Summer Date Nights
Wedding Album Wednesday - Safari Anyone?
These giraffes are at the Bronx Zoo but they are typical of those you might see on safari. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio
A few years ago, when people still thought they were rich, destination weddings, including those on an African safari, were all the rage. Now that people are realizing they are not as wealthy as they thought, I would imagine more of them will be staying put for the weddings. Still, that doesn't mean you have to stay at home and do nothing. You can always opt for date nights that allow you to have fun without spending the fortune of airfare, hotels, etc. Indeed, while the giraffes above might have you thinking about one of those safaris, it could also depict the value of spending time with your spouse in general. After all, one of my suggestions for a summer date night (or day really) is to head to the zoo. How would you like to spend those summer days with your better half?
Paper Invitations
Why quit sending invitations after the wedding festivities are over? I realize that with modern technology, it's easy to call up, text message, or e-mail friends and family when you want to get together or invite them to your place for dinner or game night or for whatever you're in the mood. But there's something special and exciting about receiving a printed invitation in the mail. You don't have to spend a fortune (like you might have for the wedding invites) to send printed invitations. You can even make them yourself. All you need is some cardstock and a little creativity. I have used computer programs, graphics, and family photos to create invitations for dinner parties and holidays. For my sister-in-law's bridal shower, I put images of teapots on a computer document, typed the party info over it in hot pink font, printed them, cut out each teapot, and attached pink silk bows to them. Printed invites are that little something extra that shows you're good at entertaining. I guarantee your guests will be impressed and get even more excited for the event, even if it's a simple pizza party at home.
Grown Up Birthday Parties
Many of you have been talking about the ways in which you've celebrated your spouse's birthday over the years. Since I love visiting blogs about party planning (and especially scrolling through the pictures of the fabulous DIY projects party hosts have taken on), I was inspired to gather even more ideas for anyone wishing to throw a special birthday party for themselves or their husband or wife. Here are some of the ideas you could incorporate into your next party for grown ups -
Dinner and Dancing - Even if you plan an intimate dinner at home to celebrate a birthday, you can still incorporate dancing. Clear the room of furniture, set up your computer or iPod to belt out the tunes of your choice, and get to it. You can stick with a theme. One party I saw featured jazz music and the decorations featured everything in a deep red, black, and white and included things relevant to music and jazz in particular. For instance, the tiered cake featured red roses and fondant musical notes with a sax player at center stage.
Personal Interests - Think about the person you are honoring. For example, the friends and family of one woman threw her a "Queen of Hearts" party for her 40th because she likes to play canasta. They had a tournament and they made decorations using ribbon and decks of playing cards. The finger sandwiches were in the shape of hearts. You could go bowling or golfing if that's the birthday boy or girl's preference. And then you can work around that theme.
Around the World - You don't have to leave home to sample another culture. On the party planning blogs, you'll find a slew of ethnic party themes that are great for adults - an Italian pizza party with artisan or homemade pizzas, a French cocktail party with the Eiffel tower and luggage on prominent display and champagne, French fries, and goat cheese tartlets on the menu, and a Mexican fiesta replete with colorful garlands and paper flowers on a buffet of empanadas, flautas, and tacos.
Relax - While kids birthdays tend to be full of energy and activity, grown ups usually crave some tranquility and the chance to do nothing. A beach or pool party that has the guest of honor and friends and family lounging is one way to accomplish this. Another - and this usually works particularly well for women - is a spa party. You don't have to go to a spa or spend a fortune to do this. Purchase some facial masks and kits for manicures and pedicures and you and your guests can treat each other. If you want to get fancy, you can hire a service that will come to your home or go to a spa that hosts these kinds of events. Then, you might be able to get massages, too.
Photo Frenzy - Incorporate photos into the invitation and decorations. A collage featuring the birthday girl or boy through the years is a nice decoration, as is a slide show that you can run on your TV or computer. Adding music to one of those is a nice touch. And you can set up your own photo booth. Hang a sheet for a backdrop and put some props like paper mustaches or funny eyeglasses for people to get a little silly and take some fun pictures of each other. Just make sure that you leave out your camera or a disposable one, so that you get copies of the pictures when the party is over.
Follow Newlyweds on Facebook and Twitter.
Give and Get a Massage
For the last three weeks, I've had a back ache that has me walking poorly and experiencing some serious pain. My husband took note of my limp and the yelps whenever I try to bend down. At first we spoke with doctors, but the only effective medication I can take is not a possibility for me because I'm still breastfeeding our son. So, my husband has become my personal masseur. Every night, he gives me a 10- to 15-minute massage on my lower back. Because I'm in pain, he uses BenGay cream to soften his hands and glide more easily across the skin. But if you turn your spouse into your personal masseur or masseuse, you can use massage oil or your favorite body lotion or cream. It might smell better. While we're using massage to help my back troubles, you can use it as a form of foreplay that leads to sexier sex. You might even pair massage with a dinner of aphrodisiacs and see what happens.
How to Honor Moms
Wedding Album Wednesday - Tributes to Mothers
The Guide's husband picks wildflowers for his mom ahead of Mother's Day. © Photo by Francesca Di Meglio
Mother's Day is just days away. My husband (in the photo above) got a head start and already brought his mom some wildflowers that he picked when we took our son to the park. Flowers always make for a nice gift. She likes to keep a fresh bouquet of flowers near her late husband's photo, so this was a much appreciated gift. We'll be giving her a little something else on the actual feast for moms, too.
