had not to touch me. The next day he took me home brought me to my room and stripped down. ” Now we know each other equally” i got up and kissed him and got naked. I thought we were about to have sex. He grabbed me and hugged me. I pushed him on the bed and he said no were waiting and I knew he really cared and he said ” I love you” kissed me gave my clothes and left. I can’t wait to make love with him. People say I should have already. Getting married In 2 days. Please tell me what to expect, how to cope. Thanks

June 28, 2012 at 1:32 am
(329) Purplicious says:

My husband and I waited until our wedding night! It’s what we believe that sex can only be done after a marriage and it’s truly worth… Now we have 3 beautiful kids together..:-)

June 28, 2012 at 11:42 pm
(330) Lost says:

My spouse and I have been married some time now without ever having intercourse.

Looking for answers.

July 7, 2012 at 10:47 pm
(331) john bell says:

It fine to test the water be for u get married

July 10, 2012 at 6:57 pm
(332) 30somethingVirgin says:

I am a 31 year old virgin and engaged to be married later this year so my wedding night will be my first time having sex. My fianceé is not a virgin lost it in his late college years…but he was only with one woman and was with her for a long time and since they broke up many years ago, he has never been with any other woman. We both believe in sex after marriage and so he is like a born again virgin loll. Anyways even though I am a little nervous about pain and awkwardness on that night, because me and my fianceé have such open and honest communication and he is so gentle and patient with me in our daily interactions I am confident that although we may not do everything “perfect” it still will be a very special night that will only get better over the span of time.

July 16, 2012 at 7:17 pm
(333) Abby says:

I’m 45, never married, and still a virgin. I tend to be shy and introverted and never dated much. I have had only one really serious relationship, when I was in my 20′s. At the time I intended to wait until marriage before having sex. My boyfriend was sexually experienced and didn’t see the need to wait, but he was suprisingly patient. In the end, however, sex became too big of an issue. He said he had to be sure we were compatible.

We parted ways and I was heartbroken. He said he didn’t want me to “do something I didn’t want to do”. I have to give him credit for waiting as long as he did and for not trying to force me into it. A lot of men wouldn’t have bothered to hang around.

For yrs. I’ve debated whether or not I made the right decision. Even if we did have sex, we might have broken up anyway. I’m not sure if that was truly the reason, but it didn’t help. Now I wonder what to do. If I ever do meet someone I like and get into a relationship, how do I tell them I’m still a virgin at my age or that I want to wait for marriage? The guy will probably go into shock! It will be even worse if he is younger than I am. I feel embarrassed just writing about it. I know people are going to say, “If the person really cares about you, he’ll understand.” That may be true, but I’d say those guys are prob. 1 in a million. Even if I found one of them, how do I tell somebody something like that? When is a good time to break that kind of news? He’ll wonder “What’s wrong with her?” I think sex will be great. But the fact that I have never done it and I’ve waited so long makes me think the whole thing could be a complete nightmare. People in today’s society just don’t expect to meet people like me. Think, how many forty-something guys are out there that are still virgins? I feel like such an oddball. It might be easier to just stay home and stay single.

Anyone else in a similar predicament?

August 3, 2012 at 3:40 pm
(334) ranjan says:

I am a 33-year old guy and have never married. I would be marrying after some months with a girl who I have never met with before. This would be an arranged marriage. I have had a sex a few times only till now with some other girls. I am eagerly waiting for our first night together after marriage and I will certainly have at least a couple times sex with my new lady.

August 4, 2012 at 3:57 am
(335) venkat says:

how to preapar to sex in first night

August 7, 2012 at 6:05 am
(336) Dominic says:

im 25 years old,i got married a month back,we dated for two years b4 we got married .my self and my husband never waited to have sex,the connection that we had and still have is so unexplalinable,we love sex and enjoy it,at our wedding night our sex life was so changed as if we were doing it for the first tym,choose a choice that will make both of you happy,sex or no sex it is special just to have the connection .

August 9, 2012 at 12:17 pm
(337) James says:

Am not proud to say this but I was more like a player during my high school and college days even though I came from a strict catholic family home. Girls always said i was too handsome for my own good I guess that was why I didn’t mind having sex with all of them that were willing which was mostly all. I didn’t really see myself as a husband type,actually i never wanted to get married and get stock with one woman (that was my thinking then) until i met my now wife. It was magical i never thought I could be in love with anyone. As I got to know her better we I knew I had it bad for her. I was determined to make her my wife whether she wanted it or not..haha…. lucky for me she loved me too. After few months I realized she was a virgin though she didn’t tell me I just knew and it made me feel guilty after messing around with different women. I told her but she said it was ok and i should not be ashamed of my past. I guess I was converted that day and began going to church and a strong believer. she wanted to wait till we were married to have sex and I was very happy to oblige.

