I am Only Human -- and So Are You!
Wednesday May 14, 2008
I will be marrying my fiance Antonio in 140 days, and I'm starting to feel unprepared. Long before I met Antonio, my large Italian family was encouraging me to meet a nice man and get married. I took my precious time, but I did a lot of observing in the meantime. I watched every couple I knew to determine what kept them together. When Antonio came along four years ago, I thought I could create a relationship that hummed along like those of my relatives and parents.
What I didn't count on was Antonio, who has his own family and background and experiences, who has his own ideas about what constitutes a relationship and what works and what doesn't. Everything I thought I knew about relationships was thrown out the window about a week after we started officially dating. Sometimes, he seems like the perfect match for me. Sometimes, he seems like an alien from another planet. When we argue, for instance, I want to talk and resolve things immediately, and he'd rather get away from one another, cool off, and forget the whole thing happened. Nothing makes me more angry than his silence. Nothing makes him more angry than my armchair psychology.
Still, I'm learning to give him his space. And he is learning to talk to me. Maybe someday we'll get it straight. For now, we're still learning to walk. That can take a toll on your self-esteem and the security you have in your relationship. It can also be pretty scary when you are on the verge of marrying or are just newly married.
Today, I read some passages from a book published for Hallmark called From this Day Forward: Inspirations for Couples (Harper Collins 2001) and found some comfort. "Your marriage can tolerate a tremendous amount of strain," writes Toni Sciarra Poynter in the book. "Have faith that it can contain your flaws. Use its elasticity as a model for self-acceptance." These few words in a cheesy self-help book made all the difference in the world to me. It's O.K. that Antonio and I are different. It's O.K. that we are flawed. It's O.K. that we don't have a perfect relationship. In fact, no one does. All any of us can do is love each other and try to be the best people we can be.
What I didn't count on was Antonio, who has his own family and background and experiences, who has his own ideas about what constitutes a relationship and what works and what doesn't. Everything I thought I knew about relationships was thrown out the window about a week after we started officially dating. Sometimes, he seems like the perfect match for me. Sometimes, he seems like an alien from another planet. When we argue, for instance, I want to talk and resolve things immediately, and he'd rather get away from one another, cool off, and forget the whole thing happened. Nothing makes me more angry than his silence. Nothing makes him more angry than my armchair psychology.
Still, I'm learning to give him his space. And he is learning to talk to me. Maybe someday we'll get it straight. For now, we're still learning to walk. That can take a toll on your self-esteem and the security you have in your relationship. It can also be pretty scary when you are on the verge of marrying or are just newly married.
Today, I read some passages from a book published for Hallmark called From this Day Forward: Inspirations for Couples (Harper Collins 2001) and found some comfort. "Your marriage can tolerate a tremendous amount of strain," writes Toni Sciarra Poynter in the book. "Have faith that it can contain your flaws. Use its elasticity as a model for self-acceptance." These few words in a cheesy self-help book made all the difference in the world to me. It's O.K. that Antonio and I are different. It's O.K. that we are flawed. It's O.K. that we don't have a perfect relationship. In fact, no one does. All any of us can do is love each other and try to be the best people we can be.
Comments
No comments yet. Leave a Comment