Those of you planning weddings - regardless of whether the date is around Mother's Day - are probably thinking of ways to include your moms and mothers-in-law in the wedding. There are many options. You can have them choose dresses in the same color or a shade of the color that your bridesmaids will be wearing. You can have them carry small bouquets of flowers that match their dresses or give them the more traditional corsage. Why not have mom offer up one of the readings in the ceremony or give a toast at the reception? At Jewish weddings, both parents walk their children down the aisle during the ceremony. That could be incorporated into just about any wedding ceremony, so that mom is there, too. Of course, you should introduce the parents of the bride and the parents of the groom ahead of the reception. Thank mom in your toast. Dedicate a reception song to her. Pick a special song for mom and her son, the groom, to dance to.
You can always ask mom and your mother-in-law just what role they'd like to play in the wedding. While no one should try to outshine the bride on her big day, there's always room to honor mom. After all, mom is one of the most important women in your life. What other ways can you honor your moms at the wedding?
What Do You Think about Gay Marriage?
We've come so far in accepting gay relationships that it's hard to believe that anyone is even still questioning whether to make gay marriage legal. But they are. After Vice President Joe Biden's revelation that he is in favor of gay marriage, President Barack Obama and his staff had to spend the day explaining their position on the subject. Their vague position makes it sound as though they can't tell us how they really feel. Frankly, if you read between the lines, it seems as though Obama is all for gay marriage, but he can't admit it for fear of political persecution. Let's face it, with the Republican Congress and lousy economy, he has enough troubles, no?
Still, listening to the news about this gay marriage debate made me sad. I would like to live in a world where my president can stand up for what's right, for what he believes. I want to live in a world where no one's relationship holds more weight or importance than someone else's. I want to live in a world where my heterosexual marriage is equal - in the eyes of society and the government - to those of my gay friends. Didn't someone else we know have a similar dream about equality?
Learning to Let Go
I am one who likes to be in control. As a result, I like to have schedules and routines and I am weary of the unknown. That is why the last week has been so very difficult for me. My seven-month-old son is sick with a rash and stomach flu of some sort; he has lost a bit of weight and was pale and weak and nothing like his usual happy, chipper self. I'm a wreck worrying about him. If that were not enough, I have a back ache that has me limping and now I have a fever and a bit of a stomach bug myself. And we're in a completely different country - Italy - from our home in the United States. As a result, I've had to rely on my husband, a native Italian, and his family, my in-laws, to navigate medication, feedings, and all the rest. It's very difficult for me to give up control like that, but I have no choice. I simply don't know what medication is correct, exactly what foods are best to feed a baby in Italy, who is suffering from diarrhea, or any of the cultural norms associated with medicine and health care. Of course, the doctors give us much of the advice, but there's no way to even know if it is at all accurate when you are culturally unaware of the nuances, medications, etc.
In the end, I have no choice but to let go of control. I must go with the flow and trust them to explain things to me and help me to make the best decisions for my kid and myself. Learning to let go, I realize, is a part of parenthood but it's very much apart of marriage, too, whether you have kids or not. What do you think?
The Semi-Good Wife
I am a type A personality who thrives to be the best at everything. But I'm realizing, now that I have a son, that something has to give. For example, today my son, who is 7 months old, was sick. He has a rash on his back and bottom and he couldn't stop going to the bathroom. It could be a virus or an allergic reaction. We just don't know. What I do know is that he wouldn't let me put him down and nothing made him happy, which is unusual for this kid who is usually all smiles. In a matter of a couple of hours, we had managed to make our home look like a bomb had been set off. In desperation, I tried to feed my son different things out of bowls and bottles, all of which required preparation and made the kitchen and its dishes dirty. The bed never got made. My son urinated on me, the bed, my shoes. He pooped all over the place and I had to give him a bath. There ended up being dirty clothes near the hamper, in the hamper, and on top of the hamper. The towels from the bath would end up on the floor eventually. Toys that I used to try and distract him from his crankiness were all over the floor and unmade bed. It was mayhem. And I had to work, so there was little to no chance that the house would get clean before my hubby returned from work. Today, after my son and I cried together - he for his pains and me for my inability to get anything done well - I realized that I must accept that I will always be the semi-good wife because there is no such thing as being the perfect anything, let alone, wife. It is a revelation for me.
Celebrating Parenthood
Mother's Day and Father's Day are just around the corner. Once you're married, these holidays - whether invented by Hallmark or not - take on new significance. You have in-laws whom you must honor for being your parents-in-law, your spouse must do the same for your parents, and, if you have children of your own, you and your spouse must think of one another. There is lots of pressure to pick out the right gifts and organize the perfect celebrations and make many different people happy. Like everything else, it's impossible to please everyone. Be prepared for that. That doesn't mean you should give up celebrating, but realize that you should just be thoughtful and come up with ways to honor people that will please the individual. Keep things simple and don't worry about pleasing everyone. Family, after all, should be the easiest to please. Should, I know, is the operative word, but still...
Breaking Up with Friends
A friend of mine brought an article about how hard it is to break up with friends to my attention today. I mentioned how the article is not just about breaking up with friends; it is relevant to breaking up with family, too. This info is useful to newlyweds because after people get married, their relationships with others change. Some single friends might have felt awkward hanging out with you still, so they quit calling to invite you out until your cut out of each other's lives. In-laws try to put a wedge between you and your spouse; in doing so, they instead cause a rift between you and them. And the list goes on. If you and your spouse have experienced any of this, you'll appreciate the article and notice similarities in your own situations, undoubtedly. Even if things don't always work out, married couples, single people, we all need friends and family to lift our spirits, support us, comfort us, and give us a chance to help them. We are social creatures, and we need each other.