On our wedding night I was so excited and she was soo nervous. I thought it would be the same as with my previous sex partners but it was not. I didn’t want to hurt her and I wanted her first experience to be special. We finally did it and it was AMAZING! though she cried and bleed a little but it only lasted for few mins. And now my wife is addicted to sex which is a good thing cos am the only one she gets to do it with.

Am glad I waited till we got married.

August 17, 2012 at 8:56 pm
(338) automatic captcha decoder says:

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August 21, 2012 at 4:12 am
(339) Nixh says:

Hi am a 28yrs old guy and never have sex or even kiss someone. I did have couple of girlfriend which they all end up cause I did nt want to have sex with them. Since 5yrs nw am single and affraid to date someone cause if she know I never have sex she might reject me or something like that. My heart always said wait till my wedding night bt my mind is different as I dnt want to be rejected and I wish if I could meet someone who is like me or at lrast respect my decision. Am shy and feel ashamed to talk abt it to a girl if ever I met her bt I want to be honest. I know some girl will accepted me as I am bt it difficult to meet girl like that nowadays. 1 in a millions. I just need help or tips how to deal with it. Thank if someone can help me. Sorry for my english btw

August 22, 2012 at 5:57 am
(340) soni says:

what about bleeding when u have sex first time that is there bleed come from her vagina or not?i’m worry about that

September 1, 2012 at 6:58 pm
(341) kashmira says:

i was also blv on having sex after marrige.bt when my boyfrnd demanded it i could not refuse him nd i did with him many times bt m not satisfied innerly i dont wana do this bt when he comes near to me i become helpless.plz help me

September 6, 2012 at 3:38 am
(342) amrik says:

i im having sex with my wife everyday we both are satified with each other

September 8, 2012 at 2:34 pm
(343) youngstill says:

I’m 18 years old, a virgin and I believe in sex after marriage because it is what God wants to. I try my best to be a good Christian but sometimes I give in to pleasuring myself masturbating, which I later regret because it is very VERY recently that I’ve become a Christian and still doing does type of sins and I need help, believe me it is not even a year since I decided to be with God. I don’t have a girlfriend right now, but I will marry the girl that God wants me to and will stay virgin for her and hope she does so for me and make her know that she’s mine and that hers too. Also I know that before getting married, we might get many temptations to give in to sex, and I know that many of them will be from me, but I pray to God that both of us can surpass the temptations and become more stronger when that time comes. But still I’m waiting for her and hope she is for waiting for me.

September 21, 2012 at 10:30 pm
(344) @ still young says:

I am 19 and I am waiting till marriage. I have dated guys who where not virgin and tried to pursuade me to have sex with them… BUT God has brought a very handsom man into my life who is to my suprise and virgin. He is stronger than me at times, when it comes to those nights where I want to go further. So dont get tired of doing the right thing… YOU WILL GET YOUR REWARD. Our wedding is next year :)

October 8, 2012 at 12:34 am
(345) Dec.Wedding says:

My fiancé and I are getting married in 68 days and we have been dating for 3.5 years. We are both 19 years old and both waited for marriage. I couldn’t be happier! (or more excited!)
We both work in ministry/churches and God is #1 for the both of us. It has definitely helped reading some of these comments. Thank you everyone for your posts!

October 8, 2012 at 2:46 am
(346) unknown says:

newly married .iam just disapionted by my weddng .actualy he has many afairs nd he uses me as a thing to use nd thrown away .ia m very up set left my parents mystudies my home mine everry thing for him but he can not leave his these extra afairs for me i am just 18 he is my cousin .donts know what to do?he dont likes me .but whats mine fault?i even never have done some thing wrong. why me? i wana ask every man in the world that why they always cheat their wives?whats thier fault?i wil nvr this to him but wil never forgive him for my right.

October 12, 2012 at 3:21 pm
(347) ali says:

yes i waited for marriage

October 16, 2012 at 10:42 am
(348) Amy says:

We waited to have sex and I’m still waiting. I thought I picked a great spouce.
After having sex once my last and only time, he informed me that sex did nothing for him. He explained that was disgusting, smelly and just plain gross. That he got nothing out of it, no excitement, pleasure, wasn’t worth the effort! He said that he disliked sex and that mistake would never happen again. That was 45 years ago and nothing has changed. also after we were married he refused to sleep with me and he moved himself to the basement, also the night after our wedding he started to work the midnight shift. In 48 hours I was married, had sex once and then dumped. From then on he acted like I wasn’t there ! All these years have been wasted, I’ve been depressed, disappointed, angry and completely confused. I finally accepted my life and just thought about myself, and not thinking about my married life and who ever my husband is. My best friends are my doctor and shrink.

October 18, 2012 at 6:37 pm
(349) omer says:

i m 22 years old, & still virgin. I really want to give my virginity to my partner. But there is nothing difficult thing to do that, its all because of my environment, which has been given to me by my parents.

October 20, 2012 at 4:56 am
(350) transpîration excessive says:

I am actuаlly glad to reаd this wеb sіte
рosts which cаrriеs tonѕ of useful faсts, thankѕ for prοvіding these data.

November 14, 2012 at 11:30 am
(351) sambhu says:

Dear
sir/madam
I want to do sex with my wife..but i dont like using condom.
My wife is little bit worry about having sex with out condom.

Can U able to suggest me what i need to do?

November 25, 2012 at 11:34 pm
(352) Elissa says:

Hi there everyone! Hope you are having a blessed night! I’m Elissa, 26, and getting married in 6 months. My fiance and I are both followers of Jesus, and we are waiting to have sex until our wedding night because of God’s love for us and His desire for us to stay “pure.” After God created man (Adam) and woman from man (Eve), God tells us in Genesis 2:24 to wait for marriage. “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” Sex isn’t just a physical and emotional thing- it’s spiritual. God wants us to wait because He loves us. It is in our best interest to live according to His standards- not the worlds.

Also, I want everyone out there to know that Jesus will forgive you if you have already slept with someone who is not your husband/wife. My future husband and I used to live together and have sex. We ended up breaking up for about a year and a half. Since we’ve been dating again (over a year now) we have maintained abstinence. It’s not easy, but it can be done through God’s strength. Our flesh can be so weak sometimes, but God doesn’t make these rules to annoy or frustrate us- He wants His best for our lives. Jesus loves you!

I’ve attached a great sermon by Pastor Ed Young of Fellowship Church in Fort Worth, Texas. Please enjoy :-) d

http://vimeo.com/37558009

Bless you all in your aspiration to wait for your wedding night,
Elissa

December 16, 2012 at 8:29 pm
(353) Emmy says:

of course wait for the wedding night to have sex with my husband

December 27, 2012 at 3:25 pm
(354) Sally says:

Hi, My Husband And I Gonna Married In 2 Days. Im Afraid Of Our First Night. Im Still a Virgin And I Never Fall In Love Before.

December 28, 2012 at 10:47 am
(355) Clifford says:

I have been married 32 years and we have given up on sex. It’s just not worth the trouble and never has been for us.

January 12, 2013 at 6:05 am
(356) Colin says:

I have only made love to one woman in my life who was my wife she passed away four year ago and we would have been married 29yrs Jan 7 2013. I have enjoyed recent friendships but I will ‘wait’ for my second love out of respect to mother of my beautiful now adult
children & myself. Colin

January 18, 2013 at 10:54 pm
(357) Sara says:

We decided to wait until our wedding night to have sex. We notice a huge difference in our relationship-communication & trust being huge factors. I’m really glad we waited :-)

July 18, 2013 at 2:01 pm
(358) Kc says:

I n my boyfrnd are in lve since 3 yrs.u wl b surprisd to knw tat we hardly lip lockd onced.jst we both are waitng for tat beautiful first night

July 20, 2013 at 11:48 pm
(359) Azrina says:

My first night was great. My husband was a romantic guy who was been waiting for our marriage at my first night i came in the room and sat in the bed for something time and told him that i am falling a sleep. He was surprised and just said ok lets sleep. He couldnt control his feelings so he asked me can we start. I said you must make me feel tempted before 12 midnight so he started off by touching my hand from the left side as i was sleeping on my left side than he saw my hips. He touched it and pinched it than he went down to my legs and kissed them. He went back to my hips again and slowly start to touch them and i pinched his hand. I stood up and he also stood up and hug me . I was tempted. He started to touch my back and open one of the string of my blouse and hug me tied and kiss me on my lips. He pushed me on the bed and pressed my navel and take down my saree. I was shy and turned around and he kiss on my back and slowly open the string by his mouth and removed my saree totally and removed my blouse and slowly he kissed me everywhere and that happened sex

January 24, 2014 at 9:38 am
(360) mohit says:

my marriage is on 4 feb. give me some tips for the first wedding night

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